The Witchlord and the Weaponmaster coaaod-9

by Hugh Cook

  "You don't," said Sken-Pitilkin. "You escape from the Monastic Treasury, not through any Door, but directly into the city of Voice."

  "You mean that I should banish myself," said Zelafona. "You mean that I should be parted from my sister and my son."

  "Your son you can take with you," said Sken-Pitilkin. "If he is willing to play the hero. As for your sister – these are her final years. She has little time left to live."

  "I will consider," said Zelafona.

  "Guest Gulkan is dying as you consider," said Sken-Pitilkin, with considerable impatience. "We are driven by the urgency of a dying man."

  Zelafona again replied that she would consider, whereupon Sken-Pitilkin hastened to Lord Onosh and explained the problem.

  The Witchlord promptly told Zelafona that she could consider getting her head cut off, or getting -

  But – enough! There is no need to list here the grim and barbarous threats which the Witchlord Onosh made to the elegant dralkosh Zelafona! Suffice it to say that Zelafona was very swiftly shocked into an acceptance of her fate; and that Glambrax consented to accompany his mother into exile.

  The wizards Pelagius Zozimus and Ontario Nol consented to fight at Sken-Pitilkin's side. The force was completed by the wizard Plandruk Qinplaqus and his servant Thayer Levant.

  "That completes our force," said Sken-Pitilkin, reporting his readiness to the Witchlord Onosh.

  "But," said Lord Onosh, "you will need men to carry Guest Gulkan. Rolf Thelemite, for instance."

  "No, my lord," said Sken-Pitilkin. "For if we introduce men such as Thelemite to the Circle of the Door, what will we do with them thereafter? I think we will have no recourse but to kill them. The secret of the Door is too great to be shared amongst many."

  "Then," said Lord Onosh, "do what you must, and kill the men if you must! I give you full permission to kill Rolf Thelemite as and when you wish, since I think him born to be killed!"

  "If I must kill Thelemite then I will," said Sken-Pitilkin.

  "But I have no need to do so, therefore I won't. I myself will levitate the box in which Guest Gulkan lies. Speed is of the essence, my lord! If we were to shock uncouth fools like Thelemite with news of the Door, we would lose a whole day to its explanation, and we have not a day, for Guest will be dead in far less time than that."

  "Then do as you will," said Lord Onosh. "But do not fail!"

  "If I fail," said Sken-Pitilkin, gravely, "then death will surely be my fate, for the Bankers will kill me out of hand."

  Then Sken-Pitilkin procured a sandglass of the kind which is used to time a boiling egg, and said Lord Onosh should open the Door and keep it open while the sand ran, by which time the shock- troops would either be in Dalar ken Halvar or be dead.

  "Thereafter," said Sken-Pitilkin, "you will open the Door on each Midsummer's Day, that we may negotiate with the Banks. It may take long for us to settle an agreement with the Banks, but they will yield to us in due course."

  "And, meanwhile," said Lord Onosh. "What of Eljuk?"

  "We cannot help him," said Sken-Pitilkin. "He must suffer his fate. The only counsel I give you in this respect is this: stay away from the demon Iva-Italis! The demon gloats on suffering, and will encourage you to nightmare if you keep its company."

  So the storming party assembled in the abditory in Jezel Obo, the Sky Stratum, the highest level of the mainrock Pinnacle. Then the Door was opened, and the shock-assault party stormed through, and when the sands were run out Lord Onosh closed the Door, and took the star-globe into his own possession, and retired to his own chambers to mourn the loss of both his sons, for he counted the pair of them dead.

  The storming of the shock-force party was done swiftly. From Alozay went the stormtroopers, bursting into the padded silence of the Monastic Treasury of Inner Adeer. There the witch Zelafona took command, numbing the minds of all those who stood guard in the chamber of the Door. While they were thus numbed, the dwarf Glambrax efficiently slaughtered them with his axe.

  While this work of mass-murder was in progress, the stormforce dared through the door to the Flesh Traders Financial Association of Galsh Ebrek. Here, Ontario Nol conjured the powers of the winds, slamming Bankers in all directions, breaking them at will. Thus Guest Gulkan came again to the land of Wen Endex, the homeland of the Yudonic Knights in the north of Yestron. But he knew it not, for he had been dosed with opium, and hence he was "floating on the lotus", as the fragrant Janjuladoola saying has it.

