Contest

by David Wood

  “This is turning out to be the weirdest obstacle course I’ve ever run,” Bones said.

  “I don’t think it’s the course,” Maddock said as they trotted toward the next challenge.

  “No, what is it then?”

  “Have you ever run a course with civilians in tow?” Maddock asked.

  “Fair point,” Bones conceded. “At least we’ve got Jashawn. He seems to be a cut above.”

  “You know, I thought so, too.” Maddock slowed to a walk.

  “Did something change your mind?” Bones asked.

  “Look at that.” Maddock pointed to the next obstacle, a cargo net. The young man had gotten tangled in the net and now hung upside down. Spenser and Lilith were trying to help but seemed to instead be interfering with his efforts to right himself.

  “I guess we should help him out,” Maddock said.

  Bones closed his eyes and let out a groan. “Civilians.”

  Chapter 4

  ––––––––

  Three quarters of the way through the race, Bones had had his fill of hills. They’d crawled through dark caverns, then climbed a hill, navigated the post-apocalyptic street, then climbed some hills, crawled through mud, and climbed some more hills, ran through a series of obstacles carrying a condom filled with water, and climbed some more hills. Theirs was the third team off the starting line that day, so the path was well worn. The soft earth crumbled and gave way with every step they took.

  “It’s like running on the beach, vertically,” Spenser said.

  “I know what my feedback is going to be,” Bones grumbled as they topped a rise and saw another path winding away into the parched hills. “Rename it the Grizzly Grant Hill Climbing and Oh Yeah a Couple of Obstacles Challenge.” He found a kindred spirit in Lilith, who turned their ascent and descent of the next hill into her own personal Festivus, airing a long list of grievances against their host.

  “He’s a clueless windbag. Riv is the brains of the outfit. Don Grant is nothing but a pretty face.”

  Bones had to remind himself that Grizzly’s given name was Don, not Donald, for reasons likely known only to his parents.

  “He is kind of cute,” Spenser said. “Although I prefer blonds.” She winked at Maddock, who pretended not to notice, but Bones could see his friend’s ears go red with embarrassment.

  “I’m just glad he’s getting away from the pseudo-science crap,” Lilith continued. “Did you know that jackass claims to have found the Loch Ness monster?”

  Bones coughed and hastily changed the subject. “What do you think is around that rise?” he asked, pointing up ahead.

  “Probably another hill,” Jashawn said.

  “I don’t know what you all are complaining about,” Maddock said. “It’s a beautiful day, and I promise you this course could be much worse.”

  “Yeah,” Bones said. “At least nobody’s shooting at us.”

  They rounded a turn to find themselves in the middle of a film set—the old west town they’d seen before. Shots rang out and Jashawn hit the dirt with a shout of surprise.

  “They’re just blanks,” Bones said. “What’s up with the village? We just run through?”

  “Without getting shot.” Spenser pointed at the sensor strapped around her ankle. Each participant had been issued one as a means of timing them through obstacles and tracking their location should they become lost.

  “Bonus points if we find the treasure room,” Lilith added.

  “I don’t know, Maddock,” Bones said with exaggerated uncertainty. “This is unlike anything we’ve ever done before.”

  “The voices you’re hearing in the background,” Spenser said loudly to her GoPro, “are a couple of old Army dudes who never miss a chance to remind us all that they’ve done obstacle courses before.”

  “Navy,” Bones said. “Anyway, I’m just saying we should all follow Maddock’s lead.”

  “That,” Spenser said, “is the smartest thing you’ve said all day.”

  Maddock took the point and Bones brought up the rear. He admired the way Maddock instinctively flowed into a command mindset. It came instinctively, effortlessly. Leadership was in the man’s DNA. He kept them all alive through the village, keeping them behind cover as they moved off the main road and into a bombed-out church.

  “We’re getting farther from the way out,” Jashawn said.

  “Treasure always comes at a price,” Maddock said. It was a quote from his father, who had been a treasure buff in his day. Pirate treasure, to be specific. “They’ll want to put it somewhere we’ll have to expose ourselves to fire in order to get it. My money is on the altar. Or what’s left of it.” He pointed to a pile of broken marble slabs. “Under there.”

