Val looked Ellen in the eye and smiled. “Actually, it matters a lot.”
Chapter Three
Val was picking out her books for story hour when they arrived, the same two little ones that had been brought to the library every Tuesday and Thursday morning since summer began. The little girl looked to be about seven or eight, with drab blond hair and sharp hazel eyes that scanned the room thoroughly every time they were here, as if convincing herself it was safe. She held the hand of her little brother, who was maybe two or three years younger. His solemn brown eyes peeked out from beneath a shock of messy hair the color of wet sand. Their clothes were mismatched and worn, and smelled strongly of cigarette smoke. Their mother always dropped them off with the same loud, brusque directive—“Lily, Ian, sit on that rug and behave. I’ll be back when you’re done.” The children immediately dropped down on the rug, right in front of the chair Val sat in to read to the group.
Val loved being a children’s librarian and looked forward to these times when she could interact with and entertain kids. But there was something about these two that moved her, maybe because she felt like she gave them the only two hours of peace they’d get all week. Their mother always seemed angry at them, like they were too much of a bother, and it broke Val’s heart. She knew that feeling, knew how much it sucked the soul out of a child.
Val shook her head, mentally chastising herself. She had a bad habit of judging others too quickly, and she shouldn’t think badly of this mother when she knew nothing about her circumstances. All she could do was show these two children as much kindness as she could while they were with her.
Several other children arrived with their grown-ups, who all stayed and waited, many holding their little ones in their laps. Val sat down in the wingback reading chair with her books, all keeping to today’s theme of In the Jungle. Before she began, Val glanced down at little Lily and Ian, who stared back at her with rapt attention. She smiled warmly and winked at them, then began to read.
An hour later, Lily and Ian were contentedly coloring pictures of lions at the craft table when their mother stalked into the room. She was texting rapidly on her phone, and with barely a glance at her children, she barked, “Come on, let’s go.”
Val immediately saw the tension return to their shoulders as they scrambled to obey. Grabbing their papers from the table, Val said, “Here, guys, don’t forget to take your pretty pictures with you. And since you like animals, here’s a flyer for an upcoming event we’re having here at the library.” She glanced at the mother, who glared back, but as Lily took the papers in one hand and Ian’s hand in the other, she gave Val a ghost of a smile.
“Jeez, she’s harsh,” whispered Linda, Val’s assistant, once they had left.
“I know, but maybe she’s got a lot on her plate. At least she brings them here. She probably figures she’s giving herself a break, but maybe it gives them a chance to get away, too.” Val sighed. “I feel bad for them. That little Ian never talks. I don’t think I’ve even seen him smile. But Lily, she’s got some spirit. I can tell by how she takes care of her brother.”
“Shouldn’t the mother have to stay with them, though? They’re so young.”
“Maybe, but I’m afraid if I say something, she won’t bring them back,” Val replied. She remembered how the library had been a safe haven for her when she was young—she couldn’t risk taking that away from those kids.
Linda shook her head. “My sister and her husband have tried for years to get pregnant. It’s just unfair how some people would do anything to have a child, while others have kids they don’t even seem to want.”
Val felt the old familiar ache in her chest. “Sometimes the wanting is there, but the ability to cope just isn’t,” she replied with a sigh.
* * *
Val unlocked her front door and closed it behind her. She tossed her keys on the kitchen counter, grabbed a hard cider from the fridge, and plopped down on her couch with a sigh. She’d been in a mood all day. Usually she was quite good at hiding her feelings behind a friendly, outgoing facade, but today, putting on a smile for the library patrons had been exhausting. She knew that she was reacting to the comment Linda had made about unwanted kids. The remark had been innocent—after all, Linda knew nothing about her past, and Val intended to keep it that way. But it always put her on edge to see parents be harsh with their kids, like that mother at story hour. Lily and Ian seemed so well behaved, but of course she knew that kids who were good in public could be hellions at home. Who knew why their mother acted that way? Val sighed. The whole day just brought her back to times and places she’d worked very hard to put behind her.
