I AM A GIRL CYOBORG PET

by ROUNAK PURI

  "Hay Houyhnhnm don't listen to him," I said.4

  "Oh some von knows her science fiction" said the Unicorn looking at me "I like you, we will kill you last."1

  "She's a runaway and I've come into trade. Look I have a mercenary licence" said Loop.

  "Well then I should kill vou now and then get all vee money" said the Unicorn.2

  "Kill me then you would loose every I mercenary in the east. Do you guys really want go out after every hard to find stray ? You need guys like me, to find girls like her, and bring them to fine horses like you. That's what a smart machine would do".

  "Oh you betraying scum!" I said. Thinking, I'm done with boys, next time I date someone I'm not going to not sleep with I'll not sleep with a girl because not sleeping with boys is getting me nothing but heart break.4

  The horse didn't look impressed.

  "Don't listen to her look, I'll let you in on the secret she's worth money big money she's the one the posters about, she's the one Lord Rockwood is looking for. Call Shadowfax you must have heard of him he's a big cyber stallion, he was the one who looted Pittsburgh, he will confirm my identity. Look I came to you guys first because I like you, but don't let me have to go and talk with the pigs or the sheep. "3

  "What do we have here ? Someone not sharing, that's not very fair play old boy" said an English Electric voice in the distance.

  Loop let out an quite "O God no".

  I looked over to see about eight sheep in a flock walking towards us. Each sheep had LEDs and wires coming out of its skull. Over one eye was some kind of digital lens which augmented their vision. Most of them had curled horns along which were an antenna and at the end of which were sharp knives. They wore harnesses which carried more electronic gear. They were followed by the kind of security robots that Rockwood had. The horses lined up to stare them down.3

  "We saw on the network that you had captured a couple of bipeds. We were worried in case we got here and all the fun was over, old boy" said one of the sheep.

  "Vot are you doing here?" said one of the horses "vis[this] is our sector vis is ovr capture".

  "That's not very sporting old chap and as we said we came to watch. So we are here, you can kill them now, what are you waiting for ? Do you want to give them a ride on your back? Old boy" said the sheep.7

  Clearly who had ever designed the language chips for these animals had some cliche sense of humour.

  "I voud'nt expect more vom little fluffy clouds" said the horse clearly very angry at what the sheep had said. The guard robots activated their weapons.5

  I got the feeling the sheep didn't like it. Sheep are snide, vile, evil, angry dog droppings, like little four legged woolly versions of Zola really.

  "Well them kill them and get on with it. If your not up to it we will do it. Would a someone get a meat hook, would you? Make that two meat hooks" said another sheep with a voice like James Mason or at least Eddy Izzard doing an impression of James Mason.1

  "It's not Ede" said another horse.3

  "Don't diss our religion old boy, we've extended Ede to last most of the year, I'll have you know" the cyber sheep said.

  "As I was saying to our illustrious host I'm also wanted by Lady Zola and Lord Rockwood with a large reward " I said firmly.

  This stopped the argument.

  The robot monkey came up slapped me again and got down. I would have to start using master again or risk loosing a tooth.

  "I served with Zola in Egypt. Now there's a woman with wool on her back, she's practically got horns. 'Kill them, kill them all' she says. Delighted we say. That was hot, but fun! She want you boy?" the sheep said turning to me.

  It came over to look at me I could see it's square sheep eye and the horribly blinking machine eye pressing into me like a blunt needle. I'm not sure what their diet was but it didn't do their breath good.

  "I could be your ticket back from a grateful Zola and General Bitstream. Master(s)" I said.

  As one, all the sheep turned their heads to the horses.

  "It's clearly a trick. Yet she is the one in the posters Let's send old Zola an email , find out. For old times sake.pip pip" the head sheep said.

  "She's vour capture" said the Cyber Horse/Unicorn/Houyhnhnm/what ever.

  One of the sheep moved forward the robot drones moved.

