Mission Earth 03 - The Enemy Within

by The Enemy Within [lit]

  There was a woman in it, using the phone. Bury banged on the glass door. The woman glared at him fero­ciously and went on with her conversation.

  "Look, Inkswitch," said Bury. "I'd appreciate it if you could keep this area clear while I'm phoning. I will be on that phone some time and people bang on the glass the way I am doing."

  I said I'd try.

  "Do you have some dimes?" said Bury. "I don't seem to have any change."

  I didn't either. But I was thinking fast on the other problem of keeping this area clear. Bury started off toward the subway change booth.

  I raced up the stairs. The KKK was still picketing. Their placards! I had to have a couple of those placards! "Make do with whatever is to hand," the Apparatus pro­fessors used to drum into us. Now was the time to apply that advice.

  At the top of my lungs, I screamed, "Cheese it! The New York Tactical Police Force is coming!"

  I drew my gun and fired twice!

  The Klansmen ran frantically away!

  The two I had winged dropped their placards.

  I picked the picketing signs up and rushed back down the stairs.

  Bury was just leaving the back door of the change booth. He had a huge sack of change in his hand. "It all takes so much time!" he mourned. "They didn't believe at first that we owned the subway!" He plunged his hand into the bag and stuffed change in his overcoat pocket. He handed me the rest of the bag. "Hold on to this. We'll have to turn the balance in to the IRT Subway accoun­tants!"

  He rushed over to the phone booth. The woman was just finishing. He banged on the glass anyway.

  Quickly, I went over behind the young man. I swung the bag of change expertly. It came down on his head. He collapsed. I grabbed the two spray cans and got to work.

  I ripped the placard off one pole and reversed it to the unused side. I quickly and neatly sprayed, in blue, CIA MAN. I looked around on the platform, found some used chewing gum and plastered it to the underside.

  I took the other placard and changed the writing on it to DOWN WITH THE CIA!

  The woman was calling Bury names. I could see what he meant about the dangers of a kiosk being unde­fended.

  The woman left. As Bury started to go into the kiosk, I slapped the CIA MAN sign on his back. He didn't notice.

  "My God, it stinks in here!" said Bury. "She must have been chewing garlic!" He left the door open.

  I began to parade up and down with my placard, DOWN WITH THE CIA! People veered off sharply.

  Bury put coins in the phone. He said, "Operator? Get me the Chief Operator of the New York Telephone Company at once.... Chief Operator? This is Bury of Swindle and Crouch. Patch this pay phone, KLondike 5-9721, into Unlimited International WATS Line Num­ber 1.... Of course I know it is a secret line. I ought to: We own the phone company.... What is your name, please? Goog?"

  He was writing in his little notebook on the ledge. "G-O-O-G. Thank you, Miss Goog.... My phone credit card number is IT&T Number 1.... Yes, we do own the phone company, Miss Goog.... All right. Now, patch this pay phone into the WATS line. You stay on this line personally to shift connections. Keep this line open. Keep all other calls off this pay phone. Clear any and all calls off the board if they get in your way."

  He listened for a moment. Then he underscored Miss Goog's name in his little notebook. "No, Miss Goog. I don't care if the President is talking on it, clear him off the line...."

  The crowd was staying very clear of us. I marched up and down with my placard, DOWN WITH THE CIA!

  Bury said to himself, "Dumb (bleepch). Trying to plug me into the hot line. Who the hell wants to talk to the President at a time like this?" He was fanning the kiosk door open and shut. "My God, it stinks in here!" He suddenly gave his attention to the phone. "All right, Miss Goog. Now connect me, direct line, to the Senior Monitoring Officer, National Security Agency.... Yes, Miss Goog, I know it is a secret government line.... Hello. Who is this? Peeksnoop? Ah, how are you, Peek-snoop? This is Bury of Swindle and Crouch.... Yes, the wife is fine.... Listen, Peeksnoop, are you monitoring calls made by General Hatchetheimer?... Ah, that is fine. You verify that...."

  A train pulled in. The passengers saw the signs and stayed on.

  Bury said to me, "We're in luck. Hatchetheimer is heading a terrorist group in Cairo and they think he's planning to blow up the U.S. Embassy there tomorrow morning. He's confirming the satellite connections. Hatchetheimer is pretty agile for a man his... Ah, Peek-snoop. Well, reverse the surveillance monitor system and patch me into Hatchetheimer's phone. Just ring it. That's a good fellow."

