The Prince's Shadows

by Seoran Worg

  The smell of foreign perfume is cloying in the room. I lead the prince past the scented candles’ shelve to the book category. Here, smell of new and old book mixed. I love this smell. I browse the shelf and see that there are many new books from the west. I cannot hold back my smile. I pick one and read it briefly.

  “You can read that?” Prince Lex is peering into my book. I know it is uncommon to know Westerland language.

  “Yes, your…” he puts his finger in my lips.

  “Lex, remember?” he says.

  I nod and I feel blush creeping in my cheek. Never in my life has a man treated me like this, and a handsome one at that. He seems amused at my discomfort. He draws me near as if he wants to kiss me again. His face slowly comes down to take my mouth. I close my eyes tightly.

  Time tickles and I am waiting. But we are interrupted by coughing voice not far from us. I jump back and turn to see the source of that voice. I see Zeta stand near next shelf. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

  It has been such a long time since I see her face. Without thinking, I fly to her arm. It feels like ages since I say goodbye to her, before I went to Cursed Temple. I hug her tight and she does the same.

  After a while we let go of each other. I see Zeta’s gaze dart to the prince. I know what she tries to ask me, as if she says it out loud, Who is he?

  The prince understands what she meant too, “I am Malvin, my lady,” he says and nods curtly.

  Malvin? Of course he will not say his real name

  I never know this side of him. It seems he can be polite and humble too, even just a little.

  “Zeta Kim, my lord,” she looks at me to make sure that she gives the prince correct address and bows deeply.

  “You can talk with your friend,” he says to me and adds, “I will look around. Can you please tell me where you put weaponry here?” he asks Zeta.

  She shows him the way and he goes shortly after.

  “Who is he?” Zeta asks in whisper.

  “One of the royal,” I know she won’t believe me if I say otherwise. His face is too uncommon.

  “One of the empress many cousin?”

  I just nod.

  “He looks so familiar,” she shakes her head, “These royals, they are all so bloody handsome anyway,” there is glint in her eyes.

  Zeta takes me to one of the secluded storage room at the back of the shop. This is our usual spot when we want to be heard by the other. We sit on the top of boxes. It is dark here, the only light comes from small window on the wall.

  “Is he your lover?” she asks suspiciously.

  “He is just a friend,” I answer too fast.

  “Friend?” She is frowning now, “A kissing friend?”

  I open my mouth to deny but nothing comes out.

  “Oh forget it,” she sighs, “I know he is handsome, seems nice and all. I just wish you to be more careful. That’s all.”

  “I know,” I clasp her hand reassuringly, “How about your wedding?” I try to divert her attention from Prince Lex and I.

  There is flicker of sadness in her eyes but she says nothing. “Whatever happened?”

  She then tells me in calm even voice that their wedding will be postponed. She doesn’t know until when. She stares blankly ahead, her eyes bleak. Damien, her fiancé and my cousin, will go back to the war in the north like many others. Her profile is etched with sadness. I know her worries. It is a fear that it will be the last time. I take her hand and clench it tightly. I afraid we will lose the war this time.

  I ask her about the Uncle Yezi and my father.

  “Uncle, he went to Wienna. Since the river is port too dangerous now, so, our goods travelled through land. But it seems there are some problems too. Uncle won’t tell me, though.”

  I know what it is, the robbers. But I say nothing to Zeta.

  Oh, how sheltered we are.

  “As your father, he is more recluses now. I worry about him. Damien too.”

  My father is always like that. But no one can says or commands him to do anything. Even though he is not the leader of the clan, after Damien father, his cousin, died five years ago, he is the eldest on the clan now. And many of his brothers and cousins perish in the Varr war nine teen years ago. Damien father, my father and two other cousins are the only survivor in that war.

  I let out small sigh.

  What I can do about it? None is the answer.

  I force myself to smile, “Damien and you. I’m mighty curious, for it’s hard to believe he asked for your hand.”

  She smiles, her impish smile, “Actually, I am the one who ask for his hand,” she says with a glee.