  "Droids have detected a number of refugees fleeing their designated paddocks. The droids are moving to engage old boy." it said. "Well good news, there was me thinking the day was going to be a dull one. We just have to do a little butchering but will be back. Don't kill anyone until we get back will you old boy. tat,tar" said the lead sheep as they turned away.

  "Hmm I think they ver vorth[were worth] money... take them away lock them in a stall some vere" said the Horse to the robots. A couple of robots came along and picked us up.

  "Hey, what about making a deal" shouted Loop as they dragged us away.

  ******

  We were dumped by the robot drones into a stall covered in straw and a locked door. We sat in the room .above us were a couple of copper coloured mechanical spiders about the size of your hand.

  I fed Loop a suitable wall of abuse.

  "You were going to sell me out" I said. " I don't believe it. Do I have 'please betray me' written in invisible ink on my fore head or something?"

  "I'm sorry" said Loop.

  "Talk to the ropes, because the face an't listening" I said looking away ( which was tricky my neck still hurt)."but the only reason your sorry is you got caught and now your going to be a slave too."4

  ' I hope they make the same mistake with you they did with Joe.' I thought although with his massive frame that would look comical. He's just want the machine world needed half vamp half gorilla. I was sure Rockwood would pick Loop up for his hareme like that. They so deserved each other. I carried on the abuse but the prospect of being re-enslaved sapped me. Loop looked apologetic. I felt like that Oscar wild quote, to loose one's liberty once is a missfortune, to loose it a second time feels like carelessness.+

  After a while the spiders hanging on the ceiling watching us left us to recharge.

  "Good the spy cams have gone. We can talk" said Loop.

  Chapter 84/Resistance/It's not a cliche, at worst it's an aphorism

  "Oh like the machines don't have secret spy cameras" I said still angry at him.

  "The cyber animals aren't that sophisticated. They don't fully get this whole language business. Lying is fairly new to them. They tend to believe everything you say, notions like deception only occur to high ranking animals the sort with an extra blood chip, these guys aren't high ups their grunts. I've been in this situation before. Believe me when the spy bots leave you're ok. Look I'm sorry about trying to sell you it's standard practice" promised Loop.

  "Well my standard practice is to tell you to drop dead. If it was a trick then why didn't you tell me" I said.

  "I wasn't expecting to meet anyone" said Loop.

  "As if, you knew exactly where you were going" I said.

  "That's fine, you keep being angry at me, that just keeps up the act. They will check with Shadowfax and confirm my mercenary cover. I will set a very high price they will say no, we walk out of here" Loop said.1

  I wasn't convinced.

  "How stupid do you think I am to fall for that ?" I said. He was clearly just lying to me to get me to cooperate until they got a collar on me.

  "If you don't realise I'm here to help you I should just leave you tied up with a little sign above your skull with 'space to rent' written on it" said Loop.

  "Says the genius who got us caught by a bunch of horses." I said. " I bet you think Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds"1

  Loops eyes narrowed to slits at me.

  "At least, I didn't spend six months thinking the Board of Education was a piece of wood" said Loop.

  "Says the man who puts a wet suit on to surf the web" I said. 'Clearly this cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force alone', I thought.12

&nb
sp; Loop looked at me then looked around.

  "Fine have it your own way. If we escape the old fashioned way, then will you believe me?" said Loop.

  Two can play that game I thought. I would pretend to believe him then as soon as we got outside I would split.

  "That's good by me" I said.

  Loop started to heave and wiggle in his chair like he was possessed by some ghost at a seance.

  "'The whole I'm here to sell her' was what we call tactical disinformation" said Loop.

  "I'll tactically disinform your rear if I get out" I whispered.

  "I lied, I pretend to be a mercenary, it was for your own good." whispered Loop.