  The crowd was very clear of us. I marched a bit with my placard. Bury fanned the door and left it open.

  He went back on the phone. "Hatchetheimer? Ah, there you are. This is Bury.... Yes, I'm fine.... He's fine, too.... Oh, dear, you don't tell me.... Well, I'm sorry about that. I faithfully promise to see that the defec­tive firebombs are replaced right away. Yes, you have my word on it.... Now, listen, General. I have a military problem I need your advice on. Down at Pier 92..."

  A train came in. The doors opened. Passengers started to get off, saw the signs and stayed aboard. Pas­sengers trying to get on jammed the cars. The doors clanged shut and the train roared on.

  I could hear Bury again. "... oh, not the New York police. God, no.... We save the New York National

  Guard for real emergencies.... The U.S. Army would use it to up their defense budget. Listen, General... Yes. International Zone at the end of Pier 92. It's an inter­national problem...."

  The young black was coming around, probably from being stepped on. He got up groggily, saw his paint spray cans, came over and picked them up and got back to work on his graffiti.

  Bury was saying, "Oh, yes, that is splendid, Gen­eral. And I do thank you for your time. Good luck on the embassy." He jiggled the phone hook. He looked at me. "There's hope. Hatchetheimer is a brilliant man."

  The phone rang suddenly. He put the receiver to his ear. He listened, then he spoke. "No, (bleep) it, this is not the Horseburger Delicatessen!... No, I will not send you three Ponies Supreme!" He jiggled the hook agita­tedly. "Miss Goog! God (bleep) it, keep this line clear! All right. I'm glad you are sorry. Now connect me to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Washington, Strategic Duty Of­ficer. ... Yes, I know it is a secret line, Miss Goog. Con­nect the God (bleeped) connection!" He sighed deeply and then fanned the door. "I hate garlic!"

  He had his call. "This is Bury of Swindle and Crouch. What NATO units do you have right this min­ute in the New York area?... What?... What is your name?... Sheridan. General Sheridan." He was writing in his notebook. "I don't think you heard me, General Sheridan. This is Bury of Swindle and Crouch.... Oh.... Well, match your (bleeping) voice print, then. My God!" He underscored what he had written in the notebook.

  He fanned the door. He looked out at me. "We're going to get this Madison yet, Inkswitch."

  Some gawkers weren't as cowardly as the rest. I pushed them on, poking them somewhat with my placard.

  Bury was talking again. "All right, I'm glad you are satisfied it is really me. Now answer my God (bleeped) question.... Ah. A NATO tank squadron giving a show at the 7th Regiment Armory tonight. They will have to do. Have them meet me three blocks south of Pier 92 at 8:30 tonight, all equipment, tanks and combat ready.... General, I don't happen to care if it wrecks their show. And I don't care if they are British. Get onto the Supreme NATO Commander at Strasbourg at once and get your clearance and right now! Issue the God (bleeped) order!"

  He underscored something in his notebook. "All right, General. There is now one more thing. Do you have an aircraft carrier in the Brooklyn Navy Yard?... You do?... The U.S.S. Saratoga. ... General, I don't care if she is in dry dock. Issue orders at once transfer­ring her for the next twenty-four hours to NATO com­mand, Europe.... Well, get the God (bleeped) Secretary of the Navy out of the God (bleeped) dinner party and get it done!... No, I haven't got time to tell you why.... Yes, it is in the national interest! Good!"
>
  He jiggled the phone hook. He turned sideways to me. "We're making progress on Madison." Then he was back on the phone. "Miss Goog? No, God (bleep) it, your pants are not ready and this isn't the Yorkville Dry Cleaners! Miss GOOG!... Listen, (bleep) it, stay on this line. Now connect me at once to the Commanding Of­ficer of the U.S.S. Saratoga in the Brooklyn Navy Yard."

  Bury looked at his watch. "Time, time," he said side­ways to me. "All this is taking time. But we're making progress on Madis... Hello. This is Bury of Swindle and Crouch.... How do you do, Captain Jinx. Captain, you will shortly be receiving confirmation from the Sec­retary of the Navy but you are not to wait for it. You and all your crew have been transferred to NATO command for the next..."

