Phoenix

by Dawn Rae Miller

  I see now how unhealthy it is. At Summer Hill, my emotions were able to influence his, and his mine; our decisions always take the other into consideration; and these past few months, when I couldn't be with him, I lost myself.

  So how do you unwind yourself from someone who you are literally bound to? How do you learn to be strong on your own?

  Beck's breath tickles my check. "Lark?"

  "You're awake," I say.

  "I was having terrible nightmares about--"

  "Being in the box?"

  "Losing you," he says. "But look, you're alive And here. With me." He gingerly holds his arms over my body as if afraid to touch me. "How do you feel?"

  I pull his arm around me and tuck it under my cheek. "Stiff. Sore. Like I almost died."

  "You did die."

  "I fixed you," I counter. "I couldn't let you go. Not after I fought so hard to get you back."

  Tears stream down my face. A glimmer of a memory in his jail cell flits through my brain. I remember life slipping from me. Disappearing, not into darkness this time, but into nothingness.

  I died. And Beck brought me back. But at what cost?

  He coughs, and the movement sends pain rippling through my body.

  "Don't worry about me," he says. "I'm going to be okay."

  "How did you do it?"

  Beck sighs. His hand traces circles across the back of mine. He's calming me, once again using our mingled magic. Once again showing how interconnected we are.

  "The piece of me lodged inside you didn't die. I guess, in a way, I willed life into you."

  "You poured your magic into me, didn't you?"

  "Not exactly. I kept you alive by staying alive myself. I think our mothers' protection will never wear off now that we are permanently bound."

  "Meaning that we can't die as long as the other one lives?"

  He nods his head. "It's my best guess."

  " After everything I've done - to you and our friends - why would you trust me?"

  His olive-colored eyes fill with tears. "Because you're you. And I love you."

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I awake in Beck's bed, his body cradling mine, my back to his front. Lying like this, his heart beats against me, strong and steady.

  Somehow we're both still alive.

  I gingerly roll over in his arms and plant a tiny kiss on the base of his throat. He moans in his sleep, and a smile slowly spreads across my face. Beck's body trembles, as if having a bad dream, and I lean back. His eyes are squished shut, and his breath changes from smooth and rhythmic to fast and gasping.

  "Hey, Beck," I say, shaking him. "Wake up. It's only a dream."

  His body convulses, and I throw my arm over him, pinning him to the bed. His eyes fly open, and he reaches for me. "Lark, Birdie." His warm hands grasp my upper arms and pull me closer. "I was only dreaming."

  "Yes, you were," I say. "What was it about?"

  He presses my head to his chest, and his thundering heartbeat fills my ear.

  "Losing you. But you're here. Everything is okay." He's saying this more to himself than to me. "Everything is fine."

  I suspect there is more to the dream based on the emotions radiating from him, but I bite my tongue. He'll tell me when he's ready.

  A movement across the room catches my attention, and despite the ache still holding court in my gut, I roll out from Beck's embrace and assume a defensive position.

  "Easy, Lark. It's only me," Annalise's voice says in the darkness.

  My hands are up and ready. Magic gnaws at me. Even though Eloise told me Annalise rushed to my aid, it makes me no less weary of my guard. "What are you doing here?" I demand.

  Beck's sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands held much like mine.

  "Light," Annalise says, and the room illuminates.

  "First, it's my job to protect you. Second, only an idiot would challenge the two of you together – even in your weakened state."

  "What happened?" My parched throat aches. "What failed?"

  "You got in Eamon's way." Annalise paces the room, and despite looking exhausted, she appears alert and prepared for work. Her ebony hair is tied back neatly in a ponytail, and she holds her tablet. "As for what failed, we're still looking into it. Although it does appear to be an inside job. Someone with intimate knowledge of your guard changes and the location of all your friends. Granted, with wristlet technology, it's not difficult to find people."

  I shoot my guard a withering look. As if I needed a reminder.

  "Speaking of which, I thought you'd like this back." She tosses my intricately detailed green wristlet to me. "So you're on the grid again. Same privacy levels as before."