  “On it.” Jashawn took off at a dead sprint. Gunshots rang out from an invisible sniper somewhere nearby, but he was too fast. He dove behind the pile of rubble and began moving chunks aside.

  “No!” Maddock shouted. “That’s not what I mean.”

  “Found it! It’s a...” A loud boom drowned out his words. Red lights flashed and a cloud of vapor poured out of the box Jashawn held.

  “It’s a booby trap,” Maddock said. “I was talking about the trapdoor set in the step right below the altar. See the handle?”

  “How did we miss that?” Lilith asked. “It’s so obvious once you pointed it out.”

  “I don’t know,” Maddock said. “It’s almost as if I’d done it before.”

  ––––––––

  “I think that’s the way to the next obstacle.” Spenser pointed along a narrow path that ran off to their left.

  “There’s definitely a path there,” Maddock said, “but it’s not well worn. I doubt that’s the way the other teams went.”

  “Fresh footprints,” Bones said. “Just one man, though. Not a whole group.”

  “How do you know it’s a man?” Lilith chided.

  Bones sighed. She wasn’t wrong, but why did she have to needle him about every little thing? “Sorry, a man, or a chick in size elevens. That better?”

  Before Lilith could reply, a voice called out to them. “I beg your pardon. This is private property!” A figure appeared down the narrow trail, stalking toward them.

  Lilith cursed. “It’s Shipman. What is he doing up here?”

  “Just stay on the trail,” Shipman called.

  “We were just leaving,” Maddock called back. “Let’s get out of here,” he said to the others.

  “Want me to scare him, just for fun?” Bones offered.

  “No. He’s a jerk, but if he wants to be that protective of his land, it’s no sweat off our backs.”

  “Like anybody could sweat in this desert air,” Bones complained as they jogged off.

  The remainder of the race went off with few hitches. Lilith demanded to know if the crickets they were expected to eat had been killed humanely and if they were gluten-free. Those bumps aside, the challenges proved to be fun. There was a shooting contest, in which both Bones and Maddock both claimed victory, and a spear-throwing contest in which Spenser came out on top. Bones was still working that one out. The final descent was down a water slide and into a frigid pool. They emerged, shivering, to a round of applause from staff members and from the racers who had already completed the course. A single camera crew ducked in and out of the crowd, chatting with participants.

  “Well? What did you think?” Grizzly asked. He had taken up a spot just inside the beer garden gate, knowing everyone would have to pass directly by him if they wanted to get to the good stuff.

  “It was actually pretty cool,” Bones said, truthfully. He decided to omit the feedback about the many, many hills.

  Grizzly blinked, then looked at Maddock. “Really?”

  “It was great,” Maddock said. “Maybe a bit too many hills for your average celebrity.”

  “Oh, the hills won’t be part of the show. That’ll be for the competitive, iron man type races. Which is why I needed you guys.”

  Bon
es nodded, forced a smile, and tried to ignore his screaming hamstrings.

  “That’s just... really great.”

  A couple of beers improved everyone’s mood. Even Lilith chilled out and joined in the good-natured ribbing of Dakota, who had rejoined them. The young man was interested in hearing about everything he had missed. When they got to their encounter with Shipman, Grizzly interrupted them.

  “Wait a minute. Where did this happen?”

  “The ridge before Everest,” Lilith said.

  “Yeah, Everest. The gigantic sand hill we climbed for no particular reason,”

  Bones said to the ceiling.

  “That’s nowhere near the property line,” Grizzly said. “He didn’t have any business up here.”

  “And he’s a creep,” Lilith added. “Riv says he’s always checking her out.”

  “Really?” Grizzly sat up straight. “She didn’t say anything about that to me.”

  Lilith’s face went scarlet. “Well, I don’t know if she said ‘always,’ but...” The remainder of her sentence died a swift death in a swig of beer.

