The Beach Quilt

by Holly Chamberlin

  “I don’t think you should worry about needing to take care of your sister or the baby,” she said finally. “Anyway, I think Sarah learned her lesson, like my father says. I’d be surprised if she ever goes out with another guy again!”

  Stevie smiled but halfheartedly.

  “Seriously,” Cordelia went on. “It’s not your job to do anything else but be Stevie Bauer right now, this very minute. Just be almost fourteen.”

  Stevie smiled more fully now. “What’s the job description for being almost fourteen?”

  Cordelia smiled back. “Be moody, eat a lot of sugar, and sleep late on weekends.”

  “Oh,” Stevie said confidently, “I can do that!”

  Chapter 58

  “Here’s your change.”

  “Thank you,” Sarah said, taking the twenty-seven cents the woman behind the counter handed her.

  Sarah’s mother had dropped her off in downtown Ogunquit while she ran an errand. Sarah had been craving chocolate, and her mom had given her ten dollars to spend at Harbor Candy Shop.

  “If you’re going to indulge,” she had said to Sarah, “do it right.”

  So Sarah had bought a cellophane bag of nonpareils (she would give half to Stevie) and two cashew and chocolate turtles (she would eat them both herself) and a big piece of bark studded with nuts and dried fruit. She had spent almost the entire ten dollars and felt a bit bad about that, but a bite of a turtle magically erased all guilt.

  Sarah took her purchases outside. Tourists were beginning to flood Ogunquit, but Maine Street was still passable. Later in the season, it would be impossibly dense with people and the road would be jammed with cars moving at a snail’s pace.

  It was hard to believe that it was summer already, and that in two months her baby would be born. The past few months had been challenging, especially as her pregnancy had become general knowledge. There had been some unpleasant moments, like what had happened with Mrs. Blanchard, and one incident at school had really hurt her deeply. But Mr. Kane had acted swiftly, and the girl who had taunted Sarah with an abominable word had been punished without the whole school knowing what had happened. In fact, Cordelia hadn’t even learned about the incident. If she had, she might have done something silly. You could say that Cordelia sometimes acted irrationally, but you could never say that her heart wasn’t in the right place.

  Sarah chomped on a nonpareil. Physically, she felt pretty good. Maybe that was a consequence of being young and healthy to start with. And emotionally or psychologically, well, she was definitely in a better place than she had been back in the winter. She was still terrified of the prospect of becoming a mother at such a young age, but now, she was also excited about it. Maybe not all the time, but sometimes, like when she and her mother and sister and Mrs. Kane and Cordelia were working on the quilt together. And she only felt depressed or panicked a few times a week now.

  Suddenly, Sarah noticed a girl halfway up the street. She looked about Sarah’s age, and she was definitely pregnant. She was staring at the window display in one of the high-end gift shops. Her blond hair was dolloped with areas of green dye, but other than that she looked totally ordinary in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

  Sarah bit her lip. From the start, she had shied away from being around other girls in her situation—no support group for her—and she had come to regret it, not a lot, but a little. She knew that she had been unfairly judging all other pregnant teenagers. There had to be some who, like her, were aware of the gravity of their situation. Like maybe that girl staring at the fancy handmade soaps and overpriced throw pillows.

  It couldn’t hurt to say hello, could it? Maybe they would strike up a conversation, just a brief one, but one that might make them both feel good. After all, they were united by some pretty important factors. They were teenagers and they were pregnant. That had to give them enough in common to make a connection. Maybe.

  Plus, Sarah, thought, she could offer the girl some chocolate.

  Sarah walked toward the girl with a tentative smile but came to a dead halt within a yard when the girl took a pack of cigarettes from her purse. She opened her mouth to blurt something to the effect of, “Oh, you really shouldn’t—” when the girl, sensing her presence, turned toward her.

  “What are you looking at?” she spat.

  Sarah shook her head. “Nothing. I mean, I just—”

  “You were just going to tell me I shouldn’t be smoking?”

  “No. Well, yes, I guess . . .”

