Hard Instincts

by Chloe Fischer

  She didn’t know if she could live a life, shuffling from one place to the next like nomads, not knowing if they were running from or toward something.

  Her wise words were met with silence and Paige wondered if she had said something to upset him. She doubted it but their relationship was still fresh enough that she sometimes questioned herself, despite the fact that she had never felt so comfortable with anyone in her life. Just as Ryder was getting to know his father, she was learning about him. And Ryder was learning about her.

  She could not deny that her affection for Ryder only grew, almost by the minute. The man was everything she had ever wanted in a companion. His attentiveness never faltered and given Paige’s history with Noel, she was always expecting the other shoe to drop. One day, she told herself, this loving, insulating man will show me his true colors and I will flee Virginia, wondering why I ever allowed myself to let my guard down. But it never happened. The connection between them continued to grow stronger every day. It sounded so cliched, she thought, but it was true. It was like they were two halves of a whole that only now knew they had been living without their other half for their whole lives.

  What she saw was what she got with Ryder Quinn. Or was it Ryder Conway now?

  The only obvious kink in their relationship seemed to be Drake’s obsession with Oculus and the other Conway boys. Paige was finding the semantics of the convoluted and complicated situation too much and she dared not ask questions. There were so many details which needed clarification but something told Paige that she was better off not knowing the answers.

  In the first month, she had accepted the adjustments, knowing that it was a change for everyone, but as they approached the second month, Paige found her nerves running raw as tensions escalated in Drake Conway’s sprawling house.

  She desperately needed a distraction as the men decided what their next course of action would be. Paige feared that she might go crazy if she continued to sit around. I have to think about our future. I made a mistake asking Ryder to follow his father back here. But how can I tell him that now?

  As she listened at the doorway to Drake’s study, she felt her back tense. As usual, it sounded as if they were arguing about how to proceed. The conversation was becoming tiresome to Paige. She wondered how the men could constantly run around in the center of the same argument.

  But it sounded like something had changed. After months of stagnation, Ryder had made a move which seemed to incense his father. “Why would you do such a blatantly foolish thing?” Drake roared, his voice not remotely muffled by the thick sliding doors of the study.

  “Because I am sick of waiting for your damned contact to feed us scraps of information. I feel like a starving dog, waiting for a pit fight!” Ryder retorted, his words as clear as his father’s.

  “Ryder, reaching out to your military contacts in Special Ops puts us all in – “

  “Grave danger, I know,” Ryder interjected sarcastically. “You keep talking about this danger we’re in but you’re doing nothing to eliminate the threat.”

  “If the military finds you, you’ll be arrested on sanctions,” Drake reminded him. “I would have thought that would matter.”

  “They don’t know where I am,” Ryder grumbled. “Anyway, I don’t see you moving to get anything done. It’s been two months, Drake!”

  “Because I am trying to be smart!”

  “You are being so smart, we’re going to die of old age before anything gets done!” Ryder growled.

  “You don’t know Oculus like I do! They will stop at nothing in order to capture you and your brothers. I don’t want to hand you to them on a silver platter.”

  “Let them try!” Ryder yelled. “I am not a five-year-old boy! My abilities are stronger than they’ve ever been. You and I don’t need to wait for Xavier, Zander and Aiden. We can take them on ourselves!”

  “Maybe,” Drake agreed. “But we would have a much better shot if we were united.”

  “Then let me find the boys my way.”

  “I am trying to keep you safe!” Drake cried and Paige could hear the naked anguish in his voice.

  Every day the same argument. How much more can Ryder take of this? How much more can I?

  “Dr. Steward, can I get you something?” Shandy appeared behind her, causing her to jump.

  “No, thank you, Shandy. I think I’m just going outside to get some air.”

