by Livia Grant
Sam wondered how much her visitor knew about what had happened between her and Cash Carter the night before. Since Jaxson had pretty much put the details together, she assumed Emma must know as well. Why else would she be here?
“Why did you come here?” She expected to hear that Jaxson had sent his lover.
Emma hesitated, making Sam wonder if she was preparing a lie. “Cash is worried about you.”
Hearing his name hurt. “Right. You mean he’s worried about a lawsuit.”
“No,” Emma quickly answered. “He’s worried about you.” When Sam eyed her skeptically, Emma continued on in a rush. “I’ll be honest. I don’t know him well, but I could see he was upset.”
“Well, that makes two of us then. I don’t know Cash well either.” Samantha finally shuffled to the kitchen table and took a seat in one of her two chairs, nodding at Emma to take a seat in the other.
After she’d taken a seat, Emma continued on. “That’s not what he said.”
“He actually talked about me?” The news surprised her.
Emma shifted in her seat looking a bit uncomfortable. “He didn’t really have a choice. Jaxson can be pretty persuasive.”
Emma’s face glowed at the mention of her lover. Sam felt an unwelcome pang of jealously towards the very nice woman sitting at her kitchen table.
I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have not one, but two, men like Jaxson and Chase.
“So how are you? Really,” Emma pried.
“Just great.”
“No offense, but you don’t look so great.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Is there anything I can get you?”
“No.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“No.”
Emma tried to keep the uncomfortable conversation going by changing tactics. “I’m guessing Cash has changed a lot since you knew him as a kid.”
The game of fifty questions was starting to annoy Sam so her response was snotty. “I never knew Cash. I only met him last night.” When Emma looked confused, she added. “My friend was Jonah. Cash killed him off.”
Emma nodded her understanding. “Actually, I think I got to meet Jonah this morning at breakfast.”
She refused to allow there to be hope. It was the only way she could reconcile what the man she’d once known as Jonah had done to her the night before. What had happened was bad enough at the hands of Cash Carter. To think it had been Jonah only made it hurt worse.
“You’re mistaken. Jonah is gone. Cash swallowed him.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I just know he is worried about you.”
“You can tell him I’m fine and dandy. I got his message loud and clear.” The lump in Sam’s throat was getting harder to ignore as she struggled not to break down into tears in front of her guest.
“What message is that?” Emma questioned.
“That he hates me. And my family.”
Emma reached her hand across the small table to squeeze her hand. “The man I saw today does not hate you.”
The first tear fell down her cheek and it pissed her off. She swished it away as she answered too aggressively. “You don’t know him like I do and no offense, but I don’t really give a shit anymore what he thinks… or feels… or does… He can go to hell. Can you give him that message for me if you see him again?”
Emma looked sad. “If that’s how you really feel, sure.” When the lump in her throat prevented her from answering, Emma continued on. “I know it’s none of my business, but I’m a romantic at heart. I saw how you two looked at each other when he jumped off the stage to chase after you. You can’t deny. There was something there.”
“Yeah, there was, but he made sure to kill it last night when…” She stopped. She’d almost finished the sentence with the confession of his raping her.
Did he rape me?
She was as confused as ever now twenty-four hours later.
“I know he feels really guilty about something.”
“Good. He should.”
“You’re sure…”
Sam cut her off, pushing to her feet and started walking towards the door. “Thanks for stopping by, Emma. Please tell Jaxson thanks again for his help last night. He is a wonderful man.” She opened the door, holding it open and turning back to address Emma as she made it clear she wanted to be alone. “You are a very lucky woman.”
Emma stopped next to her. She looked like she wanted to say something more. Instead, she pulled a business card out of her hoodie pocket and pressed it into Sam’s hand. “I know you have Jaxson’s contact info and he will always be there for you, but I want to give you my contact info as well. Call me. Anytime. I know what it’s like to be in love with a celebrity. It isn’t easy.”
The women’s eyes met. “I’m not in love with Cash.”
She was certain Emma knew she was lying, but to her credit, she didn’t call her on her lie.
“I hope you eat the mac and cheese before it gets too cold.”
She was persistent. “Thanks for stopping by, Emma.”
With her final goodbye, Sam closed the door in the face of her visitor and shuffled back to the bedroom, bypassing the food. Her stomach would churn if she tried to eat anything.
When her head hit the pillow, she went to work using her calming techniques, meditating in order to stop herself from giving in to the negative self-talk playing on a loop in her head.
Why the hell did I have to go to that fucking concert?
Chapter 7
“Hey. Are you sick? It’s after noon and you’re still in bed.”
Megan had managed to let herself into the apartment and was poking her. Samantha rolled to her stomach, pulling her pillow over her head and burrowing in to block out the bright sunlight coming in through her bedroom window. She felt disoriented, unsure how much time had passed while she wallowed in grief and self-pity.
Her friend Megan was talking louder in her attempt to be heard through the pillow. “I’ve been trying to phone you since yesterday. I’ve been worried, silly. Why didn’t you answer and tell me you were sick? I’d have brought over some chicken soup yesterday.”
