by Risk, Mona
“I can’t go back to normal, Barbara. I need you.”
She looked him in the eyes. “Tough.” And she banged the door in his face.
Women! Would he ever understand them? He thought this one was different, serene and sweet. She was. Until the word marriage came between them.
Desperate to see her radiant smile and talk to her, he rapped on the door and then knocked harder. No answer.
It was too late in life for him to have meaningful relationship. He knew he wouldn’t be able to close his eyes tonight and headed down to the bar.
****
Too late for me. Dating games needed a solid heart and a cold head. She didn’t know how to play. And yet she was in love. Desperately in love. A surge of tears blurred her vision. He hadn’t offered his heart and pronounced forever words. He did what everyone did nowadays, what he believed was the right thing to do. Barbara couldn’t blame it on Lou.
Why couldn’t she forget her values and enjoy life?
Because you are Barbara Ramsey, a mother of five beautiful daughters who trust her to do the right thing as she taught them. She couldn’t suddenly turn her back on her past.
She undressed, threw her clothes in the closet, and donned a robe. The knocks on the door startled her. She wanted to open and fall in Lou’s arms. He was suffering too. They’d hurt each other—unwillingly. She threw herself on the bed and cried for a while.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep, she slipped on some sweat pants and a light sweater and headed to the twenty-four hour cafeteria to order an herbal tea.
“Barbara!” A glass in his hand, Lou crossed the lobby and rushed toward her. “What are you doing here?”
“I can’t sleep. My stomach hurts. Stress spasms. I was going to have an anise tea.” She shrugged and focused an inquisitive gaze on his face. “What about you?”
“Same thing. I couldn’t sleep so I got myself a Scotch to drown my heartache.”
She pouted like a guilty kid. “Sorry, I gave you the heartache.”
His chuckle sounded bitter. “Sorry, I gave you the stress spasms. Come, Barbara, I’ll get you your herbal tea and we’ll drink our remedies together. I need my best buddy, and I promise to listen like a good friend. Will you sit with me?”
Barbara nodded. She so badly needed his presence. He led her to a nook off the main bar. She settled in the comfortable leather chair while he went to get her anise tea. At one in the morning only a few people still lingered at the bar. He brought himself a second Scotch and sat across from her.
He raised his glass. “To our friendship. I hope…I mean I want it to last forever.”
“I do, too, Lou.” She clicked her cup against his drink.
“I’m sorry I’ve upset you. It was the last thing on my mind. I may have aced in my business, but I’m a complete ignoramus in affaire de coeur.” He opened both hands, his face a mask of contrition.
She clenched her cup with both hands to avoid reaching out and caressing his cheek. “I know, Lou. I’m sorry too. I lost control and banged the door in your face.”
He laughed, a sad sound so different from his usual gregarious outbursts. “You got me there. I finally realized I did something wrong.”
“It’s not that you did or said anything bad. We were not on the same wavelength. I guess I haven’t evolved. I still live by my old values, but I shouldn’t expect others to do the same. One day I may change—eventually.”
“No please, Barbara, don’t change. I like you exactly as you are.” He squeezed her hand and immediately let go as if he was afraid she might run away.
Had she scared the bejeebers out of him with her high and mighty moral values? Darn, she didn’t know anymore what to think or how to act? Why had she ever gone to Paris in the first place? She should have trusted her premonitions that it wasn’t a good idea.
“So where do we go from here? I mean as far as our relationship is concerned.” She could have bitten her lips. What relationship? He’d offered the maximum he could offer in terms of feelings and commitment. And here she was pathetically begging for crumbles.
“How about we take one day at a time? I’ll do my best to behave. And if I falter, you’ll forgive and forget. Okay?”
“Okay.” How would they take that one day at a time? She swallowed the question.
“Tomorrow, we’ll get Monica and her babies settled in her apartment and then we’ll see. One day at a time,” he repeated as if he too was pondering the words.
