by Lane Hart
“You have, haven’t you?” His eyes narrowed as he searched my face trying to read from it what I wasn’t telling him. I looked away, knowing there was nothing I could say to make this better.
“How many times?” he asked.
I didn’t want to think about the possibility of what it meant. I still remembered all too well how angry he’d been before and I didn’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t sure he would stay with me if I was, and it hurt too damn much to think about.
Sam grabbed my face, forcing me to look up at him. “Kate, how many times? Just fucking tell me!”
After a tear ran down my check and onto his hand he let me go.
“Fuck!” he screamed as he turned his back to me.
I looked around and hoped no one else was outside in our neighborhood. Sam looked like he was about to make a scene.
My knees felt weak and I didn’t think I could keep standing up or make it back to the house. I opened the passenger car door and sat down putting my face in my hands.
Sam was going to leave me if I was pregnant. I could tell by his anger that he would never be okay with this. He’d think about what I’d done with Chris every time he looked at me or the baby, and he’d never forgive me. He’d made me get rid of my old couch because he couldn’t stand to look at it. There was only one possible thing to do now, but it wasn’t something I would ever forgive myself for doing. I felt sick just thinking about it, but it was the only way.
I looked up and Sam was still pacing around the yard, his chest heaving and his fists clenched.
“I’ll get an abortion.” Oh God, saying the words were so wrong and disgusting they made me feel sick as I sobbed into my hands.
I jumped when I felt Sam’s hands on me. He’d never hurt me before, but I knew how angry he was. He was on his knees on the pavement, and his hands were pulling my hands from my face. His eyes were watering which made me feel even worse.
“Kate, no,” he said softly. “I would never let you do that. You’d regret it, and it would kill you. I don’t think I could live with myself either.”
“But you’re going to leave me,” I sobbed.
“No, I won’t. I can’t. I love you so much that I’ll figure out a way to handle this. It’ll take some time but I will get over the pain and the anger if you’re pregnant.”
Looking into Sam’s green eyes I could see all the agony burning in them, but I could see his love for me. I didn’t deserve him after what I’d done. I wrapped my arms around him and cried. I felt his dampness on my shoulder, and I hated myself for hurting him.
After every tear and sob my body was capable of producing was gone I finally pulled away from him.
“I’m so sorry, Sam, and I know you can never forgive me.”
“I’m going to run to the store,” he said abruptly.
I was surprised by his sudden statement that he was leaving, then realized why. “To get another, um, test?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be right back, okay?” he said as he stood up and kissed the top of my head. I got out of the car and walked unsteadily back into the house.
I was a ball of nerves after he left, waiting and worried about what the next test would show.
Chapter Forty
Sam
The stores in Rio Bravo were not much different from the ones in McAllen, Texas. Maybe a little smaller and dingier. I went in and randomly grabbed a pregnancy test, then headed to the check out. Dammit! Kate had been sick for days, and hadn’t told me. She’d been hiding it from me, but after how I’d acted before I couldn’t really blame her.
I just wanted to know for sure and then try to deal with it the best I could. When I pulled back up to the house my emotions flipped the other way, and I didn’t think I was ready. If she took the test and it was positive then it’d be real. I was going to try really hard to hold it together instead of freaking out like I’d done before. I finally made myself get out of the car and head inside.
Kate was sitting on the couch, eyes wide and nervous as she waited.
“Hey,” I said when I walked back in.
“Hey,” she said softly, but she didn’t make any motion to get up from the couch.
“So, are you ready?”
“Yeah, yes,” she said as she finally stood up and took the bag from my hand, then went down the hall shutting the bathroom door.
My heart was racing and my knee was bouncing as I went and sat on the edge of the bed, facing the bathroom to wait. A few minutes later Kate opened the door and didn’t have to say anything. The answer was clear as the tears ran down her devastated face.
I am not going to break anything, I’m not going to scream or cuss, I tried to pep talk to myself. I slid off the bed and put my arms around her. There was nothing else to do at this point but accept it and deal with it.
Kate’s small body rocked as her sobs increased, and I had to pick her up because she couldn’t stand on her own anymore.
I carried her over and sat up against the bed’s headboard, holding her for what felt like hours. It was hard to be angry or anything else watching her fall apart. It’s not like she wanted this, or did it on purpose. It was just a consequence of decisions we were both responsible for making, and one that we’d both have to deal with for the rest of our lives.
That thought sobered me up. Kate and I were in this together, and I hoped that was going to be forever. If she’d let me. I would help her raise the baby and I’d be the only father it ever knew. But you won’t be its father, my anger reminded me. No, I won’t, but that was never even a remote possibility. Now, Kate would have the family she’d eventually want but could never have had with me.
And every time you look at her baby you’ll remember how she fucked that asshole, my anger shot back. No, this was not the baby’s fault and I wouldn’t be angry at it for something it didn’t have a choice in. It was the only innocent one in this whole mess. I hoped Kate would see that and not regret having it just because I was angry out of jealousy.