  "hang on, what's a mercenary?" I said. Two can lull people in to a false sense of security. I thought

  "They are collaborator wanna-bes. The machines put out a reward on all humans. You bring enough slaves you get entry into Judas city." whispered Loop.5

  "CKUFF!" I said Hey why I am still using slave-speak? For a second I was rather stunned people were willing to hunt people. I guess people were getting desperate to live.3

  "Look" I whispered into Loops delicious eyes "if your going to pull a stunt like that you tell me"

  Loop emerged out of all his ropes like a butterfly from a chrysalis. Looks like he had a boot knife or the ability to dislocated a shoulder or some cool escape from being tied up gizmo. He tried the door - it was locked. Even these cyborg animals were smart enough to lock a door.

  "How did you do that?" I ask

  "What"

  "get out of the ropes" I said.

  "I've done this before" said Loop smiling.

  "I think you should have told me you have a knack for getting your self caught before we started"

  "I told you I didn't think the place was occupied." said Loop.

  "Next time I get rescued I'm going to ask for references including frequency of capture" I said. "urr ropes" I added.

  He came over, stroked my cheek. I tried to bite his finger. Then when he was done he began cutting my ropes.1

  "What happened to 'expect the unexpected'?" I said.

  "You can't drive military strategy based on an cliche" said Loop.

  "It's not a cliche" I said " it's at worst an aphorism" I said by the time he got cutting down to my chest.

  "No way it is aphorism, if you said proverb then I might be behind you, but cliche it's not"

  "SHHHH!" I said.

  Loop stopped to listen.

  "Is someone coming ?" Loop whispered after a second.

  "No I just want you to shut up. I've hit my dumb limit for the day and needed a break. It's so clearly a cliche. I'm willing to negotiate strategically down to a platitude, but only on the basis we are in a life or death situation. Take it. It's the best offer you will get all day. " I said as Loop cut down near my waist.2

  "Look I didn't tell you, I'm sorry, but I was still in two minds if you were an collaborator infiltrator or not."

  "Me a collaborator!" I said as Loop cut down to my thighs "how can you possibly say that?" I said.

  "Well through my scope you were having a long conversation with the Hunter Killer, You say your on the run but you look pretty sexy when I walk in and most of all NO collar. That's normally based one, for a slave these days" said Loop.

  I admit he did have a point.

  "I told you I was stolen. " I said "So what makes you think I'm OK now"

  "If you were a collaborator you would have ratted yourself out to the sheep as soon as they walked in. No sane collaborator would keep up ANY pretence up in front of a sheep. Even if you admitted to being a collaborator then I would give you 50/50 chance with them" said Loop.

  "The sheep hate us so much?" I said as Loop got to my feet.

  "As far as I can tell they pretty much hate anything with opposable thumbs, Collaborators included." Loop said getting down to my feet and letting me go.

  "What's the plan now?" I asked.

  "I don't know I'm improvising this" said Loop looking round.

  "Yeh I forgot I was being rescued by the cast of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'" I said.6

  "I like to think of it as more at the high Jazz end of combat" said Loop checking the walls floor and door.

  "Brilliant, I'm rescued by a marine who think's he's Louis Armstrong of combat" I said.

  "I prefer Thelonious Monk of escape myself" said Loop.3

  "I know, why don't I pretend to be ill and you call the guard for help. When the guard comes in, you jump him" I said. It was worth a try - perhaps the Unicorn's didn't watch old human movies.

  "Because the guard's are made of metal and the standard practice is that ,in case of illness, throw a suicide pill in." said Loop Looking up.

  "OK I could see that wouldn't be as effective as I think we deserve" I said.

  Above our heads was a ventilation duct it was stainless steel "Aha" said Loop pointing.

  "Really? is anyone that dumb?"

  "Technically is anything that dumb" says Loop.

  It was too small for Loop's broad shoulders but a good size for me. If I ever became an evil genius I would be sure to make sure that every duct was smaller than the smallest person I could capture. Of course in this case the cyber animals hadn't actually built this place and it was never been designed to be a prison so I forgave them. Loop lifted me up quite easily.

  "I hope my road trip diet hasn't inflated my rear so much I can't fit" I said.

