If I Loved You Less

by Tamsen Parker

  Leaning over the counter as far as she could without actually falling onto the other side, Theo kicked her feet where they hung in the air while she hollered. “Kini! Your favorite customer is here.”

  There was some noise from the back, including some unimpressed grumbling, and then a kid in an apron stumbled through the open doorframe. She shouldn’t call Bobby a kid because they were about the same age, but whereas Theo ran her household and most of Sullivan’s Surf Emporium, Bobby couldn’t seem to manage much of anything. Not even his hair, which was sticking out like a bunch of mangrove roots from underneath the backward hat he had on.

  “Hey, Theo. What’s up?”

  He offered her a high-five across the counter, which she accepted. Bobby was a good guy, if not the brightest bulb in the box. “Hey, Bobby. Is Kini around?”

  Bobby blushed; she could see it even underneath the tan he’d earned from going out on his board almost every day for years, same as she had. “She is. She said I should deal with you.”

  That didn’t sound like Kini at all, unless she was in a really foul mood, and anything that would have Kini in that foul of a mood surely Theo would’ve heard about already.

  “Oh, and she was up to her elbows in sweet bread dough.”

  That sounded more like it. “Well, then, I guess you’ll get to meet the new girl in town first. Bobby, this is Laurel. Laurel, Bobby.”

  Fifteen seconds of awkward silence passed. Laurel and Bobby were shaking hands…still, because seriously, she’d introduced them, like, forever ago. And they were looking at each other as if… Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

  Okay, so maybe helping Laurel find a job hadn’t been the only part of her plan. It wasn’t super-often they got new people on the island and even less often that people ended up staying. But she had high hopes for Laurel, oh yes, she did. And it was not going to be ruined by her getting involved with Bobby Martin of all people.

  Bobby was…fine. But Laurel could do so much better. So Theo nudged her in the ribcage to end the mother of all handshakes. Her sharp elbow did indeed put a stop to the nonsense, and then she slipped an arm through Laurel’s so she could order lunch. Mostly Queen’s was a bakery, but they did some midday business in sandwiches, and it had been at least a week since Theo had had her fave, which was practically unheard of. Who even was she?

  “We’ll take two of the Theo special.”

  “That’s—”

  “It’s totally a thing, don’t even start with me.” Just because it wasn’t on the board with the other specials didn’t mean it wasn’t a thing. If anything, it was a secret special, and that made it even more exclusive and cooler. Theo closed her eyes and raised her voice. “Isn’t the Theo special a thing, Kini? Tell your man here it’s a thing.”

  From the back, the sweet low melody of Kini’s voice drifted out, much like the aroma of whatever she was probably pulling from the ovens between making biscuits. “Make her the sandwich, Bobby. Ham, pickled mango, and coconut slaw on sweet bread. Side of taro chips.”

  Bobby made a face, and Theo stuck her tongue out at him. “Two, please. And hurry, I’m starving.”

  Again with the face. Why did he have to look like that? Her sandwich was amazing, and it’s not like he had to eat it anyway. It would be wasted on him. But Bobby wasn’t looking at her anymore, he was looking at Laurel.

  “You sure you want to eat that? I can make you something else if you—”

  “Of course she’s sure. Aren’t you, Laurel?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’ll have the Theo special. It sounds really good.”

  Theo smiled smugly at Bobby and then shooed him off because her stomach was grumbling now and that wouldn’t do.

  She led Laurel to one of the few tables in the place and sat, the wood chair scraping against the checkered linoleum as she scooted it into the diner-style table. The mismatched furniture in this place should’ve looked ridiculous, but somehow Kini had managed to make it look charming instead of like she’d run out of money at the thrift shop and had basically been salvaging pieces from all over town.

  Laurel took a seat in the metal patio chair on the other side of the table and folded her hands over the stack of résumés. “So do you think you’ll have any hours for me? Or maybe know someplace else I might be able to get a job? Because—”

  “Yeah, yeah. We’ll find you a job. But first things first. Were you flirting with Bobby?”

