Ravenous (novella)

by Eden Summers

  She faced him and lifted her chin. “No. I can’t say goodbye,” she snapped. “It was hard enough the first time.” Her forehead wrinkled, the smooth lines of her face contorting as he watched her struggle for control.

  He took a step closer, holding his hands out to reach for her, but she pivoted on her heels and stalked away. “I’ll see you round, Jesse.”

  He bit back his fury as she trudged up the front steps. Did she think this was easy for him? Like hell it was.

  “You’re gunna turn your back and walk away?”

  Erin turned and placed her hands on her hips. “What do you want from me?” she cried. “You’ve already taken everything. I have nothing left to give. Just go.” She threw her hands up in frustration. “Leave me alone and don’t come back this time.”

  What did he want? He’d show her what he wanted.

  He ran for the steps, taking them two at a time before storming up the porch towards her. “What do I want?” he growled. He grabbed her by the upper arms, moved his lips so they were a breath away from hers and stared into her watery eyes. “I want everything. I want you. I want us. I want a fucking future with you.”

  Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks and she shook her head. “But you want it on your terms.”

  A fresh stab of anger hit his chest and he stepped back, releasing his grip. After all these years she still blamed him for leaving, for ruining their relationship. He laughed without humour. “So it’s still all my fault,” he ground his molars together. “What if things had been the other way around, Erin?”

  She frowned.

  “What if you were the one who couldn’t stand living in a tiny farming town for the rest of your life? What if you wanted something more? What if you were the one that left me?”

  Erin lowered her gaze and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  Eight years ago he left town with the heavy weight of guilt on his shoulders. If only he could’ve been satisfied with twelve hour days in the scorching heat of summer and the freezing temperatures of winter. All for money that would come in one hand and straight out the other. He knew everything there was to know about farming. How demanding it was, how temperamental. And still he had considered staying–all for Erin.

  Had she even contemplated his point of view?

  “Would you have hated me if I was the one who stayed behind? If you wanted a different life, would it still be my fault for not following what you wanted?” He shook his head and focused on the ground in front of him. “I never blamed you for not wanting to come with me. Not once.”

  Damn it to hell. He didn’t want to leave things like this but he knew there was no way around it. Being with her again was a mistake. A huge mistake that would plague him for a lifetime.

  With one last glance he took in Erin’s features, memorising her delicate face, her dark silky hair, her tempting lips. He wouldn’t come back again. He would do as she wished and stay away.

  “Goodbye, Erin.” He wrenched his gaze away as her bottom lip quavered. He strode towards the car, his hands balled at his sides and tried to ignore the feminine sobs that made him want to double over.

  Chapter 9

  Two weeks later

  Jesse was at the end of the lunch rush. The line at the door had dispersed and his staff were in the process of tidying the restaurant before the hectic dinner patrons arrived. For the last two weeks Bellerin had been his life. His business was the one thing keeping his head above water and the heartache at bay.

  He’d worked every day. Every shift. And last Tuesday he’d even spent the night on the couch in the office upstairs, but that was because he’d been too drunk and exhausted to get home.

  “Time for a break, boss.”

  He gave a half-hearted smile to his favourite waitress, Sonya, who stood at the swinging door into the kitchen.

  “I’m serious. Go get a table and I’ll make you something for lunch.”

  “I’m fine–”

  “It’s true,” Antonio interrupted from his place in front of the stove, his Spanish accent thick and uncompromising. “You look like shit and if you faint I sure as hell won’t be dragging you out of here. Go sit down for fifteen minutes.”

  He raised his eyebrows at the other chef and tried not to laugh. “Don’t hold back, man. Tell me how you really feel. You know that sexy voice of yours turns me on.” He placed his paring knife on the chopping board and rolled his head around to work out the kinks. He hated this shit. Long hours were a great distraction but he was bone tired.

  “Tu no pudieras conmigo hombrecito.” Antonio spoke under his breath, then raised his gaze with a grin. “Go sit down. Let the real man do what needs to be done.”

