Four Meaningful Words

by A. M. Guilliams

  Leaning into him, I brushed his lips with my own. I couldn’t walk away from him without one more kiss. I couldn’t let us end without remembering the way his lips felt as they moved across mine.

  He paused for a brief second before he kissed me back. Our lips moved so gently against each other’s as we relished in the last intimate moment we’d share. Before I could regret never saying what I felt in this moment, I pulled back, breathless, the way he’d always left me when we ended a kiss, and said what I wanted at this moment.

  “Make love to me one last time, Austin,” I whispered before I leaned in for another kiss.

  He wrapped his arms around me and held me against him as his mouth devoured my own. The tip of his tongue ran across my top lip, causing shivers to move up my spine. He sought entry, and I didn’t deny him. I opened my mouth and gave him the entry he sought. He tasted of chocolate and wine, and I deepened the kiss, not wanting to leave a trace of the sweetness behind.

  He pulled back and looked at me, questioning with his eyes if this was what I truly wanted before he spoke the words.

  “Are you sure, Liz?”

  “Very,” I replied before I moved back and placed my hand on the counter and pushed myself up so I could stand. Holding out my hand, I helped him up from the floor and linked my fingers with his. One more time of holding his hand, a gesture that always calmed me and gave me comfort.

  I led him the short distance to our bed and stopped.

  He stepped in behind me and placed a kiss on the spot where my neck and shoulder met and gently sucked. He knew exactly where to touch me, exactly where to kiss me to make me shatter for him and only him. There’d been no other man before him, and there’d likely be no other man after. He was it for me. No one else would ever compare.

  “Your skin is always so soft,” he whispered as he moved the straps of my slip off my shoulders. The silky material fell to the floor, and I kicked it across the room.

  His hands came around my body and cupped each of my breasts, and he pulled me into him. I turned to face him, and he crashed his mouth down on mine.

  The way he softly pinched my nipples, I felt all the way down to my core. The way he kissed me caused my heart to skip beats and my skin to heat to almost boiling. I wanted so much, needed so much at this moment, but I couldn’t voice any of it because I didn’t want his mouth to not be on mine.

  Austin turned me around and pushed me down onto the bed before he moved over top of me. He pulled me up until I was settled into the middle of the bed, and then he took his time touching me in places that hadn’t been touched in so long. I let out a moan as the tip of his finger moved down my chest and over my navel. He was so close to the one spot I wanted him to be, but so very, very far away. I bucked my hips up to give him the hint I wanted him to move faster, but he smiled a devilish smile, telling me without words that he’d only go as fast as he wanted to.

  He teased the spot just above my panties before he gripped them in his hand and ever so slowly dragged them down my legs.

  He stood at the side of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. After he removed his pants and boxers, he leaned down and kissed his way up my left leg until he reached my core.

  His tongue slowly circled my clit, and every thought vanished. I could only focus on the pleasure he gave me as he brought me closer and closer to the brink of an orgasm with his mouth.

  Austin backed away just before he brought me over the edge and crawled up my body, placing gentle kisses along the way.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he slowly entered me. With each push and pull of his body, I moved with him, bringing us both closer and closer to the ecstasy we sought. I didn’t want this moment to end. I wanted to get lost in him forever. To never wake up from the pleasure that we were both giving to each other.

  “God, Liz, you feel so fucking good,” he growled as he picked up the pace and pushed into me harder and faster. Every move he made felt like heaven, and I could only moan in response. It’d been too long since I’d felt my husband inside of me. Too long since we’d made love until we couldn’t move.

  He circled his hips as he slammed into me, and I was a goner. I screamed out in pleasure as my orgasm consumed my body. He pushed into me over and over again until my orgasm faded and released himself inside of me.

  Austin collapsed into me, and I wrapped my arms around him and committed this moment to memory. We didn’t move for a long time. I didn’t want to let him go, even though I knew I had to.

  He finally rolled off me and pulled me into his side, kissing my neck as he tried to catch his breath.

  “I love you,” I whispered before I let myself nestle into him. One more last snuggle before I had to walk away.

  “I love you too,” he whispered before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  Chapter 4

  Elizabeth

  My eyes opened before the sun peeked through the curtains the next morning.

  Austin’s arms were still wrapped around me, and part of me didn’t want to move. Part of me wanted to bask in the afterglow of the amazing sex we’d had last night and lay here until he woke up to us in each other’s arms. The other part of me, the logical part of me, knew I couldn’t allow that to happen. I had to face reality. And the reality was that my marriage was over. The reality was that last night was the last one more time I’d have with the man I loved.

  No more one last kiss before he rushed out the door.

  No more one last hug before I went into my office to write for the rest of the night.

  No more one last ‘I love you’ before we hung up the phone.

  No more one last time to make love.

  No more one last anything.

  Last night was the last time I’d ever have a one more time to cherish. Last night was the last time I’d have a happy memory with Austin. This morning started my agony over the forever I’d lost with the most perfect man in the world.

