by Nora Ephron
SALLY Helen went to Michigan State?
HARRY No. She went to Northwestern. But they’re both Big Ten schools. (beat) I was so upset, I had to leave the restaurant.
SALLY Harry, I think it takes a long time. It might be months before we’re actually able to enjoy going out with someone new.
HARRY Yeah.
SALLY And maybe even longer before we’ll be actually able to go to bed with someone new.
HARRY Oh, I went to bed with her.
SALLY You went to bed with her?
HARRY Sure.
SALLY Oh.
CUT TO:
INT. BATTING CAGE IN QUEENS—DAY
Harry and Jess with bats in hand as the machine pitches.
JESS I don’t understand this relationship.
HARRY What do you mean?
JESS You enjoy being with her?
HARRY Yeah.
JESS You find her attractive?
HARRY Yeah.
JESS And you’re not sleeping with her?
HARRY No.
JESS You’re afraid to let yourself be happy.
HARRY Why can’t you give me credit for this? This is a big thing for me, I’ve never had a relationship with a woman that didn’t involve sex. I feel like I’m growing.
One NINE-YEAR-OLD is waiting to use the batting cage and is watching Harry and Jess just stand there.
NINE-YEAR-OLD Are you finished?
HARRY I got a whole stack of quarters and I was here first.
NINE-YEAR-OLD Were not.
HARRY Was too.
NINE-YEAR-OLD Were not.
HARRY Was too.
NINE-YEAR-OLD You jerk.
HARRY Creep. (back to Jess) Where was I?
JESS You were growing.
HARRY Yeah. It’s very freeing. I can say anything to her.
JESS Are you saying you can say things to her you can’t say to me?
HARRY No, it’s just different. It’s a whole different perspective. I get the woman’s point of view on things. She tells me about the men she goes out with and I can talk to her about the women I see.
JESS You tell her about other women?
HARRY Yeah. Like the other night I made love to this woman and it was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn’t human. She actually meowed.
JESS You made a woman meow?
HARRY Yes. That’s the point. I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don’t have to lie because I’m not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself.
JESS You made a woman meow?
CUT TO:
INT. CARNEGIE DELICATESSEN—DAY
Harry and Sally are seated at a table, waiting for their sandwiches.
SALLY What do you do with these women? Do you just get up out of bed and leave?
HARRY Sure.
SALLY Well, explain to me how you do it. What do you say?
A waiter brings their order.
HARRY I say, I have an early meeting, an early haircut, an early squash game.
SALLY You don’t play squash.
HARRY They don’t know that. They just met me.
SALLY (rearranging the meat on her sandwich) That’s disgusting.
HARRY I know. I feel terrible. (takes a bite of sandwich)
SALLY You know, I am so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at three o’clock in the morning and go clean your andirons. And you don’t even have a fireplace. (quite irritated now, slapping the meat over more quickly) Not that I would know this.
HARRY Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you.
SALLY Yes, it is. You’re a human affront to all women. And I’m a woman. (bites into sandwich)
HARRY Hey, I don’t feel great about this, but I don’t hear anyone complaining.
SALLY Of course not. You’re out the door too fast.
HARRY I think they have an okay time.
SALLY How do you know?
HARRY What do you mean, how do I know? I know.
SALLY Because they …? (she makes a gesture with her hands)
HARRY Yes, because they … (he makes the same gesture back)
SALLY How do you know they’re really … (she makes the same gesture)
HARRY What are you saying, they fake orgasm?
SALLY It’s possible.
HARRY Get outta here.
SALLY Why? Most women, at one time or another, have faked it.
HARRY Well, they haven’t faked it with me.
SALLY How do you know?
HARRY Because I know.
SALLY Oh right. (sets her sandwich down) That’s right. I forgot. You’re a man.
HARRY What’s that supposed to mean?
SALLY Nothing. It’s just that all men are sure it never happens to them, and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.
HARRY You don’t think I can tell the difference?
SALLY No.
HARRY Get outta here.
Harry bites into his sandwich. Sally just stares at him. A seductive look comes onto her face.
SALLY Oooh!
Harry, sandwich in hand, chewing his food, looks up at Sally.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh! Oooh!
HARRY Are you okay?
Sally, her eyes closed, ruffles her hair seductively.
SALLY Oh, God!
Harry is beginning to figure out what Sally is doing.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oooh! Oh, God!
Sally tilts her head back.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh!
Her eyes closed, she runs her hand over her face, down her neck.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh, my God! Oh, yeah, right there.
Harry looks around, noticing that others in the deli are noticing Sally. She’s really making a show now.
SALLY (CONT’D) (gasps) Oh!
A man in the background turns to look at her
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh! Oh! (gasps) Oh God! Oh! Yes!
Harry, embarrassed, stares at her in disbelief.
SALLY (CONT’D) (pounding the table) Yes! Yes!
The man in the background is now watching intently.