  Grizzly was not placated. He turned and glared in what Bones presumed was the direction of Shipman’s property. “This place,” he mumbled. “It’s just so weird.”

  “What do you mean?” Maddock asked.

  Grizzly sighed. “That’s a long story.” Before he could tell it, Orry Rockwell arrived at the beer garden. He was soaking wet from his slide into the pool, and bits of mud clung to his hair, but he was all smiles.

  “Grizzly,” Rockwell said, offering his hand to shake. “Fantastic race. Very well done.” Without being asked, Lilith went to fetch him a beer while he sank into the chair she had vacated. “I like what you’ve got going here. Just difficult enough to make it a challenge, but not so difficult as to put the casual racers off.”

  “Thanks,” Grizzly said. He picked up his tablet, which was lying on the table, opened an app, and began to scroll. “You’ve got some nice scores here, Rockwell.

  Especially that shooting score. You’re third out of the entire field so far.”

  “Better to be lucky than good,” Rockwell said.

  “I’d say it’s more than luck when the only people who topped you are a couple of Navy SEALs.” His eyes flitted to Maddock and Bones.

  “But who came in first?” Bones said.

  Grizzly looked down at his tablet again and grinned. “Oh, my!” he said in a fair imitation of George Takei. “This is going to cause quite the scandal when the scores appear on the website tomorrow.” He closed the tablet.

  “You’re really not going to tell us?” Bones asked. “Screw you, Grizzly.”

  “Is that any way to talk to the man who’s providing free beer?” Lilith sat a beer on the table in front of Rockwell, then pulled up a chair next to him. Maddock scooted over to make room, which put him elbow-to-elbow with Spenser. The young woman didn’t appear to mind.

  “Where did you learn to shoot?” Grizzly asked.

  “Utah.” While Rockwell took a gulp of beer, the others waited for him to elaborate, but no more details were forthcoming.

  “Cool story, bro,” Bones said. Even Rockwell laughed.

  “He doesn’t like to talk about it,” Lilith said, “because a lot of the same people who support our environmental initiatives are extremely anti-gun. It’s best to keep his wild west upbringing on the down low.”

  “Makes sense,” Maddock said. “How are things going with the cleanup efforts?”

  “We’ve had some setbacks. Environmental issues are always a difficult sell, but

  Salton comes with its own particular set of challenges.”

  “Such as?” Bones asked.

  “As the sea grew more polluted and the fish kills grew larger, tourism dried up, and the real estate market collapsed. The people who live here now tend to be lower income. There’s a lot of property crime—larceny, smash and grab robberies, minor drug possession. Nothing terrible, but the numbers look big in print. People in Palm Springs and some of the other wealthy communities nearby would prefer it if the Salton Sea simply dried up and blew away.”

  “But that’s exactly what would happen,” Maddock said, a knowing look on his face. “I’m sure Coachella would love to be covered in the occasional alkaline cloud.”

  Rockwell nodded. “We already have problems with the air quality here. Dust particles from the desert, pesticide mist, smoke from crop burns, pollution from Mexican maquiladoras. The rates of respiratory issues are extremely high in this area.”

  “Good thing you chose this place to hold a race,” Jashawn mumbled.

  “But the desert winds whipping across a dried-up Salton Sea for decades to come or even longer?” Rockwell chuckled, sipped his beer. “You’ve hit it on the head, Maddock. It always comes down to money, and we have to make people see that the Salton Sea alive is worth more than she is dead.”

  Bones leaned over and whispered to Spenser. “You wouldn’t know it from looking at him, but Maddock is actually really smart.”

  “What’s his story, anyway? How is he still single?” she asked.

  “He just got dumped. By a dude.”

  Spenser rolled her eyes. “Try again.”

  Bones suppressed a grin. He had the feeling this girl loved a tale filled with drama and heartbreak. “He has the worst luck with women of any guy I know.”

  “What do you mean?” Spenser whispered; any interest in the Salton Sea conversation had evaporated.

  “Well, he was married, but she died several years back.”

  “Oh.” Spenser’s expression turned to an odd mix of sadness and curiosity.

  “Any kids?”