  Before I broke down and cried, I moved his arm off me and gently slid out of the bed so I didn’t wake him. He’d wake soon, and I knew what I had to do before then.

  As quietly as I could, I went into our closet and shut the door behind me. Opening the drawers, I pulled out a pair of panties and put them on. I threw on the first pair of leggings I found and a navy-blue tunic and was dressed to leave. I slid on a pair of white sneakers and began to pack.

  I grabbed everything I’d need for the next few days and threw it all into a suitcase I pulled down from the top shelf.

  After I zipped the case shut, I carried it out to the bathroom to grab the rest of what I’d need. Once all my toiletries were packed, I went into my office.

  I packed up my laptop and the notebooks I needed for the book I was currently writing when my notepad caught my eye. There was another thing I needed to do before I left the house that hadn’t been a home for the past two years.

  Hurriedly I wrote the first of the two notes that killed me to write. With each word that was written, a piece of my heart was left behind. Once I’d finished, I signed my name to them both and placed each one in the places they were meant to be. Austin would find one right away, and the other he’d find soon enough. Maybe then he’d get a bit of understanding on how the past two years had affected me mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t always voice my feelings, but I knew just how to express them with written words.

  I carried my suitcase and laptop bag down the stairs as quietly as I could and grabbed my purse off the hook by the door. After I made sure I’d packed everything, including my phone and chargers, I took one last long look at the house I was leaving behind. So many memories were built here. Some sad, some happy, but they were all I had left to remind me of the past seventeen years.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door, leaving the home we’d built and the man I’d left behind.

  I drove out of town with no destination in mind. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I just knew that I had to leave. I couldn’t handle
seeing him this morning and physically saying goodbye. How did one say goodbye to the man they’d thought they’d share their whole life with? It wasn’t like one of us cheated, or we didn’t get along. I’d just emotionally checked out on our relationship to guard my broken heart. This was all on me, and I knew it.

  If only…

  Nope, I didn’t allow myself to go there. I’d start crying, and I had to focus on the road before me. I’d shed the tears and think of all the if-onlys once I found someplace to lay low for a few days until I put a plan into place.

  About an hour later, I started looking at the highway signs for a place to stay. The next sign that came into view was for Charleston, and I decided that’d be as good as a place as any. Austin and I had driven to Charleston a few times over the years, and I’d always loved it there.

  Forty-five minutes later, I arrived at my destination. A gorgeous resort I always dreamed of staying at that was right on the beach. Hopefully, they had rooms available. It was the off-season, so I thought my chances were pretty good.

  I parked the car and grabbed my luggage and took a deep breath, breathing in the salty, ocean air.

  Nothing calmed me more than the sound of the waves crashing to the shore. Just what I’d need to keep my anxiety at bay for the next few days.

  I checked in with no hassle and booked the room for the next four days. I figured that’d be enough time to get a plan in place and be okay with going back home to finish packing.

  I rode the elevator up to the fourteenth floor and walked out onto the carpeted hallway to find my room. Taking a right off the elevator, I took the short walk and found the room I was looking for. I slid the keycard into the lock and waited for the green light to blink so I could enter.

  My breath hitched in my throat as I took in the space of the room. I hadn’t expected there to be so much to the room. Just a bed and a shower, maybe a desk. But there was a kitchen area too. The curtains were shut, but I rolled my suitcase across the floor and left it beside the bed so I could open them. Pulling the handle all the way to the right, I let in the sunshine that had been hidden. Light filled the room as I took in the view. All I could see for miles was sand and beautiful water. I unlocked the balcony door and pulled it open. There was a nice breeze outside, and I wanted to feel the air on my skin and smell the salt from the ocean as I settled in.

  I sat on the beautiful, thick, white cotton bedspread and pulled my phone out of my purse. I hadn’t bothered checking it since I looked at it last night for messages from Austin.

  I had several missed calls, texts, and emails.

  I opened the text messages first.

  A few were from my personal assistant that I’d open later.

  The ones that caught my attention were the ones from Austin.

  I clicked on the icon of his name and began to read the messages I’d missed. There were five. The first one came in twenty minutes after I’d left.

  Where did you go? I thought we could talk before I left this morning.

  Are you okay?

  Please just message me back and let me know nothing has happened to you.

  Liz, I’m getting really worried. Please message me back.

  I’m about to go into court. I hope you’re not hurt. I’ll call you again when I’m finished.

  Talk? What else could he possibly have to say? I knew he’d understand why I had to leave and couldn’t remain in our house. I didn’t mean to worry him. I just didn’t see how leaving could be done another way.

  I typed out a message to him and hit send before I flopped back on the bed and powered off my phone. The other messages and calls could wait. Tossing it on the pillow beside me, I shut my eyes and continued the thoughts I’d stopped before they began when I was driving.

  If only…

  Chapter 5

  Austin

  This morning when I woke, the bed beside me was cold. I expected her to still be there, curled up in my arms just the way we fell asleep, but she was gone.