While I was rethinking my life Kate had fallen asleep. She finally looked peaceful. She’s had to deal with more shit in the last few weeks than most people dealt with in a lifetime. Meeting me and finding out she was a witch, losing her virginity, getting caught up in witch nympho pheromones, finding out I’d cheated on her, saving me from execution while outing herself and her dad, causing the death of several D.R.A. agents, not knowing if her dad survived, leaving her normal life and running out of the country, finding out she’s pregnant with a complete jackass’s baby, the thought of which makes her current boyfriend so angry he screams and breaks shit.
Damn, I felt bad for her, and all those things were my fault. If she’d never met me she’d still be at school and living her normal life. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to meet me that first night. But despite all the problems I’d caused her I was selfish and couldn’t imagine my life without her.
She was so strong trying to deal with everything, but I was afraid the pregnancy might be the last straw that would break her. I was going to help her through this, she deserved that and so much more for me turning her world completely upside down.
And I knew I loved her so much I wanted to be with her forever. Would she marry me if I asked her? It’s too soon with everything else going on, but eventually I’ll ask her. There was no doubt about it, I wasn’t going anywhere.
But what happens when she starts aging? Damn, that would suck. I couldn’t imagine letting her grow older, get sick, and God help me, die. We’d figure something out. Maybe witches could be turned. Or maybe there was a spell somewhere that would give her a longer life.
My back was getting stiff from sitting against the uncomfortable wooden headboard for so long. I gently scooted down until my head was on the pillow trying not to wake Kate. The sun was setting so we’d been in here around six hours. She needed to eat something. She hadn’t had any lunch and now it was time for dinner. She had her baby to think about. No, our baby. It was hard to believe that right now ther
e was a baby growing in her, one that in a few months would be a part of our lives.
I reached down and gently rubbed her now flat stomach through her dress. Kate squirmed, starting to wake up then froze as if she just remembered what had happened before she fell asleep.
“Good morning beautiful,” I told her, even though it was almost bedtime.
“Hey,” she said as she pushed herself up. “Oh, Sam, I’m sorry,” she said as her eyes began to water again. She ran her hand over the large wet spot still on my shirt, spanning over my chest and stomach from all her tears.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told her, meaning more than just my shirt.
She looked around the bedroom and had the barest hint of a smile when she looked back at me.
“You didn’t break anything.”
“I know. I was too worried that you were broken.”
“I feel like I’m broken,” she said sadly.
“You’re not. I love you and I’m not going anywhere unless you make me, so we can get through all this together. I’m not angry anymore. Well, I’m not angry at you, and I’ll never be angry at the baby. I’m only angry at he-who-must-not-be-named.” At that she did smile.
“So you need to cheer up and take care of yourself, for my sake and for his or hers,” I told her as I rubbed her stomach.
“Wow, you sound calmer and more okay with this than I am.”
“Because you’ve been worrying about how I am going to handle all this. But now you know, so how do you feel about it? Talk to me, I’m worried about you.”
She rubbed her face with her shirt, drying it. “I don’t know. I never thought about having kids and definitely not anytime soon. I wanted to finish college, find a good job, a husband and then maybe I’d want a family. But now, I didn’t even make it through one semester of school. I don’t know what the rest of my life will be like living in a different country. I don’t know if my dad is alive or if I’ll ever see him again, and now I’m going to be someone’s mother. I feel like I’m still a stupid, naïve child myself,” she shook her head but so far hadn’t gone back into full breakdown mode. Then she finally looked back up at me.
“But the way I feel about you, if you’re going to stay with me then I think I can handle all of those things.”
Kate looked so sad it hurt, but she also looked more determined.
“I want to be here for you through everything. And I was hoping, well I hope I can help you raise the baby, and if you’ll let me, I’d like to be his or her, um, father.” Saying it out loud, laying it all out there for her so honestly made my chest ache.
“Oh Sam, I love you so much,” she whispered before she threw herself at me, catching me off guard when she kissed me frantically. I felt more of her tears on my face, before she pressed herself against me and ran both of her hands through my hair. Her urgency spread through me and I couldn’t get her undressed fast enough.
Luckily she was wearing a dress and in the second it took to pull it over her head she was almost completely naked. She slid down until she was rubbing against my erection through my jeans. Oh, they’ve got to go. I rolled us over until I was on top of her and slid my jeans and boxers down my legs as she pulled my shirt over my head. Nothing but her panties stood in the way of me feeling all of her skin and I yanked them down her legs.
Kate pulled at my arms until I was back at eye level with her, then she wrapped her legs high around my waist. I eased down between her legs to make sure, and oh yeah, she was definitely wet and ready.
“Sam, please,” she moaned. I put my arms under her back, pulling her even closer to me as my mouth covered hers again and I slid into her. She held onto me and kissed me so hard we were both panting. Oh, I knew this one was going to come hard and fast and violent. Kate tilted her hips up until I couldn’t go any deeper making us both cry out.
Chapter Forty-One
Kate
My emotions were on a roller coaster ride. I was starting to wonder if it was all me or the pregnancy hormones were to blame for the way my mood was bouncing around. I tightened my arms around Sam, holding him closer to me as we both recovered.
