by Nora Ephron
SALLY (CONT’D) And I’m going to be forty.
HARRY When?
SALLY Someday.
HARRY In eight years.
SALLY But it’s there, it’s just sitting there like this big dead end. It’s not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had babies when he was seventy-three.
HARRY Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.
She smiles a little, then starts crying again.
HARRY (CONT’D) Oh, c’mere, c’mere. (he gives her a hug) It’s going to be okay. You’re gonna be fine, you’ll see.
Sally sniffles into Harry’s shirt.
HARRY (CONT’D) Go ahead, it’s not one of my favorites anyway. It’s gonna be okay.
Harry holds her. He gives her a kiss, starts to break the hug.
HARRY (CONT’D) I’ll make you some tea.
SALLY Harry, could you just hold me a little longer?
HARRY Oh, sure. There.
Harry holds her. After a beat, Sally looks up at him, almost searching for something. She kisses him. A hungry, needy kiss. Harry is caught slightly off guard, but returns the kiss. As they begin to make love—
CUT TO:
INT. SALLY’S BEDROOM—LATER
They’ve made love. Both of them lying in bed, Sally is in Harry’s arms. Sally has a smile on her face. Harry stares straight ahead.
SALLY Are you comfortable?
Harry nods.
HARRY Sure.
After a pause.
SALLY Do you want something to drink or something?
HARRY No, I’m okay.
SALLY (getting up) Well, I’m going to get up for some water, so it’s really no trouble.
HARRY Okay. Water.
INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT
Sally enters and gets a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She goes to the cabinet and takes out two glasses and pours.
INT. BEDROOM—NIGHT
Harry lying in Sally’s bed, still staring straight ahead. Finally, he looks around and reaches for a file box he sees. He opens it and looks inside.
INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT
As Sally stands thinking, a little smile on her face.
INT. BEDROOM—NIGHT
Harry is sitting up in bed with the light on, looking through the box of index cards.
Sally comes in with the glasses of water.
HARRY (looking up from the box) You have all your videotapes alphabetized and on index cards.
Sally hands him the water.
HARRY (CONT’D) Thank you.
A silence while Harry desultorily goes through the box.
Unbelievably awkward.
Every SOUND is louder than it actually is. The riffle of the index cards. Sally taking a gulp of water. Harry rearranging his pillow.
SALLY Do you want to watch something?
HARRY No, not unless you do.
SALLY No, that’s okay.
A pause. He puts the file box back. Sally slides back into bed, nestles into his shoulder.
SALLY (CONT’D) Do you want to go to sleep?
HARRY Okay.
She turns off the lamp and settles in beside Harry.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM—DAY
Sally wakes up. Sees the other half of the bed empty. Where’s Harry? She turns over and sees him getting dressed.
SALLY Where are you going?
HARRY I gotta go.
Sally stares at him.
HARRY (CONT’D) I gotta go home, I gotta change my clothes, and then I have to go to work and so do you, but after work I’d like to take you out to dinner if you’re free. Are you free?
SALLY Yes.
HARRY Fine. I’ll call you later.
SALLY Fine.
HARRY Fine.
Harry gives her a little kiss, walks out.
HOLD on her in bed as the door SLAMS.
Next to her is the phone.
INT. JESS AND MARIE’S BEDROOM—MORNING
A bed with a phone on each side. Jess and Marie asleep in bed.
The phone on Marie’s side of the bed starts to RING. Marie and Jess both wake up, look at the clock. They can’t believe how early it is.
It RINGS again.
JESS (accusingly) Yours.
Marie picks up the phone, pulls the phone onto the bed.
MARIE Hello.
WIPE IN FROM RIGHT:
Sally sitting up in bed, talking on phone
SALLY I’m sorry to call so early—
MARIE Are you all right?
JESS No one I know would call at this hour.
The phone RINGS on Jess’s side of the bed.
SALLY I did something terrible.
