Lying in Bed

by Jo Leigh

  * * *

  EVEN THOUGH LEANING against the table edge was becoming more uncomfortable by the second, Ryan didn’t dare move. With his ankles crossed and bending slightly forward, his half-hard dick was hidden, and that’s the way it would stay until he settled the hell down.

  All she’d done was eat her dinner. Drink some water.

  He’d reacted as if she’d done a pole dance wearing nothing but red high heels, but try explaining that to his cock.

  They’d been discussing the case as if they were in the bullpen back in L.A., and what had he done? Brought up tantric massage. Yesterday he could’ve gotten away with it. She would’ve automatically assumed it was about the case. But after this morning?

  Eventually they were going to have to sleep. Share that bed again.

  That was it. Bottom line. No room for error, so they’d better get over this thing and get back on point.

  She was staring at him when he looked up, her brow furrowed and her napkin dangling from her fingers. “About last—”

  “Oh, hell,” he said, cutting her off and pushing away from the table. “I’m two hours late checking in with Jeannie.” He pulled his cell from his pocket and made a beeline for the door. “I’ll be back.”

  He hadn’t looked at her as he’d made his escape, and that, he figured, was the most chicken-shit thing he’d done in his life. Including hiding in the school library for an entire year to ditch a gang of bullies.

  He didn’t want to talk about last night. The note couldn’t have been plainer. Of course, Angie didn’t have to know that given a choice, he’d probably make that same mistake all over again.

  He was pathetic. He stared at his cell as he walked down the pathway, trying to think of ways he could avoid calling Jeannie. Man, he was just racking up the points, wasn’t he?

  Why did he still want Angie so much? He’d been there and done that. The mystery had been solved. And yet all day, he’d wanted nothing more than to be near her. To touch her, to smell and taste her. He’d had a miserable time at the hot springs, even when he’d been allowed to touch her. To kiss her. Shit.

  Jeannie was going to kill him, but she was his only hope of getting himself straightened out. When he was far enough away from the bungalow and in a good position to see if anyone was around, he pressed Jeannie’s number.

  She answered after the first ring. “About time. You know I have kids to put to bed.”

  “Yeah, well, I told you to get goldfish, but did you listen?”

  “Ha. You’re a scream. Tell me what’s going on.”

  The first part was easy. He went through the night at the casino skipping the in-room entertainment, then told her about not only the field trip but his meeting with Marcus. Then, it got tricky.

  “What aren’t you telling me?” she asked.

  “Why would you ask that? I’ve told you everything about the case.”

  “That’s why,” she said. “I’m not just a pretty face, you idiot, I know you. What did you do?”

  “Me? Why do you always assume I’ve done something wrong?”

  She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

  Ryan sighed. Deep down he’d probably known she’d ask, and maybe getting it out there would ease his guilt, although he doubted she’d offer absolution. “Okay, but I didn’t force her. We mutually decided that—”

  “You slept with her. Dammit, Ryan. You had one thing you weren’t supposed to do. One thing.”

  “I had a lot of things I wasn’t supposed to do.”

  “Not helping your cause.”

  “Fine. It was an error. We both realize that.”

  Jeannie went radio silent. She wasn’t supposed to do that. A real friend would reassure him that this, too, would pass. “You’ve talked?” she asked finally.

  “Not precisely.”

  “Meaning, no, you’ve been avoiding the conversation like the plague.”

  “I’m getting a new partner when I get back. You suck.”

  “Stop it,” Jeannie said. Her voice had lost all humor. “This is not a minor deal, Ryan. I expected better of her, for God’s sake, but it’s not like you, either. Did you ignore everything we talked about?”

  “There were circumstances,” he said, hearing how weak that argument was, but not having anything better.

  “Yeah. Your dick got hard. That’s not a circumstance, honey. That’s a breach of conduct. Even if it’ll never be reported, it is not how two agents on assignment behave, even when the situation is as tricky as the one you’re in. I have to admit, I’m disappointed.”