  "Do you think it's safe for me to wear it given what you just told me?" I'm done with just doing things because someone says to.

  Annalise nods. "We've run hundreds of diagnostics on it. Everything is fine."

  "Can I see the data?"

  Two steely blue eyes meet mine. "Of course." Annalise hands over her tablet, and with me watching, pulls up the diagnostic report. "See, same privacy levels and no evidence of tampering – either mechanically or magically."

  Satisfied, I hand the tablet back before snapping the wristlet on. It hums to life against my skin, comforting me.

  Annalise reaches into her State-issued satchel and pulls out another green wristlet that she tosses to Beck. Like me, he snaps it on. "Thanks. I like this color much better."

  It's as if his words carve my insides hollow. I'm the reason he wore the red wristlet. Me. And that's probably the reason he was so easily taken by the Splinter group.

  "Congratulations, according to your vitals, you both are going to live," Annalise says studying her tablet. "Although your vitamin-D is low, Lark. Let's get you a pill for that."

  I scrunch up my face. This is what she came here for in the middle of the night? To give us wristlets and check our vitals. Since when is Annalise a healer, anyway?

  "Why are you here?" I ask, climbing back into the comfortable bed. "Are all my friends okay?"

  "Both Maz and Kyra are fine. They weren't attacked, simply held hostage from what we've determined."

  "And Lena? What happened to her?"

  Annalise hesitates.

  "What is it?"

  "Lena couldn't handle the mind scrubbing. We did our best, but it appears she's undergone the spell before."

  "What does that mean?" I dip my head to my chest and lower my eyes. That afternoon in the Presidio when I erased Lena's memory burns in my mind. Not to forget the time after either, at her house, when I attacked her.

  Annalise says, "Her mind is a bit scrambled. We're not sure we can fix her. If we had only known, we would have done things differently."

  My chest tightens. This, like Beck's abduction, is my fault.

  Beck sits next to me on the bed and tilts his head while studying me.

  "My emotions are perfectly fine. I'm just normal Lark, not crazy out-of-control Lark." I pause. "But yes, I'm upset."

  "Sometimes it's hard to tell," he says, wrapping his arm around me. "I can't read you as well I used to."

  Maybe that's for the best, I say in my head.

  Or not, he offers before saying aloud, "I miss that connection to you."

  "I like my privacy." I poke him in the chest.

  It's as if the months of fighting never happened. We're just Lark and Beck, just like we should have been along. Before Mother made alternate plans for me.

  "How do you think they attacked us?" I ask Annalise. "I was within the secure zone of my home. My guards--"

  "Were missing." Beck finishes for me.

  I huff. "Yes, Dawson is now, but Kyra was at home, as was Annalise. Only Dawson was with me. Have you found him yet?"

  "Maybe he's on the run?" Beck says.

  I raise my eyebrows and turn to Annalise. She shakes her head slowly. "Lark, we recovered Dawson's body just a few miles from your home."

  My heart sinks. "When?"

  "Within the
past hour."

  Tears well in my eyes, and as I close them, one trails down my cheek. I brush it away. Gentle, scholarly Dawson. Sweet Oliver. Both my guards gave their lives for me.

  My breath hitches. How many more are going to die fighting a battle I don't want to be fighting? Is Kyra next? Or Annalise?

  The thought makes me tremble. I inhale deeply, trying to keep my mind focused on the present. I can't let my emotions get in the way.

  "What about Ryker?" I ask, pulling myself together.

  "There's been no sign of him."

  I fight the slightly sick feeling bubbling in my stomach. "Only Beck's sighting of him at the jail?"

  "That is all we have," Annalise says. "Somehow Lena got swapped out for Ryker. Neither Kyra nor Maz remember seeing it happen."

  If Ryker has joined forces with the Splinter group, we're all in trouble. "Finding Ryker and hearing his side of the story is a priority. He's about as inside as you can get. He had access to all my information, as well as the trust of Kyra and Maz. Not to mention Lena."