Jess picks up the phone
MARIE What did you do?
WIPE IN FROM LEFT:
Harry standing at public phone. Now we see all four of them on-screen, Marie and Jess in their bed on their phones, talking to Sally in her apartment at the far right, and Harry on a pay phone in the street at the far left.
JESS (into phone) No one I know would call at this hour.
SALLY It’s so awful.
HARRY I need to talk.
MARIE What happened?
JESS What’s the matter?
SALLY Harry came over last night …
HARRY I went over to Sally’s last night …
SALLY … because I was upset that Joe was getting married …
HARRY … and one thing led to another …
SALLY … and before I knew it, we were kissing … and then … (she shakes her head in horror, remembering)
HARRY … to make a long story short …
SALLY HARRY
We did it. We did it.
JESS MARIE
(whispering to Marie) (whispering to Jess)
They did it. They did it.
MARIE (back to Sally) That’s great, Sally.
JESS (back to Harry) We’ve been praying for it.
MARIE You should have done it in the first place.
JESS For months we’ve been saying, you should do it.
MARIE You guys belong together.
JESS It’s like killing two birds with one stone.
MARIE It’s like two wrongs make a right.
JESS MARIE
How was it? How was it?
HARRY … but then I felt suffocated.
SALLY … but then I guess it wasn’t.
JESS Jesus, I’m sorry.
MARIE The worst.
HARRY I just wanted to get out of there.
SALLY He just disappeared.
HARRY I feel so bad.
SALLY I’m so embarrassed.
JESS I don’t blame you.
MARIE That’s horrible.
HARRY I think I’m coming down with something.
SALLY I think I’m catching a cold.
JESS Look, it would have been great if it had worked out, but it didn’t.
MARIE You should never go to bed with anyone when you’ve found out your last boyfriend is getting married.
HARRY Who’s that talking?
JESS Who?
SALLY Is that Jess on the phone?
JESS It’s Jane Fonda on the VCR.
MARIE It’s Bryant Gumbel.
JESS MARIE
Do you want to come over for breakfast? Do you want to come over for breakfast?
Marie and Jess look at each other, horrified.
HARRY No, I’m not up to it.
SALLY No, I feel too awful.
JESS MARIE
Good. Good.
MARIE I mean, it’s so early.
JESS Call me later if you want.
MARIE I’ll call you later, okay?
HARRY Okay, bye.
SALLY Bye.
JESS Bye.
MARIE Bye.
Everyone hangs up. Harry and Sally frames WIPE OFFSCREEN LEFT AND RIGHT, leaving Jess and Marie on-screen.
HOLD on Marie and Jess.
Marie looks at Jess.
MARIE God.
JESS I know.
/> MARIE Tell me I’ll never have to be out there again.
Jess puts his arms around her and holds her.
JESS You’ll never have to be out there again.
They kiss.
CUT TO:
INT. SALLY’S BATHROOM—DAY
Sally looking at herself in the mirror as she puts on makeup
SALLY (Voice-over) I’ll just say we made a mistake—
CUT TO:
INT. HARRY’S BATHROOM—DAY
Harry is showering.
HARRY (Voice-over) Sally, it was a mistake—
CUT TO:
INT. SALLY’S BATHROOM—DAY
As before.
SALLY (Voice-over) I just hope I get to say it first.
CUT TO:
INT. HARRY’S BATHROOM—DAY
Harry still showering.
HARRY (Voice-over) I hope she says it before I do.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT—NIGHT
Sally and Harry sit, silently, with their drinks. Long pause.
SALLY It was a mistake.
HARRY I’m so relieved that you think so, too.
Both of them take swigs of their water.
HARRY (CONT’D) I’m not saying last night wasn’t great.
SALLY It was.
HARRY Yes, it was.
SALLY We just never should’ve done it.
HARRY I couldn’t agree more.
Sally nods.
A pause.
