by J. L. Beck
But he’s patient with me. Every flinch is met with a kiss and more of his hands on my skin. It’s like he can’t stop touching me. I guess it’s what I made the deal for. I accepted that when we got married, even if I didn’t quite understand why he went through all the effort when I’d already signed my life away to him.
I wake up with his fingers between my legs and his mouth on my skin. Some mornings, he rubs himself against me until he comes hot and hard on my thighs. Those times are the hardest to keep from pulling him into my arms and telling him I want all of him.
Some days are easier than others. Most of the time, I’m content with staring at the incredible view from his penthouse or reading a book. It’s a lot like being at home without the eggshells I constantly had to walk on. His friends and the guards are courteous, and for the very first time in my life, I feel like I’m actually safe.
I doubt neither my father nor Sal could get to me in this place. They could try, but then they’d face some of the most badass soldiers I’ve ever seen.
I’ve convinced myself that if I stay here, inside, then nothing can reach me. Not even my nightmares. Which is a lie and the truth. When he holds me, the world feels quiet, and I feel guilty for grasping onto that feeling and letting it take care of me. Like my happiness is some kind of betrayal to Rose.
On the rare occasion he isn’t able to climb into bed beside me, the nightmares come back. I see Sal’s face leering and looming over me. I see Rose’s eyes accusing me for being the one who survived despite all the things she went through. I see my father’s pitying face telling me everything is my fault.
After the nightmares, I wake up in his arms and let him chase away the demons for one more night. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to outrun them, but I hope when I see proof that Sal is dead, maybe I’ll have some peace, maybe Rose will once and for all. Until then, it’s a strange ping pong between safety and guilt.
I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. Adrian is already up for the day, long since dressed and gone. When I moved to get up with him, he urged me to stay in bed and relax. My injuries are nothing more than slight aches these days, but he still wants to coddle me. I haven’t felt that way since my mother died.
I’m content to stay here as he demands, but I won’t dare try to sleep. Not without him beside me.
A rustle comes from the partially open bathroom door. I hate that my first reaction is fear. It crawls along my body, paralyzing me. My senses narrow to watching the door and listening for any other sounds.
The only way to get into the bathroom without walking through the bedroom is to come through the other side from another bedroom. It was apparently supposed to be mine, but Adrian made it clear I was to stay with him, no matter what.
Only me, or him, should be in the bathroom right now. I slowly sit up and creep off the side of the bed. I don’t know what I’m feeling. If someone has broken this little piece of safety I’ve been able to gather around me, I almost feel angry and violent, ready to exact revenge for it.
I carefully make my way across the floor to reach the doorway. Instead of poking my head around the side, I peek through the slit along the hinges. It’s not very wide, but it gives me enough of a view to spot anyone in the bathroom.
I don’t know what I expect to find, but…Adrian…hips braced against the bathroom counter, his pants around his knees, and his cock in hand is not it.
The background noise washes away as I watch him, intent on seeing him completely stripped of the authority, of his demands, of everything that makes him so fascinating to me.
I still like him. I still want him, even more so as I witness such an unguarded moment. He strokes his hand from base to tip in long slow strokes. I’m curious why he didn’t come into the bedroom and ask me to touch him. He’s been on edge while I’ve been trying to acquaint myself with our new intimate relationship, so maybe he just needed to take the edge off.
I’m entranced as he guides his hand up his length and then back down. When his strokes increase in tempo, I lean closer to the door. So close I can hear my ragged breathing bouncing off the wood to reach me.
When he dips his other hand down to cup his balls, I freeze, holding my breath now so I don’t miss a single sound he might let slip out.
He’s beautiful like this. His thighs thick and muscular, his arms working hard to pleasure himself. A hot coil of need swirls through me. It’s a feeling I’ve only recently started to recognize. But now, it blazes through me full force as I watch him.
Wearing only a white T-shirt and his underwear, I slide my hand down my belly and into my panties as I watch. I clamp my lips tight so he doesn’t catch the whimper that escapes me when my fingers reach my clit.
I barely start moving when he lets out a long grunt that shoots right through me. He comes hard, with one hand around the tip to catch his cum and the other working himself fast.
When he starts to wash his hands, I rush back to the bed, climbing onto the covers just in time for him to come out of the bathroom and wipe his hands on a towel. “Awake, Angel?”
I look at him and nod. My body still hot and needy. This ache that seems to bloom when he touches me and never quite lets go.
He stops at the side of the bed and studies me. “Are you going to come eat some breakfast?”
I shake my head. “I’m not very hungry right now. I’ll just grab some lunch when I feel like it.”
Gently, he slides onto the bed next to me. “What’s going on?”
Oh, man. Now I need to pretend I wasn’t just watching him while I touched myself. I've never been a good liar. “Nothing.”
The tiniest smile curves at the corner of his lips. “Val, your nipples are about to poke through that shirt. And I recognize that pink flush to your cheeks.”
I shrug. But he won't let me get away with that.