SALLY (CONT’D) (pounding the table with both hands) Yes! Yes! Yes!
Harry looks around, very embarrassed, smiles at customers. An OLDER WOMAN seated nearby stares.
SALLY (CONT’D) Yes! Yes!
By now, the place is totally silent and everyone is watching.
SALLY (CONT’D) Yes! Oh! (still thumping table) Yes, yes, yes!
Sally leans her head back, as though experiencing the final ecstatic convulsions of an orgasm.
SALLY (CONT’D) Yes! Yes! Yes!
She finally tosses her head forward.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh. Oh. Oh.
Sally sinks down into her chair, tousling her hair, rubbing her hand down her neck to her chest.
SALLY (CONT’D) Oh, God.
Then, suddenly, the act is over. Sally calmly picks up her fork, digs into her coleslaw, and smiles innocently at Harry.
A waiter approaches the Older Woman to take her food order. The woman looks at him.
OLDER WOMAN I’ll have what she’s having.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. CENTRAL PARK—DAY
Various scenes of the snow-blanketed park: A horse pulls a carriage; people bundled up in winter clothing walk along the snow-covered paths; and a lone cross-country skier crosses a large expanse.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA—NIGHT
The huge Christmas tree in the square, a woman skating expertly in the center of the ice rink.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET—NIGHT
A store window with a Christmas display, families admiring it.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK—DAY
Children riding sleds and toboggans down a hill.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET—NIGHT
Pedestrians,
huddled against the cold, walking by lighted Christmas trees.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK—DAY
The Wollman rink, full of skaters. A man walks his dog outside the fence.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHRISTMAS TREE LOT—DAY
Sally is paying for a tree. Then she and Harry pick it up, he holding the top and she the bottom, and carry it to Sally’s. Together.
CUT TO:
INT. NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY—NIGHT
Champagne is popped.
We know it’s New Year’s Eve because people are wearing funny hats and there’s one of those mirrored things hanging from the ceiling and casting twinkle lights on a fairly large crowd of revelers in a penthouse apartment somewhere in Manhattan.
A band is PLAYING. Harry and Sally are dancing.
He dips her.
SALLY I really want to thank you for taking me out tonight.
HARRY The during part was good …
SALLY I thought it was good …
HARRY Oh, don’t be silly. And next year, if neither of us is with somebody, you’ve got a date.
SALLY Deal. See, now we can dance cheek to cheek.
They dance a moment and then the MUSIC ENDS. They go on dancing a bit longer and for a split second we see the beginnings of something … an inkling … a little tender moment. Then—
VOICE (Offscreen) Hey, everybody, ten seconds to the New Year!
The CROWD begins to count down:
CROWD Ten, nine …
HARRY Want to get some air?
SALLY Yeah.
CROWD … eight, seven, six …
EXT. NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY—NIGHT
CROWD (CONT’D) … five, four …
Harry and Sally go out onto the balcony.
CROWD (CONT’D) … three, two, Happy New Year!
All around Harry and Sally, couples are hugging, kissing, celebrating. It is slightly uncomfortable.
HARRY Happy New Year.
SALLY Happy New Year.
They kiss quickly and awkwardly.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE
A COUPLE on a love seat.
FIFTH WOMAN He was the head counselor at the boys’ camp, and I was the head counselor at the girls’ camp. They had a social one night. (beat) And he walked across the room. I thought he was coming to talk to my friend Maxine, because people were always walking across rooms to talk to Maxine, but he was coming to talk to me. And he said—
FIFTH MAN I’m Ben Small of the Coney Island Smalls.
FIFTH WOMAN And at that moment, I knew, I knew the way you know about a good melon.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. WEST BROADWAY, NEAR RESTAURANT—EARLY EVENING
Sally and her friend Marie walking down the street on their way to a restaurant.
SALLY You sent flowers to yourself?
MARIE Sixty dollars I spend on this big stupid arrangement of flowers, and I wrote a card that I planned to leave out on the front table where Arthur would just happen to see it—
SALLY What did the card say?
MARIE “Please say yes. Love, Jonathan.”
SALLY Did it work?
MARIE He never even came over. He forgot this charity thing that his wife was chairman of. (beat) He’s never going to leave her.
SALLY Of course he isn’t.
MARIE You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right. (beat) Where is this place?
SALLY Somewhere in the next block.
MARIE Oh, I can’t believe I’m doing this.
SALLY Look, Harry is one of my best friends, and you are one of my best friends, and if by some chance you two hit it off, we could all still be friends instead of drifting apart the way you do when you get involved with someone who doesn’t know your friends.
MARIE You and I haven’t drifted apart since I started seeing Arthur.
SALLY If Arthur ever left his wife and I actually met him, I’m sure you and I would drift apart.
MARIE He’s never going to leave her.
SALLY Of course he isn’t.
MARIE You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right.
CUT TO:
EXT. WEST BROADWAY, NEAR RESTAURANT—NIGHT
Harry and his friend Jess coming down the street.
