Sweet Sorrow

by Tricia Drammeh

  “I don’t know about cheerleading, but I’ll be there.” I’m not sure if I should ask my next question. “What are you planning to do after graduation?”

  “Work for my brother. Go to community college.”

  “What are you going to major in?”

  “Business administration. What about you?”

  “I’m going to Cal State. I can live at home, so it’s cheaper. I want to teach.”

  “Oh yeah? High school?”

  “Yeah. Drama or music. Actually, I’d love to be a show choir teacher. Does that sound stupid?”

  “No. I think you’d be really good at it.”

  “What about you? What are you planning to do with a business degree?”

  “Make money.”

  “Sounds reasonable,” I reply. Eddie’s a talented actor and artist. It depresses me that he is ignoring his passion to pursue a degree he hopes will make money. I mean, I know everyone has to make a living, but it’s a shame he isn’t considering utilizing his God-given talents.

  “I know business admin sounds lame, but after watching my parents struggle, I want something better, you know? It sucks when I see sixteen-year-olds driving around in cars that cost more than my parents make in a year. Don’t get me wrong—if I have that kind of money, I’m sure I’ll spend it on my kids. I’m not envious, just determined.”

  I can’t help but think of Morgan when Eddie talks about kids driving around in expensive cars. Morgan isn’t the only one, though. Mark and probably eighty percent of our student population come from wealthy families.

  “My dad laughs about that all the time—how the students drive better cars than the teachers. Maybe I should skip teaching and choose a career that brings in some money,” I say, not really meaning it. I’ve wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember.

  “No, Rowan. Do what makes you happy. I’ll make enough money for both of us.” I don’t know what to say to that. After an awkward minute of silence passes, Eddie says, “Okay, that came out weird and intense. I’m not proposing or anything. I just meant, if I’m lucky enough to marry you—really, really far into the future—I’d want you to teach. I think you’d be an amazing teacher.”

  “Thanks, Eddie. I think you’ll be successful at whatever you decide to do. I mean that.”

  He reaches over and pats my knee, but quickly returns his hand to the steering wheel. Either Eddie is an incredibly careful driver by nature, or Carlos threatened to kill him if he wrecked the car. Or my dad threatened to kill him if any harm came to me. Or maybe they both threatened him in their own ways.

  Conversation is easy between us. We leave the 405 and head toward the coast. Finally, we pull onto a side street. It takes Eddie a while to find a parking space, but eventually, he parallel parks smoothly. Like a gentleman, he opens the car door for me.

  “Parking sucks. We’re gonna have to walk a couple of blocks.”

  “That’s fine.”

  He grabs my hand as we head down the street. We follow the lights and noise until we reach a busy strip mall. A tattooed couple holding hands pushes a stroller with a Chihuahua in it.

  “Well, that’s something you don’t see every day,” Eddie says once the odd couple is out of sight.”

  “Yeah, but that’s what I love about Venice Beach. Weird is normal, and there’s always something to see that you’ll never see anywhere else.”

  “I never thought of it that way,” he says, giving my hand a squeeze. “What do you think about tattoos?” he asks.

  “Why? Are we getting matching tattoos after dinner?” I joke.

  “Only if you think your dad will come down here and sign for it. After all, you’re not eighteen yet. You’re still a minor.”

  “Not for long. I might show up for school on Monday with a full sleeve.”

  “Oh yeah? So you have no outright objections to tattoos? That’s good to know,” he says.

  “Are you thinking of getting a tattoo?” I think tattoos are pretty hot, so the idea of seeing him with one is very appealing.

  “I got one when I turned eighteen.”

  “What?” I stop walking and tug on his hand. “Let me see.”

  “Don’t you want to know where it is before you ask to see it? How do you know it isn’t somewhere that might be offensive to your tender eyes?”

  “It’s worth the risk,” I say. “Show me.”

  He takes off his jacket and rolls up the sleeve of his t-shirt. And there it is high on his shoulder. A skull with a snake winding through the eye sockets.

