by Livia Grant
He was vaguely aware of Jaxson and Chase taking his leather pants off before rolling him to his stomach and covering his stripped back loosely with the white sheet. He was grateful that sleep took hold of him and didn’t let go.
By the time he awoke, the Saturday morning sun was shining through the windows facing to the east. He had one moment before he moved that he felt normal. He was used to waking up in a different hotel room every day so today felt no different. At least not until he stretched, and the soreness seared through his back as the tightening skin pulled, triggering spikes of pain.
With the physical sting came the memories of the night before. He lay immobile, mulling over the events from beginning to end, looking at them through fresh eyes of a new day.
Jonah lifted his head, looking around to see if he could find a clock, his phone or the watch missing from his wrist. Instead, he found the letter Samantha had left him along with her locket. He leaned over to grab it, wanting to hold it.
Her words still hurt him and that pissed him off. They were no good for each other. Clearly. He was a fucked up Dom and she was anything but a sexual submissive. More like a sexual novice. Their years apart had left them strangers and it needed to end there.
He needed to piss. He needed food. He needed… fuck, he was sick of feeling needy. What he really needed was to get the fuck out of this building. When he left, he wouldn’t be coming back. Ever. Not even the lure of Black Light would change his mind.
Jonah pushed to his feet and stumbled his way to the en suite bathroom to find the toilet, a toothbrush and a shower, in that order. The hot water could only perk him up so much. He needed caffeine.
Luckily, he and Jaxson were close to the same size. He raided the huge walk-in closet to find a pair of jeans, black T-shirt and other items he’d need to borrow to get back to his hotel. He’d planned on staying in D.C. until the following Tuesday when he’d need to leave for his next concert. But, it had been months since he’d been to his loft in New York City and he couldn’t get there fast enough. He would use the next few days to hide away from the world and lick his wounds. No fans. No band. No Frank. No music.
No Samantha.
Shit.
When Jonah left the suite, he tried to take the elevator down, but he didn’t have the keycard to make it work. He wandered down the hall to the left of the foyer until it opened up to a U-shaped balcony that overlooked the dance club below. Unlike the first floor where tall bar tables and stools were packed in to accommodate a press of a crowd, this floor had plush couches, love seats and chairs setup in intimate groupings for VIP’s.
The club was empty and quiet. He looked over the railing to see a few employees still trying to clean up from the opening the night before and prepare for the coming press of patrons later today when Runway would be hosting its first daytime fashion show.
“I didn’t expect to see you up this early.” Jaxson startled him.
He turned to see his friend heading his way having come through a door camouflaged in the wall of mirrors.
“Once I woke up, I couldn’t get back to sleep.” He added, “I hope you don’t mind me borrowing a few things. I’ll send a messenger over to return them when I get back to my hotel.”
“Don’t worry about it, man.”
The men stood silent, awkwardly trying to figure out what came next.
Jaxson broke the silence first. “Come on in. We were just about to eat breakfast. There’s plenty.”
He wanted to turn him down, but his stomach growled at the mention of food. He didn’t usually eat much before a show and the events of the night before had made him skip his normal post-show feast. As a result, it had been close to twenty-four hours since he’d last eaten.
If he thought things were awkward with Jax, it went to a new level of uneasy when they entered the large office to find Chase and Emma making out on the couch, barely dressed. Jonah stopped in the doorway, ready to excuse himself when Jaxson took charge.
“All right, you two. We have company. You’ll have to put that on hold for a little bit.”
Chase grinned like a Cheshire cat at being caught, but Emma pulled the nearby sheet up to cover herself, looking embarrassed. He was just starting to piece things together when Jaxson confirmed his hypothesis.
“Don’t worry about it. We slept in here because we didn’t want to have to go home for just a few hours.”
Jonah completed the thought. “And you would have normally slept in the suite I slept in if I hadn’t fucked that up.”
Jaxson shrugged, “We just opened. We hardly have routines yet, but yes, that is the general idea. Our loft is only a few blocks away. We could have gone home if we wanted to.”
“Well, I’ll be out of your hair after breakfast. I just need to track down my…”
A shirtless Chase stood next to him wearing only his lounge pants, a full reusable shopping bag held out. Jonah took a peek to find his clothes, watch, wallet and his thick wad of cash jammed in the bag.
Emma had scurried off to the bathroom, leaving the three friends to start eating. The T-shirt he wore was just loose enough that he’d forgotten for just a moment about the wounds on his back. He winced as his punished back connected with the back of the chair.
They ate in silence for a few bites until Chase couldn’t hold his tongue.
“So what are you going to do to get her back?” He had the audacity to grin the sexy grin of his that Jonah knew his friend Jaxson was not immune to.
Jonah stuffed another bite of pancakes in before answering truthfully, “Not a damn thing. We're no good for each other.”
Still, knowing they were wrong for each other and forgetting about her were two completely different things. Renewed worry hit him, wondering what she was doing right that minute.
It didn’t surprise Jonah when Jaxson inserted, “We need to butt out, Chase. I think Cash knows what’s best.”
He’d never heard Chase go against Jax before, “That’s a load of shit. Anyone there last night could see their chemistry.”
