Drive and Determination

by Louise, Kara

  A cold shiver passed through her, despite the warmth of the late afternoon. No, until she knew for a certainty who he really was, she would try to push aside all the thoughts and feelings that surfaced this past weekend towards him. She would return to her simple life in the Santa Ynez Valley and go on as if nothing ever happened between them.

  Chapter 18

  By the time Shelley arrived with the plate of food, Elyssa’s stomach was growling from hunger, although she really wasn’t sure if she felt like eating.

  Shelley brought the foil-covered plate inside and took it into the kitchen, placing it on the counter. Her eyes were downcast for a moment before she finally looked up at Elyssa.

  “I mentioned earlier that there was something I needed to tell you.”

  “Yes?”

  Shelley looked down at her hands wringing together nervously. When she finally looked up, her face was drawn with concern. “We were notified today of some pictures, Elyssa, that have appeared on an Internet site.”

  “Unfortunately, I know.”

  “You do?”

  Elyssa looked down and nodded. “I saw them.”

  Elyssa turned and walked over to the small table in the corner of the room. She began picking things up and rearranging them as if it was therapeutic for her. “I know it is best not to try and defend yourself when these things appear.” Elyssa let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Not that I am used to this type of thing.” She turned back and faced Shelley. “I know it doesn’t really matter, but the pictures and comments suggest a very evocative weekend rendezvous, when actually, nothing happened.

  Shelley stepped forward and grasped Elyssa’s hands. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, Elyssa. That’s not why I came over to tell you.”

  “But I feel as though I do need to explain! That’s why this is so frustrating! I want to tell everyone who sees those pictures and reads those captions that nothing happened between us!” Elyssa fought back the tears that welled up in her eyes.

  Shelley released Elyssa’s hands. “I told you how Will doesn’t tolerate gossip and I am sure he will be infuriated by the insinuations. He takes no pleasure in this invasion of privacy and I know he won’t be happy that people are getting the wrong impression about the two of you.”

  Elyssa’s eyes shot up and she bit her lip. Shaking her head slowly, she said, “No, he wouldn’t want that, would he?”

  “I know it sounds trite, Elyssa, but everyone will have forgotten about these pictures in a very short time. Something more titillating will come along and these will be history.”

  Elyssa brought her hand up to her forehead and pressed her fingers deeply where it pulsated with pain. “Perhaps.”

  “I just want to let you know that Pemberleo is very sorry that this happened.”

  Elyssa forced a smile. “Thanks. I don’t blame Pemberleo. It’s not really their fault.”

  Shelley took Elyssa’s hand. “Come sit down, Elyssa, and tell me what it was you wanted to talk with me about.”

  A wave of guilt swept over Elyssa as she realized that her problems had once again wiped Maria’s situation from her mind. They sat down and Elyssa proceeded to tell Shelley what Maria had told her.

  Shelley shook her head. “These young girls tend to latch on to any guy who pays attention to them. I didn’t know she had been seeing anyone. She was much closer to Janet. I’ll get together with her in a day or two to see how she’s doing and make sure she’s no longer holding on to any of those feelings of guilt. I can’t believe she’s blamed herself for so long.”

  “Thanks, Shelley.”

  “Sure. Let me know if you need anything else tonight. Otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  When Shelley left, Elyssa sat down to her plate of food. The enchiladas were delicious, but she could hardly bring herself to eat even half of what they had given her. She felt overwhelmed by a tumultuous gnawing and couldn’t reconcile anything that had transpired these past few days.

  Her eyes drifted over to the corner table. She shook her head as she contemplated how easily she could rearrange the objects on a table or on the wall to make them more pleasing, yet at the moment she had no idea how to arrange the events of this past week into any semblance of order. Without giving it a second thought, she could rearrange a display so that it evoked a sense of peace rather than chaos, yet she couldn’t arrange her thoughts and feelings so that they gave her even an iota of peace and harmony. She knew how to create a focal point in design, but knowing where and how to focus her thoughts on the man William Denton eluded her.

  *~*~*

  Elyssa awoke early the next morning with about as much anguish and inner turmoil as she had when she first arrived in Guatemala. But it was no longer because of losing her closest sister and friend. It was because she had allowed herself to fall for William Denton, a man she had once determined to loathe.

  She was all packed and sat in the living room waiting for the clock to strike seven. She knew that Will would be in his meeting and decided she would call at that time and leave a message for him, telling him that she had decided to fly out using her own ticket. He wouldn’t discover her change of plans until he got out of his meeting. By that time she would safely be in the boarding area at the airport where he would not be allowed to go.

  Elyssa closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She knew she was taking the easy way out, but she didn’t even know what she would say if she had to make explanations to him. She was angry with him that he felt it was his duty to do things like interfering with Chad’s decision to marry Janet, yet she couldn’t dismiss what he had been like at the lake. How could she clearly explain to him her reasons for refusing his offer to fly her home in his jet when everything seemed so muddled?

