Tagged Heart

by Tasha Fawkes

  I was more of a titmouse than a tigress. The last time I had sex was some drunken one night nearly a year ago, and that experience didn't lend itself to making me want more. It sucked. After that, I figured I had two perfectly good hands and a vibrator, so why bother putting myself out there again only to end up counting ceiling tiles for twenty minutes while some guy "rocked my world"?

  Even thinking this, however, I felt something stir in me when Chad gave me those bedroom eyes. They probably weren't even bedroom eyes, they were just his normal eyes but they were sexy just because they were his. And here I was, staring at him, trying not to think about how a roll in the sheets with him would probably be miles better than anything I'd experienced in life thus far.

  "What's going through that mind of yours?" Chad asked. "You seem...troubled all of a sudden."

  I laughed nervously and took another sip of wine. "I just couldn't remember whether I left my curling iron on. I think I'm just being paranoid though."

  If Chad knew that my waves were completely au natural, he didn't say anything. He just nodded along.

  "How was your day?" I asked, attempting to steer my mind away from the way Chad's shoulders filled out his suit. "What took you away from the hotel all afternoon? Or is it super-secret adventure stuff."

  "Just a couple rounds of golf with Russell and Martin," he replied. "It's not my favorite sport, but I haven't seen them in a while so it was good to catch up."

  "Do you guys live in the same city when you're not working?"

  He nodded. "LA is where we lay our heads. They left for a conference in San Francisco after our last shoot, and I stopped by Vegas on my way home. They're probably my only two real friends, so even though I see them a lot, I always miss them when we spend time apart."

  I frowned. "They're your only two friends? But you're like..." I couldn't quite think of the word, so just waved at him.

  Chad laughed. "Devilishly handsome? Freakishly charming?"

  "Infinitely modest," I grumbled.

  He winked. "You already know me so well."

  I couldn't tell whether he was shirking the question on purpose, but I was determined to find out more.

  "Seriously though, what's the deal? Do you just not have time to hang out with other people? I would've thought you'd have a huge circle of friends."

  He swirled the wine around his glass thoughtfully before taking a drink. Some of his glamor had dulled, like a more authentic piece of him was showing through.

  "Relationships can be a lot of work to maintain. To be honest with you, I have a hard time finding people I'm willing to put in that work for. When you're in this kind of business, people always want something from you, but it's never the right thing. And they usually don't have anything to offer in return." He shrugged. "I guess it's just easier this way. I can focus on my work and my fans without any other distractions."

  "Friendships aren't supposed to be distractions."

  He met my gaze, suddenly more solemn than I'd ever seen him. "When you're pushing hard for success, everything has the potential to be a distraction."

  "Maybe you don't have to push so hard for success," I offered. "It seems like you're doing pretty well so far. You should let yourself breathe a little."

  Chad was quiet for a moment, the chiseled lines of his mouth set in contemplation. He seemed like he wanted to say something, like it was dancing right on the tip of his tongue and all he would have to do is open his mouth and it would spill out.

  And then, like he'd hit rewind on the tape, Chad pulled his goofy grin back up and the moment was gone.

  "Let's talk about you. You seem like a tough nut to crack, and I have to say the puzzle is tempting."

  The way he said it made it seem like more than the puzzle was just tempting him. An unexpected wave of heat crashed over me and I gripped onto the stem of my glass.

  "I'm not a puzzle. Just a girl who likes to dance and dreams of making it big one day. There are a million other girls just like me."

  "I don't know you well, Brin, but I do know there's not a single girl like you in the whole world."

  "I think you just broke the rules again," I joked, unsure of how else to respond to his statement. It gave me butterflies and I didn’t quite know why.

  His lips ticked upward. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not great with rules.”

  "I would caution you not to break these ones," I said, taking a measured sip of my wine. "Unless you want to wake up with Sharpie dicks all over your face."