  He sighed, and if he’d been near anything, even a brick wall, he’d have smashed his hand through it. “Yeah. Me, too.”

  “You need to discuss this with Angie. No making jokes about it, either. Tell her you’re sorry.”

  “But—”

  “Be the bigger man, Ryan. Dammit. You are the bigger man. You’ve never done anything like this before. I know it’s been tough. I get that. But you can’t afford the luxury of letting your personal feelings get in the mix.”

  He didn’t have an answer to that, either. Just a profound sense of his own shame. “Yeah, I screwed up. No excuses.”

  The silence grew, but his pacing stopped. He needed to listen to what Jeannie had to say, as hard as it was to hear. She was his friend. The first honest-to-God friend he’d ever had. She was the only person in his life who dared to tell him the absolute truth.

  “I think,” she said, and he had to press the phone close to his ear because her voice was so low, “that when you get back from this assignment, you and Angie need to have a different kind of conversation.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She sighed. “I think you like her. Maybe more than that.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “What?”

  “You know what I’m saying. She’s not like the women you normally date. And, kiddo, unless there was something serious happening in your head about Angie, there’s no way you would have put so much in jeopardy to get laid.”

  His heart was hammering in his chest, and he wanted to run for the hills, but kept the phone up, and opened his eyes. “I still... Shit, Jeannie, it’s like I...”

  “Feel something?”

  He took in a deep breath, then gave it up. “Yeah.”

  “Put it on the back shelf until you get home. Your first duty is to the job. You got that?”

  “Oh, yeah. Big time.”

  “Fine. Talk to her, and let her know you want to discuss it after. Don’t leave that part out.”

  “Are you kidding?” He was starting to sweat now. If he could gauge Angie’s reaction it would be different, but he had no idea what she was thinking, outside of that one look of shame that still haunted him. “How do I know she’ll even want to do that?”

  “Ryan, she didn’t put her career on the line on a whim, either.”

  “All right, but...”

  “Go talk to her before you two have to crawl between the sheets. Let her know she’s not going to have to worry about you doing anything else unprofessional. Then for God’s sake, don’t do anything else unprofessional.”

  “Okay.” He ran a hand through his hair and thought about going to the gym to duke it out with a punching bag, but he put that aside. He owed Angie the courtesy of an apology. “Thanks. I’ll give you a call tomorrow night.”

  “Anytime. And Ryan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You made a mistake. It happens. You move on.”

  “Right. Go put the kids to bed.”

  She gave him one last goodbye and hung up.

  He disconnected, put the phone back in his pocket. This next part wasn’t going to be fun, but it would also be a relief. He wasn’t going to let his life be run by lust. That was his old man’s game, not his.

  But what Jeannie had said about him and Angie needing to talk once they returned to L.A.? She was wrong. Angie was great, but they weren’t the right mix. Not even for one night, let alone more.

&
nbsp; * * *

  ANGIE HAD THE TV ON HBO, to a movie she’d been wanting to see for ages. Pity she couldn’t concentrate for more than a minute at a time.

  Ryan had been gone for an eternity. She’d put her dinner plates outside the door, changed into her sleep shirt, washed up, brushed her teeth and crawled into bed, once again all the way at the very edge. If she thought she wouldn’t look like a complete nutcase, she’d have taken every cushion and pillow and put them straight down between them like a bundling board. She’d still know he was there, but it would be so much easier if she didn’t have to see him.

  No matter how much he wanted to avoid her, she’d realized while he’d been gone that she needed to talk to him. It wouldn’t be pretty, but one thing she’d learned over the past few days was that nothing got fixed without communication. Their impossible situation had crossed over the line last night, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t regroup.

  Competition running had taught her that dwelling on mistakes was a waste of valuable time. Learn from them, then let go. To rehash was the gateway drug to losing, and she and Ryan were so close to the end of this assignment that to blow it now would ruin everything.

