The Survivor and his Safe Place

by Rebecca James

  “I keep telling Blaze we need a new one, the way one or the other of us is always sleeping on it,” Hung said before taking a sip of coffee. He was shirtless too.

  “Shut the damn drapes,” I moaned and covered my face with my hands.

  Hung crossed the room and a second later blessed darkness fell over us. I sighed. “That’s better. Now how about some of that coffee? You owe me.”

  Hung snorted. “You disappeared from the bar, and I found you pounding Mick’s ass over your bike while he shouted, ‘Harder, Daddy, harder.’ Somehow I don’t think you were having too bad of a time.”

  With a jolt, I patted my jeans for my wallet before spotting it on the table. I snatched it up and sighed with relief when I saw I was one condom down and tossed it onto the table. Thank fuck I hadn’t been so drunk I’d forgone being safe.

  “I have the hangover from hell,” I muttered.

  “Probably has something to do with the shots we did when we got back here,” Hung said, gesturing toward the glasses and empty bottle of tequila on the table.

  I groaned. “What the fuck? You know I don’t drink liquor.”

  “Well, you sure wanted to last night.”

  The events of the night started coming back to me.

  “Tell me they’re not still here.”

  Hung grinned. “Sleeping like babies in your bed.”

  My head shot up so fast, it hurt. “My bed?”

  Hung shrugged. “It’s bigger.”

  I leaned back and eyed my club brother. “Please tell me you didn’t do them both in my bed.”

  Hung’s smile turned lewd, and he winked at me. “Couldn’t pass it up.”

  My mouth dropped open. “They’re brother and sister, for Christ’s sake!”

  “They’re not my brother and sister. Anyway, they’ll be taking off soon. Haylee has to work this afternoon.”

  Hung used to identify as bisexual, but lately he’d been saying he was pansexual, or gender blind. I could believe it. I swear, he’d never met a person he didn’t want to fuck, and usually in the kinkiest of ways.

  I hoisted myself off the couch and shuffled into the kitchen straight for the coffee pot. Lake sat at the table painting his nails purple.

  “Hey,” I said as I poured a cup. “Want some?”

  “No, thanks. I’ve had enough. You work tonight?”

  Lake and I both worked at The Yellow Banana. I was a bartender, and he was a waiter slash pole dancer. Blaze and Lake had been a hot item for a year now. I didn’t think he’d ever stuck with a chick this long.

  “Yep. Go in at five. You?”

  Lake shook his head. “Off tonight.”

  The back door opened, and Blaze walked in. “Hung!” he yelled, making Lake paint a stripe of purple on the wood of the table. Blaze put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder and bent to kiss him. “Sorry, babe.”

  “Something wrong?” I asked just as Hung walked into the room.

  “You forget you have a shoot this morning?” Blaze asked.

  “Aw, fuck, yeah. Just give me a minute to shower.” Hung set down the cup and headed for the bathroom.

  “Fucker needs to write this shit down,” Blaze bitched.

  Hung came by his nickname honestly. He had a huge cock, and he made more porn videos for Blaze’s company than any of the other actors combined. Unfortunately, the hot, older biker wasn’t very reliable when it came to being in the right place at the right time.

  Ding.

  I smiled slowly. I’d been wanting a little revenge on my annoying roommate for various reasons, and I suddenly knew just how to get it.

  “Why don’t you make Nick his personal assistant?” I suggested.

  Lake snorted as he wiped up the polish on the table and began painting his thumbnail.

  Blaze leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, blue eyes narrowing. “You might have something there. Nick’s relentless.”

  My smile turned into an evil grin. “Like a chihuahua with a bone.”

  “A chihuahua dressed in pink,” Blaze said, and we both laughed.

  “You two are cruel.” Lake shook his head.

  “Would it help if you knew Hung was the one leading the applause that night we first got it on?” Blaze asked his boyfriend.

  Lake paused in his polishing and pursed his lips before saying, “I hope Nick drives him crazy.”