  Chad tilted his head back and laughed, a deep throaty laugh that made my chest tighten. When he looked at me again, it was with a degree of warmth in his eyes that verged on inferno.

  "You're one hell of a girlfriend," mused.

  "Don't you forget it."

  We stumbled back to our room a little past ten, having consumed enough after dinner drinks to make the elevator ride and short walk an adventure worthy of one of Chad's videos. He was a gentleman the entire way, putting a steadying hand high on my waist when I needed a little stability but not allowing the touch to linger when I didn't. I was almost disappointed. Almost.

  In any case, we made it back to the room in one piece. The door slid shut behind us and my eyes shot to the king-sized bed that seemed to stick out like a sore thumb in the room.

  Chad caught me looking and chuckled. "There's a trick to that," he said.

  "To what?"

  Chad was already walking over to the closet, from which he yanked a folded white bundle and tossed it onto the bed.

  "To sharing a bed without really sharing a bed." He started to unfold the package and I saw it was a spacious duvet. "Two blankets. Just imagine that we're camping or something."

  "Sure," I said, dropping my head a little to hide the flush on my cheeks. "Just like camping."

  Sharing a bed wasn't a big deal. I thought it was sweet that Chad was trying to soothe me about it, but it was completely unnecessary. He was reading my nervous energy, but he wasn't reading it correctly. What Chad didn't know was that when my gaze first landed on that bed, with the memory of his hand on my waist still so fresh, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like for him to wrap me in his arms as we drifted off together.

  I went to the bathroom to change and splashed cold water on my face.

  "Don't be stupid," I whispered to myself in the mirror. "Don't get confused. You set the rules, remember?"

  Then, like a soldier heading to the battlefield, I straightened my back and I went to bed.

  Eight

  Chad

  The door slammed closed behind me. I stomped into the room, making as much noise as possible.

  "Good morning sunshine!"

  Brin groaned.

  "My apologies," I said, setting one of the coffees in my hands on the table beside her. "Good morning comrade."

  All I could see of Brin above the blankets was a mess of auburn hair. She was lying on her stomach, sprawling lengthways down the mattress like a steel rod.

  "Sunshine is fine," she muttered, voice thick with sleep. "Six am starts are not."

  I checked out the watch on my wrist. "Good thing it's 6:15."

  Brin groaned again but started to move, slowly inching onto her knees, then back onto her heels.

  "I have to say, I've never seen someone get out of bed like that," I commented.

  Brin spun her face toward me and I nearly took a step back just from the sheer animosity in her gaze.

  "I don't do mornings," she said.

  "I can see that." I leaned over and ruffled her hair. "It looks like there was a hurricane on this side of the bed last night."

  She glowered some more and I regretted teasing her, slowly inching back toward the doorway. "I'll leave you to it then. Meet you in the lobby in fifteen?"

  "Make it twenty."

  "Fifteen it is." I grinned. "Wear something you don't mind getting wet. And bring a spare change of clothes."

  Brin appeared in the lobby twenty minutes later looking l
ike her normal self. A cheerful smile stretched her cherry lips and her hair was tied up in a cute bun.

  "Good morning," sshe sang.

  Russell and Martin returned her greeting, hoisting their bags onto their shoulders.

  "Good morning to you too," I replied. "I was worried you went back to sleep and that I'd have to send Martin to go upstairs to get you."

  We started toward the lobby doors, where a valet was waiting with the Jeep.

  "You wouldn't come get me yourself?" Brin asked.

  I laughed. "Sweetheart, there are some death-defying stunts that even I'm not cut out for."

  She rolled her eyes and elbowed me in the side playfully, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight to my chest to press a kiss into her hair. I don't know where the impulse came from, but I told myself it was for the cameras. Martin was already rolling since Russell liked to cut together footage from the entire day. Still, it came out of nowhere. It was the kind of thing I never would’ve felt compelled to do with Lori.