Sam didn’t know how to tell her friend that chicken soup wasn’t going to cure what ailed her.
“Let me run down to the diner. I’ll pick you up something.”
She didn’t want her friend wasting money on food she had no intention of eating. She had a nightstand full of that already. Cheese and crackers… the untouched mac and cheese Emma had brought the day before… even a PBJ sandwich she’d managed to get one bite out of before her stomach had revolted.
“I’m not hungry. Really. I just need more rest,” Samantha reasoned, her voice muffled by the bedding.
Megan’s sassy response was close to an insult that Sam didn’t have the energy to care about. “I’m pretty sure a shower should be on your list of things you need too.” When Sam shifted to give her friend the evil eye, Megan raised her eyebrow. “Sorry. I just tell it like it is.”
“Well, that’s great. No offense taken.”
“I can’t believe you aren’t freaking out. I thought you had that huge exam tomorrow. Have you studied at all?”
A fresh wave of panic rolled in on Samantha. It wasn’t bad enough to have to deal with the emotional upheaval of being crushed by Jonah. Now she needed to add the real possibility of flunking one of her most important classes to her worry list. She needed to get her head out of her ass and pull it together.
Maybe she’s right. I do need a shower to snap out of this funk.
Still, the thought of resuming her normal routine after having her heart shredded two days before seemed ridiculous. She’d tried her best to rally her anger at Jonah, but so far, she’d failed miserably. Her heart physically hurt with longing for something she knew she could never have. She wished she could get some quality rest, but every time she closed her eyes she was back in that room at Runway… in Jonah’s arms.
He’d taken her v
irginity. It had been a gift she’d always intended for him, so regardless of how bad it had gone wrong, she couldn’t help but feel that the sex had been destined. The thing that bothered her the most was that it had been so very different than what she’d dreamed. It hadn’t been “I love you” sex. Not “I’ve missed you” sex, or even “make-up” sex.
It had been “good-bye” sex.
Luckily her friend was too busy zipping around trying to straighten up to notice the tears coming to Samantha’s eyes.
“Okay, well if I can’t get you to come out to study with me, I’ll leave you here to study. Text me if you need me to bring you anything, will ya?”
Megan was a good friend, but Sam was relieved she was leaving.
“Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow,” Sam lied.
I’ll never be fine again.
Megan floated out of the room and Sam relaxed a bit. She should get up and put the security chain on to prevent another unwanted intrusion.
As Sam contemplated moving, she heard a quiet knock from the next room. She assumed Megan had just knocked over something until she heard a high-pitched squeal. Sam was too lethargic to follow what was happening until it was too late. She vaguely heard soft voices coming from the living room, but before she could get up to close her bedroom door, he was there. Standing in the doorway to her barren bedroom. Looking every inch like the larger-than-life persona he was.
Jonah.
No, Cash.
Was she awake or had she fallen back to sleep? If so, she never wanted to wake up.
He spoke from the doorway after several long seconds of awkward silence. “Can I come in?”
She said the only words she could form in the moment. “Why are you here?”
He stuffed his hands into the front pockets of his perfectly snug designer jeans, rocking self-consciously until finally admitting, “I was worried about you.”
Only after Megan pressed into the room to stand between the two old friends did Sam realize she might have a problem keeping the disaster that was Cash Carter a secret from her tight-knit group of friends.
He took a step closer and it panicked her. “Stop! I didn’t say you could come in, Cash.”
Jonah stopped cold in his tracks. Her use of his stage name surprised him.
He confirmed it by acknowledging, “I deserved that.”
Megan finally found her voice. “You know Cash Carter and never told me? No wonder you’ll never go out with any of the guys I’ve tried to set you up with. I can’t believe you kept Cash a secret!”
Christ, she needed Megan to shut up, but then she realized how bad of an idea it was to be left alone with the rock star who’d hurt her.
She was still trying to figure out what to say when Cash turned and held his hand out to greet Megan. “Actually, I’m Jonah Carter. Nice to meet you.”
Her friend’s eyes widened with the same level of surprise as if she’d just seen an alien walk into the room. Samantha started shaking her head frantically, praying Megan would keep her big mouth shut. Sam sent her most pitiful plea, but her silent bid for confidentiality was ignored.
“Wait. Jonah. As in her Jonah?” Megan’s head tilted towards the bed while Jonah shook her hand in an unending greeting.
Sam rushed to salvage a scrap of her dignity. “Good-bye, Megan. Thanks again for checking on me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Megan refused to let go of the hand of the celebrity in the room. In fact, she refused to take her eyes off him as she started putting the pieces of their complicated puzzle together. “You bitch. At no point in your Jonah stories did you think it was important to tell me that your Jonah was actually Cash Carter?”
Cash’s growing grin pissed Samantha off.
Sam threw her ratty old stuffed bear from the bed and hit Megan upside the head, but her efforts still failed to get her friend to stop staring at the grinning musician.
“I didn’t tell you because Jonah is dead. Like I said. This is Cash.”
That wiped the smile off his face. He extricated his hand finally from Megan’s so he could lean down and pick up the wayward bear. Only as he looked at the ratty old toy did she realize it had been a mistake to throw it.