  "Lark, no. He wouldn't." Beck sets his jaw. "He would never turn on me."

  I hold Beck's hand, allowing the warmth to flow through me. "Ryker promised to kill me if I became out-of-control. Maybe he thought you had too? Or perhaps he thought he could persuade you to join with him?"

  "It doesn't explain why he went after Kyra, Maz, and Lena though." He gives a pained stare as if imagining Ryker's betrayal was worse than what has happened already.

  "He's the most logical choice. No one else had the means or motive. After our binding, I made Ryker promise to kill me when and if I became a danger to myself, or you. He readily agreed - something I can't forget, and we shouldn't overlook."

  The color drains from Beck's bronzed face. He looks down at me. "What about Annalise? She has a lot to gain with both of us gone."

  "I'm standing right here, Beck. I'm not hiding." She turns her flashing blue eyes on both of us. "If the two of you go down, I have much more to lose than the only man I've ever loved."

  Still holding Beck's hand, I concentrate on Annalise. Waves of energy radiate from her, and somehow, I'm not sure how, I know she isn't lying.

  "Find Ryker." I say. "If he's innocent, Beck and I will be able to tell."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The lights are on at Kyra's. After waiting all day, she still hasn't come to see me, nor has Maz come to see Beck.

  Only Annalise has been here – and Mother's former guards who now surround Beck and me at all times. It's been two months since the funeral, and Annalise has decided to call off searching for Mother's body and stick them with us instead.

  Can't say I'm happy about that. They are nowhere near as interesting or engaging as Oliver and Dawson. Plus, there are more of them now. Which not only means I'm constantly surrounded, it also means Kyra should have enough time to at least visit me.

  However, even with Beck and Kyra nearby, and living in a house full of guards, I'm more alone than ever. After the initial briefing of what happened in the garden, and later in the box, no one really speaks to me beyond the day's necessities. Henry claims it's because I'm still too weak, but part of me is beginning to wonder who exactly controls the State – me, or my advisors.

  Unfortunately, in these quiet moments, I can't turn my brain off, and I find myself obsessing over the events of the past two days. What did Kyra and I do to Eamon to make him disappear? Where did he go? Annalise said they have good intelligence he's still alive, but no one seems to know where he went. That doesn't exactly put me at ease.

  And why did he attack and not go for the kill?

  What does it all mean?

  A knock on the door stills my racing thoughts. "Come in."

  Miss Tully pokes her head around the edge of the door. "It's dinner time, Lark. Beck, Annalise, and your brother are waiting."

  I want to be good. I want to make Miss Tully proud of me and show that I am mature enough to run our Society, but instead, I stick out my tongue and roll my eyes. "Tell Callum he should eat in the kitchen with the animals."

  "Now, Lark, that is hardly a kind thing to say."

  I shrug. The animosity between Callum and me is not a secret amongst the staff. Still, I should be the bigger person.

  I inhale deeply and exhale as loudly as possible. Miss Tully wags a gnarled finger at me. "Come now. Everything will be cold."

  With a sense of dread, I follow her out of the room and downstairs to the formal dining room. Callum sits across from Annalise, with the head chair - Mother's chair - empty. Henry and Eloise sit opposite of each other leaving the seat between Beck and Annalise free. No sooner am I seated then our soup appears.

  "It's about time," Callum says between spoonfuls of onion soup. "We've only been waiting for over half-an-hour."

  He's exaggerating and normally, I'd call him on it, but I have no fight in me today. Just getting out of bed was an effort.

  Perhaps Henry is right, and rest is what I truly need. Still, I can't help but feel like things are being kept from me, and decisions are being made for me without my consent. I know for a fact the Council has met several times without me, but I've yet to be briefed due to my 'fragile' state.

  And then there's Beck. Ever since I implied Ryker may be involved with our abductions, he's pulled away from me. Or at least it feels that way.

  The six of us eat in silence. At least when Mother was alive, there was conversation and the appearance of normalcy. Now it's merely dinner with the worst company I can imagine. Okay, that's not fair. Really it's only Callum I can't stand, but why Annalise insists we keep up family dinners is beyond me.