  Pelagius Zozimus then took control. The wizard of Xluzu, using his powers as a Necromancer, animated those corpses which Ontario Nol had so freshly produced, sent those corpses through the Door, then followed them through that Door into the Bondsmans Guild of Obooloo.

  There, Zozimus fought a brief but bloody battle, pitching the dead against the living.

  As the shrieks of horror-struck Bankers fled into the echoing distance, Sken-Pitilkin sent Guest Gulkan wafting through the Door into the Bondsmans Guild. Again, Guest Gulkan knew not of his travels, for he lay in the sweating squalor of sleep, fast-sinking from lotus to dream. He was dreaming still as they went through the Door one last time, traveling from Obooloo to the Bralsh.

  The Bralsh was the stronghold of the Good neighbors, the lords of the insurance industry of Dalar ken Halvar, and it stood in an area of that city known as Childa Go. The Bralsh was a literal stronghold, an ominously solid fortification built to repulse the periodic disorders which saw Dalar ken Halvar ravaged by riot or by revolution.

  On arrival at the Bralsh, Plandruk Qinplaqus used his powers as a wizard of Ebber, numbed the minds of the Bankers who stood on guard there, and maintained his authority as the others came through the Door.

  Then that Door closed.

  Zelafona, of course, was still in the Monastic Treasury of Inner Adeer. On mature reflection, Sken-Pitilkin realized that it would have been possible for her to come through the sundry Doors with the others, escaping in their company to the Bralsh. Had some unacknowledged desire for revenge compelled him to send the witchwoman into solitary exile in Voice?

  Perhaps.

  But what was done was done, and repenting of it would be of no help to anyone. At least they had escaped through to the city of Dalar ken Halvar.

  It had been deep night when the stormforce had abstracted Guest Gulkan from the Witchlord's stronghold on the island of Alozay. It had been night in the Monastic Treasury of Inner Adeer when Guest Gulkan had been delivered to the healers waiting in that Bank. Night had likewise ruled Galsh Ebrek and Obooloo, and night reigned still on his arrival in Dalar ken Halvar, for all these places are to be found on the same side of the planet, and one span of night can encompass them all.

  Know you the meaning of "planet"? A planet is a globe roped invisibly to the sun, the sun being a metaphorical giant which whirls this globe around his head at the end of a rope. Such is the length of the rope that a single circuit of the giant's head takes a year. This is the lunatic scale to which our reality is built, from which fact many have concluded that the Gods of Construction were deranged; and your historian sees no reason to bicker some dispute with such conclusion.

  So it was by night that the stormforce came forth from the Bralsh, emerging onto the surface of their planet like ants exiting from a tiny fissure in the rind of a rotten watermelon.

  Bearing Guest Gulkan with them, the stormforce ventured the night from the Bralsh of the Good neighbors to the halls of the demonmountain, Cap Foz Para Lash.

  Through the streets of Childa Go they went; they skirted the western slopes of Cap Ogo Botch, which hill sustains the ruling palace of Dalar ken Halvar; and then, avoiding Actus Dorum, the commercial center of the Silver Emperor's city, they took a back way between the yawning abyss of the Dead Mouth and the upthrust fortifications of the Frangoni Rock.

  Thus they went, and arrived at the great gate known as the lockway, where Plandruk Qinplaqus secured their admission into the mountain.

  The mountain was ruled by a demon, and the demo
n commanded a place which was designed for the refurbishment of the bodies of those injured in battle. This demon, the genius loci of Cap Foz Para Lash, went by the name of Paraban Senk. Unlike the demon Iva-Italis of Safrak and the demon Ko of Chi'ash-lan, Paraban Senk had no body of green-burning stone, but, rather, was caged invisibly in some hidden part of the cave-works of Cap Foz Para Lash. That much is sure, and all are agreed upon it; but of the demon's true nature it is hard to give a reasoned account.

  Now there are demons and demons, just as there are ghosts and ghosts – and, for that matter, gods and gods. To know things in their true categories is hard enough even when we deal with those mundane entities which breathe the same air as we do, and mate and breed meet their deaths manner like unto that of men. Is the whale a fish or is it (as the eccentric opinion of certain naturalists would have it) a species of cow? Having considered the whale, consider the woman. Is she like a whale in her milk, a scorpion in her wit or a day of moody weather in her humors?