  Laurel’s face lit up like she was a squirrel with Christmas lights in her cheeks, and her eyes widened. “Oh my god. Was it that obvious that I thought he was cute?”

  “Only to me. I’m kind of the town matchmaker.” Laurel looked impressed as Theo confided in her. “I can pretty much claim responsibility for at least three marriages. Which is partially why I would urge you”—Theo glanced behind the counter to make sure Bobby was out of earshot—“not to start anything with Bobby. He’s nice enough, but really, you could do so much better. Let me see who I can come up with for you. There aren’t a ton of eligible bachelors around, but… Oh, do you only date men, or women, too?”

  “I’ve only ever had boyfriends, but…” Laurel blinked and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I haven’t thought about it all that much. But guys, yes, definitely.”

  Cool. Maybe best to stick to dudes for now since frankly there were more of them. Though if Laurel hadn’t considered all her options, it might be best to offer myriad possibilities. After all, the whole point of coming to Hanalei was to take a break and get away from expectations—what better time to say fuck heteronormative bullshit? Oh, yes, this was going to be super-fun. Theo’s stomach growled again, and she was about to shout for Bobby and ask where their sandwiches were when he hustled out of the back, a woven basket in each hand, lined with wax paper and the best sandwich on Earth nestled in a bed of taro chips.

  “Dig in,” Theo instructed. As she and Laurel worked on devouring their Theo specials, the matchmaking wheels in Theo’s mind started turning. Oh, how she loved a project.

  Chapter Three

  After doing her very good deeds for the day—convincing her father they needed a part-time helper so Laurel had some employment and then sweet-talking Jasmine at the café into giving Laurel another part-time job—Theo stopped back by Queen’s, where Kini was wiping off the long glass cases displaying her wares. After a full day, the cases were half-empty. And when Kini glanced over her shoulder and saw Theo coming in, they got emptier still.

  Without even asking, she walked around the counter and put a piece of haupia shortbread on a plate and poured a small cup of milk, placing them in front of Theo as she settled herself across the table where Theo had plopped. In return, Theo bussed Kini’s soft cheek.

  “My dad would kill you if he knew how often you give me sweets.” Theo’s conspiratorial smile was met by Kini’s own. It was funny that so often Kini thought—and made it abundantly clear that she thought—Theo’s dad was too lax with her, too permissive. Spoiled, she’d call Theo and make that purse-lipped expression while she shook her head slightly. But when it came to baked goods, Kini was far more liberal than Theo’s father.

  “You have a cookie or a malasada here a couple of times a week. After all the surf lessons you teach, the way you go out on your board most every morning, and all the running around town you do getting into everyone’s business, I think you can handle a sweet or two. But don’t tell your dad, okay? I value the respect he has for me and wouldn’t want it undone by the fact that I ply you with sugar, butter, and gluten occasionally.”

  Theo nodded, happily crunching on her shortbread. She didn’t only come here for the baked goods, but Kini knew that. Kini knew everything. It was just one of those things that was true. Like the sun came up in the east and the ocean was salty, Kini knew everything. All those things had been true since Theo was born, and she didn’t see them changing any time soon.

  While Theo munched, Kini sat there. She must be tired after a long day. Theo saw the lights on at Queen’s most mornings w
hen she headed out on the early waves, but Kini never seemed in a hurry when Theo came by. No, she always sat for a bit, her silvering-black hair either still in its bun or rolling down her back in big curls, depending on what part of closing up Theo had interrupted. Today it was still up and Kini’s apron was still on, so it was early yet.

  “I hear you’ve got a new friend.”

  At the mention of Laurel, Theo perked up. Chasing the latest bite of shortbread with a swig of milk, she nodded. “I do. And if you hadn’t been so busy when we came by for lunch, you could’ve met her. She’s darling.”

  “Yeah?” One of Kini’s eyebrows cocked up in skepticism, and Theo returned it with a scowl.

