Shake (The Club Girl Diaries Book 8)

by Addison Jane

  I didn’t work out as intensely as some of the other guys, but I was definitely damn fit, preferring to work on cardio as opposed to building muscle every day. I wasn’t small, but I also wasn’t as hulking as half the guys in the club.

  “Good work today,” Chelsea grinned, patting me on the shoulder. “I better go save Op. The twins will be up soon if they aren’t already.”

  I snapped a lazy salute. The noise of the air gun floating in through the open doors at this hour piqued my attention again, and I fought my aching body, forcing it toward the noise. Stepping out, I froze when I spotted Leo standing at the grass edge with a cup of coffee in his hand. The air was already beginning to get warm, and I was glad I’d already run as the sun started to heat up as it rose.

  “Hey, what are you doing up this early?” I asked Leo, leaping off the edge to stand beside him on the grass. I squinted my eyes out to the back of the clubhouse’s boundary where the shooting targets were, my brows pulling together in confusion. “Is that Meyah?”

  His head bobbed up and down confirming my suspicions. “Yeah, had to go pick her up not long after she left the other night. She and her mom had a total blow out,” he explained, not taking his eyes away from her. He was protective, and she was holding a gun—not one that could do a lot of damage because it was too early in the morning to be making that kind of noise. Even then, and though Hadley had taught her the ins and outs and she was becoming better at holding a weapon than some of our brothers, he still refused to look away just in case something happened.

  Wrench and I had only flown in last night from Nevada. We were both so shattered from making the round trip in less than forty-eight hours that we crashed the moment we got in. So, I didn’t realize Meyah was at the clubhouse or that something had gone down.

  We both watched in silence as she lined up the shot, the air around her still for only a moment before she squeezed the trigger, her body barely affected by the kickback. She clicked the safety back on and place the gun down on the safety block before walking down to check the target.

  “Shit. Her mom lost her mind, huh?” I asked, concerned just by the way she was holding her body, her shoulders slumped and defeated compared to when I’d seen her two days ago. She’d been so empowered, so proud of how she was finally taking control of her life.

  “Carly has her own demons. Ones she’s been trying to hide those kids from for a long time. Ones she wouldn’t even share with Kim or me. Apparently, Carly told Meyah she was beginning to remind her too much of her dad. That she couldn’t even look at her,” Leo explained with a huff. “I wish Carly would stop seeing me as the enemy. The older Meyah gets, the more she’s desperate to know who her father is. There’s a piece of her missing. A part of herself that she doesn’t know. And she’s more determined than ever to get answers.”

  I blew out a long breath of air. “That’s enough to drive anyone fucking crazy.” My heart hurt for her. I wanted to walk over there and pull her into my arms, tell her that I got it, and that it was okay for her to be fucking pissed off.

  “She’s gonna go looking for him,” Leo said out of the blue, and I turned to look at him with my brows raised. “She didn’t tell me everything that Carly said, and Carly wouldn’t tell me either. Now she knows he’s out there, she’ll want to find him.”

  “And you’re gonna let her go?” I asked in confusion. I was going to take a guess and assume that if Carly wasn’t willing to have him in Meyah’s life, then there was a pretty fucking good reason for that. But then again, I could be wrong. Carly’s track record for overprotecting Meyah doesn’t exactly scream in her favor.

  “I love Meyah like a daughter,” Leo replied simply, but his muscles were tight screaming something completely different, and I had a feeling I wasn’t exactly going to like it. “Carly isn’t gonna tell me shit because she’s fucking stubborn and thinks she has Meyah’s best interest at heart. So, I’m gonna need your help.”

  Before he’d even finished the sentence, I was already shaking my head. “You’re fucking joking, right?”

  “Meyah is more likely to talk to you about it than me. I can’t have her running off in search of some guy. I promised Kim a long time ago I’d watch out for Meyah. I don’t care how I have to do that, I ain’t gonna break that promise.”