  We hopped into the Jeep and set out toward today's site. I drove, and Brin hung out up front with me while Martin and Russell talked shop and filmed the landscape flashing by the windows. It was a perfect sunny day, not a cloud in the sky and not a worry on my mind.

  "Where are we going?" Brin asked.

  "You'll see."

  Brin sighed. "You're the worst."

  "Baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet."

  With the help of Russell navigating from the back, we reached our destination just as the morning stiffness lifted from the air. It was going to be a hot afternoon, which was perfect for what we had in mind.

  "We've got to hike in a little bit from here," I said, killing the ignition.

  Brin looked uneasy, staring out at the thick canopy of green with trepidation in her eyes. “Do you think there are snakes in there?”

  “Probably not,” I lied.

  “Not the kind that you need to be worrying about, anyway,” joked Martin.

  Brin gulped and I watched as she consciously tucked away the fear on her face and pulled up bravery in its place.

  A moment later she had the steely determination of a soldier in her eyes. "Okay," she said. "What are we waiting for?"

  I grinned and led the way, following the path around bends and under low-hanging branches, keeping an eye on the woman behind me.

  Brin stared in wonder at her surroundings, stopping to smell some of the more vibrant flowers and craning her neck to admire the birds that fluttered through the chittering canopy.

  I'd never seen someone enjoy something so much. I'd been in this business for long enough that I would consider myself to be an expert on hedonistic pleasure, but there was a stroke of innocence to Brin's enjoyment that made it so much more poignant. I realized she'd probably never been anywhere like this before, had probably never done anything like this. Through her, it felt almost like I was experiencing it for the first time too.

  We finally reached today's spot, and I turned to watch Brin's face as she took it all in. It was worth it. The moment her eyes saw the cliff edge I stood on and the plummeting waterfall just behind, they bulged, and her mouth fell open.

  "What," she said in a flat tone. No questioning inflection.

  "We're going cliff jumping," I told her.

  Brin shook her head and took a step back, keen on distancing herself from the ledge. "You're going cliff jumping. I'm calling in my veto."

  Russell and Martin stood behind her watching. They'd just found their day's entertainment. I would have preferred to coax her off the cliff in private. Too bad that wasn't an option.

  "Come on, baby," I said, taking full advantage of the fact the camera was rolling. I could call her baby all I wanted, and there was nothing she could do about it. "It's fun. Trust me."

  "Nuh-uh." Brin held her ground, meeting my impeaching stare with an unyielding one of her own. "Don't let me stop you though. You have no idea how much I'd love to see you jump off a cliff after waking me up so early this morning."

  "I knew you weren't over that."

  Brin cocked her head to the side and placed a contemplative finger on her chin. "On second thought, can I push you?"

  "Okay, okay, you've made your point. You get to skip this one." I looked over her shoulder at Martin and Russell, who were snickering to themselves. "Looks like it's just me. How long do you need to set up?"

  Martin jumped to it, skirting the edge of the cliff and looking for footholds down lower. "I'm ready to take shots up here right now, and it'll only take me a minute to get down to that lower ledge afterward."

  "Perfect."

  I stripped off my shirt and dropped it to the side. Brin immediately turned away, her face glowing pink.

  I couldn't help myself. I strode up to her, leaning over to whisper out of earshot of the camera and the crew.

  "My girlfriend wouldn't get embarrassed about me taking my shirt off."

  Brin snorted. "You're sure I can't push you off?"

  I just laughed and stepped over to the edge. Then the fun began.

  It was a great spot. The pool below was crystal clear and felt like cool silk against my skin. I jumped in a couple of times and climbed back up; then we sat back to review the footage and see what other angles we wanted to get. Brin watched, nibbling on her lower lip. She was interested. Whatever fear was holding her back from participating wasn't going to last, and I knew all I'd have to do was coax her a little bit and she'd open up like a hibiscus flower.

  "What are you afraid of?" I asked.