SALLY I’m so relieved.
HARRY Great.
SALLY Yeah.
Harry nodding.
Sally nodding.
Well that’s that.
A WAITER brings their salads.
WAITER Two mixed green salads.
They start to eat.
They eat.
Silence.
We hear the FORKS against the plates.
More silence.
HARRY It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.
HOLD on the scene as they go on eating in silence.
HOLD.
HOLD.
CUT TO:
EXT. CENTRAL PARK—BETHESDA FOUNTAIN—DAY
Harry and Jess fast-walking along.
HARRY It’s just like, most of the time you go to bed with someone and then she tells you all her stories, you tell her your stories, but with Sally and me we’d already heard each other’s stories, so once we went to bed, we didn’t know what we were supposed to do, you know?
JESS Sure, Harry.
EXT. STREET—RAINING
Harry and Jess crossing the street.
HARRY I don’t know, you get to a certain point in a relationship where it’s just too late to have sex, you know?
CUT TO:
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE FITTING ROOM—DAY
We can see Marie standing at a mirror, Sally in a chair.
SALLY Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding?
MARIE I don’t think so.
SALLY Is he seeing anyone?
MARIE He was seeing this anthropologist, but …
SALLY What did she look like?
MARIE Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare. So what do you think?
Marie is trying on a very traditional white wedding dress with a train and veil.
SALLY Oh, Marie.
MARIE Tell me the truth.
Sally’s eyes start to well with tears.
SALLY It’s just beautiful.
CUT TO:
INT. WEDDING—AFTERNOON
The wedding. A winter wedding with pine boughs and holly.
Marie in her wedding dress with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers comes down the aisle with her father and Sally, who’s the maid of honor.
A chamber MUSIC quartet is playing something by Mozart as they come down the aisle to a JUDGE who’s standing at the head of the aisle next to Jess and Harry, his best man.
The ceremony begins. Harry looks at Sally. She looks at him for a moment, then looks away.
JUDGE We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Marie and Jess and to consecrate their vows of matrimony. The vows they will take will join their lives, the wine they will share binds all their hopes together, and by the rings they will wear, they will be known to all as husband and wife.
CUT TO:
INT. PUCK BUILDING—WEDDING RECEPTION—AFTERNOON
A band is PLAYING.
Harry approaches Sally.
HARRY Hi.
SALLY Hello.
HARRY Nice ceremony.
SALLY Beautiful.
Sally is clearly uncomfortable. She’s going to behave like someone who simply is not going to get involved or even pretend interest in the conversation.
HARRY Boy, the holidays are rough. Every year I just try to get from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Year’s.
Sally nods.
SALLY A lot of suicides.
Harry nods. Sally nods.
A WAITER comes up with a tray of hors d’oeuvres.
WAITER Would you like a pea pod with shrimp?
SALLY (with all the warmth she hasn’t been showing Harry) Thank you.
She takes one. Waiter turns the tray to Harry.
HARRY No thanks.
The Waiter leaves.
HARRY How’ve you been?
SALLY Fine.
A pause.
HARRY Are you seeing anybody?
Sally looks at him.
SALLY Harry—
HARRY What?
SALLY (cutting him off) I don’t want to talk about this.
HARRY Why not?
SALLY I don’t want to talk about it.
Sally turns and walks away. Harry follows.
HARRY Why can’t we get past this? I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever?
Sally stops, whirls around to face him.
SALLY Forever? It just happened.
HARRY It happened three weeks ago.
Sally looks at him disbelievingly.
HARRY (CONT’D) You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?
SALLY Yes.
Harry throws up his hands as if it’s self-explanatory.
SALLY (CONT’D) Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
HARRY Yes.
SALLY Who is the dog?
HARRY You are.
SALLY I am? I’m the dog?
HARRY Um-hmm.
SALLY I am the dog?
People are starting to notice the intensity of the conversation.