  A train roared in. Bury shut the door so he could talk.

  A mob seemed to be gathering. There were two tough-looking fellows who wanted to get through the picket line and at Bury who still wore the sign on his back. Some others tried to join the picket line.

  I fended them off with various pokes and sorties. One timid-looking fellow seemed to have gotten caught between the mob and the phone booth. He had an over­coat the same color as Bury's. I hoped Bury would finish up quickly. This was getting tight. The mob was increas­ing. Instead of the placards fending them off, they seemed to be attracting them. These were a different crowd—blue-collar workers. An ugly situation was in the making.

  Bury finished!

  He hung up the phone and opened the kiosk door.

  I acted, quick as a wink.

  I took the sign covertly off Bury's back and put it on the timid man's back. I hissed into his ear, "They're after you! Run for your life!"

  My, did he run! He went tearing down the platform and away!

  The crowd, confused in the dim light, attracted as they should be by the motion, saw the CIA MAN sign vanishing out of their clutches!

  They sped in a howling torrent after their quarry!

  Their savage cries were deafening! They receded.

  "What was that?" said Bury.

  "Joggers," I said.

  We left the impromptu emergency world-command post of the Rockecenter planetary proprietorship.

  The phone was ringing. Probably Miss Goog wanted more quarters. We ignored it and left.

  Chapter 5

  Mr. Bury glanced at his watch. "We had better take time to eat. This schedule will be pretty tight later."

  We went into the Jewish delicatessen at the top of the subway stairs. There was a greasy, white-topped table at the back. Mr. Bury said, "I hate these places normally. I'm dead set against Jews making money, but that applies generally to other races, of course."

  We sat down and he looked at the menu in big letters on the wall. The Klan had spray-painted a swastika with a KKK over it. "I think all they have here is kosher hot dogs. No wonder our Ku Klux Klan attacks them."

  "You finance the Klan?" I said.

  "Of course. They make social trouble, don't they? Hey!" he yelled at the little Jew back of the counter, "two hottee doggies, you savvy?

  "Blasted foreigners, they don't speak English, you know. But they're all right if you put a dash of bicarbon­ate of soda on them."

  I was very contrite. I realized I had shot two of their Klansmen. Not very brotherly of me. Well, I wouldn't tell Bury.

  We got our kosher hot dogs. Mr. Bury, eating one, was working on his notebook. I didn't interrupt him. He was being very careful and neat about it, making his rough notes written in the kiosk legible. I knew he must be rounding off the administration details to make it all right with the powers that be.

  "I think we have a very good chance of getting Madi­son," he said. "Hatchetheimer sure is bright. I just hope we have enough firepower." He made a couple more notes. "Well, that will suffice to give my office staff something to handle. Got to keep them busy. How does this look to you?" He turned the notes around so I could read them. I was touched by his confidence and his seek­ing my opinion.

  The notes said:

  1. Send Peeksnoop's wife a box of chocolates.

  2. Account for one bag of change, IRT Sub­way System.

  3. Rebuild Fort Apache using taxpayer's money, order one squadron of horse cavalry to it, transfer General Sheridan to command it and order him to chase Geronimo until he reaches retirement age.

  4. Demote Miss Goog, Chief Operator New York Telephone Company, to track polisher New York Subway.

  5. Debit three hot dogs to expense account.

  6. Promote Captain Jinx of the U.S.S. Sara­toga to rear admiral if he comes through on time.

  7. Tell the British they can choose the next NATO commander if their tank squadron does its job.

  8. Send the mayor's wife a dozen long-stemmed American Beauty roses and appoint her president of the Metropolitan Opera.

  I said, "It seems all right to me. But I don't get this last one."

  He looked at it. "Oh, heavens. You're right, Ink-switch. I forgot to call the mayor." He hastily stuffed the last of his hot dogs in his mouth and rushed to the pay phone.

  I didn't hear what he was saying. He came back look­ing the usual disillusioned look of a Wall Street lawyer.

  "It was just as I suspected. I hate politicians. All I asked him to do was use every squad car in Manhattan to block all entrances and exits to Twelfth Avenue and the West Side Elevated Highway from West 17th Street to West 79th and prohibit all other traffic on it between 8:30 and 9:30 tonight. That's territorial U.S. so it's all legal to use them as long as they are not actively engaged in the assault—we have to close all loopholes to a possible Madison appeal on technicalities."