Val took a long pull from her bottle, then went into the kitchen to throw together something to eat. An unbidden image of the little girl and her brother came to mind, and she wondered what they were getting for dinner tonight. She could picture them sitting at her feet, completely engrossed in her storytelling. Ian never spoke, but his face was incredibly expressive. Lily was smart and excellent with Ian. Maybe she was reading things all wrong. Val didn’t know what went on outside of the two hours a week the kids were at the library. But something about the mother just made Val uncomfortable. Whatever. Their life was none of her business.
On the counter was the folder of materials from MAPP class. They’d been given an assignment to review examples of behaviors exhibited by children in foster care and identify appropriate responses. Val flipped open the folder and began to read the examples. They were dead on: When given a rule or direction, the child ignores you or does the opposite of what is asked. “Yep, I did that,” she said aloud. The child frequently lies or makes up stories. “And that.” The child shows physical aggression toward others, even when unprovoked. “Oh my God, that, too.” The child steals from others. “Finally, something I didn’t do,” Val said, chuckling.
At least the assignment was focused on the reasons why the children in the examples acted out. In her experience, most adults just labeled kids as bad or disrespectful without figuring out what was emotionally driving their behavior. She knew exactly how it felt to be in that situation, and she completed the assignment with ease.
* * *
Thursday evening rolled around, and Val was in MAPP class half listening to a lesson about reactive attachment. She’d seen many examples of attachment issues, when kids couldn’t form healthy attachments to their caregivers due to prior neglect or abuse. She found herself focusing on the assistant instructor rather than the topic. Paige’s blond hair was styled in a loose French twist, and she wore a cream sleeveless blouse with sage-green linen pants and sandals. Her look was much less severe than the first time she’d seen her, though her clothes were of obvious high quality, and Val couldn’t deny that Paige was very attractive. She still didn’t smile much, though, and she was teaching in a rapid voice, like she couldn’t wait to be finished.
Maybe she isn’t as uptight as I thought, just nervous. Suddenly, someone cleared their throat behind her, and she turned. Connie just winked and moved away, and Val realized she’d been caught staring at Paige. Damn it, Connie never missed a thing. Val turned back around and saw that her classmates were reading something in their packets. She glanced back at Paige, who was watching her with a curious look on her face. Had she noticed Val staring, too, or just being inattentive? Embarrassed and irritated, Val started to read the assigned page, trying to ignore the fact that her cheeks were on fire. The last thing she needed was Paige thinking she’d been checking her out.
* * *
At the break, Paige saw that Val kept to herself while the others mingled and chatted a bit. She watched as Val flipped through her notebook with one hand and twirled a strand of her dark hair around the fingers of the other. She bit her lip in concentration, and Paige wondered if she had any idea how damn sexy she looked when she did that. Wandering over, she stopped by Val’s chair and peered over her shoulder at her meticulously written and highlighted notes.
“Looks like you’r
e a model student.”
Val stiffened and sat up straighter at the words, and she realized Val had taken her off-hand remark as sarcasm.
“Sorry to startle you. It’s just that a three-hour class is a long time to sit without taking a break.”
Val looked up at her with a small smile. “I mostly stand all day at work, so I don’t mind sitting.”
“What do you do for work?”
“I’m a children’s librarian.”
“Really? That sounds interesting. You certainly don’t fit the stereotype,” Paige replied with a laugh. When Val frowned, she quickly added, “You know, old lady with a bun and eyeglasses on a chain, shushing everyone.”
“Oh.”
Damn, now she’d insulted Val’s whole profession. “Anyway, there are refreshments on the back table,” Paige persisted, trying for a save.
“Thanks, I’m good,” Val replied and looked back at her notebook. When Paige didn’t move, she looked up again, one eyebrow raised.