“I flunked chemistry in high school. I’m no good at it now, either,” Jonah countered before taking his next bite.
Jaxson pressed, “Ryan stopped in this morning already looking for you. He’s pretty upset.”
That didn’t surprise him at all. What did surprise him was Jaxson refusing to let the subject drop. “He asked me to call him when you got up today. I think he’s planning some kind of an intervention.”
Jonah pinned his friend with a glare. “You didn’t call him, did you?”
“No. Should I?”
“Not unless you want to really piss me off.”
“I couldn’t give a shit if I piss you off. What I care about is making sure you’ve got your head on straight before you do something stupid today like you did last night.” Jaxson looked up as a now dressed Emma joined them from the connected private bathroom. She looked a lot like Samantha, which gave him pause.
What was she wearing right now? It hurt to think of her.
Jaxson had patted the chair next to him for Emma to take her seat. He had already piled her plate full with food and handed her a tall glass of milk first. Jonah noticed her annoyed look until her Dom raised his eyebrow. Jaxson never said a word. He didn’t need to. His submissive took the milk, taking a swig before starting in on her pancakes.
He’d forgotten for a second that Chase was there until he was caught watching their submissive red handed. “We’ve caught our Emma skipping more than a few meals lately. She’s lost the right to fill her own plate, haven’t you, sweetheart?” Chase leaned over to spear her next bite with her fork as she blushed, embarrassed at being called out.
“Unfortunately.” When Jaxson cleared his throat, she rushed to add her, “Sir.”
Jaxson chuckled as Chase scooped her next bite into her mouth. Despite her pink blush, their submissive’s lips curved into a wan smile.
“Ryan wasn’t the only one who’s called looking for you.” Jonah looked ba
ck at Jaxson when he paused. “Frank paid me a visit demanding I give him Samantha’s full name and address. Gave some bullshit story about you asking him to check on her.”
Jonah’s pulse increased. He shouldn’t really care what happened to her, but dammit if he didn’t. “I sure as hell hope you didn’t give it to him.”
“I didn’t.”
He let his breath go. “Good.”
Jaxson pinned him with a stare. “I told him you’d be checking in on her yourself and that he didn’t need to bother.” His friend’s eyes bore into him, filling him with a renewed wave of guilt. He might be able to run away from what had happened with the world, but Jaxson was the only person, besides Samantha herself, that knew exactly what had happened the night before.
Jonah answered reluctantly, “It’d only make things worse if I went to check on her. We said our goodbyes. There is nothing left for us to talk about.”
Chase wouldn’t give up. “So don’t talk. Body language is more powerful anyway.”
“Yeah, well we tried that last night. Nothing good will come from us seeing each other again.”
Chase pressed him, “What makes you think that?”
Jonah was losing his patience. “I appreciate you trying to help. I do, but we have way too much bad history between us. And even if we didn’t, I’m way too fucked up and dark for Samantha. She is an… was an… innocent. I’m into way too many kinky things for us to ever have a chance, even if her family would let it happen, which of course they won’t. Trust me. She never wants to see me again.”
The friends let an awkward silence fall over the office as the occupants focused on eating to avoid further discussion. Jonah gobbled a few more bites before pushing to his feet. He had an urgent need to get the hell out of this office. Away from the only people to really know how bad he’d fucked up the night before. Back to his hotel where there would be a waiting throng of fans who would fan his ego and help him forget he wasn’t really worthy of their adoration.
He was halfway to the door, ready to bolt out when he hesitated long enough to stop and issue a short statement. “Thanks, Jax. For… well… you know.” He was on the move again, anxious to get away.
He was stopped in his tracks by Emma calling out to him. “I never thought you were a coward!”
Jonah spun around. Certain he had to hear her wrong. The fire in her eyes as she glared at him shocked him. Gone was the submissive young woman who’d been eating breakfast with them just minutes before.
“Excuse me?” Jonah prodded her, glancing at her Dom for support when she didn’t back down. The proud smile on Jaxson’s mug pissed him off worse than Emma’s words.
“You heard me. You are acting like a coward. I don’t know everything that happened to you two in your history, but I know what I saw last night. That woman loves you.”
“I see thousands of women look like that at every concert. It’s called lust, not love.”
“That’s crap and you know it,” she countered.
Jonah looked back at Jaxson again, expecting his friend to get his submissive under control. Instead of support, Jaxson encouraged Emma. “I think you should tell Cash what you told me, sweetheart.”
She glanced at her Dom for confirmation of his support before she continued to address Jonah. “You have no idea how hard it is for a woman like Samantha to get up the courage to come here to talk to you. Having to cut through the crowd of paparazzi, the press, and crush of screaming fans. But she did it. For you. Don’t you think you could take the time to at least go check up on her for a few minutes?”
“She doesn’t want to see me,” Jonah argued.
“Why is that?”
Memories of waking up to find her gone, the locket and letter the only thing left of Sam hurt. He hated to say the words. “I hurt her.”
“Then go there and apologize. Make sure she’s okay.”
“It’s better this way. We couldn’t have a future. She’d never understand the whole D/s lifestyle I’m used to living.”