  Her promotion was on the line, and if she’d been back in L.A. that would have been the only thing in her life that mattered. All her efforts would have been tailored to the furtherance of that goal. Here, just an hour’s flight away, the D.C. job was an afterthought, a footnote.

  She didn’t want things to be weird with Ryan when they finished out the week, but that ship had probably sailed. It wasn’t that big of a loss. She’d barely known him. An almost indiscretion at a party, a foolish mistake during a stressful time? The problem was the illusion that they were more to each other than was true. Forced togetherness and a couple of personal revelations did not make a relationship. It didn’t even make a friendship.

  Her logic was impeccable, and that should have been that. The crushing sadness that made her gut ache begged to differ.

  She noticed that the action on the screen had become a steamy love scene, and as quick as her clicking finger could move, she turned to the nature channel. Shark Week seemed safe enough.

  Finally, after squinting through a terrible circle-of-life moment where something cute got eaten, Ryan came back inside. He seemed subdued, but that was in comparison to his manic desperation to escape. “How’s Jeannie?”

  “Good,” he said. “She’ll pass on the info to the team in the morning.”

  “Great. Brad told me that Gordon and Director Leonard are pleased with our reports so far. He heard it directly from Ellen, which is as good as hearing it from the horse’s mouth.”

  “No kidding. That’s great. That’s...great.”

  Angie closed her eyes. Her next move needed to be made with a clear head and it seemed looking at Ryan, especially wearing those jeans, clouded her judgment. “Are you going to run out again if I bring up last night?”

  “No.”

  Surprised at his vehemence, Angie’s eyes snapped open. “What does that mean?”

  “It means no. I’m not going to run out again.”

  “Okay,” she said, hitting the mute button. Maybe she should have just turned down the volume. It was really quiet. “Because it wasn’t completely my fault.”

  The look he gave her was this close to a slap. “I never—”

  “I know. I know, but dammit, this is awkward.”

  “And I’m sorry about that,” he said, but softly. Humbly.

  “We both got carried away,” she said, matching his tone. Wishing she hadn’t gotten in bed yet. It would have been easier to walk around.

  “I’m not sorry,” he said. “I don’t want you to get that impression. Not about...” He waved his hand in a general way at the bed. “Just the timing. The situation.”

  Angie held herself still. “Tell you the truth? It wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t here.”

  He took two steps away from the table, then stopped. “So you regret the whole thing?”

  “No. Not, no. I’m not sure what I feel, exactly. Confused, I guess. But not shocked.”

  Tilting his head slightly to the right, he closed one eye as if that would help him understand better. “Explain?”

  “I find you very attractive,” she said. “But even disregarding the work situation, I doubt I’d have acted on that. I’m not good with casual sex.”

  “And I’m not looking for anything but.”

  Her smile had to look as cockeyed as she was feeling. “In the interest of full disclosure, however, I will admit that it’s...difficult not to think of you like that now.”

  “Well, we are supposed to be acting like lovers.”

  “But I’m not supposed to be feeling like a lover.”

  He inhaled, then stopped. Just held his breath and stared at her. Long enough for heat to climb up her face.

  “I meant—”

  “I know what you meant,” he said. “At least I think so. Because I’ve been feeling that myself.”

  That was a hell of a thing to hear. Coming from anyone other than Ryan Vail, it would have been a game changer.

  “But we both know our feelings aren’t real,” he said. “They’ll be gone the minute we’re out of this predicament.”

  “Right,” she said, nodding a little too enthusiastically as she tried to ignore the fist in her chest. “Exactly. We just have to get through the next two days, then boom, all our problems will be solved.”

  “As long as we don’t touch each other.”

  The moment the words came out of his mouth, she realized that was going to be impossible. Not sure what she was supposed to say to that, she just sat there and tried not to react.

  “I mean, we don’t touch each other unless there’s someone there who’s supposed to see it.”