Paige was usually pretty good at small talk, but this attempt had been an epic fail. “Okay, then,” she said and moved away, her cheeks flaming. Back at the refreshment table, she grabbed a bottle of water and thought about the gorgeous but not so approachable Val. An hour ago she was staring at me, but now she’ll barely acknowledge that I exist. What the hell is that about?
Chapter Four
Val stepped into Pony’s and searched the dimly lit, noisy club for her friend. It wasn’t her favorite scene, but it was the only mostly lesbian bar left in the area. She saw her best friend Sasha sitting at the bar and made her way over, trying to ignore the flirty looks from the half dozen women in her path. She was not in the mood to be hit on. Sasha saw her and hopped off her barstool to sweep Val up into one of her trademark bear hugs.
“Damn, girl. You’re looking as fine as ever,” Sasha said, holding Val by the shoulders and looking her over.
“Thanks. You’re looking pretty fine yourself.” Sasha’s black curls were cropped military short, and her white tank accentuated the flawless dark skin Val had always envied. “You seem thinner, though.”
“Trying to lay off the junk food. Gotta keep this ripped physique in tip-top shape, you know.”
Val was delighted to see Sasha and couldn’t keep the huge grin from her face. They hadn’t seen each other in months while Sasha had been away at Senior Leader Course training, and she had just returned to her company at Fort Drum last week. “So, hotshot, what’s it like to be a sergeant first class?”
“Same old shit. I’m just responsible for more of it now,” Sasha replied with a groan. Val didn’t fall for the grumbling—she knew how proud Sasha was to serve in the US Army and how hard she’d worked. “What about you? How’s life among the stacks?”
“Enlightening. Look at us, all grown up and respectable. We’ve come a long way from Leigh and Jerry’s, huh?”
“Damn, remember when they brought us out to the farm? We were, like, Aw hell, no.”
Val laughed. “They were the best foster parents, though. Didn’t put up with our shit, but I knew they cared.”
“I’ll always be grateful for the hundreds of hay bales I had to move that year. Made basic training a hell of a lot easier,” Sasha replied. She wasn’t one to brag, but Val knew Sasha had bested many of the men at basic. She was smart, strong, and tough as hell.
Val ordered a Sam Adams and settled on her stool. Sasha leaned in close. “Incoming, five o’clock.” A woman approached from Val’s right and boldly stepped between her and Sasha.
“Hi there. I’m Steph. I couldn’t help but notice you when you came in, and I told myself my night wouldn’t be complete unless I got to dance with you. So how about we go on out there?”
Val plastered on a polite smile, trying not to recoil at the stench of alcohol on the woman’s breath. “Thanks, but my friend and I have some catching up to do. Maybe another time?”
The woman pouted, then placed her hand on Val’s leg and squeezed. “Most definitely,” she said in what she must’ve thought was a sultry voice, but really just sounded wasted. She moved unsteadily away.
Sasha laughed. “That didn’t take long. What were you here for, ten minutes?”
Val rolled her eyes. “She was pretty ballsy. What if you and I were together?”
“I’m thinking she didn’t care. Lucky for her we aren’t, or I might have had to sober her up.” Sasha took a swig of her drink. “Anyway, we ought to be used to this by now. After all, you are all fifty shades of hot.”
“Stop,” Val said. “I did not come here to pick up women. I am perfectly happy to hang out with my BFF and just chill.”
“In that case, we might want to go somewhere else. Two more incoming, eight o’clock.”
Val burst out laughing.
* * *
Sasha and Val grabbed a booth at Clara’s Diner, which wouldn’t be crazy busy until last call at the bars. A waitress approached, filled their water glasses, and whipped out an order pad. “What’ll it be, girls?”
“I would kill for some pecan pancakes,” Sasha said.
“No violence necessary,” the waitress responded with a wink. “We’ll just make ’em for ya.” She turned to Val. “And you?”
“I’ll have a piece of coconut cream pie and a coffee, decaf,” Val replied.
“You got it.” The waitress gave Sasha another smile and left.
“She was totally flirting with you,” Val teased.