“And you know this? You’ve discussed it with her?” Emma was almost shouting again she was so animated.
Jonah prodded her Dom. “Are you going to let her talk to me that way?”
Jaxson stared him down. “Yes. She’s right.”
Jonah’s annoyance grew. “You have no idea what it’s like…”
Emma countered back. “No. You have no idea. I was where she is. Completely naive, in the dark about our whole lifestyle. Jaxson and Chase didn’t assume I’d hate it. They took their time. Introduced me to it slowly. Helped me understand how much I loved being their submissive. If you walk away now, just know you never even gave her a chance to find out if the lifestyle was for her or not. You’re making that decision for her.”
Jonah wanted to argue back. Had it been anyone other than Emma saying these words to him, he would argue back. But he realized she was the one person in the building who might really understand what Samantha was going through right now. Still, he just couldn’t go to her.
“I’d like to ask you for a favor,” Jonah surprised Emma.
For the first time in their conversation, she looked uncertain, glancing at her Dom. Jaxson nodded his approval to her before she answered, “Okay.”
“I just can’t go to her, but you’re right. We should check up on her and see how she’s doing. You seem to understand what she is going through. Would you please go to her and make sure she is gonna be okay? Let me know if she needs anything?”
“I really think you should…”
He cut her off. “I’m not going. Please. Check on her for me.”
“Okay,” Emma relented.
He did feel better knowing Emma would be checking in on Sam. It helped him feel better about leaving. He had his hand on the doorknob, ready to depart when he stopped in his tracks. He had one final request of Emma.
He didn’t bother turning to look at her. He knew she was still listening since the room was still silent.
“Tell her… well…” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He settled for, “Tell her I’m sorry.”
* * *
The pounding on the door got Sam’s heart thumping. She’d been avoiding calls from her friend, Megan all day. She should have known to pick up and at least get rid of her, knowing she’d eventually show up on her doorstep. A quick glance at the alarm clock next to her bed confirmed she’d been leaving her apartment to go to the concert exactly twenty-four hours before.
One day. That’s all it had been? She had wallowed in her grief at losing Jonah, slipping in and out of sleep all day. If anything, she felt worse now than she had when she’d left the club the night before. In fact, it felt worse now than when she’d lost Jonah when she was sixteen. At least back then, she’d had hope he’d come back for her one day.
Now, I know Jonah is gone. Lost to me forever.
A dangerous urge she hadn’t felt in a couple of years tickled her subconscious. She was flirting with the kind of emotional pain that she’d found seductive years before. She shook her head, trying to focus on her calming techniques.
The knocking was back. Louder. More persistent.
“Fine. I’m coming. Stop pounding!” She grabbed up her ratty robe, thankful it was at least long and thick enough to cover herself completely. She didn’t need Megan learning more than she was ready to share about the disastrous night before.
When she got to her front door, she realized in her stupor the night before she hadn’t put the safety chain on. Odd. Megan usually just let herself in with her backup key if the chain wasn’t on.
With dread, Samantha peeked through the peephole. For the briefest of seconds, she let herself hope Jonah had followed her. What a foolish hope that was, but she was equally surprised to find Emma Fischer, Jaxson’s girlfriend, on the other side of the barrier.
“Hello? Are you there, Samantha? Can I please come in? It’s Emma.”
She briefly considered just staying silent, knowing she would eventually leave assum
ing she wasn’t home.
“I know you probably don’t want company right now, but I’d like to talk for just a few minutes.” Thirty long seconds dragged by and Sam thought she might leave. Instead, a quiet plea met her ears. “Please.”
Shit.
Sam turned the deadbolt, turning the doorknob and pulling the wood open just a crack.
“I’m sorry, Emma, but I’m not really up for company right now.”
“I understand, but I was hoping you’d let me in for just a few minutes.” Emma looked different than she had the night before. Gone was the glamorous gown and makeup. She wore a pair of worn jeans and a University of Wisconsin hoodie with a pair of cute snow boots. Her long, dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She looked like any other grad student on the campus of Georgetown University as she held up the paper bag in her left hand. “I brought you some mac and cheese from Henry’s down the street. If you’re like me, you’ll love it.”
Samantha gave in, unwilling to be rude to someone who was going so out of their way to be nice to her. She stepped back, pulling the door open wide enough to allow Emma to enter, before she closed and locked the door again. By the time she turned, she was in time to see Emma scanning the barren room. No one had been to her apartment except Megan, who understood. She had a sudden need to explain.
“Sorry I don’t have a lot of furniture. You can put the food down on the table in the kitchen. Do you want anything to drink?” It took all of Sam’s energy to be a polite hostess.
“Don’t worry about it. Until a year ago I was a grad student living just off campus just like you. Only I lived in a rundown house with four other roommates. My room was in the attic where I only had one tiny window and the side walls were so angled I banged my head on the ceiling at least once a week.” Emma’s easy smile put Samantha at ease.
When Emma started to unbox the dinner she’d brought, Sam stopped her. “I’m not really hungry right now. You can just leave it there on the table and maybe I’ll eat it later.”
“No offense, but you look like you could use some nourishment. Have you eaten at all since…” Her voice trailed off.