  Elyssa leaned her head back in the chair, but the last thing she wanted to do was sit. With each tick of the clock, her mind played the events of last night over and over. When Will left, he kissed her cheek. Without thinking, she reached up with her fingers and touched the area his lips had left their lasting imprint.

  She thought about Maria, who had practically collapsed in Elyssa’s arms as she blamed herself for Janet’s death. Elyssa didn’t understand all the details, but she hoped Shelley would see to it that she no longer carried around this false sense of guilt.

  Elyssa dropped her head into her hands. False sense of guilt! Ever since Janet and Chad’s deaths, she had clung tenaciously to a false sense of blame directed at Will. She knew now how foolish she had been. Their deaths were no more his fault than they were Maria’s fault.

  She admitted to herself that she had been wrong. But she couldn’t dismiss George’s startling accusation that Will tried to talk Chad out of marrying Janet. She closed her eyes as she considered what all she did not know about Will. Were there other things he had done as president of Pemberleo that made people sacrifice what was truly important to them?

  She had spent the past two years harboring feelings of loathing and disdain for the man and his driven, controlling ways. Those feelings all seemingly vanished after spending less than a week with him in an exotic locale and seeing a kind and caring side of him. Which man was he? Was he the man she had just been with or the man she had known him to be all along. There was an unanswerable question that loomed ominously over her. Was this past weekend with him a side of his true character or merely an uncharacteristic display that was rarely exhibited?

  To make matters even more convoluted, there were those incriminating pictures from the Internet. She knew Will was a man whose face might be recognizable to those who ravenously devour every word and scrutinize every picture of those deemed noteworthy. She would have never dreamed that their taking shelter in a hotel for the night -- in separate rooms -- would be shown for all the world to see. She only hoped the pictures would never appear in a magazine.

  Her thoughts went back to Will telling her there were some things he wanted to talk with her about on the jet. She closed her eyes as she recalled how his eyes
had searched her face, as if hoping for some sort of encouragement. A small smile had appeared just before he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

  Elyssa shook her head determinedly as thoughts of her father intruded in her mind. From that first meeting with Will, she had considered him to be very much like her father’s boss, who stole precious time away from her father that could have been spent with her and her family. She could not allow herself to fall for someone like him!

  Elyssa let out a huff of exasperation, as she considered Will to be more of an enigma than ever.

  Elyssa’s breath faltered as tears filled her eyes. She knew something had happened between them; something unlike anything she had ever felt before. Her chest tightened as she realized those few days with Will would most likely have to be relegated to a cherished memory to warm her winter years. Some day she would be able to look back and laugh at her folly and be thankful she did not succumb to him. In years to come she would see that he was very much the dictatorial man she once thought him to be.

  At about twenty minutes past seven, Elyssa summoned the courage and made the call she was dreading. A secretary dutifully took the message, asking Elyssa for more details than she was willing to give.

  “Please express my thanks to Mr. Denton for his generous offer to fly me home on his jet,” she told her. “But I must decline. I will be flying home on my scheduled flight. Shelley Walker is driving me to the airport in a few minutes.”

  “Is there anything wrong?” the woman asked.

  “No, there’s nothing wrong. Please, just tell Mr. Denton I am grateful for all he did for me while I was here.”

  Elyssa then gave instructions to have the items that Manuel had picked up the day before shipped to her home C.O.D.

  When Elyssa replaced the phone on its base, she fought back the tears that were threatening. Looking around her, she knew she had to say goodbye. But it was more than just a goodbye to her sister.

  *~*~*

  The drive to the airport produced much anxiety for Elyssa, as they seemed to hit every red light, and at some points the drive proceeded at a crawl. Looking several times at her watch, Shelley reassured her that they would get to the airport in time and she wouldn’t miss her flight.

  A weak smile was directed at Shelley, as Elyssa’s only concern was when Will might be told about her decision and what he would do about it.

  They finally arrived at the airport and Shelley pulled up to the front. Once she had pulled her baggage from the car, Elyssa leaned in to Shelley and gave her a hug, thanking her for everything she had done to make her visit more pleasant. They exchanged farewells and then Elyssa turned to look at the crowd of people making their way into the Guatemala City airport. Her thoughts assessed the possibly that by now Will probably knew that she had decided to fly home on her own.

  As she walked into the crowded check-in area, a wave of uneasiness passed through her stomach; this time it was not due to something she ate. She glanced about her for her airline’s ticket counter and then was dismayed to see that it had the most people in line.

  She turned to look again toward the doors where people were coming in and leaving the airport. This area was not confined to passengers only and she knew Will could easily find her here -- if he even chose to come.

  Taking only a few tiny steps in the line as it slowly moved forward, she wished the checking in process would progress more rapidly. Her only consolation was that once she was past the security gate, Will would not be able to reach her.

  She looked around at the other airline check-in counters and wished she hadn’t booked on one of the larger airlines. If she was flying out on a smaller airline, she would have been checked in and walking toward her gate by now -- out of Will’s reach.

  For her own peace of mind, she decided to keep her eyes toward the counter. He has no reason to come, she told herself. He’s probably grateful I’m out of his hair.