  The girl stepped closer to Sarah and lowered her voice. “Listen, bitch,” she hissed. “Back off. I have a right to live my own life without people telling me what’s good for me or bad for me.”

  “But, the baby—”

  The girl laughed and nodded at Sarah’s middle. “Like you were smart enough not to get pregnant? You’re no better than I am. You have no right to preach to me.”

  She’s right, Sarah thought. I don’t.

  The girl tossed her cigarette at Sarah’s feet and walked off.

  Numbly, Sarah ground out the burning cigarette with the toe of her sneaker. She couldn’t be sure that no one had witnessed the encounter. The street was busy, but people seemed to be minding their own business. She hoped that they were because she felt massively stupid.

  She had been right all along. She was alone and different. There was no fellowship for her with other girls in her situation. Worse was the fact that in the eyes of society she was a loser, a screwup. She thought back to the last few weeks of school. Just as term papers were due and exams were happening, she had come down with a nasty stomach flu and had been forced to miss several days of classes. Her final grades had suffered a bit as a result, in spite of her concentrated hard work.

  Sarah knew that a college admissions board would see this dip as a sign of laziness. She knew that a college admissions board wouldn’t care about cutting slack for a pregnant sixteen-year-old. Why should they care?

  Sarah had never wanted any special treatment; she had always believed in fair play, and she had always been unusually self-sufficient. She had never been the sort to go crying to Mommy the moment her will was thwarted; in fact, she had often been the one to whom others turned in a time of need.

  But now, things were different. Now, at some point in almost every day, she felt the urgent need to grasp for a life support before she drowned in her own chaos. Had she suddenly become a weak person? Could you, in the space of a few months, become a person you could hardly recognize?

  It seemed that you could.

  “Sarah? Sarah!”

  Sarah startled and realized that she had been staring blankly at her mother’s car, and at her mother, calling her name and waving.

  She went over to the curb and got into the front seat.

  “Are you okay?” her mother asked, a frown of concern on her face.

  Sarah nodded. “Fine,” she said.

  “Good. I don’t want us to be late for our quilting time with Cordelia and her mom.”

  “And Stevie,” Sarah added automatically.

  “Yes. And Stevie.”

  Chapter 59

  The tinkling of the bell over the door alerted Adelaide to the arrival of a customer. Except that it wasn’t a customer. It was her daughter.

  “This is a surprise,” she said. “A pleasant surprise.”

  “Dad dropped me off.” Cordelia looked around the shop. “Where’s Mrs. Bauer?”

  “She had an errand to run.”

  “Oh. Good.”

  “Why is it good?”

  “Because I wanted to talk to you about something. I suppose it could wait until tonight when you get home but . . .” Cordelia shrugged. “I’m kind of worried about Stevie.”

  Adelaide felt a tightening in her chest. “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Well,” Cordelia began, looking over her shoulder and then back again. “Promise me you won’t say anything?”

  “Now, how can I promise that without knowing what it is you’re
going to tell me? Did something bad happen to Stevie? Did someone hurt her? Because then I’ll have to—”

  “Oh, nothing bad happened,” Cordelia said quickly. “Really. It’s just that Stevie told me she’s worried about the future. She feels she might have to be responsible for Sarah someday, and the baby, like if her parents aren’t around. And, if Sarah makes another—you know, mistake.”

  Adelaide felt enormously relieved. Her imagination had scurried into overdrive for a moment. Still, she felt sorry for Stevie. “Oh, the poor girl,” she said. “She shouldn’t be burdened with fears like that.”

  “That’s what I told her. That she should just concentrate on being a kid while she can. But Stevie’s like Sarah. She’s a deep thinker.” Cordelia smiled a bit. “Unlike me!”

  “Well, deep thinking is all well and good until it becomes a morbid obsession.”

  “Oh, I don’t think Stevie’s anywhere near morbid obsession ! But I do feel bad for her. She told me she hasn’t talked to her friends about Sarah’s situation.”