  I choked on a laugh and shook my head. “Look, I get it, I really fucking do. But you know how I feel about Meyah. I finally found my fucking balls, and I want to see where things are gonna go. But you want me to start something with her based on me being fucking sneaky?” I reasoned quietly, looking over my shoulder, feeling fucking strange like I was doing some kind of drug deal.

  “She loves you,” Leo said seriously. The words sent a shiver up my spine and made my stomach drop like when you’re on a rollercoaster. “I’m not trying to stop her from finding that missing piece. I know how important it is to her. But I don’t like the idea of going into this blind. Get me the information we need, and we can do this on our terms.”

  I didn’t feel good about this shit. At all. But I could see where Leo stood. He was willing to do whatever it fucking took to protect the people he loved. It was something I admired and also something that a long time ago, I failed in doing. And the result? I lost most of the important people in my life and was only just beginning to possibly find them again.

  Leo was my brother. I had his back no matter fucking what even if it could screw things up before they’d even begun.

  “Oh, and try to do it while keeping your cock in your pants.” With that, he turned and handed me his coffee cup before walking away heading across the backyard to his niece.

  Well, fuck me.

  The pain in my chest was still there even after two days with Uncle Leo. I hadn’t slept a damn wink the night before, and last night wasn’t much better. Hence, why I’d found myself out in the backyard this morning, the second the sun came up, gun in hand, hoping it might help a little.

  I even managed to keep focused when Ham stepped outside wearing nothing but shorts and sneakers showing off the tattoo that decorated his chest that I never knew he had.

  He and Uncle Leo chatted for a few minutes, no doubt about how I’d lost my damn mind—not a total lie.

  When Uncle Leo picked me up the other night, I hadn’t even looked back as I ran outside with my bag over my shoulder. Hadley held me while I cried in the back seat, which was only made even worse when Mom threatened to call the police on him if he drove out of the driveway with me. Unfortunately for her, I was eighteen, which made me an adult.

  But no matter how angry I was, or how much I wanted to hate her, I couldn’t.

  She was my mom.

  I loved her so much more than I could ever imagine loving anyone else in this world, and that’s why it hurt so damn much.

  Especially to know there was another person out there, someone who I shared half my genes with. Someone who I was never given the opportunity to develop that kind of relationship with. I was never given a chance to be a Daddy’s girl. To have people say things like ‘oh wow, you have your dad’s eyes’ or to feel comfort in his arms when I felt scared. The kind of comfort I get from Uncle Leo when he wraps his arms around me and cradles me against his chest because he’d always been the closest thing I had to a father.

  But even then, it wasn’t the same.

  I felt ripped off.

  I felt incomplete.

  It made me want to curl up in bed and be like fuck today, fuck tomorrow, fuck it all, which is how I found myself tucked up in Uncle Leo and Hadley’s bed for the second morning in a row with Macy watching episodes of My Little Pony at 8:00 a.m. Because who doesn’t get happy by watching singing, dancing, flying ponies?

  “All those colors make me want to physically vomit.”

  I smiled and looked up.

  Apparently, Ham didn’t get happy by watching magical ponies either.

  “Macy, Hadley’s waiting downstairs to take you to school. Pre-K is calling your name,” Ham announced lea
ning against the doorway with a cheeky grin.

  “I’m not going,” Macy protested, but Ham wasn’t having it. Stalking toward the end of the bed, she watched him with a frown, clutching the comforter to her chest, unsure of what he was going to do, but willing to fight her way out if she needed to. I had no doubts that Macy was going to grow up to be some kind of badass bitch. She’d had these men wrapped around her finger since she was born. “I’m not going. Leave me ‘lone, Hammy,” she warned, but instead of coming out threatening, it was just damn fucking cute. The lisp that used to make everyone ‘aww’ was almost gone now that Macy was getting older, but the innocent way she talked was still cute as hell.