  On such questions the greatest intellects have bruised themselves without securing conclusive resolution, so, since such difficulties attend such things as simple as the analysis of organic life, it is only natural that to win a certain knowledge of things demonic is more problematical yet.

  Hence your historian stakes out no definite position as regards the nature of the demon known as Paraban Senk, but merely contents himself with here recording the most peculiar account which this demon gave of itself. Senk was a man, or had been. Yet Senk was presently merged with the life of a species of computational device – that is to say, a kind of self-powered abacus so monstrous in its complexity that the intricate shuttlework of its beads could create patterns complex enough to rival those of a human mind engaged in higher thought.

  What is certain is that Senk was an entity which had survived from the dark times hidden behind the veils of the Days of Wrath.

  When questioned, Senk spoke of worlds linked to worlds and locked in war; of ships of destruction which could rival thought in their speed; of living metal which bestrode the field of battle and demolished cities in its wrath; of peoples devastated by fire and plague; of planets shattered and of suns burst asunder – and of Senk's knowledge of pain, and death, and trial by horror, there seemed to be no ending.

  While a degree of mystery surrounds Paraban Senk's origins, nature, powers, function and nature, there is no doubt that this demonic entity wielded much power within the underground fortress of Cap Foz Para Lash, even though (and here your historian relies on the testimony of the Ashdan warrior Asodo Hatch, Senk being mute on the matter) it had no way in which to project such power beyond the lockway.

  To that lockway, the wounded warrior Guest Gulkan was conveyed; and there he was placed in the healing room run by the demon of the mountain, and his cure commenced.

  Then Plandruk Qinplaqus, who had no knowledge of what might have happened in Dalar ken Halvar since he had been kidnapped by Banker Sod and imprisoned in a time pod in Alozay's Hall of Time, set about the business of reinstalling himself in the city which he had formerly been accustomed to rule as emperor.

  The task Qinplaqus had set himself was potentially difficult, for, in his absence, there had been a revolution in the city; and civil disorder had seen all power in Dalar ken Halvar fall to an Ashdan warrior named Asodo Hatch, who ruled in the name of the militant religion known as Nu-chala-nuth.

  Yet Hatch proved uncommonly relieved at the abrupt reappearance of Plandruk Qinplaqus, for the difficulties of ruling Dalar ken Halvar – and the realms of the Empire of Greater Parengarenga which were commanded from that city – were of such complexity and intensity that they almost exceeded Hatch's abilities.

  So it was that Plandruk Qinplaqus, rightful lord of the Empire of Parengarenga, returned to his capital city, made an alliance with the revolutionary leader Asodo Hatch, and reinstalled himself in the great palace of Na Sashimoko.

  And Guest Gulkan's cure proceeded. Guest Gulkan's cure was slow, because to start with he had no arms or legs to speak of. As his body had been injured, so too had his mind; and night after night he endured nightmares in which he lost both arms and legs, in which the Great Mink mauled the hair from his head while Thodric Jarl swordbooted his cleats into the blood-gash grin of his face. He dreamt of rivers awash with blood and head made into pyramids, of floods of roiling eyeballs and hailstorms of bloodstained teeth, and of hectic voyages on ships which catapulted themselves skywards then shattered themselves to toothpicks on the grim-beak heights of mountains.

  Yet as Guest's body began to heal, and as his arms and legs began their slow regrowth under the subtle tutelage of the demon of the mountain, his dreams slowly changed; and more and more he dreamt of women rather than of war.

  In his dreams he imagined Yerzerdayla, her hair flowing around his ribs, her mouth nourishing his strength, her lips swallowing pearls, her heat-warmth perfume blossoming around her, her whispers hot with admiration, and her unlimited delights matching his ardor.

  Thus Guest began to heal, body and mind; and as time went on he had long sessions with Hostaja Sken-Pitilkin, who thought this an excellent opportunity to re-inspire young Guest with a love of the irregular verbs. Much of their time together was given to arguing over precisely what animal it was which had mauled Guest Gulkan in the arena at Chi'ash-lan.

  "It was a bear," said Guest, and he said it not once but repeatedly.

  "That was no bear," said sagacious Sken-Pitilkin. "That was a mink."

  "Not so," said Guest. "A mink is a small animal which bites, and as punishment for its temperament is commonly made into gloves. Or coats, if the man is fool enough and the woman nags long enough."