  I jumped out of bed and raced downstairs, hoping to find her there, but she wasn’t. I checked each of the rooms downstairs and nothing.

  Taking the stairs two at a time, I checked her office, but the chair was empty. The room down the hall, I knew she wouldn’t be in. Neither of us had gone in there for two years.

  Defeated, I went back into our room and looked around for a clue as to where she'd gone.

  A piece of folded paper lay atop her pillow, and I knew in my gut that she’d left without saying goodbye. I walked over and picked it up, my hand shaking as I opened it.

  I’ll love you until my last breath. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better wife. ~Liz

  I wanted to ball it up and throw it across the room; instead, I clutched it to my chest and closed my eyes.

  She was gone. Officially gone. And it was all my fault. At that moment, I wanted to take it all back, even if I knew it was for the best. Reality set in, and my heart split in two. I’d lost the love of my life because I wasn’t man enough to fix us. I took the easy way out and asked for a divorce when I should’ve tried harder to make her happy again.

  I took a few more moments, the only moments I had before I had to leave for the day, and shut my eyes. I imagined her smiling face the day I asked her to be mine. I imagined her on our wedding day in a gown so beautiful it took my breath away. And then I saw the tears falling down her face from last night when I broke her heart. The vision of her broken and defeated would haunt me until my dying days.

  I messaged her before I took a shower. Nothing.

  I messaged her after I dressed in my charcoal suit and white shirt. Nothing.

  I messaged her when I got to the office. Still nothing.

  Damnit. I was going out of my mind. Where’d she go? What state of mind was she in? Did she make it to wherever she was headed in one piece? Was she broken down or lying in a ditch somewhere? I didn’t know because she wouldn’t fucking reply.

  Finally, I sent one last message, in a desperate attempt to get her to answer me before I headed into the courthouse for half of the day. I wished I could’ve just called out sick and stayed at home. But justice had to be served and didn’t have time for sick days.

  Court dragged on and on before I was finally able to head out for the day. I wasn’t going back to the office. I had everything in my briefcase that I needed to prepare for tomorrow’s case log. Instead, I was taking half the day off, something I hadn’t taken the liberty of doing in such a long time.

  I raced out to my car because I needed to know if she had finally responded.

  Once I was inside, I powered on my phone and waited. The phone dinged, and a text appeared with her name on it. Thank fucking God.

  I’m okay.

  Two words were all she said, but all I needed to see.

  I could finally breathe.

  Technically, I didn’t have a right to know anything else anymore, but at least I knew she was okay. Or as okay as she could be in this situation.

  I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, only one destination in mind.

  The gym.

  I needed to beat the shit out of something.

  I needed to work my muscles so hard I would collapse when I got home.

  A short drive later, I arrived at the local gym.

  I went inside and went to my locker, where I kept a bag with clothes inside for times when I needed a release. Here lately, I’d been coming more often than not. I felt useless when I went home and found my wife holed up in her office, working away on her latest book. She hardly looked up to acknowledge me anymore, but then again, I’d stopped seeking her out. I didn’t know how to talk to my wife anymore.

  I pulled the bag out of the locker and changed into a pair of basketball shorts. Neatly, I folded my suit and placed it in the bag. I slipped on a pair of socks and sneakers and grabbed the roll of tape from the bag. After I taped my hands, I walked out of the locker room and over to the punching bag. Beating the solid leather always helped me
clear my head, and I needed to hit something now more than ever.

  I grabbed a pair of worn red leather gloves and placed them on my hands.

  I tapped them together and stood before the bag.

  Punch.

  My life was never going to be the same.

  Punch.

  I’d lost the woman I loved.

  Punch. Punch.

  I broke her fucking heart and broke my promise to never do so.

  Punch. Punch. Punch.

  I envisioned her tear-soaked face, and that was all it took. I lost it on the bag. Swing after swing, I took out all my aggression and anger. I punched that bag until I could barely lift my arms, and then I punched it some more. With one final swing, I felt my knuckles crack as I landed the last blow. The bag swung away from me and then back in my direction. I wrapped my arms around it and almost broke into tears. I hugged that bag like my life depended on it until my breathing began to slow. Sweat dripped down into my eyes, but I stood there, not blinking, not moving, unable to let go of that damn bag.

  My arms throbbed as I held the cool leather close to my chest. I welcomed the pain. The physical pain was more than welcomed. It meant I didn’t have to focus on the shattering of my heart.

  “You still using that?” a deep voice behind me asked, breaking me from my resolve.

  “Nah, man. You can have it,” I said as I let go of the only thing grounding me and turned and walked away without looking in his direction.

  I didn’t bother changing. There was no need.

  Walking back to the locker room, I yanked the bag through the metal door and slammed it shut.

  Time to go home and face the music.

  Time to go back to the house that sat empty.

  Time to go home to a house that wasn’t a home any longer now that she wasn’t there to welcome me.

  What kind of life did I have without her? Who was I without her by my side?

  Shortly after I left the gym, I arrived home. Stupidly, I hoped her car would be in the driveway, but it wasn’t.