Finding Master Right

by Sparrow Beckett

  The confidence in her voice seemed to lift his mood, and he smiled. “I’m glad at least one person believes in me.”

  “We all do. The other staff too.”

  “It’s a good place here. I don’t want to come back, but you do good work.”

  She almost laughed. His first week there he’d ranted at every worker about what a shithole the place was. And now he was singing praises. What a difference sobriety made.

  “Here.” She pushed a few papers across the desk. “Now, for the signing of the papers,” she said majestically. “Your final step. It’s a test of patience.” With a wink, she handed him a pen.

  Her faith in him wasn’t false. She really did believe he could make it. It was her job to believe in all her clients, but some were more ready than others to take that final step to stay clean. Sean was more than ready.

  After he signed the papers, she told him she’d see him off the next day. The center had a tradition when a client was released. They all stood at the door with balloons and each one of them shook the client’s hand and wished them well.

  With Sean’s last appointment out of the way, she had one challenge left for the day. Dealing with Banner wouldn’t be quite as easy.

  She took out her phone and texted him.

  Can we meet somewhere and talk soon?

  He answered right away, surprising her. Shouldn’t he be in some important business meeting?

  Today? The coffee shop on Main Street?

  So soon? Was she ready? No. She needed confirmation that she wasn’t crazy. She and Janine had a date to watch reality TV and eat junk food. Those binge-fests were her one guilty pleasure. Tonight, she’d talk it through with her, just to make sure she wasn’t making a mistake.

  With a deep breath, she answered Banner. How about tomorrow after work? I get out at 4.

  She stared at the phone, expecting another quick response.

  Tomorrow, 4:30. I’m buying.

  After confirming, she tucked her phone away and turned to her computer. Maybe writing the discharge report on Sean would keep Banner out of her mind. She had a whole day until confrontation time. Weird, she’d never been shy about confrontation before. Of course, she’d never had someone affect her the way Banner did either.

  Submissive training shouldn’t be distracting her at work, making her feel horny all the time, and screwing with her emotions. That was proof enough things were getting out of control. Tomorrow she would end their arrangement and agree to stay friends.

  That was the plan, anyway.

  ***

  “A slave?” Janine grimaced, holding out a glass of iced tea. “That’s hard-core, even for me.”

  “I know.” Kate took the drink, and they walked back to the living room. It was Janine’s turn to host their date night. “The chemistry is there, but we can’t keep going like this if that’s all he’ll settle for. Both of us are too stubborn to budge.”

  “Well, some things you just can’t force.” Janine gave her a regretful smile, then sat down on the overstuffed couch. “It’s not meant to be, I guess.”

  Kate took a seat next to her as she contemplated her friend’s words. Wasn’t meant to be. Did she even believe in that? Fate and destiny and all that shit? No. She was way too much of a realist. Besides, other couples in the lifestyle had to have the same problem once in a while.

  “How did it work for you and Chris? You didn’t match up straight away, right?”

  She laughed. “Nooo. Far from it.”

  Although Kate had only met Janine two years ago, they’d quickly formed a deep friendship. Janine was already married at the time. She’d hid her kink for about a year, but then started slipping. Kate was well-versed enough from erotic novels to recognize the signs. When she’d asked Janine point-blank, she had let out a big breath and said, “Thank god I don’t have to fake vanilla anymore!”

  Kate had been perving their relationship ever since, slightly envious but mostly glad for Janine. It wasn’t often someone found true love and kinks that lined up. Her friend had hit the jackpot. If only she were as lucky.

  “I hated Chris when we first met, remember? Ugh. He was an insufferable know-it-all prick!”

  Kate burst out laughing. Most Doms were a bit cocky, but she couldn’t imagine Chris acting like a prick. He’d always been sweet to her. “Yeah. You ended up changing him though.”

  “Sort of. We had a rocky start, but I saw the sweetness under all the bravado. It was because of how he was raised. Strict military dad. I mean, Chris has always been dominant, but I knew he wasn’t naturally a jerk. He was trying too hard to impress girls.” Shaking her head, she added, “And he’s turned into a total softie since.”