  “You can’t be.” I know I must be look so horrified now.

  “Why you so shocked? You know I love him for long time.”

  “It’s not love. It’s a mere fancy…”

  “What do you know about it?” she looks at me sharply, “Oh, Ava, don’t say you’re in love with him,” she scolds me.

  “No, of course…”

  “Oh, you’re too green and too damn innocence,” she says exasperated.

  “And you are not?” I ask in return. My eyes must be so round now.

  I see her blush deeply.

  “But I am different. We will get married soon, besides, I am older than you,” she says in defense.

  Not much, just less half a year, but she always mothering me.

  It finally, time to say goodbye lest I will make Prince Lex angry.

  “Oh, I still miss you so much,” I hug her tightly.

  True to my worry, Prince Lex already looks annoyed. I see he buy a lot of things. The servant piles it up in boxes. When the servant offers to send it to his house, Prince Lex says that his own servant will pick it up later. I can’t imagine what their reaction if Prince Lex says, yes, please send it to the palace. For I am sure they don’t know who he is save Zeta. They might suspect that he is a royal but one can’t be too sure about it.

  I can’t stop my amusement. The prince turns and looks at me oddly. Hastily, I bow hiding my face lest I make him angry again.

  Maybe if I left him an hour more, he will buy the whole shop.

  Prince Lex finishes his purchase shortly and we ready to depart back to the palace. I can see that his mood is better now, not annoyed anymore.

  As I start to mount my horse.

  “Ava!” I hear Zeta’s voice. She runs fast with a bundle in her hand. It is look like a buddle full of books.

  “An early name day present,” she says.

  My name day, I completely forgot about it. It seems not important nowadays. Our family never celebrates it anyway, for it is also my mother memorial day. Only Zeta makes a fuss about it.

  Genuine smile spreads in my face. I hug Zeta again and say my thanks.

  Oh, I really miss this. I really miss her.

  With a lot of new books bundled in my saddle bag, we ride back to the palace. One of the things Prince Lex buys is a new type of weapon, it is like bow and arrow but made from iron and has more power. Maybe this one is Prince Wang’s fire arrow from the west.

  We ride slowly outside the city until we draw near the mountain, and houses are sparse again. At the crossroad, near the base of the mountain, Prince Lex give signal to go to the south instead of going to the southeast which is the way to the Varan Castle and the palace.

  “Let’s have a race!” he shouts and kicks his heel, going fast to the south.

  I am following behind, try to pace my horse as fast as possible. Trees are past in blur in shades of green. Wind is blasting hard in my face and left a dusty road behind. We are following the winding road along the Varan Valley to the meadow below. The feel of the wind and the smell of the flowers, this is taste of freedom.

  Tall grass waits us below, it looks like dancing ribbons following the breeze. I know this valley very well. My cousins, Zeta and I always had an outing there once a month between Spring and Fall, an ages ago.

  When I arrive there, the prince h
as been there for some time, mounted in his horse looking down to the meadow. He is good rider, try as I might but I still fall far behind. I slow down my horse into a canter. And stop under the big oak tree, following Prince Lex suit. We stay there for a while, then going back to the palace.

  On the way back, we go at a leisure pace. He tells me that they –Prince Lex, Ryn and Malvin– loved to slip out the palace in their younger day.

  “Of course, Larra want to join too. But we often left her out.” From the tone of his voice, I know that he cherish this memory.

  And I dare to ask, “Isn’t it cruel to left someone behind?” I often left behind when I was a child too. The cursed eyes, the memory haunt me still.

  Instead of anger, amusement is plastered in his face, “Is that so? Maybe… but no boy of ten wants their seven years sister to tag along. She was a haughty child besides,” he pauses and adds with warm smile, “Now too, I think.”

  “I can imagine Princess Larra must be very vexed.”

  “Maybe…” He smiles a wry smile, “We actually always left Ryn to deal with her.”

  So that is why those two seems so close.

  …More like brother than my own… Those words, I remember them still.