  “Very good, ma’am,” the housekeeper said but Paige noticed that she remained in place as she waited for the doctor to leave the foyer. Idly she wondered if the house maid had ever had an affair with Drake. He’s good looking for an older man. I imagine that is what Ryder will look like when he’s in his sixties. An image of her and Ryder growing old together filled her with a fission of excitement. She pushed her way into the fall sunshine and shook her red mane as if trying to shake the negativity she was feeling from her mind.

  Something has to change, she decided as she inhaled the sweetness of the manicured flowers of the perfectly landscaped garden. Virginia was beautiful. In a way, she was grateful that they had left behind Illinois. After all, the bad memories of Noel were there. She had quietly sold the condo and put the money aside, unsure of where the coming months would take her and Ryder. It was clear that the father and son clashed because they were so much alike. Both were headstrong and stubborn. But they were both inherently protectors too.

  She sat on the veranda, sighing softly as she stared at the lawn blankly.

  “What are you doing out here?”

  Paige glanced up at her boyfriend, her heart swelling with the love which seemed to increase every time she saw him. He sacrificed a lot for me, she thought, studying his handsome face. He hadn’t shaved in days, casting a rugged shadow across his face but Paige could see that he was carrying more darkness than merely half inch stubble.

  “Are you all right?” Ryder asked, plopping into the wicker chair across the small glass table and watching her face carefully. “You look a little pale.”

  Paige shrugged. “I’m just wondering if we made the right decision coming here,” she replied honestly. “It seems like you and your dad only get deeper under each other’s skin with each passing day. You can’t agree on anything.”

  Ryder peered at her with inquisitive green eyes. “He’s hellbent on finding my brothers, but at the same time, it’s like he doesn’t want to do anything,” he said with frustration and Paige stifled a grunt. She had heard the conversation several times already. She didn’t want to rehash it again. There didn’t appear to be any resolution when neither side would cave.

  “Do you think that Oculus really is a danger to you?” she asked quietly. “Or is this something your father has deluded himself into believing? It could be that the organization is no longer a threat. How do you really know?”

  Ryder bit his lower lip and Paige could see that he wanted to say something but was debating whether or not to speak it aloud.

  “Ryder, you can tell me anything,” she urged, sensing that she was losing him. “I have always kept your secrets and I always will.”

  “You say that, but how can you know what you might be forced to disclose?”

  Paige felt a smidgen of fear. Who would force me to disclose anything? Oculus? For the first time, the reality of the peril they faced seemed to overwhelm her. Until that moment, it had seemed like a fantasy, removed from her life. But something in Ryder’s expression told her differently. And it filled Paige with dread.

  “If I stick with you, I have nothing to worry about,” she replied with more confidence than she felt. It was not that she didn’t trust her lover; it was that she had no idea what they were up against. Ryder still appeared reluctant to disclose what was on his mind but Paige waited, knowing that pushing him would only result in him shutting down.

  “I think my father gave you some idea of what is happening, strange as it may seem but I believe him.”

  “Why?” Paige demanded. “I mean, I don’t discount that
something terrible happened in 1989 and I know what he thinks is happening, but how can you be sure that Oculus still exists now?”

  Ryder took a deep breath. “What I am about to tell you remains between us,” he told her firmly and Paige nodded solemnly.

  “Who would I tell?” she asked rhetorically.

  “What Drake said in Chicago about Oculus fits. I was wounded in Germany under very bizarre circumstances,” he began. “I wasn’t given much information about my mission and then when I arrived, I was abducted. The whole thing was a set-up.” He paused and looked around, as if he was concerned they were being overheard. “Long story short, when I was being held, my captor, probably one of the most dangerous men in the world, told me that he had orders not to kill me. Now, everyone works for someone but this particular guy…well, he doesn’t really take orders like that from anyone. Killing is more or less his thing. It didn’t make sense that he was contracted by someone only to capture me. He is an assassin only - not a kidnapper,” Ryder paused, staring off in confusion. “It didn’t sit well with me that he had been told not to hurt me. I couldn’t reconcile any of it at the time, but after my father said what he did about his suspicions…” he trailed off, lost in thought.