  Kate sighed longingly. She wanted to say that about somebody one day.

  “Well, not a total softy. He can be a mean fucker.” Janine squirmed a bit, giving the impression they’d played recently.

  She chuckled. “You love it.”

  Janine smiled and sighed in that lovesick way girls do. A moment later she snapped out of it. “Hey, you know what we should do?”

  “What?” The mischievous look in her eye made Kate wonder.

  “Watch porn.”

  “What?” she yelped. Not exactly their regular movie-night choice.

  “For research.” She shrugged. “You can’t exactly swear off something you don’t understand, right? Let’s see if we can find some videos of the Master/slave dynamic so you know what it’s like.”

  “That’s a terrible idea.” Watch porn with her best friend? Her cheeks already felt warm. Though it was more likely to become a giggle fest than anything hot and heavy, she still crinkled her nose. “Is Chris okay with you watching porn?”

  Janine rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. And, yes, he’s okay with it. He fully supports anything having to do with me and porn.”

  Kate gave her a skeptical look.

  “Well,” she added as a second thought, “short of starring in it, of course. Come on.” She jumped to her feet and practically skipped to the computer desk on the other side of the room. “This’ll be fun.”

  With a sigh, Kate gave in. “Might as well.” Maybe it would be an educational experience. Awkward, but she should stay open to learning something.

  If this slave thing wasn’t that bad, maybe she and Banner had a future after all.

  Janine sat in front of the computer, and Kate pulled up a seat next to her. She didn’t have much experience finding porn online—erotic books were more her thing—so she hoped Janine knew what she was doing.

  A few clicks with the mouse and Janine had a kink site up. Ads played on the sidebar, some so extreme Kate had to look away.

  “Ugh. Is there a way to get rid of those?” She pointed to the video clip showing anal fisting in an endless loop. “I mean, I get that’s some people’s kink.” She had her own anal kink, so don’t throw stones and all that. “But it’s too hard-core for me.”

  Janine laughed. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, girl.” After typing in a few keywords, a list of video clips appeared. “Hmm. Most porn is hit or miss, so we’ll just have to wade our way through to find the good stuff.”

  She clicked on the first video. A woman wearing a corset, a thong, and leather boots strolled casually around her sub—a naked girl on all fours on the floor. So stereotypical. Did all Dommes dress like that? She couldn’t imagine Banner wearing leather pants and a mask, yet that was how they were most often represented, whether male or female.

  “Look at you,” the Domme spat. “Pathetic slut. Whore.” She accentuated each insult with a slap on the sub’s ass. “You don’t even deserve to lick my boots.”

  Kate cringed. A lot of subs liked humiliation, but she wasn’t one of them. If Banner ever called her a pathetic slut whore, she’d probably cry.

  Janine paused the video, then looked back at her. “Doing anything for you?”

  She shook her head, eyes wide.

  “Okay. Slave porn, take two.” She clicked on the
next video.

  Another sub on all fours, a man this time, wearing clothing, at least. A slender woman in a pencil skirt and blouse walked up to him and paused. Just when Kate thought she’d take out a ruler to spank him, she sat down on him. Right on his back! Then she crossed her legs primly as she stroked his ass.

  “Have you been a good little slave?” she purred.

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Did you take the garbage out?”

  “Yes, Mistress.” His voice was strained.

  “And you did the dishes?”

  He hesitated, and she reached down and grabbed his balls. He howled.

  “I said, did you do the dishes, slave?”

  “No, Mistress,” he panted. “I . . . I ran out of time.”

  The woman released his junk and rubbed her hands on her thighs. “Do you think you deserve punishment for that, slave?”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  She stood, then motioned to him. “Up. Get into punishment position while I get the dragon tail.”

  His face contorted as he knelt on the floor. It was clear he had no love for the dragon tail. Kate couldn’t blame him. It sounded wicked.

  “Those sting like a son of a bitch,” Janine whispered.