  I knew Nick would. He was flamboyant, flirtatious, tenacious, and about a million other annoying things all wrapped up in a tempting, over-the-top package. And he’d been laying it on thick with Hung lately, flirting up a storm and fanning himself whenever the man walked by, calling him Daddy Big Dick. Hung wouldn’t know what hit him.

  Thinking about Daddies brought back the night before. It was unlike me to drink hard booze. It affected me weird, and I didn’t want to be out of control. Christ. Thank fuck I hadn’t awakened that morning in bed with Hung and the siblings.

  “Who the fuck did Hung have with him last night?” Blaze asked. “Sounded like a kinky version of Family Feud.”

  Lake wrinkled his nose. “Glad I slept through it.”

  “Our dates,” I said, pouring myself a little more coffee. “Evidently, after I went to sleep on the couch, brother and sister went to bed with Hung.”

  “Kinky.” Lake screwed the top back on the nail polish.

  Hung appeared, wet hair combed back, wearing only a blue terrycloth robe and his boots. His dark chest hair glittered with water. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he said, smacking his hands together.

  “I’ve waited this long—you could’ve taken the time to dry off.” Blaze muttered as he followed the Brazilian out the back door.

  I needed my clothes, and it didn’t seem like Haylee and Mick were going to emerge anytime soon. With a sigh, I headed down the hall and slipped into the semi-dark room. Glancing around, I made out a pair of lace panties hanging on the bedside lamp, Hung’s ultra large condoms spilled all over the floor, and two human-sized lumps huddled under the bedcovers. I was going to text Hung to wash those sheets before I got off work.

  A phone alarm went off while I was changing, and one of the figures on the bed sat up.

  “Well, hey there, hot stuff,” Mick said to me, voice raspy, before shoving an elbow into his sister’s side. “Haylee, wake up. You’re gonna be late for work if you don’t get going.” She moaned, and he threw the covers off them both. I was relieved to see Mick wore a pair of briefs, and Haylee had on one of Hung’s shirts.

  I tucked my shirt into the dark pants that were my work uniform and buckled my belt. I had errands to run and wouldn’t have time to come home before my shift started. When I turned around, Mick was dressed and had switched on the bedside lamp.

  “Haylee, I swear. If you lose this job because you can’t fucking get there on time…”

  I left the room, shutting the door behind me.

  “Where’re you headed?” a deep voice asked. I stopped and peered into the dining room.

  “Cane Winters actually initiating conversation?” I feigned surprise and pinched myself on the arm. “Am I still asleep?”

  “Fuck off.”

  “Okay, that sounds more like you; I must be awake.” I looked him over. Tall, broad, with thick dark hair the same color as his eyebrows, close beard, and mustache, his blue eyes held steel in their depths. Although Cane had been with us a couple of years, nobody knew all that much about him. Except maybe Tony, and I wasn’t even sure of that. They’d had a bizarre relationship which had included doing a few porn scenes together, but most of the time they’d acted like they hated each other while managing to eye-fuck at the same time. Not long ago, Tony had packed up and left. He hadn’t officially quit the MC, according to Blaze, who I assumed knew the whole story, but the bossman wasn’t talking.

  “Need a ride into the city,” Cane said, using as few words as possible, as was the norm for him.

  “Sure. Come on.”

  He rode bitch on my bike and had me dro
p him off at some seedy-looking dive in Brooklyn. When I asked him if he needed a ride back to the club, he told me no, turned, and walked into the establishment without looking back. I shrugged, revved up my bike, and rode away. I didn’t have the time or inclination to try to figure out Cane. In fact, I was more than a little annoyed with him for being responsible for Tony’s leaving. Everybody loved the young blond Italian-Swede; he was the club pet. He was also our tech guy and the only one of us who could make a decent meal. If it weren’t for Isaac and Dante’s weekly dinners, I’d never get a taste of homemade food that didn’t make me wish I hadn’t.

  Speaking of which, the following day was Sunday. My stomach growled thinking about it, and my heart thumped harder knowing I’d be seeing Caleb again. The first time he’d ventured to sit down and eat with us, I’d been so fucking proud of him. I’d sat as far away as I could and tried not to let him see me watching him. I couldn’t help it; my eyes were drawn to him in a way I couldn’t explain.