  Jesse chuckled. He had no idea what Antonio mumbled, but by the smirk on the tanned man’s face, he knew the arrogant bastard had tried to make fun of him.

  Dragging his feet through the kitchen, he made his way to a quiet corner in the dining area. When his ass hit the seat his feet sighed in relief. Taking his mobile phone out of his pants pocket he switched it on, entered his password and placed it on the table to warm up. He closed his eyes with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Something had to give. He couldn’t go on like this. He needed to figure out how to turn things around.

  When work was quiet it gave him too much time to think. Too much time to ponder going back to Holbrook. He didn’t want to go back home, but he didn’t want to give up on Erin either. Every time he closed his eyes she was there, her bright smile beaming back at him.

  The jingle of bells sounded twice in quick succession and it didn’t take a wild guess to know at least one of the messages was from his mother. She’d been breathing down his neck since he left the farm two weeks ago. He tried to keep his emotions concealed but the woman noticed too much. She always did.

  Picking up his phone he checked the first message. Yep, spot on. I called the restaurant. Sonya says you’re working too hard. If you don’t get some rest I’m coming up there to make sure you do.

  He groaned and threw his head back. It wasn’t a threat. Deleting the message he promised himself to text her later, when he wasn’t so tired and likely to say something he would regret.

  The second message was from an unknown number. My sister’s ass is getting HUGE on chocolate éclairs.

  He would’ve laughed at the random text from a stranger, but he was too damn tired. Sorry. You’ve got the wrong number.

  Sonya strode towards him with a plate of food and laid it before him. “Here ya go.”

  Steak, salad and chips, his favourite. “Cheers.” His phone jingled again and he picked it up as he smiled his thanks to Sonya before she strode away.

  Another message from the same unknown number. Nope. Not the wrong number. And you are the reason why Erin’s ass will be the size of a Mack truck.

  Karen. Exactly what he needed. He didn’t know whether to be angry that she was digging her nose where it didn’t belong or happy to know Erin hadn’t forgotten about him already. Mind your own business, Karen.

  With vivid clarity he could picture the way her face would contort when she read his reply. The woman was nice as pie and loyal to a fault when you were in her good graces. But if you strayed to the dark side you needed to keep a firm eye on your balls, otherwise she’d tear them out with her teeth.

  The first bite of juicy steak hit his tongue and melted. Perfect. Then his phone rang with an incoming call and ruined it all. Karen again. Fucking great.

  He answered and before he could say hello she started in on him. “Hi Jess. Just to let you know,” her tone changed into a snarl with every word, “my sister will always be my business.”

  “Good to know,” he drawled and placed another piece of steak in his mouth. She had no hope of making him cower. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

  “So when are you going to apologise to Erin?”

  Jesse’s mouth gaped and his blood pinged through his veins like the bubbles in a shaken can. “Apologise? You’ve gotta be fuck
ing kidding me. I’ve done nothing wrong except want a better life. Erin can’t even give me the chance to explain. She’s never been willing to compromise.”

  His teeth sunk into his bottom lip until the pain was the only thing keeping him from continuing his rant.

  “A lot of that is my fault. I think she doesn’t want to leave me here alone.” Karen’s voice was quiet.

  “Yeah?” he spat. “Well I don’t give a shit whose fault it is anymore. But it ain’t mine. I’ve tried–more than once. She can shoulder the blame from here on out.”

  “And she is.”

  The three words sliced through his chest. He shouldn’t care that Erin was hurting and yet the fire in his lungs wouldn’t dissipate.

  “I’ve gotta go, Karen.”

  “Wait!”

  He closed his eyes and massaged his eyelids with the tips of his fingers. And he thought he couldn’t have become more exhausted.

  “Jess, if I can get her to speak to you, will you give her another chance?”