  "There is a Great Mink which is like unto the lesser minks in its temperament," said Sken-Pitilkin, "and which also bit, just as it bit you. It was the Great Mink you met, and not any kind of bear."

  But Guest Gulkan was firmly decided. If one is going to be mauled, then it is better for one's honor to be mauled by a bear than a mink, and so in defiance of zoological science he proclaimed his assailant to have been a bear. Though in truth the Great Mink of the snows of the Cold West is a bloodier monster than any bear, for your average bear is bent on grubs and honey, or has its mind on fish, whereas the Great Mink hunts with deadly purpose, and will as lief hunt men as any lesser game.

  So Guest Gulkan was a fool to dispute his tutor's wisdom. But Sken-Pitilkin was not distressed at this folly. Rather, it was a relief to see the young man coming into possession of some spark of life.

  When Guest had been some months recovering, he had the first of his formal audiences with Plandruk Qinplaqus, lord of the Empire of Greater Parengarenga.

  "Is there anything you need?" said the Lord of the Silver Pelican.

  "Yes!" said Guest. "To get out of here!"

  "That you will not be doing for some years," said Qinplaqus.

  "Years!" said Guest in dismay.

  "It will take that long for your arms and legs to regrow," said Qinplaqus.

  Then Guest was greatly distressed, for he had not realized that his confinement was to be thus extended.

  In truth, the young Weaponmaster Guest was prodigiously lucky to have the favor of Plandruk Qinplaqus, and to have the demon of the mountain of Cap Foz Para Lash dedicated to his cure, for it was only in that one mountain of Dalar ken Halvar that the arms and legs of a multiple amputee could possibly be restored to their strength.

  But Guest was a poor invalid, and became increasingly importunate and demanding, saying that at least one of his limbs was still in perfect working order, and hence he should surely – if it was at all possible, and surely it was – be provided with some suitable terrain in which that single limb could be exercised.

  Upon which the venerable Plandruk Qinplaqus indulgently declared that he would choose out a wife for the boy Guest.

  "A wife!" said Guest in alarm. "I said nothing about getting married!"

  "But you were talking of a woman, were you not?" said Pla
ndruk Qinplaqus.

  "Why, yes," said Guest. "But a woman is not a wife, or need not be. Get me a woman, that's all that I want."

  "Am I a pimp, that I should get you a whore?" said Plandruk

  Qinplaqus.

  "As I am the son of an emperor," said Guest warmly, "it should be an honor for you to pimp for me."

  At which sally, Qinplaqus shook with laughter until his belly almost burst; for it had been several centuries since the venerable Ashdan had encountered anyone with Guest's degree of impudence.

  And after some negotiation it was at last agreed between them that Qinplaqus would not pimp out a whore for young Guest, since pimping was beneath the dignity of an emperor; but that Qinplaqus would diligently quest out a wife for Guest, and (with luck) find him a woman who would be happy to take him to bed even though his arms were but buds peeping from stumps.

  A tall order, one might think!

  But Plandruk Qinplaqus was great in power and knowledge, and knew his people well, and already had a wifely candidate in mind.

  Chapter Thirty

  Name: Penelope Flute.

  Birthplace: Dalar ken Halvar.

  Occupation: priestess of an Evolutionary cult.

  Status: large-scale debtor.

  Description: woman of Frangoni race, built to a truly magnificent scale.

  Hobby: macrame Quote: "Why do men always get the good things?"

  During his sojourn inside the minor mountain of Cap Foz Para Lash, Guest Gulkan was often in contact with the demon which ran the place, the demon which went by the name of Paraban Senk. This demon never manifested itself in the flesh, preferring to restrict its manifestations to a face on a screen.

  While the Weaponmaster Guest Gulkan was in no great hurry to learn the Secret of Secrets and the Wisdom of Wisdom from a face on a screen which called itself Paraban Senk, the wizard Sken-Pitilkin was much more forward in having dealings with this entity. Sken-Pitilkin was long in discourse with Paraban Senk; allowed himself to be interrogated by Senk; and did some intense and detailed questioning of his own. To Sken-Pitilkin, Paraban Senk explained many things, including the secret of the Chasm Gates and the nature of the Nexus; though most of what Senk said was so frankly incredible that Sken-Pitilkin gave it precious little credence.