  “Macy, come on,” Uncle Leo called from the bottom of the stairs distracting the little girl long enough for Ham to grab the comforter and tug it completely off. Macy squealed, but before she could escape, he dived forward and grabbed her ankle.

  “Hammy,” she screeched, but the high pitched sound soon transformed into fits of giggles.

  “School time for Macy,” Ham announced again pulling her to the end of the bed, picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. Uncle Leo appeared in the doorway at the perfect time, and Ham simply flopped a still giggling Macy into her dad’s arms.

  He just rolled his eyes and turned to walk away freezing for a moment and looking back over his shoulder. “The two of you… out of my bedroom,” he warned screwing up his nose and eyeing the both of us.

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re kidding, right?” He didn’t say anything but just stared at me, as if daring me to challenge him. “Fine! Geez.” I could feel my cheeks flush slightly and hid my face as I climbed out of bed and followed them out into the hallway.

  Satisfied, Uncle Leo continued to carry a squirming Macy down the stairs. I jumped when a hand touched my wrist and settling when Ham began to gently rub circles on the back of my hand. My body instantly felt a little lighter, and unconsciously I leaned into his side, my head finding his shoulder.

  “Come on,” he urged softly, his arm wrapping around my waist and holding my body against his as he directed us down the hallway. I knew we were going to his room, and my heart started to beat a little faster, my body feeling a rush of heat as we stepped through the doorway and I instantly smelled him—his cologne, his soap, his hair gel. I honestly didn’t know what it was, but it just made me feel like I was in heaven, like nothing else mattered because I had Ham surrounding me, protecting me.

  He closed the door behind us as I took a couple of steps further into his room. My eyes trying to take in the space, the posters on the wall, the sparse decorations—nothing like a teenage girl’s room. My walls were covered with pictures, photos, posters, celebrities, unicorns.

  Ham apparently liked to keep things simple.

  The club insignia hung proudly on the wall beside his bed, and across the dresser were an array of picture frames mostly of him with the old ladies, a couple of him with his brothers. Obviously, gifts. I couldn’t imagine he would have gone out of his way to do that kind of thing himself.

  What I didn’t see were pictures of anyone I didn’t recognize.

  Where were his family?

  The family he had before he joined the club?

  It hurt my heart to think that he didn’t have any.

  I turned to face him.

  He was watching me, his head tilted just slightly to the side. “It’s not exactly exciting, is it?” he joked walking around the edge of his room, running his hand along the simply decorated dresser, his fingers dancing past the handful of pictures.

  I licked my lips, my body turning with him as he moved past. “Do you have any pictures of before you joined the club?” I asked trying to make it sound casual, but knowing it was going to come off as a little nosey.

  He huffed out a breath and took a seat at the edge of his bed. “No… well… not ones I want to put on display. Not yet.” His answer was relatively cryptic and sharp enough to let me know not to ask anything more. I could tell, at least, that it was a sore point. I’d never tell him, but it almost made me feel a little better to know I wasn’t the only one who felt pain occasionally when I spoke about my family. Especially the past few days, I couldn’t think about my mom without wanting to run home and curl up in her bed like I used to when I was little, and know it was one place I felt like nothing could ever hurt me. It was hard to be mad at the person who you always ran to when you were feeling upset or scared.

  “Meyah,” Ham whispered making my body jerk in fright and causing tears that I didn’t realize I’d been shedding to drip down onto my cheeks.

  I laughed, feeling completely stupid. “Sorry, it’s just been an emotional few days.”

  “You wanna talk about it?” he inquired patting the bed beside him.

  I cleared my throat and shook my head. No. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted for one moment be free from it. “No, I really don’t,” I told him honestly, standing a little straighter and trying to convince myself I was braver than I thought I was. “All I’ve wanted to do for the past two days is either cry, shoot something, or run. I want to pretend for a moment like my mom didn’t lie to me for eighteen years. Or like I haven’t missed out on that amount of time having a dad. I want to pretend like it didn’t take me eighteen years to figure out how to stand up for myself, and that I could have saved myself a lot of pain.”