  “Nice,” I say, reaching out and almost touching it. I pull my hand back at the last minute.

  “Yeah? Glad you like it. I’ll probably get another one in a few months.”

  Loud mariachi music assaults us as we draw close to a Mexican restaurant on the corner. Paper lanterns swing from the awning and customers spill out onto the patio, drinking and laughing.

  “Probably should have asked you if you liked Mexican food,” Eddie says, putting his arm around me and pulling me close as we navigate our way through the crowd.

  “What sort of self-respecting Californian doesn’t like Mexican food?” I ask. “This is great, Eddie. I can’t believe your cousin owns this place. It’s amazing.”

  “Eduardo,” a voice calls out. A stocky guy with a goatee pushes through the crowd and sticks his hand out for Eddie to shake.

  “Luis,” Eddie says. The men shake hands before grasping each other in a manly hug. “This is my girl, Rowan,” Eddie says, introducing me. “Row, this is my cousin, Luis. He owns this place.”

  I shake hands with Luis. “It’s great to meet you. This place is fantastic.”

  “Thanks. Good to meet you, Rowan. Eduardo has been talking nonstop about you—all good things, of course.”

  “He’s been saying good things about me? Then he’s probably lying.”

  Luis laughs and pats Eddie on the back as he leads us to a table. “Rowan, you better keep an eye on mi primo. He’s a troublemaker.”

  Luis and Eddie exchange a few words in Spanish before Luis asks us what we want to drink. I wonder if Eddie has really been talking about me, or if Luis is just being nice. Maybe Eddie brings a new girl here every weekend. The idea of Eddie sitting at this very table with another girl fills me with jealousy, but I don’t know why. Eddie’s not a monk. Surely he’s dated lots of girls over the past few years. I’m sure he’s had lots of offers. He’s easily the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life, and with his good sense of humor and charm, I’m surprised girls aren’t fighting over him.

  After Luis brings our drinks, we place our order. As soon as Luis steps away, Eddie reaches across the table and takes my hand. His thumb massages mine.

  “I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look,” he says.

  “Thank you,” I reply, looking down at our intertwined hands. “I dressed myself. You should be very proud of me.”

  “I am. I would have come over early and helped you if you needed me to. Though, I don’t think your dad would have appreciated that.”

  “Hmm. Probably not. It’s probably for the best that you didn’t.”

  Even though I’m a little nervous, I enjoy spending time with Eddie. I’m not nearly as awkward as I was that first day in art class, or our first afternoon at the park. Each time we’re together, it’s a little easier. By the time we leave the restaurant, I’m ready to be alone with him on the beach—well as alone as anyone can possibly be on Venice Beach.

  As we walk toward the beach, Eddie’s arm is around my shoulders and I’m snuggling into him, enjoying his warmth. There’s a cool breeze whipping my hair around and I wish I would have brought a rubberband with me so I could restrain it. Eddie captures a strand of my hair and rubs it between his fingers. I love the way he looks at me, touches me, like I’m someone to be worshipped.

  We decide to take a walk on the pier. The ocean waves crash underneath us. Pale moonlight illuminates the dark ocean. Standing on the edge of the pier, Eddie turns
to face me. Nervous, but unafraid, I lift my chin. My eyes meet his. He lowers his head to mine and kisses me as waves crash below us. His lips are soft at first, and then insistent as his tongue glides along my lips. With a sigh, I part my lips and his tongue pushes inside to dance with mine. Our bodies are pressed together, as close as we can possibly be. His fingertips are on my neck, his thumbs on my jawline. I wrap my arms around his waist and run my hands up his muscled back.

  When we break apart, he whispers something in Spanish, but I can’t decipher his words. “I love you, Rowan,” he says before capturing my lips again. I love you reverberates in my ears, and though I want so badly to believe him, there’s a tiny part of me that says he can’t possibly mean it.

  We stand on the pier forever, kissing, holding each other in the moonlight. I lay my head against his hard chest and listen to the sound of his heart beating. His arms wrap around me, protecting me from the cold wind. I feel safe with him.