  “You have one?”

  “No, but I’ve heard they’re awful. Chris prefers the cane for punishment. Though that can be pretty bad too.”

  “Does he punish you for not doing chores?”

  Janine whirled on her. “What? Are you crazy? No way! I’m no June Cleaver.”

  Kate let out a breath of relief.

  “I get punished for being bratty or disrespectful.” She motioned to the messy living room. “Take a look around. I’d be beaten black-and-blue if I was punished for not doing housework.” She laughed. “But I know some slaves who have that dynamic. They like it though.” After a pause, she stared at the laundry basket on the floor. “Maybe my house would be cleaner if we tried it. God knows my mother would be pleased.”

  Kate nudged her. “Turn this off. I don’t like this one.”

  “Okay. This one looks better.” She switched the video to a girl, completely naked, getting spanked over a slightly older man’s knee.

  She thrashed and wailed. “Daddy, please! Stop!”

  “Mmm.” Janine muttered, “I love when they beg.”

  Kate let out a chuckle. “Dirty.”

  The Dom in the video stopped and rubbed the girl’s red ass, soothing her. She whimpered but stilled. Then his hand drifted lower, to between her legs. She gasped, and Kate almost did with her. The scene was captivating. The Daddy-Dom dynamic didn’t do anything for her, but the way he spoke to the girl and handled her, it was evident that they were the real deal. The connection between them was riveting. He talked dirty, and the way he alternated between punishing and teasing made Kate hot for Banner all over again.

  A door slammed. Kate jumped and spun toward the noise. Janine did the same, blushing and looking guilty as hell. Kate was sure she wore the same expression.

  Chris walked in, covered in a layer of dirt from his work in construction. He eyed them then arched a brow. “What are you two up to?”

  For all her bravado about porn before, Janine stuttered. “Uhh. Research. For Kate.”

  Chris leaned to the side to see the computer screen. Then his eyes widened. “Porn?” He tsked and shook his head, but Kate could tell he was teasing. “Naughty. Why is porn research? Does Kate not know about the birds and the bees yet?”

  “Banner wants a slave,” Kate answered. “I’m just trying to figure out what exactly that means.”

  He laughed, startling her. After placing his workbag on the floor by the door, he strolled to where they were sitting. “And you thought porn was the best place to look?”

  Janine shrugged. “Seemed reasonable at the time.”

  Leaning over his wife, he studied the video thumbnails. “A lot of this shit is role playing. It’s bad acting.” He clicked the X and the page disappeared. He turned to Kate. “If you want to learn what Banner wants, you should just ask him.”

  Well, why didn’t she think of that? She rolled her eyes. “I have. Sort of.”

  “Have you?” Chris watched her with a steady gaze that made her wither slightly. Did all Doms have that superpower?

  “He wants absolute control. I can’t do that.”

  Chris pursed his lips and nodded slowly. “Masters are often accustomed to being in charge. But does Banner seem like the kind of guy to force something you don’t want? Most Masters care intensely about their slaves’ needs and desires. They want to make their slaves happy, as much as they’re pleased by their obedience.”

  She thought about her encounters with Banner. He seemed to keep her as his first priority—pushing her boundaries without disrespecting them.

  “She’s his greatest treasure . . .” he’d said about subs.

  She’d always associated the Master/slave dynamic with the Master mistreating or taking advantage of the slave, but Banner made it seem like it was the opposite: that a good Master put his slave up on a pedestal in his mind, even as she knelt on the floor at his feet. It was almost a game changer. Almost.

  Until now, he’d accepted her calling the shots on how far they went, even though maybe she’d been a cock tease. She didn’t mean to make him suffer—she meant to keep things platonic, but their dynamic was so sexually charged it was impossible to deny herself. Ultimately, she was glad he’d called her on it. Not just because of the sex, but because it didn’t feel right to take advantage of their situation.

  And that was why she had to end things the next day. She couldn’t continue to use him, and then cock-block him with her issues, but they couldn’t keep going down this rabbit hole of debauchery together either. As much as she liked him, it wasn’t worth getting her heart broken, or breaking his either.