  Prince Lex asks me about my life before Varan Castle and palace. He seems fascinated with my ability in foreign language.

  “You learn it by yourself, truly?”

  “Yes, your highness. I want to meet one of those Westlander but as your highness now I can’t find them here.”

  “Maybe I should invite them. And those arrow too. Maybe we can learn one or two thing from them,” he says solemnly.

  I look at him closely. He does look different, and he look more open minded than I thought.

  Time pass by faster. And now we are already in front of the palace gate with its dragon and eagle. The prince demeanor changes back to his stern face, his mouth and jaw taut. The guard opens the gate for us. We dismount swiftly and give the horse to the servants.

  “Don’t forget tomorrow morning, my lady,” he says coldly. He is Lex the Prince now, there is no trace of the carefree young man that share childhood memory with me before.

  I nod and bow to him and excuse myself before go back to my room.

  I hope when we train together tomorrow I meet Lex the man instead Lex the prince.

  ***

  Today’s court pass in blur, my mind is wandering out of this room and palace, to the meadow in Varan Valley. These last few weeks, Prince Lex and I went there for a ride twice a week. And what happened there makes me flush just by thinking about it, his kisses and caresses. He so gently and warm out there, gone his usual stern face and perpetual anger. I still remember how it started, we sat under a big oak tree and eat bread with butter cream on top of it as a late breakfast. There must be cream left on my lips, he gingerly wiped it with his finger and I could see his eyes changed to smoky grey when he drew near. In place of his finger his lips descended, it soft and warm. I feel his tongue darted, licked the corner of my mouth…

  “Auch…” Marie pulls my hand strongly. Luckily, no one notice my foolishness.

  “What were you thinking?” she asks in whisper.

  I shake my head. I still feel heat in my cheek. I must be blushing red now.

  She nods to the west, to direction of new messenger. I don’t know when he came to the room but he is already kneeling below the throne. And he starts to deliver the message from the north. My heart is beating faster now. Color is draining from my face. Please Gods, not him. I feel the air rushed back to my lung.

  Thanks Gods.

  I raise my gaze to the empress to see how she reacts about the new about her husband, her second husband. But whatever feeling she has, she masks it well. She sits there poised, cold and unfeeling.

  “Send the healer there,” she says coldly, “Is that all?” She asks the messenger.

  I can’t help but thinking, is she really don’t care about her husband? He is in the brink of death now. Or she will weep later when no one looking?

  I can imagine what will happen if Princess Larra here. With the news of the lost battle, she will demand to be sent to the north like she always do these last few weeks. But the empress had enough of her demands, she sent her to the west to apprehend the robbers in the midland, instead of to the north as she wishes. It has been three days since she were gone. She is brave girl and beautiful too. But for the life of me, I can bring myself to like her.

  ***

  Another dawn, another morning, another new day, the early summer heat is creeping into my skin. Sky above is so blue with no cloud floating around. The servant is filling the wooden bathtub at the corner of the room.

  I let out a sigh softly. Yesterday, I heard the news that Damien will lead our clan troops to the north. I can feel Zeta’s despair and worry. Will he be alright? Will they all be alright?

  “My lady, your bath is ready,” says the servant, breaking my reverie.

  I wait until she leaves me alone and then shred my clothes, then dip my body to the warm water.

  I love this rose water.

  My ache body easy immediately. It is my training wound, for I determined to master the sword fight. I am still bad but at least, I am improving. I wish this water can wash away what inside too, both the pain and the guilt.

  I scrub my skin softly. Then, I drown myself in the tepid water, clearing my mind. I emerge immediately, out of breath. Enjoying the warmth that fled my skin, my mind drifts back to the prince. He is restless these days, his temper has been bad again since the news of our lost in the north. In time like this, the gentle and sweet man is gone. And in his stead is the stern and cold prince.

  I shouldn’t dally in my bath longer. I shouldn’t make him waiting for me in the training room, but I dread his burst of anger like he wont to do these days. Hesitantly, I step out my bath and call the servant to help me dress.