“And why shouldn’t she? I’m incredibly good-looking. You and me, girl, we just break hearts everywhere we go.”
Val laughed. Sasha was beautiful, and many a woman had fallen for her killer smile. “Speaking of broken hearts, whatever happened to that woman you were seeing—Mandy, right?”
“Holy crap. Train wreck, that one,” Sasha replied, shaking her head. “She so didn’t get me. She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t leave the Army and go play housewives with her. She wanted me around constantly. When I told her I had reenlisted and was going to SLC training for five months, she went ballistic. I had to let her go. It’s a damn shame, really—she was pretty feisty in bed.”
“Luckily, they’ll be lining up to take her place,” Val replied.
“Nah, I’m swearing off women for a while. Too much drama, and I can’t get shit done. You, though, could totally be holding interviews for Ms. Right. You know she’s out there.”
Val was saved from replying right away by the arrival of their food. Her slice of pie was a four-inch deep masterpiece of custard and whipped cream, and she dug in, moaning. “I could live on Clara’s pies.”
“Yeah, but you’d die of a coronary at thirty. Quit changing the subject. We were talking about you and dating.”
“I date,” she lied, pretending to peruse the song titles in the 1950s tabletop jukebox beside her.
Sasha snorted. “No, you don’t. You occasionally scratch your itch with a one-nighter, but you haven’t had a girlfriend in forever.”
“You know I don’t do relationships. Like you said, too much drama.” Val took a sip of water, avoiding Sasha’s eyes.
“Yeah, for me, but you could use a little drama in your orderly librarian life—shake things up a bit.” Sasha took a huge bite of pancake, then shook a scolding fork at Val.
“I am shaking things up. Remember Connie Smart, our caseworker from the county? I’m taking a training with her.”
“For what?” Sasha asked.
“To become a foster parent.”
“Foster parent training? Holy shitballs, are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious,” Val said, a little defensively. “You know I’ve always loved working with kids, and you know how bad they need good foster homes. I think I’d be pretty good at it, actually.”
“Hey, I’m not trying to put down the idea,” Sasha said hastily. “You would be good at it. I just never thought you’d want anything more to do with the system. It wasn’t exactly kind to you. Guess you just surprised me.”
&nb
sp; “Surprised myself. But I’m enjoying the class so far. Connie and the other trainer make it interesting, and I feel like I could really help a kid, you know?”
“I know you’d be great,” Sasha said. “A lot of the kids we were placed with did better because you took an interest in them.”
“Thanks,” Val replied, feeling validated.
But then Sasha added, “So you’re a little backward. Guess you can get a kid first, then we’ll work on a girlfriend.”
Val smirked and smacked Sasha in the arm. “Whatever.”
Chapter Five
Val added a few more chairs to the rows in the open space of the children’s section. The library was hosting Raptors, Reptiles, and Rodents today, and a large crowd was expected. While she waited for the presenter and her entourage of critters to arrive, Val took a moment to sit and finish her coffee. She enjoyed these animal-related events, and this was one of the reasons she loved working at this library. The board was willing to approve a diverse offering of educational events to engage children in learning and reading, and the more kids they could reach, the better.
“Look who I found,” Linda said, leading two women into the room. Donna Drake, better known as the owner of the traveling exhibit Mama Dee’s Amazing Animals, walked in with her daughter Beth, each holding pet carriers.
“Val,” Donna said, setting down her load and wrapping Val in a huge hug. “How ya doin’, kiddo?” Donna was in her sixties and called everyone kiddo.
“I’m doing fine, Donna. Hey, Beth.” Beth was her age and was a carbon copy of her mom, in olive khaki cargo shorts and vest, hiking boots, and her blond hair in a long braid down her back.
“Hey, Val,” Beth responded, with even more enthusiasm than her mom. Beth had a long-standing crush on Val, and was now looking at her with such dreamy-eyed adoration, it made Val squirm.
Taking Chances Page 2
