So when the ball snaps through the net, I don't have to worry about what people think. I know I am good. I know that I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
Chapter 8
To start, I will say that dinner with Samuel went great. My father and him seem to really get along. As for Maya, she made my blood boil a bit. She had come down to dinner wearing a top that exposed too much cleavage. She knew that the dinner meant a lot to me, but yet she dressed like a slut anyways. This showed that she didn't care.
A few times over the course of the dinner, I even caught Samuel glancing at Maya's chest. It made me sick, because I worried that Samuel would begin to compare me to Maya. He would see that I didn't have all the curves that she had. That I didn't have the long pretty blond hair, or the button nose.
All I had was mediocre looks at best. Maya was a barbie doll. Now I know I don't have to compete with her, she is a grown women, who is already dating my father. However, I fear that seeing Maya will make Samuel realize that he could be doing better.
Right now, Samuel meant the world to me. We had been dating for two and a half months and I fell like we have something special. Losing him would devastate me. I don't know how I would get through the boring days of school. How I would be able to put up with Maya, without help from Samuel.
Yes, he knew all about Maya. He knew I didn't like her. That a part of me wanted her gone, but a bigger part wanted my dad to be happy. That I didn't trust her and was afraid she would run off with my dad's money.
I told him everything, because that's what good couples do. They tell each other about what they fear. They talk about what bothers them, and the other person listens and tries to help.
So what he did at the table was probably harmless. He knew how much he meant to me, and how I viewed Maya. He would never do anything to hurt me. It was just my mind playing tricks on me again. It was grasping at straws, trying to make things bigger then they were. Taking innocent actions and making them corrupt.
It was the negativity coming out. The same one that came as swift and unexpected as my mother's death. It use to be worse, but I have been working on it. I have been trying to focus on the positive things in my life.
With that in mind, how about I switch the conversation to something lighter. How about my new passion. The good old game of basketball.
As of today, which is a Monday, I have officially completed my tenth practice. This makes me eligible to play in the game Wednesday. It will be my first organized basketball game, so I am nervous. Samuel tells me that I will do fine, as does my coach.
My father said he wants to come to the game,. He told me that he could just come by himself. I shot down his offer and said that he could only come if Maya came.
I didn't do it because I wanted her there. In fact, that was the last person I wanted to see, when I stepped on the court. However, I know that it meant a lot to my father. The simple act of allowing Maya to come showed that I was trying to put up with her, for my fathers sake.
See, he loved both of us equally. Which wasn't fair! After all, I was his daughter. Yet, I understand that there are things I can't provide for him, so he needs her. The thing is, with my grudge against Maya, it made it hard for my father. He constantly had to pick sides. He had to decided whether it was worth pissing me off, or risk Maya walking.
He had to deal with ultimatums. Decisions that couldn't be easy. Yet, my father seemed to always make the right decisions. Yes there were times that he pissed me off, but I always came around. It was almost as if he knew I could never stay mad at him, so he used it to his advantage.
In his mind, I would always have to love him, because I was his daughter. I had no other place to go, I couldn't live on my own. So, unless he was putting me in harms way, I was stuck living with him. Maya on the other hand could leave at any time. If he made the wrong decision, there was nothing holding her back. She could go find another apartment to live in. She could provide for herself, and find another man to love.
What I am saying is that most of the time, he catered to Maya. If Maya didn't want my father going to the game without her, then he probably would have brought her. He wouldn't abandon me, and not go to the game. Yet, he would bring Maya which he knew would piss me off.
Knowing all this, I just invited her. I figured it would make things easier for all of us. Hell, maybe seeing Maya would piss me off enough to score twenty points. She could be the motivation I needed, the chip on my shoulder. I would be playing to prove to her that I was worth my fathers time. I could show her the part of me that came from my mother. The strong side that could tackle any problem that was thrown at me.
Although, if I played to prove Maya wrong, then I couldn't dedicate the game to my mother. So, I had to forget about Maya when I stepped on the court Wednesday. The game had to be dedicated to my mother. She gave me so much. The least I could do was spend thirty-two minutes giving it my all, for her.
The team hadn't won a game all year, but Wednesday was going to be different. I was going to win the game for my mother. Well we were going to win the game for my mother. Basketball is a team sport, something I am getting used to. See I don't like other people controlling any part of my life. I have trust issues, and I think that basketball is teaching me to trust again. I have to have faith in my sisters. I need to believe that teammates will be there when I need them. I have to be willing to pass the ball to an open player for the game winning shot, knowing that if she misses, we lose.
Basketball has taught me that life is about teamwork. I didn't have to always do everything on my own. Sometimes it feels better to accomplish something as part of a team.
Chapter 9
We won the game! WE WON THE GAME! Can you tell that I am excited? Well I am because my basketball team, the Saint Alexander's Cougars won a game. It was the first win of the whole season. Our record has now improved to 1-10. Not a great record, but at least there is finally something in the wins column.