A few hours ago I was certain he wouldn’t be able to handle me being pregnant, but the anger was gone from him, and there was a new acceptance. I didn’t even feel like I was where he was yet. But to hear him say he was wanted to be the baby’s father, even though it would remind him of how I’d hurt him, and knowing how much he hated the actual father, it made me tear up all over again. Only these were happy tears of relief.
When I’d seen the plus sign on the pregnancy test I’d crumpled. I thought he’d be angry, he’d yell at me, or worse, he’d leave me. I knew I couldn’t do this alone, but Sam was right, I wouldn’t be able to go through with an abortion, even if it meant losing him.
That’s why I’d fallen apart, imaging my life without him. I hadn’t even had time to think about what it’d be like to actually have a baby. But I believed Sam when he said he wasn’t going anywhere.
I finally pulled myself out of my head and noticed the trail of kisses Sam was making down my neck, across my chest, down my stomach. My insides tightened and, oh, suddenly I was yearning for more, arching my back.
Sam laughed. “Oh, no you don’t.” He rose up and looked down at me. “Not until you eat something,” he said before he kissed my lips quickly, then rolled off the bed.
“Damn you,” I joked, but he was right.
Sam went into the bathroom and stopped suddenly at the counter. I knew he was looking at the test, still sitting where I’d left it before having a day long breakdown. I watched to make sure he didn’t go ballistic at the sight of it, the test making it more real.
He looked up at me watching him, but there wasn’t anger or even sadness on his face. Only resolve. Hopefully soon I’ll get past all the other emotions and get there too. He went over and turned on the shower while I slipped on a pair of shorts and t-shirt.
When we finally made our way to the kitchen Sam offered to make me a sandwich. It was pretty funny that neither of us liked to cook, but one of us was going to eventually give in and start doing it. I leaned against the counter and smiled while I watched him work.
“We’re going to have to get you and the baby some more fruits and vegetables,” he told me as he moved around the kitchen.
The fact that he was concerned about me eating healthy made me smile. Then it hit me. I couldn’t go to the doctor and make sure the baby was okay. I wouldn’t be able to deliver the baby at the hospital. That’s how my mom died. I started hyperventilating.
“Kate? What’s wrong?” Sam asked putting down the food and standing in front of me. “Do you need to sit down? Your face looks paler than normal.”
“I can’t go to the doctor,” I told him. I wasn’t sure how much to say about my mom but I wanted him to know why this scared the shit out of me.
“Well, yeah of course not. I’m sure the baby will be fine. Shit I might even be able to erase memories if you needed to go. It actually worked the other day for the first time ever. I think it was your healthy blood. Which I promise I will not touch again while you’re pregnant.”
“I can’t have the baby at a hospital.”
“Oh, well, shit. That might make things tough but I’m sure we can find one of those women who deliver babies to come to the house, then I can erase her memories.”
“My mom died having me at home,” I told him. I probably shouldn’t have. Now he’s going to worry too, but I was terrified.
“Oh, fuck! Kate, I’m sorry. Will we ever catch a break? Ever?” he said as he leaned his forehead against mine and rubbed my arms still clutched around myself. “Look, we’ll get through this. I bet Joselin can find a doctor and mesmerize them into coming here to the house when the baby comes, then with her blood and mine we can give you whatever you need. I’m pretty sure our blood will heal you both, at least some things. I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the baby, okay?”
Sam still in
sisted I eat something even though I felt sick with worry. So I stood there and took small bites. He pulled out his phone and I knew he was calling Joselin. We owed her so much for helping us get through this, and I don’t know what we would’ve done without her.
“Hey Joselin,” Sam said, and his voice sounded tired.
“The house is great, thank you for finding it for us. The car is too, we can never repay you for all your help.
He looked up at me. “Yeah, Kate’s good. She’s, um, definitely pregnant.”
Will I ever get used to hearing that?
“No, it’s okay. I’m fine, really. We’re going to get through this, but now we just have to figure out what to do about the delivery. Yep, tricky, and I’m probably going to need your help again, but we’ll figure all that out over the next nine months.”
Nine months seemed like such a long time from now.
“We’d love for you to visit. Sure, we’ll see you maybe next week. Thanks again. Bye Joselin,” Sam said as he hung up.
“Joselin asked if she could come stay with us in a week or so. Do you mind? I’d really like you to meet her,” he asked.
“Of course not, I’d like to meet her too,” I smiled. I knew she was important to Sam and the only person he thought of as family
After Sam agreed I’d had enough to eat we went and laid back down. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. I couldn’t sleep. There were too many things to worry about. I didn’t know anything about babies or kids. My dad never let me out of the house and I didn’t have any relatives, so I had never been around any kids. Then I wondered about my dad. Was he still alive or had the D.R.A. caught up with him?
Chapter Forty-Two
The next few days I actually felt like things were back to normal. Well, other than the continued morning sickness and the mother-to-be worrying. Sam still wouldn’t let me leave the house. My picture had been plastered for weeks on TV just across the border. There was still no news on my dad, which gave me hope he was okay.