JESS I don’t know about this.
HARRY It’s just a dinner.
JESS You know, I’ve finally gotten to a place in my life where I’m comfortable with the fact that it’s just me and my work. (they walk on) If she’s so great, why aren’t you taking her out?
HARRY How many times do I have to tell you, we’re just friends.
JESS So you’re saying she’s not that attractive?
HARRY No, I told you she is attractive.
JESS But you also said she had a good personality.
HARRY She has a good personality.
Jess makes a “precisely my point” gesture.
HARRY (CONT’D) What?
JESS When someone’s not attractive, they’re always described as having a good personality.
HARRY Look. If you had asked me what does she look like and I said, she has a good personality, that means she’s not attractive. But just because I happen to mention she has a good personality, she could be either. She could be attractive with a good personality, or not attractive with a good personality.
JESS So which one is she?
HARRY Attractive.
JESS But not beautiful, right?
Harry glares at him.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT—NIGHT
Harry, Jess, Sally, and Marie at a table. A waiter has just brought them drinks. It is clear from the arrangement at the table that Harry is meant to be with Marie and Jess is meant to be with Sally. Jess and Sally are talking to each other, while Harry and Marie carry on their own conversation.
JESS (to Sally) It’s like whenever I read Jimmy Breslin, it’s as if he’s leaving some kind of wake-up call for the city of New York.
SALLY What do you mean by a wake-up call?
They continue talking as we now focus on Harry and Marie’s conversation:
HARRY Would I have seen any of your windows?
MARIE Well, just a couple of weeks ago, I did a thing with hostages.
HARRY Oh, the thing with people in blindfolds.
Back to Jess and Sally, who obviously is not enjoying or agreeing with what he is saying.
SALLY (to Jess) Uh, let’s just say I’m … I’m really not a big fan of Jimmy Breslin.
JESS Well, he’s the reason I became a writer, but that’s not important.
A little pause.
SALLY Harry, you and Marie are both from New Jersey.
MARIE Really?
HARRY Where are you from?
MARIE South Orange.
HARRY Haddonfield.
MARIE Oh.
They all look at each other.
Then they look at their menus.
HARRY So what are we going to order?
SALLY I’m going to start with the grilled radicchio.
HARRY Jess, Sally is a great orderer. Not only does she always pick the best thing on the menu, but she orders it in a way that even the chef didn’t know how good it would be.
Sally shoots Harry a look.
JESS I think restaurants have become too important.
MARIE Oh, I agree. “Restaurants are to people in the eighties what theater was to people in the sixties.” I read that in a magazine.
JESS I wrote that.
MARIE Get outta here.
JESS No, I did. I wrote that.
MARIE I never quoted anything from a magazine in my life. That’s amazing. Don’t you think that’s amazing? And you wrote it?
JESS I also wrote, “Pesto is the quiche of the eighties.”
MARIE Get over yourself.
JESS I did.
MARIE Where did I read that?
JESS New York magazine.
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HARRY Sally writes for New York magazine.
MARIE Do you know, that piece had a real impact on me. I don’t know that much about writing, but …
JESS Look, it spoke to you, and that pleases me.
MARIE It had a wonderful, unique—is the word “style”?
JESS If you say that’s the word, that’s the word.
MARIE I … I mean … I really have to admire people who can be as … as … articulate …
JESS Nobody’s ever quoted me back to me before.
CUT TO:
EXT. WEST BROADWAY—NIGHT
Harry, Jess, Marie, and Sally are walking up the avenue, all four of them in a row, ad-libbing about the meal and what a nice night it is. They walk past a shoe store, and Marie suddenly yanks Sally over.
MARIE Oooo, I’ve been looking for a red suede pump. (beat) What do you think of Jess?
The two men keep walking.
SALLY Well, uh …
MARIE (interrupting) Do you think you could go out with him?
SALLY I don’t know …
MARIE —because I feel really comfortable with him.
SALLY You want to go out with Jess?
MARIE If it’s all right with you.
SALLY Sure. Sure. I’m just worried about Harry. He’s very sensitive, he’s going through a rough period, and I just don’t want you to reject him right now.
MARIE I wouldn’t. I totally understand.
SALLY Okay.
EXT. WEST BROADWAY—NIGHT
Harry and Jess apparently in the midst of an identical conversation. They’re stopped in front of a running-equipment store.
JESS If you don’t think you’re going to call Marie, do you mind if I call her?
HARRY No.
JESS Good, good.
HARRY But for tonight you shouldn’t … I mean, Sally’s very vulnerable right now. I mean, you can call Marie, it’s fine, but just, like, wait a week or so, you know? Don’t make any moves tonight.
JESS Fine. No problem. I wasn’t even thinking about tonight.
The women join them.
JESS (CONT’D) Well. (beat) I don’t feel like walking anymore, I think I’ll get a cab.
MARIE I’ll go with you.