  Bones shook his head. “Anyhow, since then, nothing’s worked out for him.”

  “Why not?”

  “Different reasons. One of them couldn’t handle how dangerous our job is.”

  “You’re still in the SEALs?” she asked.

  “No, that was a long time ago. We’re marine archaeologists, treasure hunters. That’s how we know Grizzly.”

  “Really?” Spenser was now eying Maddock like a prime cut of eggplant, or whatever the hell her crowd ate instead of a nice chunk of beef. “Are you any good at it?”

  Bones gave his best indifferent shrug and rocked back in his chair. “We do all right.”

  “So, what about the other women who didn’t work out? Any common denominators there?”

  “A couple of them were real... you don’t want me to say the word, do you?”

  When Spenser shook her head, he went on. “Then there was another one where life just got in the way. It was too bad, really, but I don’t think it was meant to be. This probably sounds stupid, but Maddock’s a puzzle that only one person can solve.”

  “And who would that be?”

  Bones shrugged. “The right woman, whoever she is.”

  As Spenser turned and smoothly inserted herself into Maddock and Rockwell’s conversation, Jashawn leaned over to Bones and spoke in a low voice.

  “Playing wingman for your buddy?”

  “It’s always fun to send a woman Maddock’s way. He’ll twist himself into knots trying to behave like a respectful gentleman, and end up over-thinking everything. It’s good for a few laughs.”

  Jashawn eyed the pair speculatively. While Dakota pitched the idea for raw water to Rockwell, Maddock and Spenser were sharing what appeared to be a pleasant conversation about the Salton Sea.

  “You know something? I get the feeling she’s got a lot more drive and determination than her brother. And she appears very interested at the moment.”

  “I think you’re right. And Maddock’s too polite to just shut her down.” He turned to Jashawn and grinned. “Which is why this is going to be an excellent prank.”

  They clinked glasses and sat back to watch the show.

  Chapter 5

  ––––––––

  That night they gathered in the great room of the main ranch house. Light from the crackling
fire in the kiva fireplace danced on the adobe walls and tiled floors. Mad- dock sat on a thick bearskin rug and sipped a Dos Equis. The desert air had cooled considerably after sundown, and a cool breeze blew in through the open windows. Bones had stuffed himself into a hand-crafted rocking chair and sat gazing at the fire, a contented smile on his face. Grizzly and Riv were ensconced on the big leather sofa, the former drinking a cup of coffee, the latter crunching numbers on her laptop. Lilith had departed with Rockwell after the race, and Jashawn had left after dinner. It was too bad. Maddock and Bones had enjoyed the young man’s company.

  “I brought you a refill.” Spenser appeared at his side and handed him another beer. In hopes of some positive social media buzz, Grizzly had invited her and her brother to stay at his ranch house for a few days.

  “Thanks,” he said as she sat down beside him. Once she’d dropped her on-camera persona, she proved to be clever, with a dry sense of humor. Much different from his first impression. Obviously, he’d been too quick to judge. “What happened to your brother?”

  Spenser rolled her eyes. “Rockwell had reservations about his raw water idea, so Dakota chugged a whole bottle to prove it’s safe. The results were predictable.”

  “Loco que una cabra,” Riv murmured.

  Maddock was familiar with the idiom, which translated to “crazier than a goat.”

  “Why hasn’t someone explained the science to him?” Maddock asked.

  Spenser feigned offense, but laughter shone in her big blue eyes. “Is that how little you think of me? I’ve been telling him since the first time his dumb ass tried to drink water from what he thought was a puddle but was actually an overflowing septic tank.”

  Maddock winced. “You can’t be serious. He couldn’t possibly function if he were that dim.”

  Spencer leaned in so close that a strand of her hair brushed across his cheek.

  “Next time you see him,” she said quietly, “take a look at his hands. On the left, he’s written ‘breathe in,’ on the right, ‘breathe out.’ Just in case he forgets.”

  Maddock laughed. “I thought it was bad that Bones has to make an L with his thumb and forefinger so he can remember which hand he...”