  I stopped at a drug store for a few essentials and then drove to a place that served breakfast all day long. I was craving a stack of pancakes and some bacon. We’d recently turned the basement of the clubhouse into a gym where we all worked out whenever we got the chance, and I was definitely going to have to utilize it the next day. Tony’s computer still sat in the corner down there, and I wondered again where he might have gone and when he would come back.

  Had Cane and Tony been in a relationship outside the porn they’d done together? I remembered Tony hadn’t been too thrilled when Blaze’s partner, Julianne, had wanted him to do a few scenes with the stoic giant. Before that, they’d only done a short promo piece, but it had garnered quite the fan base of women who enjoyed watching the two men together. If I’d read him right, Tony hadn’t minded the porn so much as he’d minded doing it with Cane. Yet when the cameras had started rolling, they’d been on fire. And then Tony had cut and run.

  I drank my orange juice and told myself to mind my own business. I was no expert on relationships—far from it. My life had consisted of the occasional pick-up before I’d met Caleb and essentially committed myself to an intimate relationship with my hand. I had to admit that, even though I barely remembered it, the fuck with Mick the night before had released the tension that had been building beneath the surface for quite some time. I felt more relaxed and less like I wanted to rip something, or someone, apart.

  Once at work, I lost myself to the crowd and mixing and serving drinks. I got flirted with all the time at the club, but I was rarely tempted. I seemed to attract the young guys who wanted a Dom or a Daddy, and that wasn’t for me. Although I looked the part, what I craved was pretty vanilla. Someone to cuddle up to at night, make love to face-to-face, to cherish with my hands and mouth.

  I was getting hard thinking about it because of course I was picturing Caleb as the other person in that romantic scenario. I decided I was going to talk to Isaac about the situation. He knew Caleb better than anybody, and if he thought I was crazy for trying, I’d have to make myself break free.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Caleb

  I’d been sleeping on the couch the past few nights. I wasn’t sure what had unsettled me. Maybe it was my failure of being able to stay in the house with Hugh while he examined the animals. I’d tried, but even though I knew Jasmine needed me, I couldn’t handle it.

  Or maybe it was meeting those guys who’d moved into Deirdre’s old house when I’d been walking two of the dogs. I’d been congratulating myself on doing it alone when I’d passed by the house and seen the trio washing their cars. They’d wanted to pet the dogs, so I’d had to stop. The tallest guy had said he recognized me from school. He’d been nice enough, but the whole thing had freaked me out. I hadn’t even finished the walk but cut through the woods to get back to the shelter as fast as I could.

  I held back from the urge to get up and check the doors and windows again. I knew they were locked because I’d checked them half a dozen times already. The house was quiet except for the sound of the dogs snoring around me. I’d kept them out of their crates, feeling safer that way. Duke was curled up on top of my feet, keeping them warm. Nights like this, when I was anxious and couldn’t sleep, seemed endless. I imagined people in their houses, all sleeping in beds without a care in the world. None of them listening for every little sound. None of them with knots in their stomach they couldn’t explain.

  Tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks into my ears as I stared at the ceiling and felt sorry for myself. I just wanted to be normal again. God, please make me normal again.

  Four years had gone by since it had happened.

  “The home invasion,” I forced myself to say aloud, the sound of my voice causing the dogs to lift their heads and whine. My heart started to pound, and I took several deep breaths, letting them out as slowly as possible until I didn’t feel like I was going to jump out of my skin anymore.

  Duke’s ears pricked up just before a noise from outside brought me into a sitting position on the couch.

  “What is it, boy?” I whispered. The Great Dane growled low in his throat and fear washed through me. As the four other dogs began barking, I rose from the couch and went to the window to peer around the drapes. It was pitch black outside. I told myself a skunk or a possum could be on the porch. The dogs would bark at that.

  My cell phone rang, and I grabbed it off the table. Isaac’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Isaac?”

  “Hey, we can hear the dogs barking down there and it started ours going. Is everything okay?”