  “Eddie,” I murmur, hoping I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life. “Did you mean it?”

  “What? That I love you? Yes. I do. Remember what I told you, Rowan? I don’t play games and I always say what I mean. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Eddie. So much.”

  I know it’s too soon. There are unspoken rules in dating, and rule number one is that you never say the L word on a first date. There’s also an unspoken rule that you aren’t supposed to date the close friend of an ex-boyfriend, but maybe that rule no longer applies since Mark betrayed both me and Eddie. It has crossed my mind that Eddie might be dating me to get back at Mark. It occurs to me that some people might think I’m doing the same thing—breaking an unwritten rule by dating Eddie. But I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I love Eddie.

  ***

  Eddie wants to make sure I’m home well before midnight. He doesn’t want to give my dad any reason to regret his decision to let me go out with his fallen football player. It’s half past eleven when we pull onto my street. Eddie steers the car to the side of the road and parks.

  “I want to kiss you goodbye before I take you home. Something tells me your dad will be waiting up, watching for you.”

  “Good call.”

  Eddie reaches for me, and I meet him halfway. The gear shift is between us, so I don’t fit easily into his arms the way I did when we stood on the pier. Our lips meet, and his hands caress my face and neck. For fifteen minutes, we sit in the car, kissing and saying goodbye. I’m not ready for this date to end, but I can’t stay out forever.

  When we pull into my driveway, I see the living room curtain twitch. As we both suspected, Dad is watching. Eddie opens the passenger side door for me and walks me to the front door. There’s no hugging or kissing, only a quick kiss on the forehead before I go inside. Already, I can’t wait to see him again, the sooner the better.

  Our relationship is new, fragile. Part of me is afraid if we’re apart too long, he’ll decide to replace me with someone else. But Eddie told me he loves me. He told his cousin I was his girl. He insisted he doesn’t play games or say crap he doesn’t mean, and I believe him. Despite Eddie’s legal troubles, I think he’s a person with integrity.

  “You’re home on time,” Dad says, locking the door and turning off the porch light. He doesn’t try to pretend he wasn’t watching for me.

  “I’m ten minutes early.”

  “How did it go?” he asks warily.

  “Great. We went to his cousin’s restaurant and walked on Venice Beach.”

  “Okay. How was his driving?”

  “He’s very careful. Dad, stop worrying. Everything’s fine. I’m home in one piece.”

  “Are you going out with him again?”

  “Probably. Eddie’s a nice guy. He’s a gentleman. Really.”

  “Okay, Row. I trust you.” He switches off the lamp on the end table and says, “Goodnight.”

  “Night, Dad. Thanks for being nice to Eddie and letting me go out with him.”

  “Who said I was nice to him?” Dad asks, cracking a smile.

  “He still has the use of both legs and his arm isn’t in a sling. I’d say you went easy on him,” I say, laughing.

  I’m only in my room a few minutes before my phone vibrates. Eddie’s texting me. I smile as I read his text:

  Goodnight. Love you. See you tomorrow?

  Tomorrow? He wants to see me again so soon? I reply:

  Love you too. Tomorrow works for me.

  I know it’s late, but I call Morgan. She’s been waiting up for me. For hours, we talk, rehashing the details of my date with Eddie. I tell her as much as I dare without revealing everything. I don’t tell her about Eddie’s declaration of love. That’s something I keep for myself.

  Chapter Eleven

  On Monday, I get to school early, hoping to see Eddie before first period starts. He texted me a few minutes ago to say he’s on his way, but his brother is running late. I pace in front of the school anxiously, but when the first bell rings, I have to abandon all hope of seeing him. Frustrated, I head to class.

  “Happy Birthday,” Morgan says as I slip into the classroom. “Did you see him?”

  “No. He’s running late.” We deliberately refrain from mentioning Eddie’s name, hoping we can keep our relationship under the radar for a while. This is something Morgan and I discussed at length on Saturday night. I never broached the subject with Eddie, so I’m apprehensive about how he’ll behave toward me now that we’re officially dating.