  “Yeah. She’s adorable. Her name’s Laurel and she dropped out of school and her parents were ripshit, so she kind of ran away from home and decided to come here for a while. She’s going to help me in the store, and I got her a job waitressing at Jasmine’s.”

  “Is that all?”

  Shit. Kini knew her far too well.

  “I may have started thinking about who she could date. I mean, it’s not like we get non-tourist blood so often around here. She’s fresh meat, and she’s legit cute so I don’t think her single status will last. I just have to figure out who I should get her together with.”

  Kini tapped on the top of the table with a fingertip, not looking at Theo for a second, and she took the opportunity to shove the rest of the shortbread in her mouth. She could’ve savored it, but like Kini said, it wasn’t like she was going to stop letting her snag something from the leftovers for the day or begging a donut or a muffin on her way home from the beach. So she washed it down with a gulp of milk and waited for what Kini was going to say, because she was going to have something to say.

  They were family by marriage—with Kini’s younger brother, Kai, having married Theo’s older sister, Eliza—but that had been almost a formality. Their families had been close for Theo’s whole life, and she’d heard tell that had been the case even before she’d been born. She had no reason to doubt it. Kini was somewhere in between an older sister and a parent to her, but as Theo so often reminded her, she was, in fact, neither.

  Kini looked up then, and Theo could feel it in the air. Kini’s judgment was about to be passed. “It was a nice thing you did to help Laurel get jobs.”

  A little ball of pleasure turned over in Theo’s stomach, right next to the crumbs of the shortbread. She knew she’d done a good thing, but it seemed extra real now that Kini had acknowledged it. The praise Kini handed out was more valuable than other people’s, and it made her feel special and proud. The little glowy ball was not a big glowy ball, though, because she anticipated a “but” coming. She wasn’t disappointed.

  “But I feel like you’re being a bit overzealous about her romantic prospects. The poor girl hasn’t even been here a week, for goodness sake. Maybe let her meet some people and then decide if she’d like to go out with anyone. How normal people do.”

  “Normal people only do that because they have to. Nobody likes doing that. Besides, she seemed excited when I told her that I’m kind of known as the town matchmaker.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Yes, I am,” insisted Theo, jabbing a finger toward Kini’s doubtful face. “I’m the reason Jim and Charlotte got married. And I was the one who introduced Tom and Keith. Remember them?”

  “The guys who’d been left at the altar by their fiancés and came on their honeymoons solo? Yes, I remember them. But what are you talking about? I don’t remember them getting married.”

  “Ugh, you’re so old-fashioned. They didn’t get married, but they, you know, dated while they were here.”

  “You mean they fucked the pain away?”

  “Kini! First sweets and now swearing? My dad is definitely never letting me near your den of iniquity ever again.”

  Across the table, Kini scoffed. “As if your father has ever forbidden you from doing anything. You’re the most spoiled girl in the whole Pacific.”

  Deep in her chest, Theo’s heart clutched, because there was really only one thing her father had forbidden her from doing. No big-wave surfing because that was how her mother had died and no way was he giving up any more beloved family members to the ocean.

  One might’ve wondered why he stayed on Kauai instead of moving to some landlocked state like Oklahoma—certainly the trust he’d inherited from his parents would’ve made that possible—but Mr. Sullivan was a homebody. It had been bad enough when Theo’s gorgeous mother had enchanted him, lured him away from his tenure-track position as a history professor at UCLA, and dragged him out here. But he’d come for love, and look how that had ended up. The land the shop was on was valuable, but could money ever make up for losing a wife and raising two daughters on your own? No, he was never going anywhere, ever again. Which would also explain why he wasn’t so keen on marriage. Love made people irrational. On the plus side, both Theo and Eliza had aced the AP US History test without having to study at all.

  Kini hadn’t meant anything by calling her spoiled, though, and from the sickly cast her brown cheeks had taken on, Kini knew she’d poked one of Theo’s few sore spots.