  “Did she say why?” Adelaide asked. Maybe, she thought, Stevie felt embarrassed by her sister. Or maybe she was trying to protect her sister’s privacy.

  Cordelia sighed. “Not really. Maybe she thinks they won’t have anything helpful to say. But I guess she thinks I’ll have something helpful to say—someday.”

  “Well, she trusts you, and that’s a good thing. But listen, if she says anything that frightens you, or if you think she’s in real trouble, you have to promise to tell me.”

  “I promise,” Cordelia agreed. “Okay, I guess I’ll head home now. Or maybe I’ll go down to the beach for a while, if you don’t need me here.”

  “No, go ahead,” Adelaide said. “Things are slow today. But why don’t you come back at six and we can drive home together.”

  Cordelia waved and went off.

  Adelaide had noticed that her daughter was spending more time with Stevie than she had before Sarah had gotten pregnant, apart from their quilting sessions that was, but she had supposed they were simply passing the time, talking about trivial things or watching Clarissa do her acrobatics. She hadn’t considered that Stevie might be sharing serious emotional concerns. She hadn’t considered that Cordelia might be doing the very same thing.

  Adelaide paused. She wondered if she should talk to Cindy about Stevie’s worries. But no, that would be breaking a confidence (two actually—Stevie’s to Cordelia, and Cordelia’s to her) and, quite possibly, interfering where she had no right to interfere. If Stevie found out, she might feel she could no longer trust Cordelia and that would be a bad thing. As long as Stevie had Cordelia in whom to confide—and as long as Cordelia kept her promise to come to her mother with anything that seriously disturbed her—Stevie should be okay. At least, Adelaide hoped that she would be.

  Chapter 60

  Cindy was making a pot of coffee while Joe sat at the kitchen table, flipping through a catalog of construction materials. He still hadn’t told his family in Chicago or in Brunswick that Sarah was pregnant. Cindy wasn’t sure about the wisdom of this. Not telling could easily be construed as hiding, which would imply shame or embarrassment. But as she knew they would, matters had come to a head quite on their own.

  “I heard from Ben this morning,” Joe said. “Seems word of Sarah’s situation has reached Brunswick.”

  “Oh.” Cindy kept her tone neutral though she felt her heart race a bit. “What did he say exactly?”

  “Wanted to know if it was true, what he’d heard. I said, if what you’ve heard is that Sarah is having a baby come August, then yes, it’s true.”

  “Well, we knew the truth would spread at some point,” Cindy said. “Everyone will know eventually. You can’t hide a baby for long. And we mustn’t let people think we’re ashamed.”

  “I could never be ashamed of my own child.”

  “I know that,” Cindy assured him, bringing the coffeepot and two cups to the table. “Let’s hope that other people know that, too.”

  “Ben knows that. He and Jill are family. They understand.”

  Cindy winced. It had been the fear of her father’s condemnation that had held her back from telling him about Sarah’s pregnancy. But she had underestimated him. Lesson learned, she thought. Don’t presume another person’s thoughts. People can always surprise you.

  “Ben said he and Jill have a stroller from their last,” Joe said then. “Said it’s in good shape and we can have it if we want.”

  “That’s good of them. I’ll call Jill tomorrow. I owe her a phone call anyway.”

  “And I suppose Jonas would want to know. About Sarah.”

  Cindy smiled in what she hoped was an encouraging way. “Yes, I’m sure he would. Marie too. I’ll let them know as well.”

  Joe nodded. “Any more of that coffee cake left?”

  Cindy brought what remained of the cake to the table and cut a piece for her husband. “I’d better make another one today. The three of you never seem to get enough of it.”

  Joe ate the cake, wiped his mouth with his napkin, and got up from the table. “Best coffee cake in this world,” he said. He kissed his wife’s cheek and left to return to the job site.

  Cindy felt tears prick at her eyes. She was truly blessed with this man. She knew he was happy to sacrifice for his family, but she wished that he didn’t have to work so hard. She wished there was something more she could contribute to the household.