****
“Mom, Dad, did you have a good time last night?” Monica blurted as soon as they entered her room the next morning.
Lou scowled at her. For the first time she’d called him Dad, she could have chosen a better question, a better phrase. Barbara dropped her purse and lowered to fetch the items that scattered out. He bent too and helped.
“Well, what’s wrong with you people?” Monica stared at them with a scowl so similar to his. The impudent girl shook her index finger under his nose when he approached her bed. “Lou, I can see you upset Mom. Shame on you after the torrid kiss you gave her yesterday.”
Stunned, he opened furious eyes, ready to give her a piece of his mind. But Barbara raised her palm and squinted. “Monica, mind your own business and keep a civil tongue in your mouth,” she scolded.
“Incredible.” Her trademark pout jutting, his daughter had the guts to look offended. “Here I thought you had a good influence on him. But it looks like he’s the one who gets the worst out of you.”
“Monica!” Both Barbara and Lou warned at the same time.
“Okay, okay. Don’t take your rotten mood out on me. I’m not saying another word.” She tapped the nurse call button several times.
“Are you ready to leave?” the nurse asked a moment later.
“Yes, can you help me get dressed? It looks like my parents have too much on their minds today.”
“I’ll wait outside,” Lou grumbled.
“You too, Mrs. Ramsay,” Monica ordered, as if she hadn’t called Barbara Mom a moment ago.
Lou was still fuming when Barbara joined him in the hallway. “Is this girl a hopeless case?”
Barbara smiled. “This girl is your daughter through and through.”
“I wish I could be sure.”
“Lou, she doesn’t have your features but she certainly has your character.”
“You don’t say. I’ve never talked to my parents this way.”
“Because you had a good education thanks to your wonderful mother. Monica never had a good example. No offense, Lou, but her pitch is the same you use with your employees when you’re worried and assign a job top priority,” she said imitating his tone of voice.
He scowled and she smiled. He’d have to watch his voice from now on. He’d always praised himself for being a fair boss. “I never noticed, but I’ll pay attention.”
“And your scowl, Lou. Monica’s scowl is a mirror image of yours, even the arrogant tilt of her chin is so like yours. She’s also as generous as you are. Remember, how she put her college dream aside to take care of her ungrateful mother. I don’t need a DNA test to tell you she’s one hundred percent your daughter.”
He rubbed his chin. Barbara chuckled. “Checking its tilt?”
He grinned. It was good to laugh together again as if their last discussion hadn’t happened—or at least was forgotten. “I wish you were right, Barbara. I’d be the happiest father in the world if it was true. So now I should be pleased she was so insolent?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but poor Monica didn’t mean to be insulting. She’d just had high hopes for us and was disappointed.”
“How are you going to deal with her for three days?”
“Don’t worry. I’ve handled difficult cases before.” She frowned. “Why three days?”
“Because in three days I’m going back to Atlanta. I assumed you’d be going back to Kentucky and I was planning to drive you to the airport.”
“Thanks, Lou. But I think Monica w
ill need help for much longer than three days.”
“Don’t let her take advantage of you.”
Barbara chuckled. How he loved the bubbly sound. “Even if she does, it’s okay with me. I love babies, and I’m determined to have her stand on her own two feet—the right way.”
“Thank you, darl—” He caught himself in time and swallowed the endearment. Damn it, he almost banged his fist against the wall. He couldn’t continue to treat her like an ordinary friend when he wanted her to be so much more. She probably heard his slip as she lowered her head and sighed.
The door opened and the nurse appeared. “Mr. Roland, Monica is ready. She’s dressed and has signed the discharged papers. As soon as I bring the babies, you’ll be free to leave.”
“Thank you, nurse.” Before entering his daughter’s room, he held Barbara’s hand. “I want you to know how much I appreciate all you’re doing for Monica.”
“You’re welcome.” She turned her back and entered the room.
Why did he feel like a skunk?
Chapter Eleven
“Excuse me.” Barbara hissed between gritted teeth.