He snatches my hand so fast I can’t even react. When I squeeze my thighs together in an attempt to stifle the ache, his eyes narrow. “What have you been doing up here without me?”
If he takes me touching myself as a sign that I’m ready to go further, to finally consummate things, I don’t know if I have the fortitude to turn him away. Yet some part of me knows I’m still scared to go there. Will he force me? It seems unkind to think it, but I can’t help it after everything that’s happened.
He watches me as he brings my hand up to his lips. I gasp when he sucks my middle and index finger into his mouth and swirls his tongue around them. Then he gently releases my wrist back on the bed and gives me a scorching look. “Did you just touch yourself?”
Since he already knows the answer, I can only nod.
“Were you being naughty and touching yourself while you watched me in the bathroom?”
Again, I nod, a wash of heat hitting my cheeks hard. No doubt even my ears are pink from the blush.
“Show me what you did, where you stood.”
His demand is strange, but he’s not asking for something I can’t give him. I ease off the other side of the bed and go to stand at the doorway of the bathroom to peer along the hinges. I have to reposition the door from where he’d opened it.
“Ah,” he says into my ear, and I jump because I didn’t even hear him approach. “Did you touch yourself here, or when you were back on the bed?”
“Here,” I whisper, not trusting my voice.
He picks me up and carries me back to the bed, bridal style, and lays me on the pillows. This is it. He’s tired of waiting, and now that I’ve initiated something, he’ll feel the need to finish it.
“Why do you look so scared right now?”
I shake my head, throwing my chin higher. “I’m not scared.”
He slips off his shoes and climbs into the bed. When he crawls up between my knees and gestures at me to open my thighs, I do. I’m trembling as he opens his belt and then his fly and settles between my hips.
“I should punish you, Angel.”
I remember our last punishment and get hot all over again. E
ven with him pressing me into the soft mattress.
“Your pleasure belongs to me and no one else. Not even you. If you need a release, you come to me, and I’ll give it to you.”
I swallow hard and meet his eyes. “You didn’t.” While my words are challenging, my tone is barely above a whisper.
He leans in and nibbles at my earlobe, my very, very sensitive earlobe. “And when I’ve been inside you, and my pleasure belongs to you and you alone, I’ll come to you with my needs. Right now, I’m trying to be patient, but smelling your sweet cunt on your fingers isn’t helping my control, Angel.”
His words are so filthy. I get so turned on every time he speaks to me this way. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
I can feel the hard length of him pressed right over my panties. Exactly where I’m craving him. But it’s still terrifying. Will he rip my underwear off and tie me to the bed? Will he force himself inside me? Scenes and images crash into each other inside my head, drawing me from the edge of need and into a whirlwind of panic.
He gently takes my shirt off, and I don’t help, staying rigid underneath him. Then he studies my face as he shifts off me and strips my panties away too. He’s still wearing clothes, minus his open pants, and now I’m naked underneath him.
My heartbeat is pounding in my ears, and it’s not desire coursing through me. I swallow hard and meet his eyes, hoping he’s gentle when he does it. If he’s easy, soft, then I might be okay. This is the least I can do for him after everything he’s done for me. After all, I knew it was part of our agreement.
“Breathe for me.”
I blink up at him and realize he’s speaking to me.
“Breathe, Valentina, breathe.”
I do as I’m told, maybe out of sheer habit. Once the room stops spinning, he’s still over me, but he’s not doing anything but lying on top of me.
“Want to know a secret?”
I nod, anything to take my mind from the fear.
“I knew you were standing there watching me. I heard you.”
19
Adrian
Every time she stiffens at my touch, I try to be patient and understanding, but I hate the haunted look she gets in her eyes. I hate how that bastard hurt her and that he is still drawing breath on this planet.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper. It’s the only thing I can do to keep from yelling and raging. My rational mind knows this is a reaction to her trauma. And the fact she has let me in so far in the couple of months she’s been here is amazing. Patience, I remind myself for the hundredth time.
“Nothing,” she says, but even now, I see she’s close to tears.
“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”
A sob escapes, and she clamps a hand over her mouth. When she gains control of herself, she shakes her head hard. “No, it’s not that I think you’re going to hurt me. It’s just I can’t stop the what-ifs from spiraling in my mind. What if you force me down and have sex with me? What if you tie me to the bed? What if—?”
I cut her off with a gentle kiss. “What if I strip you naked and lay on top of you just so I can feel your soft, pretty skin? What if I just like to look at how you flush when you’re turned on? What if I want to give you pleasure and take none for myself? How often do the good possibilities squeeze in with the bad?”
“Never. Are you mad?” Her chin is tucked against her chest as if she expects me to strike out at her.
“Angel. I’m not mad. I’m disappointed that I can’t help you get past this faster. I’m disappointed I’m not inside you right now. But I would never hurt you. Not ever. I wish you could believe me and know it in your heart.”
She glances away, but not before I see the guilt stamped in her eyes and along the rigid line of her eyebrows. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just keep trying for me. I’m going to take my clothes off and put myself right back here between your soft thighs. Do you trust me not to enter your body without your permission?”