  When she finally reached the counter, the agent did not seem to sympathize at all with Elyssa’s desire to rush. Her flight was now a little less than an hour away and everything he did seemed to progress in slow motion.

  When she finally had her boarding pass in hand, she rushed to the security gate, keeping her eyes directed straight ahead of her. Just a few more steps, she reassured herself.

  She put her purse and small carry-on bag upon the moving ramp that would take them through the x-ray and awaited her turn to walk through the security check. Her heart pounded as the gentleman ahead of her set off the alarm. He searched his pockets, pulling out some loose change and walked through again. It was finally Elyssa’s turn and without even a backwards glance, she stepped through, quickly picking up her things. She had finally made it!

  She looked at the myriad of signs ahead of her for her gate number. Turning in the direction the arrow indicated, she quickly set off and didn’t stop walking until she was there.

  Elyssa took a seat away from other waiting passengers gathered for the flight. She wished to be left alone; preferring to lose herself in a book. As she attempted to concentrate on the words written on the page, voices filled her ears as people walked past her, conversing with one another or on their cell phones. It was like a dull hum as the foreign words meant little to her. Occasionally, she would hear a word she recognized in Spanish or someone walked past speaking English, but very little registered -- much like the written words her eyes scanned on the pages of the book in front of her.

  She felt her eyes sting from the tears that were trying to push their way to the surface.

  Why did I have to fall for such a man? The thought came with no warning; her cheeks flushed and her heart picked up its pace.

  Her trembling hands formed into fists as George’s words suddenly came to her. I knew you were too smart to fall for a man like him. He’s a manipulator and thrives on control. Look at how he tried to keep Chad from marrying your sister.

  How dare he interfere like that! she thought. Chad and Janet loved each other very much!

  A yawn brought Elyssa’s hand up to cover her mouth and for the first time this morning, her body reminded her just how tired she was. Last night afforded her very little sleep as her mind and heart fought for any sort of answer. I am right in doing this, she reassured herself. I am right!

  Elyssa directed her eyes back to her book and tried to begin to read again. She had to reread each paragraph several times before she was able to tend to the words. Her mind insisted on diverting her thoughts to Will.

  With each recollection of his uncharacteristic acts of kindness, his smile, his arms around her, the kiss he gently placed on her cheek, she forced herself to remember his acts of manipulation. She could not help but question his total focus on business and how his actions took Janet away. She recalled the wedding reception two years ago when she overheard his words about her. She thought back to his eulogy for Chad and how cold and unfeeling he was.

  Elyssa took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She felt them grow watery and she lifted a hand to gently wipe them away. No, she told herself. He is not the kind of man with whom I would want to be involved.

  When she opened her eyes, she noticed someone standing in front of her.

  She did not need to look up to see who it was. She could tell by the expertly tailored designer suit. Her heart pounded mercilessly as she forced herself to look up.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked meekly.

  She could see him strive for control as his jaw tightened. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

  “Didn’t you get my message? Oh, I guess you must have received my message for you to be here. I decided it would be best to use my own ticket and I really didn’t want to inconvenience you or for you to go out of your way.” Elyssa knew she was rambling and found it difficult to look him in the eye.

  Will looked at her incredulously and seemed to measure each word he spoke. “Don’t you think I should be the one to determine whether or not flying you home on my jet was an in
convenience?”

  Elyssa could see fire in his eyes, but it was coupled with something else that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Whatever that was, it made her feel vulnerable. To arm herself against such feelings, she quickly stood to her feet, crossing her arms tightly in front of her.

  “Your offer to fly me home was generous and I thank you. But I cannot accept it.”

  “May I ask why?”

  Elyssa drew in a deep breath while she formulated her answer. “Will, you must have known what my opinion of you was when you first arrived here. I certainly did not keep it hidden from you. In fact, my opinion of you had been formed when we first met at Janet and Chad’s wedding rehearsal two years ago.”

  The expression on Will’s face did not change. “Go on.”

  Elyssa glanced down, unable to meet his piercing eyes. “I saw evidence of a man consumed by his work, manipulative, and uncaring for the feelings of others.”

  “Did you really?” Will’s voice shook with the anger and hurt coursing through him.

  Elyssa nodded and looked up slowly. “I will admit that over the course of the week, my opinion of you did improve, and I confess I no longer hold you to blame for Chad and Janet’s deaths.”

  “How very generous of you!” Will huffed out.

  Elyssa’s heart pounded wildly in her chest as she considered her next words. “I am grateful for all you did this past week.”

  “Grateful?” he asked in disbelief.

  “Yes,” she answered determinedly. “I am grateful, but I think it would be best if we went our separate ways.”

  “Am I entitled to any explanation for this decision?” he demanded.

  Elyssa looked down and then back at him. “Some things have come to light that have me wondering, Will, if my opinion of you was correct in the first place!”

  “You mean your opinion that I am consumed by work, uncaring, and manipulative?”

  Elyssa nodded slowly. “I’ve seen too many men who think of nothing but their careers. My father’s boss was one and his unreasonable demands literally killed my father!”