“Sorry,” Lou muttered for the tenth time. He slowly eased away, in the cramped room, inadvertently rubbing against her oversensitive body. She had to get him out of there or she was going to scream.
“Ah I forgot to tell you I need nutmeg and soya sauce. Can you, please, go get them?” Once again she’d send him to run errands.
“Sure,” he answered with a resigned voice. “Anything else? Think carefully. I’ve already been to the supermarket and other places five times.”
In fact, having Lou around her all day in the eight by eight space of Monica’s living room and the four by four kitchenette was a pure torture. As she navigated around the boxes of diapers, wipes and baby paraphernalia, she’d bumped into his solid chest way too often. Once his arms had closed around her and immediately dropped with a hushed sorry. Her heartbeat drummed against her ribs, and she’d asked him if he could please get them some fruits.
Another time his gaze captured hers, but he turned at once and hit his knee against the cocktail table with an ouch and a curse. He left by himself to get three cups of strong coffee.
His masculine scent and the lemon fragrance of his aftershave filled the atmosphere and smoldered her treacherous senses. To remedy the situation and survive, Barbara created errand after errand for him to run, and decided to cook with highly aromatic ingredients.
Soon the aroma of garlic, coriander, and fried oil replaced his cherished scent. Barbara insisted he ate alone while she locked herself in the bedroom with Monica to change and feed the babies. Later she brought the overwhelmed mommy a plate of grilled steak, fried vegetables, and potatoes, followed by fruit for dessert.
At the end of her ropes, Barbara prepared a similar plate for herself, slumped onto the living room sofa, and kicked her shoes off.
“You’re finally sitting down. You know you haven’t stopped moving around, which is almost impossible to do in this tiny apartment,” Lou lamented.
“We had to change and feed two babies every two hours. Monica is exhausted, just breastfeeding.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll tidy the kitchen and warm bottles for the next feed. I insisted she sleeps now.”
“Let me clean the kitchen. You lie down and stretch your back.”
Lou cleaning a kitchen? She suppressed a chuckle. “Come on, Lou, you’re not serious.”
When he rolled up his sleeves, she gulped and stared. Lou at the sink, working his biceps on the pots and pans was a picture to behold. If she had an ounce of energy left she’d have brought her camera and saved this special memory.
“You think I can’t do a good job?” His brow arched, he challenged her. “Just wait and see, lady. Besides, your kitchen smells so good, it’s a pleasure.”
At the moment the tiny kitchen smelled of garlic and herbs. Thank God, she’d managed to suppress the powerful aphrodisiac of his scent.
“I’d rather have you go to the launderette and wash the babies’ overalls, sheets, and covers. I should have bought twice as many, but I didn’t know where to put them.” Frustration threatened to engulf her, but she kicked it back. “I wish she had her own washer and drier. I hate to have baby clothes washed in public places.”
“Are you kidding? Where on Earth, would we put the machines?” His arms crossed over his chest, Lou didn’t bother to hide his irritation. Ever since they’d stepped into the small apartment, he’d been like a live wire. And she wasn’t much better. “Maybe I should move her to a bigger apartment.”
“For heaven’s sake, it’s not a good time to move now.” Barbara tucked a pillow behind her. She hated the apartment but the thought of moving exacerbated the pain in her lower back. “The babies are too small to bear the stress of a move. And Monica is already very nervous. She cried for an hour when you went grocery-shopping.”
“She cried? Why? You’re the one assuming the whole responsibility.”
“It’s natural in her situation. She’s postpartum.”
“Post what?” He looked at her with round eyes. Was she talking Chinese?
“Postpartum anxiety means a nervous state that affects young mothers after the delivery.” God, she was so tired. Why couldn’t he understand without her drawing a picture?
“Ah.” He raked his hair. “Does it go away with Aspirin or Tylenol or a stronger anti-anxiety medicine?”