His smile was back. “You still have it? Hell, I won this for you at the county fair over ten years ago.”
She wasn’t sure why, but she lied through her teeth. “It’s a different bear. I got it after you left.”
The censoring glare he sent told her he knew damn well she’d just lied to him.
Megan put her hands on her hips, still angry at her friend for keeping such a big secret. Her reaction was exactly why Sam hadn’t told her. She knew her friend wouldn’t let this topic drop. Sam felt foolish enough already for holding on to some childish, romantic dream that could never be.
“OMG! You’re the woman. From the newspaper. You went to his concert! Without me!” Her friend was shouting.
“Keep it down. I’m not sure Jamal heard you.”
“Screw you. I can’t believe you kept something this big a secret from me. Why would you do that?”
Emotions were boiling inside her. They started to erupt. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I knew you’d overreact. Maybe because I don’t feel like I know Cash at all. But mostly because I went there never intending to even talk to him.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad I saw you in the crowd.”
Damn him. Why was he being so nice? So empathetic. So… Jonah.
“I wish I could say the same,” she countered. Seconds stretched on as she watched him struggle to find his next words.
In the silence, Megan injected. “Well I’m glad you’re here. Maybe you can figure out what’s wrong with her. She hasn’t left her bed in two days and…”
“That’s enough, Megan.” Sam cut her friend off, sending her a death stare to try to shut her up.
She got the message. “Fine, I can take the hint. I’ll leave, but…”
“NO! Don’t leave!” The only thing worse than Megan talking too much was Megan leaving her alone with Cash. “Cash was just leaving. Megan stay.”
Megan looked between the two other occupants in the room, trying to decide what to do when Jonah had the nerve to stick his hand out to her, risking another long handshake. “It was nice to meet you, Megan. I can take it from here.”
Her friend gave her one last glance before she turned and left her alone with the very dangerous man in the room. Sam fought the urge to call out to her girlfriend up until she heard the front door close, ensuring the old friends were finally alone.
“Does everyone always do what you tell them to do?” Sam quipped.
“Everyone but you, apparently.”
“Funny. I don’t remember you asking me anything.”
He repeated his first question of the day. “Sam, can I come in?”
“You’re already in,” she retorted breathlessly.
“I liked what she said,” he said too softly as he took one step closer before stopping.
“Which part? Her excitement of being a Crushing Stones fan?”
He shook his head as he braved another step closer. “I like being your Jonah.”
Samantha was stunned—truly speechless at this new and improved version of Cash Carter. She was struggling to reconcile him with the man who’d so clearly hated her just two nights before.
Sensing she wasn’t going to respond, Cash glanced around for the first time. “What’s all this?”
She followed his gaze to her nightstand covered in full plates, bowls and glasses. Two days worth of untouched food and drink.
“I’m not hungry.” His green eyes narrowed as if he were unhappy with her answer.
He let it go, instead moving towards the window and pulling the curtain aside to let in additional sunlight from the brisk December day. He looked out the window briefly before turning around and stopping at the sole chair in the room. From her vantage point she couldn’t see what had grabbed his attention until he li
fted the ripped blouse and bra she’d been wearing two nights before during their fateful meeting.
His eyes met hers and she saw what looked like genuine regret mirrored at her. “I’m so very sorry, Sami. I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off. Unable to say the ugly word that was the true label for what had happened between them.
“Don’t worry about it.” Why she was letting him off the hook, she wasn’t sure.
“I do worry. I wouldn’t blame you if you…”
“Hate you?” she finished his sentence.
“I was going to say called the cops.”
She wanted to scream at him that she’d spent the last two days praying to feel hate towards him, but God hadn’t answered that prayer yet.
“Like I said. Don’t worry about it. I got what I went there for.”
That surprised him. “What was that?”
The lump in her throat threatened to ruin her resolve. She had to get through the next good-bye with her dignity intact. “Like I told you in my note. Closure.” The next words refused to be silenced. “I’ve been such a fool. Waiting around as if you’d just show up one day.”
“Like today?” he offered.
“Nothing like today. I’ve been waiting for Jonah. Like you said. My Jonah. You showed me he is dead.”
The larger than life persona in the room moved closer. “Honestly, I thought so too, until you showed up. You breathed life back into him.”
He was getting too close. Saying things that confused her. Feeling vulnerable, Sam pulled the covers up higher to hide her naked body from his eyes, suddenly self-conscious of not only the fragile state of her heart, but of her body at the moment. When he took another step, she reacted. “Cash, stop!”
He listened, stopping just a few feet away, directly next to her desk. In a panic, her eyes darted quickly to the corkboard full of Crushing Stones pictures, all of them featuring her favorite lead singer. She could feel the heat creeping up her neck and across her face at the embarrassment of being caught acting like a silly groupie.
Jonah reached out to pull down one of the smaller pictures on the board. His face lit up into a smile that was so bright, it could surely power a city block. It was a good thing she was laying down because the joy on his face was a glimpse of the Jonah she loved. The Jonah who was her best friend and who, at one time, had been her entire world. It made her head swim.
