The Survivor and his Safe Place

by Rebecca James

  Axel sighed and squeezed my ass with his big hands. I thought about how it would feel having his spunk running out of me and smiled wider.

  “You know I can’t say no to you. But Caleb.” He tilted my chin so I was looking at him. “Slow down, okay? We got all the time in the world.”

  I kissed him, running my tongue over his lips and inside his mouth, loving the taste of him. I didn’t want to slow down. For the first time in a long time, I felt like living my life. The fear was still there, but it was buried deep down where I hoped it would never be able to fight its way back up again.

  “What did you do with Morgan and Lake?” Axel asked after a moment.

  “We just talked. They made tacos. There’s some left if you want some.” I wasn’t going to tell him I’d almost had an argument with Lake about how I’d quit seeing Dana. Morgan had diffused the situation, but the brief moment had dampened the fun of the evening a little.

  “I’m full of popcorn, but thanks.”

  I widened my legs so they fell on each side of Axel. I loved being cocooned with him inside the blanket. But after a while, the need to touch him overwhelmed me, and I ducked under the cover and moved down until I could open his jeans and bring his cock to my mouth. He gasped and then groaned, hardening against my tongue.

  “You’re gonna be the death of me,” he said as I sucked him down, experimenting with rhythm and speed, using the sounds Axel made as a guide to what he liked best. He shivered beneath me. I sucked hard, saliva dribbling down his cock, then pulled up and jacked him with my hand while teasing the head with little licks and kisses. The muscles in his thigh spasmed under my palm, and I sucked him down again, the humid air beneath the blanket blending with the pure musky scent of Axel, surrounding me, drowning me in pleasure. I was practically humping his leg while I sucked him, and Axel shifted his shin, pushing it against my hard cock under my sweatpants. I moaned around my mouthful, and Axel gave an answering moan above me outside the blanket.

  When his release hit the back of my throat, I swallowed it down eagerly and continued sucking, riding the bucking motion of Axel’s hips until he settled with a sigh. I licked him clean and crawled out from under the throw, pleased at the sated look on my big biker’s face.

  “That mouth should be against the law,” he said, voice rough. Grabbing me under the arms, he pulled me upward with one smooth motion, making me gasp, and took my cock out of my sweats, sucking it into his hot mouth.

  “Shit!” I yelled, sending the dogs into a frenzy of barking. Axel sucked on me until I came with an embarrassing yelp, then lay me down and gazed at me with a smug smile while I slowly came back to my senses.

  I could definitely get used to evenings like this.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Axel

  I pulled up to the old bike shop and climbed off my Harley. At first the place looked deserted, but then I spotted someone moving around in back. Parking my bike, I sauntered into the garage portion of the shop.

  “Hello? Anybody around?” A cold wind whipped around the corner, and I tucked my scarf around my neck.

  A man peered out of the back office.

  “Yeah. What d’ya need?”

  “Gerry around?”

  The guy disappeared, and seconds later, a familiar face looked out. Gerry walked toward me, a smile splitting his face. He’d muscled up a little since I’d seen him last but basically looked the same.

  “Ax! Man, it’s been a long time. Good to see you.” Gerry slapped my shoulder. “You look crazy good. See you grew your hair out.”

  I raised the mirrored glasses I was wearing to rest on top of my head and got right to the point.

  “Hear you been talking shit about me. I don’t do murder for hire, Gerry.”

  Gerry leaned against the old Chevy resting on cinderblocks that took up the center of the garage, pulled a grimy handkerchief out of his pocket, and rubbed at a streak of grease above his goatee. He looked at me warily, taking in my full biker leather with my club’s emblem on the cut, which I’d purposely worn to make sure he knew where my loyalties lay.

  “I might’ve gotten a little carried away bragging about you durin’ a poker game recently.”

  “I’m not part of Heaven’s Rejects anymore. You got no reason to be bragging about me, especially about something that ain’t true,” I said.

  Gerry looked down at his feet. “Maybe part of me was hoping you’d get wind of it and come by,” he mumbled.