  And then it struck her. Maybe there was something more she could contribute. She wondered why the idea hadn’t occurred to her earlier. It was so simple! Well, she thought, getting up from the table, better late than never.

  Chapter 61

  The girls were in Cordelia’s room. Pinky the Worse for Wear Unicorn sat on her lap, and she was absentmindedly stroking him. (It was interesting, Cordelia thought, that she no longer cared about keeping her relationship with Pinky a secret.) Clarissa, who as usual was perched on Stevie—first, on a shoulder, then on her lap, and briefly, on her head—had eyed Pinky with what Cordelia thought was great suspicion. A good sniff had brought her around, and she had ignored him since.

  “What do you think will happen?” Stevie said suddenly.

  Cordelia frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, do you think things will work out? Sarah and her baby living at home with us and all.”

  “I hope so!” Cordelia cried. “I can’t imagine what else she would do, can you? Unless she moved in with me and my parents!”

  “Move up to Portland or to some other city and live in a shelter, I guess.”

  “Stevie! That’s a horrible thing to say!”

  Stevie shrugged. “Why? It’s what happens to lots of girls who get pregnant and have no place else to go. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. They go to shelters or care facilities of some sort.”

  “Well, sure,” Cordelia said, “but that will never happen to Sarah.”

  “I hope not. It’s good the shelters exist, though. And the other places.”

  “Sure, of course. Social services are important. But can we not talk about this?”

  Stevie shrugged again. “Okay.”

  The thought of her friend having to live in a shelter made Cordelia shudder. The world of poverty and abandonment had never touched Cordelia’s in any close or direct way and now that the specter of it had, Cordelia suddenly felt deeply frightened. Was everyone’s security so precarious? Could everything you took for granted, like a home and parents and school and your own phone and computer and nice clothes, fall away so suddenly and completely?

  Of course it could, and for all sorts of reasons.

  And if that was true, then life was even more precarious than Cordelia had ever thought, even in her darkest moment, which, admittedly, had never been very dark.

  “It’s weird, but a part of me is angry with Sarah for getting pregnant,” Stevie said, breaking the silence. “Like, what right did she have to mess up our family like this? And another part of me is ki
nd of disappointed in her. I hate feeling this way. I mean, I’ve always really looked up to Sarah as, like, this perfect older sister. And now . . .”

  “Now she’s proved that she’s only human like the rest of us,” Cordelia said. “I know. I feel kind of angry and disappointed, too.”

  “Yeah. I guess it’s not fair of me to—well, to punish her for not being perfect. Even though it’s only in my head that I’m punishing her.”

  “It’s probably not fair,” Cordelia agreed, “but I think it’s normal. I mean, I’ve been doing it, too, and I’m as normal as you get!”

  “And all the attention she’s getting from my mom and dad . . .” Stevie fiddled with one of her string bracelets. “I mean, it’s not like I want the sort of attention she’s getting because that would mean I’d done something bad or irresponsible. But still . . . I guess I just hope that they remember I’m there, too.”

  “I’m sure they do,” Cordelia said, but she really had no idea what Mr. and Mrs. Bauer were thinking these days.

  “My mom forgot to pick me up after swim class at the Y the other day,” Stevie said abruptly.

  “Oh.” Cordelia cringed. “How long did you wait around for her?”

  “About a half hour. I guess it was no big deal in the end. My friend’s mom drove me home. And my mom couldn’t stop apologizing.” Stevie laughed a bit. “She insisted on making whatever I wanted for dinner.”

  “What did you choose?” It was an inane question, but Cordelia didn’t know what else to say without sounding as if she were criticizing Mrs. Bauer.

  “I couldn’t think of anything I wanted so badly, so I just said spaghetti and meatballs.”

  “Oh. Well, spaghetti and meatballs are always good.”

  “Yeah. My mom’s a pretty good cook.”

  “So what do you want to do for your birthday?” Cordelia asked. “Are you having a party?”

  “I don’t really like parties. Anyway, it’s no big deal.”