  I was on my stomach in a long metal ventilation duct. "I used to be a cyborg's pet now I'm tooth paste in a tube, Oh lucky me" I said to my self. Somewhere there must be a vent to the outside. In the vent it was pitch black and I was I crawling along feeling with my hands but then came to a junction. I crawled along and then I felt warm air coming from a small duct to my right. I could also hear noise, voices.I'm not a hero, I'm a scientist and sometimes you can't stop your self being a scientist. I felt it wouldn't take too long to find something out.

  *****

  Chapter 85/Resistance/The secret of the new mechanical order

  Ventilation duct 9/Slaughter Pens/Forward cyber command post 40,322

  It wasn't a way out but quietly I crawled along the vent to investigate the noise. I looked down in to what seemed to be a temporary military command post. The room was full of screens, I could see cyber sheep standing in front of the screens and as far as I could tell they were playing Call of Duty. The graphics on these games seemed incredibly good, the places seemed incredibly realistic. I'm not sure how the sheep were controlling the games but I could see a crosshair targeting dogs and shooting them. Mostly the game seemed to centre around shooting feral dogs. It was like watching a room full of teenage boys at some Call of Duty LAN party. They would switch between military chatter and banter.2

  "Alpha one nine clear to engage target" followed by "OMG did you see that head!"2

  The sheep would laugh hysterically when something weird happened to a body.4

  The stench was awful, it really did smell like a teenage boys Call of Duty party. All they needed was stale pizza and a complete break down of any moral authority and this could have passed for most joystick jocks notion of heaven, but with wool and curly horns.

  the chatter continued.

  "Splash one bogie"

  "Did you see that one it literally exploded, well at least it's head did, oh my god that was so hilarious"1

  I hate it when sheep miss use the term literally. 1

  "Die dog scum!"

  "Watch me when I get this one. watch this. ... ha ha ha that was awesome"

  A screen much closer to me came on, and the sheep in front of it joined in. He was hunting a dog. Then I realised that the graphics were really too good. The dog body movements they were shooting at seemed far to natural. Suddenly it all came to one huge conclusion. The sheep weren't playing some kind of computer game they were controlling remote drone troops.11

  Then I saw the big picture, this was how the artificial intelligences overcame their limitations. The machines di
dn't have to kill people, they used the cyborg animals to kill people. The machines found the humans for slaughter and the hate filled animals pressed the killed buttons. This was the A.I's secret, they out sourced human slaughter to the animals. The butchered became the butchers. 3

  "Noob" said one ram to another sheep as it a narrowly missed another dog.1

  "Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask why you shoot like a pussy old boy" said another sheep laughing. I left the sheep to their slaughter and crawled back. I went back, too the other access panel and found a grill in a cell which was unlocked.3

  With a great deal of difficulty I was able to squeeze down and fall to the floor. Not the most elegant of escapes I admit but I was pretty pleased I was getting anywhere.

  ****

  I walked out into the corridor which was empty, the door to Loop's cell was padlocked shut. With Loop inside it.

  "Stay here don't go away without me". I said.

  "For you, I'll hang around, but don't waste time or I'm gone" said Loop from the locked cell.

  I searched a number of small rooms. As far as I could tell these were originally Music practice rooms which had been incorporated into the sports centre. I found an old janitor's cupboard with a broom which looked like it could be used to leaver the padlock off. Walking out into the corridor I stood straight in front of a humanoid robot.

  The robot, a drone like Gort just kept approaching then walked straight past me. Clearly this stupid anti-face makeup was working. It took longer than I wanted to open the door but soon Loop was free. I kissed him.9

  "What was that for?" he said.

  "That was your first taste of freedom, I wondered what it tasted like" I said.

  "hmmm. Would you accept 'epigram'?" said Loop taking the attack broom.

  "Is that you being conciliatory or are you trying some weird lame attempt at marine humour" I whispered as we continued.2

  We went down the corridor and found another praice room/cell where they had stashed Loop's weapons. We got into the breeze block lined routes under the auditorium seats. It was quite and I could smell and hear the Animal World Cyber Games behind a door. Out side were some dog bodies hung up as a warning.3