  "We need to make plans for the Founder's Ball," Henry says before blowing on his soup. "I'm not sure it's wise for Beck to attend."

  I drop my spoon sending soup splattering across my dress and the table. "The Channings will be there though, won't they?" After hours of negotiation, Margo and Patrick Channing agreed to attend, or so I was told. One of the few things deemed necessary, I guess.

  "Yes. Which means Beck doesn't need to be." My sister-in-law doesn't meet my eyes when she says this. "His parents can handle the Channing responsibilities like they have every year."

  "What if I want to go?" Beck asks.

  Annalise shakes her head, and her ebony ponytail whips back-and-forth. "As far as the world is concerned, you are still a Sensitive. We can't let you roam around like a free Statesman yet."

  I relax back in my chair. My appetite is less than zero. "Then who do you propose be my escort? Ryker's not exactly here or my biggest fan." I push the bowl of soup away. "Or should I stay home too? Let you and Callum handle my official duties?" I don't hide the scorn in my words.

  Annalise leans closer to me. I notice she's barely touched her soup, and I happen to know it is one of her favorites. She rests her hand over her stomach. "I hadn't thought of that. Forgive me, Lark, my brain has been a little foggy lately."

  In my mind, I agree with her. Where Annalise was once constantly alert, she's now fatigued and tired looking. Oliver's death and the increased duties surrounding Beck and me have taken a toll on her.

  "Perhaps you and Callum should take a vacation. You've not had a day off since Mother's death." I say this gently, so not to sound patronizing. "I solemnly promise to not set anyone on fire or invade another Society."

  The soup disappears and is replaced with a vegetable and pasta dish. Annalise blanches. "If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling well."

  She rushes from the room.

  My brother continues to devour his food as if Annalise being sick is the least of his concerns, but Eloise gets up and follows her. The rest of us stay seated.

  "Henry, is there a way we can reintroduce Beck to the Society? In a way that would explain his sudden presence in my life and revocation of his death sentence?"

  "People are already talking." My uncle frowns. "Perhaps a news conference."

  My stomach rolls. The last news conference I gave was after Mother's death. I pr
onounced Beck an enemy of the State and sent him, Maz, and Ryker on the run.

  "What do you propose?" Beck asks.

  "Lark should address the Society. She should let the world know she survived the attack, as did you, and that all evidence points to an outside group being responsible for Malin's death. Possibly another society – like the Islands or the Sensitives; a group that can't harm us and has nothing to offer us."

  He stops and surveys the two of us. "And she should make no mention of the Splinter group."

  "Why?" I ask.

  "Because doing so would give them legitimacy," Beck answers before Henry can say anything.

  "Beck's correct. Right now, they're mainly confined to the poorest areas and have done very little harm, but there numbers seem to grow daily. And that's what frightens me."

  "You don't think killing Mother and starting food riots is harmful?" I ask in disbelief.

  "In the grand scheme of things, no." Henry wipes his mouth with a starched white napkin. "We still have Light witches who will work with us, and we still have control of the State. Don't legitimize the Splinter group by acknowledging them. Many in our Society don't even know they exist."

  Callum rings the bell at the top of the table near Mother's old seat. "Take these dishes," he demands. "And bring out the cheese course."

  "Of course, Mr. Callum," a skinny servant girl says, clearing our dishes with the wave of her hand. The cheese appears on two separate trays on the table.

  "That's better," Callum says, before locking eyes with me. "Enough politics. It's boring." He stabs a piece of cheddar and bites into it. After he swallows, he says, "About the Ball, wouldn't that be a good time for the two of them to stage their first outing as a couple?"

  Everyone at the table grows quiet. This is the first time my brother has ever shown any interest in helping Beck and me.

  "I think that's a great idea. It seems like the most natural place. We could do the press conference a few days before the Ball, and then have Beck escort me." I say, trying to engage Callum. Trying my hardest to be pleasant. "Do you think we should let the Channings walk before or after us?"