  Brin had her legs folded beneath her on the rock, hands splayed behind her. She looked like she belonged there, part of the stone and the trees like an ancient Hawaiian goddess. Lori had always stood out, whatever the surroundings were. I could never tell whether it was all the designer accessories and perfectly styled hair and make-up or whether it was just her attitude that did it, but nobody would ever make the mistake of saying that she belonged in the wilderness. The only place Lori fit in was the city. It was the only place she was happy, too. Brin was different. She seemed at ease wherever you put her, and with her hair trailing down her back and her face relaxed into an expression of pure contentment, it was easy to think that perhaps she'd always been a part of this landscape.

  Brin turned to my question and pursed her lips, thinking.

  "Besides the obvious death or dismemberment?"

  I laughed. "It's completely safe. You've seen me do it twice already."

  "I've seen you do a lot of things I wouldn't consider safe," she replied. "You have seen your YouTube channel, right?"

  I met her gaze and held it. Martin and Russell were somewhere nearby, but for a second it was just Brin and me and the waterfall.

  "Do you trust me?" I asked.

  Brin's forehead wrinkled in thought. "I don't know. I barely know you."

  I grinned. "Wrong answer. Do you trust me? Dig deep and let your subconscious answer that."

  A moment passed, one where neither of us spoke but something passed between us all the same. And then, with a slow nod, Brin said, "I trust you."

  The words felt better than I expected. Her trust was a gift, something I didn't want to mishandle. I rose to my feet and offered her my hand. "Let's chuck you off a cliff then."

  Brin laughed and took my hand, and the guys got into place while she approached the cliff edge and worked up her nerve. That same gritty determination that had spurred her into the unknown earlier returned. I watched it transform her face, and then she pulled off her shirt and shimmied out of her shorts.

  I'd gotten a good look at her body when she was onstage dancing, but this was different. More organic. My eyes tracked down her curves, from her ample hips to her bare feet clutching at the ridges of the cliff with her toes. She was gorgeous. Flawless. Her little yellow bikini fit perfectly.

  "Whenever you're ready," called Martin from down below.

  Brin walked to the ledge, and a bit of that nervousness crept in again as she
peered over. Then she turned to face me, a massive smile dominating her mouth.

  "Here goes nothing," she said.

  And then she spread her arms and fell back.

  Something changed in Brin after that first jump. It was like she'd chipped away the rest of her fear and now she was glowing. We did a few more dives from the cliff, and then we trudged back up to the Jeep and hit the road for the next adventure.

  It was one of the most enjoyable afternoons of my life. We drove down to a deserted little cove, where I'd heard there was a perfect spot for snorkeling. Brin loved it, pointing out yellow and blue Triggerfish, reef sharks, and long, strange looking Trumpetfish. We dove down to get a better look a Stingray sailing along the sea floor, then surfaced together, laughing. She was chatty and excited, and for the first time, I felt like I was the one having to keep up with her and not the other way around. I liked that. I liked that she'd found something here, something that had made her come alive. Not that anyone could ever accuse Brin of sleepwalking through life.

  When we finally dragged ourselves out of the sea, we collapsed onto the beach next to each other. Martin and Russell were somewhere nearby, though I didn't know if they were still filming or not.

  Normally I would check in with them, see if there was any other footage we could get to cap off the day's adventures. Normally I'd be looking at the setting sun with a director's eye, wondering how we could turn it into the perfect shot. Instead, I was content just to sit next to Brin, letting our bodies dry on the hot sand and watching the sun sink below the skyline. We were quiet for a long time, but it was a pleasant kind of quiet. A companionable silence.

  Brin was eventually the one to break it, dragging her fingers through the sand and staring far beyond even the sunset.

  "This is the kind of thrill I normally go for," she said. "I know it lacks adrenaline, but isn't there something exciting and wild in watching the world turn?"

  I chuckled. "Not sure I'd use the word wild."

  She turned to me, though her expression was still far off. Her lips quirked at the corners. I couldn't take my eyes off of them.