  I swallowed, mouth dry. “I don’t know. I heard something out on the porch. It could have been a possum.”

  “We’ll be right down.” Isaac hung up before I could protest.

  Although embarrassed, I wasn’t sorry Isaac and Dante were on their way. I sat huddled on the couch until I heard Dante’s voice outside followed by a knock. I raced to the door but still looked out the window before opening it. Isaac stepped inside and closed the door, locking it behind him.

  “Dante’s checking around the house.” I was grateful for the weight of the arm he put around me. Isaac never pushed me or judged me. He was the only friend I had now that Deirdre was gone. Sometimes I thought about talking to him about my issues. Dana encouraged it, but I hadn’t been able to broach the subject yet. All this time, and Isaac had no idea of what my story was except what Deirdre had told him, and she hadn’t known much either. Only her father, a teacher at our high school, had known the details.

  Deirdre and her family had moved to North Carolina, and I would have been left without a place to stay and only a part-time job at a library that I was barely managing if it hadn’t been for Isaac. I owed him so much.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure it was just an animal,” he told me. When a knock sounded on the door, I couldn’t keep myself from grabbing Isaac’s arm as he reached for the lock and looking out the window before indicating it was okay for him to answer it.

  “Find anything?” Isaac asked when Dante walked in.

  Dante rubbed the back of his neck. Dressed in jeans, a snug T-shirt, and boots, he cut a gorgeous figure. I could understand the way Isaac melted into the hot biker’s side when Dante put his arm around him. I wondered what that would feel like to have a big guy hold me like that. My mind immediately went to Axel and I blushed. Could it ever happen? If I wasn’t the way I was, scared of my own shadow, could he look at me that way?

  “There were shoe prints out there, but I couldn’t tell if they were fresh,” Dante said. A bitter wind blew through me at his words, my mind immediately going to the man in prison.

  “Caleb?” Isaac’s voice was soft as he squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. They probably were from this afternoon, remember? Hugh was here.” Isaac glanced at his boyfriend, who nodded.

  “What kind of noise was it you heard?” Dante asked me.

  “I don’t know. Like something sliding on the wood. I’m not sure. Duke started growling and then the oth
ers began to bark.”

  “Do you want to come stay the night with us?” Isaac asked.

  I wanted to. I really did. But it felt like a step backward when I’d been making progress.

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine. Dante’s looked around. No one’s out there.”

  “Call us if you need us,” Dante said. “I don’t mind coming down and walking you up to the house.”

  “Thanks. I’ll help you cook tomorrow,” I said to Isaac. I watched them go then closed the door and locked it. I checked all the windows and came back to the door, checking the lock yet again.

  I wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep that night.

  ****

  I slid the casserole dish out of the oven and placed it on a hot pad on the counter. Isaac had gone to answer the door. I could hear the voices of his and Dante’s friends laughing and joking and wished I could be that carefree. Already, I’d begun to sweat, and my heart was pounding against my ribcage. All I could think was that the house was filling up with people, many of them big and muscular.

  As if sensing my unease, Duke nuzzled my hand, and I absently reached down to pet his soft fur.

  “I’m okay, boy,” I said, even though I wasn’t so sure about that.

  My goal was to sit through dinner and talk to people, and that’s what I was going to do. I’d already fucked up my other goal for the week; I wasn’t going to do the same with this one.

  Taking a breath, I peered out past the dining room to the living area, scanning the faces of the people gathered. Blaze and Lake. I was accustomed to Lake and not really skittish around him, and Blaze was okay. I liked Morgan, but his husband, Zeke, made me uneasy with his perpetual scowl. The only female present was Celine, Jesse’s wife. Her nickname was Cupcake, and she kind of looked like one with her hair colored a pale purple and frosted lipstick to match. Jesse was called Foghorn by his club brothers because of his deep, throaty voice. His love of animals endeared him to me, but I was still scared around him sometimes because of his bulk. He volunteered at the shelter and was used to me, so he tried almost as hard as Axel not to make sudden moves and to keep his voice soft when I was around.