  Surprised, I didn’t say anything for a moment, and Gerry looked up at me. He was a decent-looking guy, and maybe once upon a time I might have looked at him as more than a good fuck if he’d shown the interest, but now my heart firmly belonged to Caleb.

  “A call would have been a better idea. I’m flatter, but I’ve got a boyfriend,” I said.

  Gerry nodded. “Okay. Sorry my big mouth caused you trouble.”

  I shook my head, smiling a little. “You always did go off the deep end when you did something, but man, I wish you hadn’t. I don’t want the cops getting wind of that kind of rumor and hassling my club.”

  “Sorry, Ax. You happy with the Hedonists, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “Ange says Blaze’s nothing like his big brother was. Says he’s a real pussy.”

  Anger lowered my brow, and I took a threatening step forward. “Ange is wrong, and if Blaze and I gotta beat that knowledge into him, we will.”

  Gerry took a step back, holding his hands in the air.

  “Don’t kill the messenger, man. I don’t think nothin’ like that; it was all Ange.”

  “It was good seein’ you, Gerry,” I pointed a gloved finger at him. “But you keep your mouth shut about me from here on out.” I stalked out of the garage, swung my leg over my bike, and was on the road in seconds.

  I was still pissed that Gerry had told Kilbourne that lie, but seeing as how he’d been trying to hook up with me in his own twisted way, I was willing to overlook it. We’d been the only two gay guys in Heaven’s Rejects that I knew of and not particularly eager to out ourselves, and the sex between us had been mostly hurried fucks in alleys or bathrooms. What Gerry’d said about Blaze concerned me more. If people were talking down Blaze’s leadership, maybe the club needed to stage something to give its rep a boost.

  When I got back to the clubhouse, I immediately looked for the bossman. I found him in the basement lifting weights, bare chested with sweat glistening on his skin.

  “We might have a problem, Boss,” I said.

  “Yeah?” Blaze raised a brow and dropped the forty pound weight he’d been working with onto the mat. “What kind of problem?”

  “The reputation kind. I’m not saying it’s a big deal or anything, but we might wanna take care of it. Old friend of mine says the leader of Heaven’s Rejects had some less than glowing things to say about you.”

  “Old Ange. Fuck him,” Blaze said, picking up a towel and wiping himself down.

  “I don’t know, some people listen to him. We haven’t been in the spotlight in a while—just sayin’.”

  Blaze pulled his black T-shirt over his head and smoothed it down just as Hung called to us from upstairs. I followed Blaze up to the living room where Hung stood blocking our view of somebody sitting on the ottoman. When we approached, he stepped aside, and I saw it was Mick. The kid wasn’t in good shape.

  “Who did this to you?” Blaze asked, gently taking Mick’s jaw in his hand and moving his head back and forth. The kid’s face was a mottled mix of black, blue, purple, and green. He had a cut on his cheek and his right eye was almost entirely swollen shut.

  Mick looked down at his hands and didn’t answer.

  “I bet I know,” I said. “He left the club with Kilbourne last night.”

  “From the Sinners?” Hung looked like he wanted to spit after saying the name of the rival club.

  I nodded.

  “That fucker.” Hung turned back to Mick. “What else did he do to you?”

  A tear trickled
down Mick’s cheek, and he choked on a sob. Matteo walked in with a wet towel and dabbed at the kid’s face with it, squeezing Mick’s shoulder comfortingly with the other hand.

  “Kil’s the one who was bothering Lake back before you two got together,” I told Blaze. “Cornered him in the back room, and Lake poked him in the eyes. Came at him again but backed off when I told him you and Lake were as good as together.”

  Blaze’s blue eyes glittered. “Maybe this is our opportunity to throw ourselves in that spotlight you were talking about.” He looked at Hung and Matteo. “What do you say, guys? Ax tells me our rep could use some bolstering.”

  “I’m in,” Hung said, grinning.

  “Me, too,” Matteo said.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Caleb

  I examined the cuts on Axel’s knuckles before bringing my gaze to the purple bruise on his cheekbone.

  “What happened?”

  Axel moved past me through the doorway. “This a new dog?” He squatted down to pet the terrier mix that lay on some folded quilts by the stairs.