  Paige’s thoughts whirled. She had never asked Ryder about his training or how he had gotten injured. She had been a doctor long enough to understand that top-secret cases were not to be taken lightly.

  “And you believe that Oculus had something to do with your capture?” Paige asked.

  “I don’t know what to think,” Ryder confessed. “I know that during my mission just before that one, I was in Turkey and I could not shake the feeling that I was being watched.”

  “But wait,” Paige said, reaching out to put her hand on his. “You were almost killed in Germany. That’s how you ended up at Northwestern. The military found you and brought you to Chicago. Do you think that they’re in on it?”

  “Well they can’t have the entire military in on it. It has to be a separate arm, likely a secret branch of the military.”

  Ryder smiled tightly and shifted his eyes away. Paige recognized it as a sign that he was hiding something. “I think that me getting to your hospital was a result of luck, not design,” he replied quietly. “And I have no idea who is privy to what is happening, but there is something bigger than just my missions going on.”

  Ryder looked at her intently. “They aren’t going to go away. They want something from me, and now they know how to find me. The military isn’t safe for me anymore, and if my father is to believed, they want my brothers also.”

  Paige felt her heart begin to race slightly faster as she realized that he was about to disclose something important. “My father is right,” he murmured, keeping his eyes fixated on his hands. “I have abilities which are unexplainable.”

  Paige swallowed quickly and nodded. “Yes,” she agreed. “I know you have a way of healing people.”

  Ryder shook his head grimly. “I have the ability to do much more harm than good,” he muttered.

  She gnawed on her lower lip, staring at him imploringly. “What does that mean?” she whispered. “What can you do?”

  Ryder grimaced and she could see that he didn’t want to discuss it but when he looked at her, she saw acceptance in his eyes. He was going to trust her, no matter the consequences.

  “I can damage people with my mind.”

  Her mouth opened slightly but no sound came out as she sought for the meaning in his words.

  “What – how?” she tried. “Damage them how?”

  Suddenly, Ryder turned his gaze fully upon her, his piercing blue eyes boring into her. She attempted to move her eyes away but she found she was powerless to stop herself from holding his stare. Then she felt the air suctioning from her lungs and she gasped for breath. She was suffocating, her windpipe refusing to allow air into her body. Within an instant it stopped - as quickly as it had started, and Ryder was at her side, holding her.

  “I am so sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  Paige didn’t immediately understand. “Hurt me?” she gasped. “No, I couldn’t – “

  Abruptly, she understood and she wrenched her body back to stare into his stony face. “You just did that?” she demanded, her hazel eyes wide in shock. “You took my breath away?”

  “I have the ability to heal, but I can also… kill,” he confessed, his eyes filled with anguish. “I should have told you but I didn’t want you to run when you learned the truth about me.” Ryder paused, looking away from her face, as if he couldn’t bear to see the judgement in her eyes, the disgust she must be feeling.

  Ryder forced himself to continue, needing her to understand what she had signed on for when she agreed to stay with him. “I’ve never understood how or why, but…sometimes I feel like there’s something… evil. Inside of me.”

  Paige instinctively reached out, grasping his face and pulling it toward her, pulse jumping.

  He’s been a soldier, a fighter his entire life. He has seen more death and destruction than anyone I have ever met and yet, he saved me - twice. First by healing me, then by making sure Noel would ever hurt me again. He’s not evil. He is honest and brave. I can’t stand in his way. If he wants to fight this fight, I will continue to support him. After everything he has done for me, it is the least I can do for him.

  “I could never run away from you,” she told him hoarsely, kissing his lips softly. “Something has put us together for a reason, and I feel like God sent me a guardian, a protector from all that is terrifying in this life. You don’t scare me, Ryder. You make me feel safe and secure.”

  Ryder’s face registered his relief. He grasped her face lightly and leaned into her, passionately kissing her lips, burying his tongue in her mouth as overwhelming feelings came over him.