Tonight the team we went against put up a great fight. The Drident Warriors played a hell of a game. They should be nothing, but proud of the way they played. They shot the ball well, rebounded, made free throws, and took care of the ball. We just played a better game then them that is all. They played good, we played great.
I ended up coming in off the bench, three minutes into the first quarter. My first shot came a few minutes later. The shot felt good, but it fell short. It was an air ball and the crowd started to chant “Air ball, air ball.” Our principle gave them a stare and they stopped.
Still, my knees felt wobbly, and every time I touched the ball I was anxious. It was from a combination of nerves, and adrenaline.
After the shot, I looked over to my coach and she told me to shake it off. I shook my head in agreement and got back on defense.
When the point guard brought the ball up the court, I called out her number. “She is all mine” I said.
The girl looked to be startled. Maybe she thought that I was out to get her, that I wanted to play dirty. Whatever the case, she was like a deer in the headlights.
Not letting the moment go to waste, I knocked the ball out of her hands and sprinted down the court. I went up for a right handed lay-up. The ball went through the hoop and the score adjusted to 12-8, bad guys.
It was very liberating to score my first basket. The moment it went in, I had the pressure of scoring off my shoulder. From that point on, I was relaxed and dialed in to the task at hand. Sprinting up and down the court, I got two more steals before the end of the second quarter. At half time, I had eight points, four rebounds, two assists, and three steals. The score was 30-26, with Drident holding a four point lead.
Going into the locker room, the girls were all excited. They told me that I was playing great and that we were going to win the game. The coach agreed and said that if we put forth all our effort these last sixteen minutes, we would come out on top. All we had to do was keep the ball movement going, make a few defensive stops, and we could pull out a win.
So we went back out and gave it our all. We made the extra pass, and boxed out on defense. We dove on the floor for every loose ball. We truly gave it our all. Good thing because the game came down to one possession. It was close to the end. Nevertheless, we came back and won 64- 61. The other team tried to tie the game at the buzzer, but the three point shot clanked off the rim and the game ended.
I finished with 20 points, six rebounds, four assists, and five steals. My coach told me that I had a real future in basketball, that if I put the time in, I could play in college. Not division I but I could play division III. It would still be a hug accomplishment, and I would get to visit cool places, and meet new people.
After the game, my father brought me to Sergi's to celebrate the win. Samuel came along and had a quick slice of pizza with us, before he went home to do homework. It was one of the best days of my life. I was so happy, that when Maya asked if I wanted to go to a movie with her this upcoming weekend, I said yes. I figured what the hell, why pass on a free movie?
I guess I will see if I will regret saying yes. As for now, I need to get home and do some homework.
I am really trying to bring my physics back up. That one test brought my grade from a ninety-eight down to a eighty four. Quite the drop! I am sure I will be hearing about it from Mrs. Provo. In the meantime, I need to get some evidence to show her that I am bringing it back up.
I told Samuel that we had to cut back on our time together. I need to study and with basketball, there isn't much time left. So far he has been supportive, but I fear that he will want more. So sometimes I let him come study with me. I also allow him to come over and hangout in my room as I do homework. After I am done, he gets to eat dinner with me, and maybe even spend a few hours of actual interaction, then its back to studying.
All I can say is that I am trying, so if it isn't enough, then I guess he should leave me. Relationships come with sacrifices. I don't know what else to say.
Chapter 10
So a few weeks have passed since I last wrote. It is now the day after valentines, otherwise known as the fifteenth of February. Yesterday, while me and Samuel had a small date of bowling and the movies, my father and Maya went on a date as well. The thing was, their date ended up being more exciting.
They went to a fancy restaurant, and walked around Central Park. Then in a romantic gesture, my dad got down on one knee and proposed to Maya.
Unfortunately she said yes.......Sorry that's the bitch coming out of me. What I meant to say was, SHE SAID YES! Is that better? I put and exclamation point and everything. All caps, it screams out joy, or anger. Well it is excitement, fake excitement.
The thing is, now that they are getting married, I am going to have to face the fact that Maya isn't going away. She will be with my father wherever we go. I no longer can ask that she doesn't come. See when she was just a girlfriend it was one thing. Yet, if she was my father's wife, there would be no saying you can't come. There was no, “I don't want you here when I get home.” My home, was her home, it was our home. A place my father and I had to share with Maya.
On the bright side, in a year in a half, I will be in college. It will be a fresh start and I will only see Maya for a few months each year. So you know what? Give a round of applause for Mr. and Mrs. Greenwood.
Wait what? I know thats what your saying, and I was the same way when I heard the news. But, as shocking as it is, there is nothing I can do! In his defense, he did tell me the reason behind the decision. He said that there can never can be another Mrs. Sherman. He told me that by taking Maya's last name, he was honoring my mother. Which I didn't get, until he explained himself. See if he took the last Name Greenwood, then Maya wouldn't take the last name Sherman. This meant that my mother would always be the only Mrs. Sherman. It showed that my father wasn't about to forget her. That he wouldn't let the tittle be used to describe anyone, but my mother.