  Ham pushed off the bed and stepped toward me. One of his arms came around me, his other hand gently cupped the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. “Listen to me, it’s gonna be fine. Things will get better, and all this will seem so insignificant.”

  I leaned into his palm and pressed forward on my tiptoes, delighting in the way his grip tightened around my waist, our bodies pressing together, neither of us completely sure of where this was going.

  “How do you know?” I asked when his lips pressed against my cheek. His unshaven face tickled and sent a shiver down my spine.

  “Because this is only one moment in your life,” he murmured, the feel of his lips moving against the skin made me smile. “In ten years, it will be the important moments you’ll remember. First kisses. First heartbreak. But you won’t even blink at those times you sat around second guessing yourself.”

  I tilted my head up, the heat in his eyes surprising me as his hands explored my body. It started out as a soothing touch, something to calm me, but it was quickly transforming into something else. I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. “How’d you get so smart?”

  He laughed, it was deep and soft and sexy as all hell. It warmed me burning through my body to my clit and lighting it on fire.

  I didn’t even give him time to answer the question. “You’re right. I’m sick of the second guessing. I’m sick of wondering what I should have done differently.” I knew what I wanted, I wanted to feel something else. I wanted to feel the euphoria that ran through me when his lips touched mine or the way my body trembled excitedly when he touched me. “I want to make this into a moment, one of those important ones that I’ll remember,” I insisted.

  My lips brushed against his, but I wouldn’t make the first move, I needed to know he wanted this as much as I did, and all I could do was hope in the back of my mind I wasn’t reading the signals wrong.

  “Meyah,” he murmured. It was a warning. I could hear it in his voice, but he still didn’t move.

  I grabbed hold of his belt, tugging it down just slightly creating a space between his T-shirt and his jeans, showing off that trail of dark hair which disappeared into his jeans. We were both breathing heavily, and I couldn’t help but wiggle my hips feeling wetness begin to gather between my legs.

  “You make one more move close to my cock, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to leave anytime soon. I’m gonna be locking the door and exploring every damn inch of this fucking perfect body.” His hands moved down over my shoulders and around the curve of my breasts teasing and taunting me as th
ey brushed across the front of my shirt and my hardened nipples.

  I stalled.

  He was offering me an out.

  I stop right here. He walks away, and this is done.

  I took a deep breath and swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. His eyes looked deep into mine. I could tell he was struggling to control himself. Yet, he was still offering to walk out the door he came through if that was what I wanted.

  For the first time in the past few days, I felt excited. I felt something other than sadness and disappointment or anger.

  My hand moved almost on its own, my brain and heart in agreeance that this was what I wanted. This was it, and there was no way in hell I was giving this up when I’d spent so many nights lying in my bed wondering whether he might someday appear at my window.

  I wanted this.

  More than I could ever remember wanting anything else.

  “Better lock the door then,” I teased looking down and watching as my fingers dipped just inside the waistband of his jeans. A spark of delight shot through me when I saw the way his stomach muscles clenched at my touch.

  A smile pulled at the corner of my mouth. Knowing that I could have such an effect on a guy like Ham, was like nothing like I’d ever imagined. When I found out Nick was interested in me, I remember feeling butterflies in my stomach and wondering how a guy like him could be interested in a girl like me.

  Things with Ham were different. He seemed so untouchable, his demeanor screaming stay the hell away. The way he would watch me and track my movements through the clubhouse should have been creepy, it should have felt weird, but it didn’t. It felt right to have his eyes on me. They were protective, and while fierce and strong, they warmed me like I’d never realized anyone could—especially not some simple guy like Nick.

  Ham didn’t just give me butterflies. There were stampedes of wild animals that trampled through me, and it scared the crap out of me because this wasn’t just some schoolgirl crush. This was more, and we both knew it.