  When she snapped back to the conversation, Chris was leering at Janine. She’d told Kate before that after a long day on the job, he liked to fuck in the shower. And here Kate was sitting between them. Talk about cock-blocking.

  “Uhh,” she started. “I gotta go.”

  They were too lost in their own world to pay her much attention. Janine gave her a quick hug good-bye while Chris yelled “’bye” over his shoulder as he strode to the bathroom.

  At the door, Kate gave Janine a mischievous look. “Have fun.”

  ***

  The smell of fresh-ground coffee hit, second only to the sight of Banner at the corner table straight ahead. He wasn’t wearing a suit, to her dismay, but his black shirt made him look almost as dignified. Or maybe it was the five o’clock shadow on those high cheekbones. She regretted what she was about to do. She’d love to kiss those sexy lips one more time.

  He stood up when she approached the table, and like a gentleman, pulled the chair out for her across from where he’d been sitting. Unexpectedly, he also pecked her on the cheek. The affection threw her off her game already, which didn’t bode well.

  “Here.” He pushed a cup toward her. “I got your tea.”

  “Thanks.” Vowing to keep her cool, despite the warmth of his lips lingering on her cheek, she sat down and looked at him. “Are you off today? I was expecting to see you in a suit.”

  He winked. “I bet you were.”

  Her face turned hot as she glanced at the table. Ugh. How did he manage to keep her so off balance? “Shut up,” she mumbled.

  When she lifted her gaze, he cocked an eyebrow at her. It was bratty, but what could he do? They were in the middle of a public place. It wasn’t as if he’d spank her there. She smirked. She could play games too.

  Sighing, he sat back in his chair. “Did you come here just to brat at me and think you’re safe, or was there something on your mind?”

  She shook herself back to business mode. “I just wanted to thank you for your help. I know it was an inconvenience.” A vision of Banner pounding into her, chest sweaty, smiling when she screamed popped into her mind. Maybe not that incon
venient. He seemed to enjoy their lessons. “But I think I’ve learned all I need to.”

  “Wait a minute.” His brow furrowed. “Is this a break-up speech?”

  She shrugged. “Is there anything to break up? We were never together.”

  “True.” He narrowed his eyes and stared, making her shrink back at his intensity. “What’s this really about? What’s scaring you off?”

  “Nothing,” she snapped too quickly.

  His lips quirked, and she sighed.

  “I just . . .”

  “Can’t resist me when we’re together and that’s freaking out your carefully controlled world.”

  Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

  She swallowed hard and squirmed in her seat. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this. I just think I’m ready to move on now. I’ve learned a lot.”

  “Have you?”

  “Yes.” More than he knew.

  “What did you learn?”

  “Protocol. Expectations . . .”

  “No. I mean, what did you learn about yourself?”

  Her gaze flickered to his, gauging whether he was serious. Their eyes met in a moment of scorching heat. Their chemistry was still there, as electric as it’d been a few nights before. And now he seemed to be staring into her, searching for truths she didn’t want to share. Quickly, she looked away. For some reason, the urge to answer him honestly, even if it made her vulnerable, was too much to resist.

  “Um.” She laced her fingers together then looked at him. “I learned what submission is.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I can tell you what it’s not. It’s not weakness of character. It’s not antifeminist. It’s not about being a doormat.”

  “And it’s not about losing control.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “It’s about handing it over. To someone you trust. To someone you could eventually come to love.”

  Love? Could she grow to love someone who demanded control? Weeks ago she’d have adamantly protested the idea, but now . . . she wasn’t so sure. Being a slave was out of the question, but submitting was becoming about more than just good sex. Admitting that to Banner would only make it harder to end things, especially with their connection. He’d see no reason they couldn’t continue having sex and experimenting with BDSM, but her future wasn’t his main concern. She had to keep her goal in mind. Finding a partner who was as good at loving her inside the bedroom as he was outside of it.