  “She’s a stray Brad brought by yesterday.”

  “Brad?” Axel asked. I got the feeling he was trying to distract me from the fact he’d been in a fistfight.

  “You know, one of the guys who brought the rabbit.” I moved forward to examine what looked like a cut on Axel’s tanned neck, but he stood before I could get a good look at it.

  “Those guys sure are good at finding hurt animals,” he said wryly.

  I ran my eyes over Axel’s form, looking for more injuries. “They’re okay, I guess. The dog has a hurt paw. Brad wanted to know if I had anything to put on it, but I told him I’ll have to wait until Hugh comes.” Hugh visited the shelter so often, he kept a lot of the stuff he needed locked in the medicine cabinet in the back room.

  The dog had gotten up from her bed and was sniffing the ankles of Axel’s boots. When Brad had first brought the animal, she’d seemed skittish, but that had quickly worn off. Hugh would check to see if she was microchipped, and if she wasn’t, I was sure she’d adopt out easily.

  My mind went back to the cut on Axel’s neck, and worry niggled at me.

  “Were you in a fight?” I asked.

  Axel sighed. “It was nothing. Just a little fistfight.”

  “Not with Dante—”

  “No, no. You would have heard about it by now if I messed up Dante’s pretty face. Another club.”

  I swallowed. “They had knives.

  Axel started to raise his hand to his neck but aborted the action. “Maybe, I don’t know. The whole thing didn’t last long.” He studied my face. I tried to hide the fear and concern that gripped me, but I doubted I succeeded.

  “One of the guys hurt a friend of ours, so we were giving them a little warning, that’s all.”

  “Oh.”

  Axel ran a finger down my cheek. “It’s not a big deal, Caleb. I promise.”

  “Did anyone else get hurt?” I asked, examining Axel’s knuckles again. Don’t think about the cut or the knife that must have made it.

  “No, not really. Caleb.” Axel pulled me close to his chest, and his eyes were soft and a little bewildered when they looked at me. “I’m fine.” He kissed me, and for several minutes I forgot everything except his mouth on mine, which had probably been his intention, but I didn’t really care.

  “Thanksgiving’s coming up,” Axel said when we parted. “Dante said Isaac’s going to cook up a feast again this year.”

  That reminded me of something I’d been thinking about.

  “Do you think maybe we can go to the farm that weekend? I mean, not for Thanksgiving itself, but after?”

  Axel looked surprised, but said, “Sure, if that’s what you want.”

  “I thought it might be fun. Maybe this time we can take Duke with us.”

  Axel squeezed me. I loved being close to him, having his big arms wrapped around me.

  “I want what you want, and if what you want is to be out in the middle of nowhere for Thanksgiving weekend, that’s what we’ll do.”

  I laughed. “Come on, it’ll be fun. We can make love in front of the fireplace every night.”

  “Convincing argument,” Axel said, hands moving to cup my ass. “Keep going.”

  “We can take long walks and talk and pet the horses. Maybe we can make a bonfire one night and sit outside.”

  Axel kissed me. “Sounds nice. Okay. It’s a plan. We’ll eat Thanksgiving dinner here and then head out to the farm. I’ll have to make sure Blaze doesn’t need the SUV that weekend.”

  “If he does, we’ll take your bike. I can’t wait!” I loved the farm, and it had to be a good sign of my recovery that I wanted to go again. I still hadn’t mentioned to Axel I’d quit therapy. I’d half expected Lake or Morgan to tell on me, but it looked like they hadn’t. Dana’s office had called me a couple of times, and I’d noticed her cell number on my missed call list, but I had no intention of getting in touch with her.

  Fuck going there every week and spilling my guts. I was done. I didn’t need therapy and the downward spiral it sent me into every time I visited that office.

  My mind went back to the fight Axel had been in, and a new concern cropped up.

  “Was it a Hedonist who got hurt? Is everybody okay?”

  “No, it was Mick. A hookup of Jeovanni’s.”

  “Jeovanni. That’s Hung, right?”