  After the servant finished with my braid, I go to the training room. Prince Lex not here yet however. My muscle relaxed, I hadn’t realized I hold it until now.

  I decided to start my meditation alone. I take my stance in the center of the room, facing the window basking the warmth of the sunlight. Few minutes later, I heard his footstep drawing near. I know it is him, his steps are sure and steady. But I keep my stance and my back on him, and continuing my meditation.

  I feel him, he stand right behind me. I feel the heat of his body. Maybe it is time to acknowledge him. I start to turn around but he stops me, and hugging me from behind.

  “Please, stay like this,” he says softly and then he rest his head on my shoulder. We stand like that for a while.

  “You smell good,” he rasps.

  “My pri–”

  “Shush…” he cuts me. I feel he hug me tighter.

  “I will go north,” he whispers.

  “How about the empress?” I turn my head and search his eyes. Our gaze locked.

  “I don’t care,” he said hotly. He then takes my lips harshly. I feel anger and frustration in his kiss. I try to calm him with my kiss. He gentled a little and his hands start to wander.

  I should stop him, servants will see and they will talk.

  “Brother,” Princess Larra’s cold voice breaks our kiss.

  He releases me from his strong arm and whirled back to face his sister.

  “The two of you is getting closer, I see,” she said in calm calculating tone.

  “Why are you here?” Prince Lex shouts back.

  “Sorry brother, if I know about the two of you. I will choose another time,” she said mockingly. “I will go to the north,” she pauses then adds, “I want you go with me.”

  “You? No, sis–”

  “Listen to me,” she cuts him, “I’ve sent letters to ones that been seen to chase the lost soul. They will join me to the north. I need your help brother. Tell the court. Tell the Ministers. We need their support, their clan and soldiers to come with us.”

  “Support?
Those Ministers? They will send me to hell instead!” he roars. “I will go. I don’t need their support,” he says stubbornly.

  “Alone?” she asks incredulously. “Those ministers, yes, some of them want us death. But the others, they’ll support you. You’re the Varr. Their master!”

  “You give too much faith on them.”

  “I have to,” she says resignedly. “I am waiting for you at court tomorrow. Do come, brother.”

  She direct her gaze to me, looking straight to my eyes, “You too, it’s time to see the result of your so called training. You’ll go with us to the north.”

  Then, I remember this is why I can’t bring myself to like her.

  I let out a soft sigh. She doesn’t even wait for my answer. She already walks to the door.

  Chapter 11

  I sit on the dark, the cold from the marble floor crawling up to my body. Looking around, I see half-circle block of stone, stacked into a stair in front of me, on top of it, a huge chair stand with golden dragon and silver eagle on its armrest. Light comes from afar, blocked by the chair, and makes lines of rays in soft golden glow.

  Then, I see the outline of golden crown, it lies atop of soft snowy white hair, and her cold face is half obscured by the shadow. Suddenly, rays hit her crown, it sparkling and blinding me. I try to gulp an air but failed. My throat is hurting, and my collar tightened around my neck. It is tightening some more. I am clawing my neck and collar, willing it go desperately. I cannot take a breath. My muscle numb and my lung are burning.

  This is a dream, it must be dream.

  I feel rush of air come so sudden. And I wake up with a start.

  This is a dream, just a dream.

  I sit on my bed, still gasping for air. I feel cold sweats all over my body. I get off my bed, then walking to the window. It is deathly silent tonight. I hop on window sill, and see half-moon is high on the purplish blue sky. A summer night, it is hard to see a trace of the holy fire’s light up there. The only hint is faint green color merge into the dark blue sky, here and there. In one moment, it is completely gone and reappeared a moment later.

  It was only dream, dream that often visits me in the death of the night, at least today, it is not the other dream. I don’t want to think about it but the vision come unbidden. I can see it very clearly, the vast dusty field, and the deafening sound of hundreds hoof beats, and there, at the center of all, I can see the blue sky reflected on your sightless stare. I try to block that vision. No, I won’t think about it, it is just dream, nothing bad will happen.