  “I only meant to point out that just because you were nearby when these things happened doesn’t make you responsible for them, for good or ill. Correlation does not equal causation.” Kini gestured with her work-roughened hands, holding one up at shoulder-level on one side, and the other hand on the other, like she was a human scale. “See? Here’s you, over here, and here are your supposed victims, over here. You didn’t have anything to do with either of those things happening.”

  “I did so.”

  Theo’s mutter was met by a snort, and Kini reached a hand over and ruffled her messy hair. “So who did you have in mind for your little friend? Bobby was quite taken with her.”

  “Ugh, I know.”

  “What do you mean, ugh? Bobby is a nice boy.”

  Theo flopped, her limbs sprawling dramatically to the sides of the chair. “Nice? I mean, yeah, I guess. But he’s not very good-looking. And his prospects are… He works in a bakery, Kini.”

  “Yes, he works in my bakery. What are you trying to say? Am I just a baker? No wonder you’ve never tried to set me up with anyone.”

  Well, that was patently ridiculous. And judging by the saucy look on Kini’s face, she was teasing, but Theo answered anyhow. “You don’t only work in the bakery, Kini. You own it. That’s different. And I’ve never tried to set you up because you’re never getting married. We’re going to grow into spinsterhood together. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I think maybe Brock Ashley over at the Grand Cliffs Resort. He’s handsome, has good manners, he’s decent on a surfboard, and he makes pretty good bank being the manager. That’s the kind of guy Laurel should be going for.”

  Again, Kini with her eyebrows. What was wrong with Brock?

  “Your friend Brock is never going to settle for someone like Laurel. I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but you know he’s a social climber. Not so much interested in the locals because he’s sure he can do better, and he’s always flirting with the women who are here for bachelorette weekends or divorce parties or whatever. Mark my words, he’s a gold digger, and he’s not going to want to be with someone who can’t increase his social standing or his bank accounts.”

  “We’ll just have to see about that, now won’t we?”

  Kini pushed up from the table, her thick forearms flexing with the muscles she’d earned from hours upon hours of kneading dough, and untied her apron, flicking it at Theo. “I guess we will. Now go home to your father before he starts calling around the whole town looking for you.”

  Shit, Kini was right. She had two minutes to hustle home before he started fretting. Theo popped up from the table, kissed Kini on her soft, flour-coated cheek, and headed out the door.

  “Thanks for the shortbread, see you tomorrow!”

  Theo didn’t see Kini the next day, though, because she was to
o busy trying to teach Laurel to surf. Or really, as it turned out, the most basic of the basics. Because Laurel barely knew how to swim. So Theo had opted for some conditioning after Laurel had freaked about going in past her armpits. And for looking reasonably in shape, the girl couldn’t run for shit. She could barely move before getting winded. Or at least that’s how it felt to Theo.

  “Come on,” she urged Laurel, who was huffing and puffing beside her, and then shortly, behind her. They hadn’t even gone a quarter mile and already Laurel was acting like she’d run a marathon.

  Laurel was flopped over at the waist, arms hanging toward the sand, breathing heavily, a sheen of sweat beading at her hairline. It was different to run on the sand in bare feet than on the pavement or a track in shoes—at least that’s what the mainlanders who Theo had schooled in races on the beach claimed. They always thought they could beat her, and maybe in a short race they could, but most of their land-loving legs gave out in middle and longer distances. The shifting, uneven ground did something to a person’s calves and quads and hamstrings and glutes that couldn’t be replicated on a treadmill or on city blocks.

  Theo slowed and waited for Laurel to catch up, bouncing back and forth on her feet. Apparently getting Laurel in fighting shape was going to take longer than she thought. That was okay; Theo was in this for the long haul. There weren’t so many girls her own age in town, and she wasn’t close with any of them. She’d always preferred the company of her dad and Charlotte to that of her peers. The closest she’d had to a real friend in school was Jessica, who was Beatrice’s niece. Jessica had effectively become Bea’s daughter after her parents had left her with Bea while they jaunted off for a long weekend in Vegas and had never come back.