Sally is really furious now. She starts toward the large doors in the background, thinking they can get some privacy there. Once in front of the doors, she stands angrily with her hands on her hips, away from the guests.
SALLY (CONT’D) I don’t see that, Harry. If anybody is the dog, you are the dog. You want to act like what happened didn’t mean anything.
HARRY I’m not saying it didn’t mean anything. I’m saying why does it have to mean everything?
SALLY Because it does, and you should know that better than anyone because the minute that it happened, you walked right out the door.
HARRY I didn’t walk out—
SALLY No, sprinted is more like it.
HARRY We both agreed it was a mistake—
SALLY The worst mistake I ever made.
INT. KITCHEN—DAY
They go through the doors Sally was heading for and now they’re in the kitchen. Waiters are banging by with trays, dumping glasses into the sink, opening champagne, etc. Harry and Sally shouting now over the DIN.
HARRY What do you want from me?
SALLY I don’t want anything from you.
HARRY Fine, fine, but let’s just get one thing straight. I didn’t go over there that night to make love to you. That’s not why I went there. But you looked at me with those big, weepy eyes. “Don’t go home tonight, Harry. Hold me a little longer, Harry.” What was I supposed to do?
SALLY What are you saying? You took pity on m
e?
HARRY No, I …
SALLY Fuck you!
Sally slaps Harry across the face. Then bursts out of the kitchen with a stunned Harry right behind her.
INT. PUCK BUILDING—WEDDING RECEPTION—DAY
The entire wedding party is assembled around the bandstand.
The band is PLAYING some kind of musical riff that signals that attention must be paid. Sally stomps through the room, Harry just behind. There’s a crowd of guests assembled in a knot with Jess and Marie, their arms around each other, standing there with their champagne glasses. Jess is in front of the microphone.
JESS Everybody, could I have your attention, please? I want to propose a toast to Harry and Sally.
Sally, surprised, comes to a halt, as does Harry. The entire crowd turns toward the two of them.
JESS (CONT’D) If Marie or I had found either of them remotely attractive, we would not be here today.
Everyone laughs and raises their glasses to Harry and Sally.
FADE OUT.
MUSIC HERE
FADE IN:
EXT. 96TH STREET—CHRISTMAS TREE STAND—DAY
Sally, in jeans and a plain jacket, has just bought her Christmas tree, and the salesman has finished putting plastic netting around it. Sally starts to carry the tree. It’s very heavy; the top of it is dragging slightly behind her, and she’s leaving a little trail of pine needles behind her as she starts home, but she’s going to carry this damn tree home alone if it kills her.
CUT TO:
INT. HARRY’S APARTMENT—DAY
Harry paces in the kitchen, the phone to his ear, as he makes a cup of tea.
HARRY (into phone) Hi, it’s me. It’s the holiday season, and I thought I might remind you that this is the season of charity and forgiveness …
INT. SALLY’S APARTMENT—DAY
Sally brings in the tree.
HARRY’S VOICE (CONT’D) (on answering machine) … and although it’s not widely known, it’s also the season of groveling. So if you felt like calling me back, I’d be all too happy to do the traditional Christmas grovel. Give me a call.
INT. HARRY’S APARTMENT—DAY
Harry at the counter, hangs up, carries his cup to the table, sits, and looks through his mail.
CUT TO:
INT. SALLY’S APARTMENT—DAY
Sally works at her computer. The phone RINGS. She stops working and listens to the answering machine.
SALLY’S VOICE (on answering machine) Hi, I’m not home right now. Call you right back.
Machine BEEPS.
HARRY’S VOICE (on answering machine) If you’re there, please pick up the phone. I really want to talk to you.
INT. HARRY’S APARTMENT—DAY
Harry is lying on his bed, talking on the phone.
HARRY (CONT’D) The fact that you’re not answering leads me to believe you’re either (a) not at home, (b) home but don’t want to talk to me, or (c) …