  Eddie is waiting in the hallway when my first period class dismisses. “Happy Birthday.” He kisses me on the lips, not caring who’s watching. So much for keeping our relationship a secret. A smattering of applause breaks out and I feel my face turning red. Eddie hooks his arm around my shoulders and walks me toward my next class. Obviously, he doesn’t care about being late for his own.

  People are staring at us. Or maybe that’s just my imagination. I have a feeling Eddie and I will be fodder for at least a little bit of gossip. His recent notoriety has already put him in the spotlight. I’m known to some as the coach’s daughter, or as Mark’s ex-girlfriend. After Mark and I broke up, I slipped back to relative anonymity.

  “You still going out with your parents tonight?” Eddie asks. We’ve stopped in front of my classroom. My back is against a locker and Eddie is towering over me, with one shoulder leaning against the locker beside me. I’m not penned in, but he’s pretty close. Everyone who walks past us to get to the classroom shoots us a curious glance. I try to focus on Eddie and not worry about what other people might say later.

  “Yeah. We’re going out for dinner.” I wish I could invite him, but I feel like it’s too early in our relationship. Besides, my dad can only take so much before he blows. I can’t imagine them sitting across the table from each other and having an amicable conversation.

  “What time do you think we’ll get out of rehearsal?” he asks. The first bell chimes, signaling only one minute remains before class begins. Eddie will certainly be late, but he seems unfazed.

  “Early, I hope. I think we’re just doing a read-through. So we should be out by four.”

  “Good. I want to spend some time with you, okay?”

  “Okay. You’d better get to class,” I say, pushing away from the locker behind me. “I’ll see you in art.” Leaning forward, I plant a kiss on his lips.

  I’m sure there’s a stupid smile on my face as I walk into the classroom as the final bell rings. As I make my way to my desk, a few people are watching me, no doubt wondering why I’m hanging out with the guy who single-handedly ruined the football team’s chances of going to State.

  Kennedy is in this class, and I can feel her eyes on me. If she saw Eddie and me together, she’s sure to spread the word. She lives for gossip and melodrama. When class is over, she follows me from the room and stops me in the hall.

  “Are you and Eddie together?” she asks. Her eyes are alight with glee. For a moment, I’m not sure what to say. I could lie and tell her we
were practicing for the play. I could play it off like Eddie and I are just friends and were messing around. But Eddie certainly isn’t ashamed to show his feelings. How badly will it hurt him if I act like I’m too ashamed to admit we’re a couple?

  “Yeah,” I tell her. “We just started dating.”

  “Are Eddie and Mark still friends? Do you think Mark will be pissed that you and Eddie are together?”

  Mark. Why does everything always circle back to Mark? I can’t wait until graduation when I’ll never have to hear his name or see his face again.

  “I really don’t know,” I tell her, anxious to make my escape. “I haven’t talked to Mark in forever.”

  As I dash to my next class, my breathing is erratic. Why didn’t I think about Mark before I started going out with Eddie? I never considered how awkward it will be when Mark inevitably finds out about me and Eddie. Will he approach Eddie? Or say something to him about me? How will Eddie react if he finds out what happened between me and Mark? I feel sick the rest of the day, but my anxiety dissipates when I see Eddie. He’s waiting outside the classroom and kisses me before we go inside together.

  It’s surprisingly easy to concentrate on class with Eddie beside me. I’m not nervous around him anymore, and the tension that existed between us last week is now gone. It’s hard to worry about Mark when Eddie is sitting right next to me, making me feel protected and loved.

  Rehearsal is a breeze. It’s just a quick read-through. Eddie and I are natural together, and our scenes are effortless. We’re dismissed at four o’clock, which gives me and Eddie time to hang out.

  “There’s a little playground between your house and mine. It’s about a thirty minute walk from here,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the auditorium.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  Morgan yells across the auditorium, wishing me a Happy Birthday as I leave. A chorus of well wishes follows me, but all I can think about is embracing the little bit of time I have with Eddie.