Still it's weird right? It's like Maya got my dad's balls. Now he is just a ball-less man with the last name Greenwood. I mean the women is suppose to take the last name of the man she is marrying. So I guess my dad is the women. He wears the bra in our family.
I can't really argue with that. He has been eating too many Twinkies, so he could use all the support he can get. Maybe a lift of the chest would get him more clients!
As for the wedding, it is going to be held in August. We are going to Atlanta, Georgia. The wedding is going to be held in Maya's hometown.
It will be nice to visit Atlanta. I have never been, and I like seeing new places. However, Georgia in August? Yuck. It will be super hot with a thick humid air, that makes you sweat, just from sitting.
I guess the weather will be like the wedding, uncomfortable, but beautiful all at the same time. But enough with the jokes!
I only say that because I can't think of anymore. I really don't care whether or not you want to hear another one. Just kidding that was a joke! Not really though.
Anyways, Samuel has started coming over to my house after school while I am at practice. He is in the middle of a rough spot with his parents, and my dad said it was fine if he came over. Maya would be home most of the time, so he could knock and she would let him in.
I don't know how I feel about Samuel being at the house, especially when I am not there. It just seems kind of weird to me. Like, I wouldn't want to be alone with Samuel's father, that would be so uncomfortable. Like what would I do, what would I say?
So from my point of view, things must be really bad at Samuel's house. I just can't see how he would be willing to put himself in an awkward situation, just to avoid his parents. I mean maybe I would understand, if he told me what was going on. However, he doesn't want to talk about it, so I don't push him.
If he wants to tell me, he can. Otherwise, I am just going to act like I don't know. Which I don't, but you understand what I mean. I am going to act like I don't know he is mad at his parents. Only talk about basketball and school. Nothing personal you know?
I just hope this doesn't last a long time, because I don't like seeing Samuel like this. He is really moody, and he is taking his anger out on the wrong people.
For instance, the other day he threw his notebook at our english teacher. He told her that she was a “useless piece of shit,” that she could “die for all he cared.” Then he walked out of the classroom. The whole ordeal cost him three days of staying after to clean, plus an apology to Mrs. Loveless.
Again, I tried to talk to him, but then he just got mad at me. He thought I was taking the schools side, in issuing him punishment. Which I did agree with them, however, I didn't ever tell him that. I was just trying to find out what was on his mind, why he was acting the way he was.
His anger is scaring me. It has made me realize the ugly side of Sam. See, when you first start a relationship, you only see the good things about a person. All the bad qualities are overlooked. That is what comes from liking someone! But, once a relationship lasts a few months, you start to see the ugly. Now, if a person sees the ugly, and still loves the person, and stays with them, then they really are in love.
For me, I don't know if I am there. I think that if things keep going the way they have, if Samuel doesn't open up to me, then I will leave him. It might just be a break. Something to give him time to regroup and realize the pain he has inflicted. A time where he can let his emotions run wild without having to worry about me. All I know, is that I can't keep putting up with this.
It has been nearly a week, and he hasn't told me a single thing. I just feel that if I give him some space, he will have to get his shit together and decide if he still wants to be with me. If I keep letting him mistreat me, then I am enabling him. I can't enable, or else things will only become worse when I cut him off.
Sometimes I wonder if it was worth jumping back into dating. Don't get me wrong, there has been plenty of positives. Yet, there has been plenty of drama, conflict, and added stress to my life. I guess it is a trade off you have to make, to not be lonely.
I just don't know if I am willing to make sacrifices anymore.
Chapter 11
Oh boy, what have I done! I told Samuel that I wanted a break. I told him that I just needed some space with all that was going on.
At first he seemed cool about it. Then the situation went as follows. First, he just sat and nodded his head. Then, he gave me a cold stare and said, “What do you mean by, 'I need some space?'”
“I mean that I need time to think over our relationship, and where it is going.” I replied.
“Think over our relationship. So you want to break up with me.” Sam said with a disturbing chuckle.
“No, I didn't say that. I just need time to think about things. I don't know how to phrase it. I just...”
“You just want to get away from all my negativity.”
“Well yes.” I said admittedly. “Its hard to be around you when you are like this.”
As those words slipped from my mouth, he erupted. “Oh its hard to see me like this. Hard to see me like this. Not like you have never been all mopey and depressed. Not like you have never brought a ton of negative energy into my life at times. All your insecurities, your negative attitude, and your stupid feud with your step mom.”
“She isn't my step mom!”
“Oh sorry, your soon to be step mom. And thats another thing, you always have to correct me. I bet it is killing you to see me like this. Not because I am in pain, but because it is a problem you can't solve. You always want to fix me, like I am some math equation, that with tinkering, can become meaningful. Well I am sorry to tell you Alexis, but this is who I am.”
His voice was starting to rise and I feared my father or Maya would hear him. So I went and shut the door. As I did, he continued.
Careful Wishing (Alexis Sherman's Tell All Book 1) Page 3