  He thumped his fist on the table. "And (bleep) him, I knew he would balk. So I had already figured my way around it. That's what the flowers were for. I told him we were after a member of the Corleone mob. It's his wife, you see. She and Babe Corleone were chorus girls together at the Roxy Theater and they hate each other. You have to know the ins and outs of local politics as well, Inkswitch. So, of course, he issued the order instantly and Madison won't escape on any side streets. So we leave the flowers on the list."

  Bury rubbed his hand wearily over his prune face. Then he gave his narrow, snap-brim New Yorker's hat a tug. "We might as well be going, Inkswitch. This is likely to be a pretty violent assault and I told my wife I'd be home by ten."

  He paid for the hot dogs with a handful of change out of the IRT bag. I noticed he had forgotten his sheet of notes. I caught up with him outside. I gave them to him. He wadded them up and threw them in the litter basket by a lamppost. "Don't litter, Inkswitch. We have a campaign going right now. 'No Littering.' Lets us pick up all the anti-Rockecenter leaflets and jail the offenders, without being charged with violating the First Amend­ment of Free Speech and Press. You have to know these things, now that you're a member of the family. But I will say that you won't find it easy. People like us, we work and slave, cogwheels in the machines of the mighty, unappreciated and ignored no matter how devoted to our duties. I think I have indigestion. Did I put bicarbonate of soda on my hot dog?"

  I didn't recall that he had and he settled it by remem­bering he didn't have any with him.

  We made our way to the rendezvous with the Gods of battle.

  Chapter 6

  It was about 8:20 P.M. The deadly zero hour was rushing upon us.

  Bury and I alighted from a cab: it could not get any closer than a block away. We sped on foot toward our ren­dezvous with fate.

  Ahead were masses of vehicles. The black night was foggy blue with glowing lights. The Hudson River lay to our left hand like a plain of pitch.

  Bury was muttering, "Aircraft carrier, sixteen M-20 latest model battle tanks, assault rifles, bazookas... I hope we have assembled enough firepower to handle

  Madison. But one cannot actually tell. He's tricky beyond belief!"

  We were going through police lines, squad cars block­ing everyone off the coming battleground. A huge hulk­ing figure barred our way. It was Police Inspector Grafferty.


  He looked closely at us and then he backed up with a smart salute. "I see it's you, Mr. Bury. I had a notion it might be. No one else could take every squad car in New York off its patrols. Want us to look the other way at anything?"

  Bury was concentrated on getting through the squad cars and police mob and to our first destination. But he answered, "No, this is all legal tonight."

  "Oh?" said Grafferty, honestly stunned with sur­prise.

  "It's an international matter so don't let your men get involved in anything but the traffic block. I wouldn't want any Americans up before the International Court of Human Rights."

  Grafferty agreed hastily. "No. They wouldn't stand a chance on that one."

  We got through. Ahead was what Bury wanted.

  Grouped in battle formation were sixteen M-20 tanks, hulking monsters, all polished up and ready for a show.

  Standing about them were their crews, all in dress uniforms, very British and smart.

  NATO pennons flew from their aerials and a huge NATO flag was staffed behind the turret of the lead one.

  It was a thrilling and martial sight!

  A brigadier in his dress uniform and beret, swagger stick tucked under his arm, came up. "I say, are you the chaps to whom we were told to report?" He gave his mil­itary mustache a twirl. There was obviously a question in his voice: possibly he had expected a high-ranking, be­medalled NATO general.

  I filled in the breach quickly. "This is Mr. Bury of Swindle and Crouch. He represents the Rockecenter inter­ests."

  Oh, my Lords! That brigadier came to a salute so stiff his arm vibrated and quivered. Without turning, he cried, "Crews, Ho-o! Sa-loot fohmahtion! Roy-yall!"

  There was a shattering hammer of boots upon the pavement. The mob turned into a tight, impressive for­mation behind him, every eye stiffly front, every body at tense attention.

  "Roy-all sa-loot! HUP!" cried the brigadier.

  Every hand rose as one in the most impressive salute I have ever seen.

  "TWO!" cried the brigadier. All hands and his own came down.