It takes a few moments, but finally, she nods.
I quickly shift off the bed and strip out of my clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. She twitches like she wants to close her legs as I maneuver back between them. I’m already hard again just from looking at her and tasting her arousal on her fingers.
I lie on top of her, bracing my weight onto my forearms so I don’t crush her chest. “How do you feel?”
She nods once. “I think okay.”
My cock is flush with her pussy, and it would only take the barest of movement to slide into her wet heat. But I won’t do it. Not if it means crushing the little bit of trust I’ve gained over the past couple of months.
“I’m going to keep touching you, all right? But again, I won’t push inside you. Nod so I know you understand me.”
She does, watching me closely, waiting for every twitch.
I start slowly, leaning in to gently brush my lips with her own. It’s easy to kiss her. She’s so yielding and soft. Every little whimper she makes for more drives me wild. I deepen the kiss until she touches her tongue to the seam of my mouth for more. Then I give her everything, letting her wind her arms around my neck as I tease her tongue with mine. When I lift my mouth away from hers, she’s breathing faster, and her eyes are glazed. This is the way I want my wife, sweet and ready for me to take her. Not scared and ready to bolt.
“What else shall we do?”
The panic enters her eyes again, and I keep my growl of frustration inside. “I told you I won’t hurt you, Angel, and I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
She nods again, this time faster as if trying to appease me. I tilt to the side and kiss a trail down her neck. Every inch from her ears to her nipples is so sensitive, and she reacts to the lightest of touches. I alternate kisses, licks, and nibble from her collarbone down to the tops of her breasts. She’s panting again and lifting her hips toward me in invitation. If I were a weaker man, I’d take her up on it.
I lean down so I can line my mouth up with her earlobe, then I take a second to enjoy her squirm while I bite down on it. “I want to slide inside you so badly right now. Relax, Angel, I won’t do it. This is fantasy. Play with me.”
She wraps her arms around my waist, and I love the way her nails feel running down my back.
“Imagine it, think about it…how much pleasure I give you with my tongue. You writhe against my mouth, your fingers tangling with my hair. If I pushed into your wet little channel, I’d make you come in a few short pumps. It’s nothing like you’ve ever felt before.”
She whimpers, and I ease my hips forward the tiniest bit so the head of my dick slides across her clit.
Her gasp is enough to bolster me to keep going. “Once I’m inside you, I’ll take my time, pulling in and out of you to make you so wet it’s dripping out of you down my shaft. I want you soaked for me.”
I close my eyes to gain some control over myself. She’s not the only one who’s turned on right now. It would take seconds to ruin what I’ve built, and I don’t make mistakes.
“What else?” she tentatively whispers. My heart lurches in my chest at her tiny question. Maybe, maybe we can get through this and start our family together.
“Are you aware of how imaginative people are? There are so many positions I want to take you in. I can see your hips in the air, those glorious curls spilled all over the sheets while I pump into your ass.”
Her entire body jolts beneath me so hard it makes me pause and meet her eyes. “Okay, Angel?”
She nods again, frantically now. Something tells me that declaration didn’t scare her. It excited her. “Do you like your ass played with? I’ll have to remember that. When I’m inside you, I can stick my finger or a toy up there and see if you enjoy it.”
That earns me another whimper, so I gently ease my hips forward again to slide through the wetness already coating me.
“I’m not done with you yet, though. I want to fuck your mouth so badly. Put my hands in your
hair and watch you swallow me down greedily.” I have to stop and breathe after that one, my body rigid, my cock so hard it aches.
This time, she meets me in the middle, easing her hips up as I slide along the seam of her pussy. It feels so good, and not just the sensation, but her reacting to me, enjoying herself, and participating.
“But you know what I can’t wait for most?”
She squeezes her eyes tight and shakes her head.
“I can’t wait to make love to you. Ease you open, slip inside you, and gently show you how sex can be when two people are on the same page. I want to kiss every inch I can reach, and while you're clinging to me, I’ll take my time with your body so that when we are done, you won’t ever think about anyone else.”
“I don’t want to think about anyone else.”
Her words hit me, making my hips surge up of their own volition. “Say it again,” I whisper against her wet lips. “Tell me again.”
“I don’t want anyone but you. No one makes me feel like this.”
I ease forward and back, increasing my tempo the tiniest bit. “Like what?”
“Safe. Cared for. Precious.”
I kiss her hard and draw her tongue into my mouth to suck on the tip. She breaks away with a gasp, staring up at me wide-eyed.
“You are precious to me, Angel. Please don’t doubt that.”
She nods, and I give her a little more sensation, nudging her clit with the head of my cock over and over. With how sensitive she is, I’m surprised she hasn’t come already. I’m on the edge of bursting, but not before she does.
“Let’s see what else I have in mind for you…I want to take you against the window of our bedroom with the curtains open. No one can see inside through the tempered glass. I’d rip anyone’s heart out who tried, but I want to imagine they can, and that they covet you. That they want you for themselves yet will never have you.”