  Then he pulled back reluctantly. “But if this is all true, Paige, it means that you are in danger constantly. My father and I will need to begin digging into Oculus’ business, stirring up trouble. We will be traveling constantly, and I need you to be safe.” He looked down briefly, trying to muster his resolve, not wanting to be away from her any more than she would, but knowing it was the only way. “I won’t be able to do this unless I know you’re safe, Paige.”

  She stared at him, her mouth agape, finally realizing what he was getting at. “You can’t send me away!” she gasped. “We agreed to do this together!”

  “That was before I realized how deep this conspiracy runs. They are biding their time, Oculus. That’s why they haven’t struck yet. I think they are waiting to get us all together before making their move, and when they do, it will be catastrophic.” Ryder paused, trying to make her see how serious this was. “I worry that you’ll become a casualty just like my mother was.”

  “But, where will I go?” she murmured. “I can’t go back to Chicago now.” Paige felt like her world was being split apart. Deep down, she could understand the necessity of what Ryder was saying, but right now she couldn’t fathom being without him – she had just found him!

  “My father and I will find a place for you, anywhere you want to go.” The look of pleading on his face was almost too much for her to bear and tears filled her eyes.

  “How long will we be apart?” she cried. “We just found each other!”

  “We won’t be apart,” he promised her. “We will see each other often, I swear it.”

  She nodded, biting on her lower lip to keep from sobbing aloud. Again, their lips met for a sweet kiss and Paige hung her head, trying to understand how her life had taken such bittersweet twists in so short a time.

  Ryder embraced her tightly, inhaling the sweetness of her hair. “Everything will be okay,” he promised her, but as she finally allowed the tears to slip from her golden eyes down her cheeks, she knew he couldn’t guarantee that, not when Oculus continued to define their actions. All she could do was hope that they would remain together as Ryder had promised. And as she pulled back to stare into his eyes,
she knew he would never let her go without a fight. After all, he hadn’t stopped fighting to keep her so far.

  Everything will work out, Paige told herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. Ryder would never leave me alone.

  Epilogue

  The springtime sun shone blindingly off the Potomac River as he steered the car toward the cul-de-sac at the end of Riverpoint Drive. Ryder’s heart was racing with excitement, his fists gripping the steering wheel tightly. It doesn’t matter what Drake says, he thought grimly. I am doing the right thing for everyone.

  The past four months had been like living atop a bomb with an unknown detonation time. From the minute he had sent Paige away, the days dragged on, filled with nothing but constant arguments with his father. It had started to seem recently as if Drake was intentionally throwing up roadblocks in their search for his brothers. He refused to entertain solid leads and continued to say that they had to wait until the five Conway men were reunited before they could successfully attack Oculus.

  Ryder wanted to be more proactive. When wispy leads had come across their path, Ryder wanted to go check them out. There had been stories of a teenager who could do mysterious things in Texas several years ago. Ryder wanted to go there and check it out. Who was this kid? Was it all fancy illusions, or could he actually make time stand still? Where was he now? But all Drake wanted to do was collect intel. If it was up to him, neither one of them would have left the safety of his house in the past months.

  And lately, Ryder got the feeling that Drake was actually hiding stuff from him. It was just a feeling, but there were sudden halts in phone conversations when Ryder came into the room, and then there were the hastily covered papers in his office. Ryder had survived this long by listening to his intuition, and right now, it told him that something was off.

  And all the while, the threat that Oculus would storm through the front doors of the house in Leesburg remained, just as they had all those years before.

  Ryder had put out feelers with his old contacts around the world – the ones he felt he could trust – to let him know about any stories of “weird” abilities, or unexplainable events. So when he had gotten a tip about strange things happening around a set of twins in Thailand, he had decided it was time to part ways with Drake. Trust was a very big issue for Ryder, and he was sad to say that he didn’t have it with Drake. At least not yet. They just hadn’t known each other long enough for it to grow, and when he added his “sixth sense” into the mix, he just felt it was safer to keep the details of this tip to himself.