  She nodded. “That works. That’s good. That’s the rule, then. No touching unless someone else sees it.”

  Ryan opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. “For what it’s worth, I also happen to like you. And that part’s not going to disappear when this assignment is over.”

  Angie winced and pressed her mouth together tight. Of all the things, he had to go and say that. Just when she was making peace with the cold, hard fact that Ryan wasn’t the least bit interested in anything but a casual screw. But she’d asked for honesty. “Well, dammit,” she said. “I like you, too.”

  13

  AFTER ONE OF THE MOST miserable nights of her life she had barely survived the excruciating morning with the group. She’d known massage lessons were on the program, but she hadn’t realized it would be a lab situation where they learned on each other. Now, with only a few bites of lunch in her tummy, she was overdosing on caffeine. That likely wouldn’t end well...unless it made her sick and she had to bow out of this afternoon’s session. Not a bad idea.

  “You want more coffee?” Ryan asked as the last of their plates had being cleared.

  “Sure do.” She smiled. “Thanks.”

  Giving her a suspicious look, Ryan left her, Tonya, Zach and Rachel at the table, after making sure no one else wanted anything.

  Angie watched him go, glad that he wasn’t wearing his own worn jeans because every minute of this morning had been torture, and she didn’t need any more visual aids, thank you. He still looked fantastic. Especially with his shirt off. On a massage table. Smelling like a wicked mix of cinnamon and spices from the organic oil she’d used to rub him down.

  Ryan put her fresh cup on the table. Her gaze went to his thighs, enjoying how even the high-end jeans molded against him, and she let out a sigh.

  The laughter from her tablemates sent her into a tailspin, hoping she hadn’t sounded like a dopey schoolgirl.

  “I can sell you guys a bottle of that massage oil at cost,” Tonya said, pretty much confirming Angie was being a twit.

  Ryan happily took her up on her offer, but then he’d been deeply in character all day. Angie concentrated on her caffeine input, ignori
ng everyone. Especially him. She should ask for hazard pay, is what she should do. Because come on. He still smelled like warm chai and sex.

  Tomorrow was the final day, thank goodness. The team hadn’t been able to trace who’d installed the program on their computer, but they’d managed to send a few emails from the fictitious Roxanne that would lead the blackmailer to believe Ryan was a perfect mark.

  She remembered so clearly when she’d first heard about the art scam from Deputy Director Leonard. It had felt like such an intellectual exercise—setting up the sting, writing the database program. How in hell had she gotten here? Learning how to turn on her pretend lover with oil and touch hadn’t been covered in any of her FBI training.

  At least there were only two more sessions for sure, and Delilah had hinted that there would be something special as a farewell. Although Angie was seriously contemplating cutting things short. The idea stirred a whole pot of conflicting emotions. This morning’s exercise had blurred the lines nearly to oblivion. In spite of all her logic and reasoning, her goals, her plans, the reality of everything, she’d found herself aching with desire for the stupid man. When she’d massaged his shoulders, a shower of sensual memories swamped her, making it hard to breathe, to think, to find her footing.

  The professional that was still inside her knew the faster she could get out of here, the better off she’d be.

  All things considered, she and Ryan had done everything they could do to establish their vulnerability. The keylogging incident was a bonus none of them could have predicted, totally in their favor. If she could come up with an exit that reinforced what they’d accomplished, she wouldn’t hesitate. The longer they stayed, the more likely they were to slip up.

  “What’s the plan for after lunch?” Ryan asked, surprising Angie until she saw Ira standing by him.

  “We’re switching things up a little.”

  “No more massages?”

  “No. Something else.”

  The troubled way Ira was looking at Ryan had Angie thinking that even if she didn’t feel sick, she was getting to be a good actress. Ryan seemed uneasy, too. Then, Ira smiled and stepped over to Zach and Rachel. He kept the grin, though, no worried gaze in sight.