  A sigh escaped his lips and he opened his eyes to stare across the half empty dining room. “It isn’t your job to get her to speak to me. If she doesn’t want to do it of her own choosing there’s no point. I’ve had enough. Enough of wanting her, of hoping to be with her. I want to move–”

  “But if–”

  He shook his head and felt nausea creeping up his stomach, into his throat. “I’ve had enough. I’ll see you around, Karen.” He hung up the phone before she could protest. The whole conversation sat heavy on his shoulders and the thought of taking another bite of his meal made him wrinkle his nose. Pushing his plate away with one hand, he slammed his other palm on the table. “Damn it!” His voice drew curious stares from the remaining patrons but he ignored them. Nothing penetrated the mix of crap swirling through his blood–anger, regret, heartbreak. He needed to let it go, to do exactly what he said to Karen and move on. If only he knew how.

  Chapter 10

  Erin awoke with a groan. Someone was banging on her front door. She glanced at her bedside clock. Bloody hell. Someone was banging on her door at five thirty on a Friday morning. And it was her day off!

  Rubbing her eyes, she rolled from the bed and shuffled from her bedroom. The jangle of keys echoed down the hall, followed by the sound of the door unlocking. Must be Karen. She was the only one with keys to Erin’s house.

  The front door opened as she entered the foyer and her sister stepped inside.

  “Morning, sunshine.” Karen beamed–far too chipper to be natural at this time of morning.

  “Are you on crack?” Erin ran her fingers through her tangled mess of hair and turned to walk toward the kitchen. Coffee was necessary. Large buckets of coffee. She hadn’t slept properly since Jesse left town. Every night she wrestled with the sheets and her pillow grew damp with tears. During the day she got by, occupying herself with work and household chores. Her floors now sparkled like a disco ball. “What are you doing here?” Her voice was rough from sleep.

  “We’re going on a road trip. Go get ready.”

  Erin peered over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows. “Why are we going on a road trip?”

  Karen mimicked her expression. “You’ve been moping forever and we have a three day weekend, so why not go for a drive?”

  Ohh, her sister was trying to be sweet. If it wasn’t five thirty in the morning maybe Erin would’ve appreciated it more. “I’m too tired to enjoy time away.”

  “Not taking no for an answer.” Karen walked up behind her, placing her palms on Erin’s shoulder blades and softly pushed her down the hall. “Now go get showered and dressed while I start packing your clothes.”

  A groan escaped Erin’s lips. “Oh goody. An impromptu road trip organised by the woman who gets lost driving into town and I get the added bonus of a lucky dip suitcase.”

  Karen chuckled and gave her shoulders a shove. “You know you’re actually quite funny when you’re grumpy.”

  “Yeah, well make sure you don’t pack clothes that make me look like a hooker.”

  Five hours later they were on the highway to Sydney, taking the turn off toward the city. “I thought we were going where the road takes us,” Erin drawled.

  “I’m tired. I thought here would be as good a place as any. We can get a nice hotel near Chinatown, have a few drinks at the casino and get some food along the harbour.” Her sister faked a yawn and Erin rolled her eyes. “I’ll just need your help getting to the Novotel.”

  She gave a defeated laugh as Karen handed over her mobile phone with the directions to the hotel already on the screen. “So in other words you had this planned.”

  Her sister shrugged and looked over her shoulder to merge into a new lane of traffic. “OK, so I lied. I wanted to come to Sydney to go shopping and I knew you’d throw a hissy fit because of Jess.” Karen shot her a glance and smirked. “It’s not like we’ll run into him. There’s like four and a half million people living here.”

  Erin stared out her window and tried to concentrate on the cars zooming past. The likelihood of running into him was slim to none, but it still felt like she was in his neighbourhood, driving past his house. Her skin tingled with longing, her heart pounded with nervous anticipation. She wanted to see his face again, his glinting eyes and gorgeous smile. And yet the thought of being close to him tore her heart to pieces.

  Since he left she’d had time to reflect on the way she acted. Not only recently, but when Jesse first left Holbrook years ago. Back then she hadn’t bothered contemplating the situation from his perspective. What if she’d been the one who wanted the city life? Would she have changed her plans for Jesse and risked the future she yearned for on the teetering stability of a teenage romance?