She answered with a shrug and then felt bad. Lou didn’t realize the situation. “It will go away by itself as the babies grow and she becomes more confident. We just have to give her as much support as possible.”
The babies chose the wrong time to cry. Heck every time they cried was a wrong time. Barbara wriggled her back and straightened. “Monica is asleep. I don’t want them to wake her.”
“Stay. I’ll bring them to you,” Lou said.
Unable to believe her ears, she stared at him, her eyes rounding.
He chuckled and walked to the bedroom. A few minutes later, he returned with a screaming bundle tucked in each arm. “She’s so deeply asleep, she didn’t even stir. Boys, stop it. You’re going to wake mommy.” Lou shook his head as the babies kept crying. “As stubborn as their mother.”
Barbara chuckled. “You’re too cute, Lou. Please hand me the diapers. I’ll change them. Meanwhile, I’ll appreciate it if you warm two bottles of milk in the microwave for ten seconds. Make sure you remove the covers first.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He handed her diapers, disappeared in the kitchen, and came back with two warm bottles.
“Here take Baby Lou and give him his bottle. I’ll feed Chris.”
Lou settled beside her, a baby in his arms.
“Glad you have their names embroidered on their overalls. I’ve no idea how you can tell them apart. I’d be afraid to feed one twice and starve the other.”
Silence hovered in the small living room interrupted by the babies’ slurping.
“Oh my God, you’re so precious, both of you.” Monica padded to the middle of the room a blissful smile on her lips. “I slept during the crying but when it was too calm I woke up.”
“That’s the sign of a good mama,” Barbara said with a smile, but Monica had already left them to their task. They were both watching their babies when a flash startled them.
“The picture of the century,” Monica declared with a wicked smile. “Dad, I can blackmail you to hell and back.” She burst out laughing. Stunned, they both scowled at her. “I’m joking, of course. You’re so adorable, sitting next to each other, each feeding a baby. It’s my first feel of a real family. Thank you, Mom, Dad. I can sleep in peace now.” She spun around and shuffled to her room.
“Hey, girl,” Lou called after her. “Don’t forget to send me a copy or you’ll never hear the end of it.” Monica’s laughter bubbled in the silence.
Her heart heavy, Barbara digested Monica’s words and promised herself she’d never abandon h
er, regardless of what became of her relationship with Lou. Her first feeling of a real family.
“Barbara, I think we’ve reached the point where you need help. How about I hire a maid to run your errands? I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. I can’t let you deal with this mess alone.”
We won’t have so many errands with you away. “Good idea. We’ll need someone to help with the laundry, dishes, and groceries.”
“The babies are fed and asleep now. And your kitchen is clean. I’ll be on my way to the launderette.” He stood with Baby Lou in his arms, went to set him in his bassinet, and then he heaved the plastic bag of dirty laundry and left.
Her heart twisting with pain, Barbara closed her eyes. The day after tomorrow. When would they see each other again?
He’d been wonderful today, helping every step of the way, without complaint. But his eyes spoke volume, sending tender messages that the powerful TV Director would do anything for her—even washing dishes and feeding babies.
Should she throw herself in his arms and tell him she loved him?
She already had, once.
Now was not the right time when Monica needed her here and Lou had to go back to work. He was right. They would take one a day at a time. And suffer through hell to find the right solution.
****
In his hotel room, Lou prowled in circles like a lion in a cage too small for him. On his way out of the building he stopped to talk to the janitor and secured a handywoman to help Barbara with her various errands. What else could he do to convince her she was special to him?
He’d never cleaned a kitchen before. Not even his—he ate out most of the time or use disposable plates and silverware—and his many girlfriends had never expected him to step in their kitchens. Their living rooms and bedrooms satisfied his needs.
Barbara had thrown him off balance with her expectations. But he’d enjoyed helping out.
He still couldn’t believe that it would be marriage or nothing for her. Heck, if he’d married Jennifer, he’d have divorced her after a month, and the rest of his girlfriends hadn’t survived more than six months in his company.