  Axel smiled. “Yeah.”

  I’d seen plenty of Hung in the past on the Hard Time site and didn’t envy anyone who’d hook up with him. My asshole clamped shut just thinking about how huge his cock was.

  “Did they hurt him bad? Mick.”

  “Pretty bad, yeah. We just wanted to make sure they left him alone from here on out.”

  I nodded. I understood. It made sense. But the image of violence in my head sent a shudder through me.

  “Hey.” Axel took my chin in his hand, making me look at him. “You okay? You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

  “Of course,” I said, wrapping my hand around his wrist. “Don’t be silly.”

  “It’s not silly. I know what you’ve been through. Roughly, anyway.”

  I wondered if I should try telling Axel about that night, but the thought of reliving it yet again made my stomach clench painfully.

  “I don’t think of you like that,” I said.

  Axel’s eyes were troubled. “You mean you didn’t until you saw me with Dante that day and again now.”

  I pulled away from him. “No. I know you fight sometimes. I’m sure all motorcycle clubs do. Want to walk the dogs with me?”

  Axel was quiet a minute before saying, “Sure.”

  I took the leashes from their hooks by the door, the memory of the brief scuffle I’d witnessed between Axel and Dante flashing in my mind. Axel had looked lethal when angry—like he’d crush the person who stirred his ire. I imagined he could kill with those big hands alone.

  A touch to my arm made me almost jump out of my skin.

  “Sorry.” Axel took a step back. “You looked lost there for a minute.”

  I summoned a smile. “I was just thinking. You startled me.” I handed him a leash, and we called to the dogs currently residing at shelter. Recently, both Gypsy and Roxy had been adopted by an older couple. That left the dog Brad had brought, which I’d named Della, and Sparky, the little wiener dog who had been brought in a couple weeks before. The two bigger dogs were still in the kennel, and I’d played with them and given them food before Axel had gotten there.

  Axel took Della’s leash in one hand and Duke’s in the other, and I took Sparky’s.

  I’m not scared of Axel. Not anymore, I told myself over and over as we walked the property. We’d had to put on jackets and scarves since cold weather had settled in with a vengeance. My eyes watered from the blistering wind. The sky was a blanket of gray, and I wondered aloud if it would snow.

  “Fifty percent chance, according to the weather app this morning,” Axel told
me.

  Huddling behind Axel’s big frame to shield myself from the wind, I shivered in the next gust as the dogs stopped to do their business.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when we got back to the shelter. After feeding the dogs and giving them water, Axel and I settled on the couch.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him. “Why are you frowning?”

  Axel rubbed his eyes with his fingers and sighed. “I just feel like you think of me different now.”

  I turned in the curve of his arm to see him more clearly.

  “What? No.” His eyes reflected a hurt I immediately wanted to erase. Climbing onto his lap, I straddled him and took his face between my hands.

  “I don’t think of you differently.” I kissed the dip between his brows, then his cheeks and nose, and was rewarded when he claimed my mouth in a bruising kiss that had me hard and aching for him in seconds.

  Axel’s hands slid beneath the waist of my jeans to cup my ass, and I whimpered into his mouth.

  “Want you so bad,” he said between possessive sweeps of his tongue in my mouth. “So fucking bad.” His finger breached me, and I gasped then groaned into the next claiming kiss. When Axel finally pulled away from me, the desire in his eyes lit me up. His next words poured fuel on the flames.

  “I went to the clinic,” he said, voice rough and eyes darting between mine. “Got tested. I’m clean, but maybe I should go a few more times—”

  I cut him off with my mouth, my tongue the aggressor this time, the thought of Axel’s bare cock inside me making me crazy. I shimmied off his lap long enough to rid myself of my pants and underwear. Axel groaned and opened his jeans, taking out his thick cock. Mouth watering, I fell to my knees and kissed and licked him until he was rigid and begging me to get on his dick.

  “Just a sec.” I zipped into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of olive oil.

  “That naughty smile on your face is gonna be the death of me,” Axel said, head resting on the back of the couch and sexy eyes taking in how my erection curved up from below the hem of my T-shirt.