  Her thoughts had been lost in her own self-centred pain. She had wanted to have an easy life in the country. Buy a farm and then have children. She hadn’t pondered how hard her easy lifestyle would’ve been on Jesse and the thought of moving to Sydney had been beyond daunting.

  Releasing the breath tightening her chest, she shook her head. It was too late to ponder now. She’d made the mistakes and had to live with herself. If only she could get through the early hours of every morning without her tears and depression keeping her company.

  All she wanted to do now was become a hermit so she’d never have to suffer from heartache again. She’d given the concept serious thought too. With technology and home deliveries she was sure she could live off a stable sexual diet of battery-operated toys. She would be alone forever but at least the pain in her chest would ease over time.

  The drive to the hotel was rife with wrong turns and road rage from passing drivers. It also took an hour and a half when the directions stated it should take forty minutes. When they reached their suite–which Karen had sneakily pre-booked–Erin collapsed on the bed, ready to rest.

  “Oh, no. Don’t get lazy on me now. I just drove your ass all the way here.” Karen poked her in the stomach and Erin hunched over with a groan. “And speaking of ‘ass’, yours is getting huge.”

  Stupid chocolate éclairs. “Sometimes I want to smother you in your sleep.”

  Karen smiled down at her while she removed her mobile phone from her pocket and began scrolling through it. “Go freshen up. I’m starving.”

  Erin hauled herself from the bed and dragged her feet to the bathroom. “Have you always been this bossy?”

  Karen poked out her tongue, not taking her eyes off the phone. “Have you always been this whiney?”

  With the help of Karen’s dictator skills, they were strolling around the harbourside within the hour. The breeze was hot and Erin was thankful for the light mauve sundress her sister packed for her. The strappy sandals weren’t her favourite though and definitely not appropriate shoes for an obsessive shopping spree. They ate a light meal at the nearby shopping centre and spend hours browsing and buying, but none of it distracted her from the thoughts of Jesse. Everywhere she turned she expected to see him–in the casino, on the monora
il, over Pyrmont Bridge.

  “You’re thinking about him aren’t you?”

  Erin put the silky red dress back on the rack and glanced over her shoulder at Karen. “I wish I could stop.” She continuously wondered where he was, if he was happy and most of all, who he was with. The thought of someone else making him laugh or giving him pleasure made her heart thump a little rougher against her rib cage.

  Karen gave a sad smile. “Then go see him. You’re already in Sydney. Why not call him and talk things through?”

  Because she was ashamed of herself, for starters. Her cheeks were already heating with guilt. “I want to…it’s just…I’ve been so stupid.” Her fingers stroked the soft material of the dress in front of her while her eyes began to burn. “I’m embarrassed to see him. I can’t imagine what he thinks of me after the way things ended, or the way I treated him when he first moved to Sydney.” She shrugged and the movement tugged at her aching chest. “My own heartache made me blind to my selfishness.”

  “Why don’t you think on it while we go for a stroll around the harbour?”

  Erin nodded and they left the shopping mall in silence, moving out into the darkening light of early night. The hustle of people did little to calm her, but when they moved closer to the water skirting the edge of the walkway, she felt at peace.

  When her feet couldn’t take the pain anymore Erin suggested dinner and they started to walk with purpose. Every so often Karen would glance over at her and when Erin made eye contact her sister would look away. Every so often turned into every few metres and every few metres turned into every step.

  Apprehension settled over her causing her heart to pound. She searched the walkway, knowing something wasn’t right. Then as Karen slowed her pace and came to a stop, Erin stared straight ahead at the restaurant before them and her mouth dried.

  Bellerin.

  “Bellerin,” her sister offered in a soft tone. “Or you could interpret it as Belle Erin.”

  Erin swallowed over the restriction in her throat and rubbed her now sweating palms on her dress. The name must be a coincidence. Jesse was a chef! No matter how great he was at his job, she doubted he would have naming rights. The building was beautiful though, with floor to ceiling windows, glinting chandeliers and well-dressed staff.