My Sweet Demise (Demise #1)

by Shana Vanterpool

“I am. You’re not, though. He told you so last night. I bet you thought because you finally got Kent to notice you, you were somehow different. Well guess what, little Miss Raina, you’re just a whore like all the rest of them. Gotta go. It’s crazy here at Oblivion.”

  There’s a new knife stuck beside Kent’s. They’re both twisting, cutting, slicing apart. This one doesn’t sting as much as Kent’s. I’ve never been a fan of pain, though, and right now I am writhing in it.

  I head back to the car and start grabbing my things, managing to bring most of them in before the sun sets. We’re not in the best neighborhood, and there’s a man across the street watching me as if he knows I’m dragging my panties across the lawn in garbage bags. Creep. Men are such creeps, I think, searching for my sheets. I watched Becca rip them off the bed and know they’re in here somewhere. When I find them I make my queen sheets fit the twin bed as best as I can. I find my pillows and stack them up, and then drape my quilt so it falls slowly over the bed. There. Now it looks like home, if I can ignore the cat in my windowsill and the smell of cigarette smoke.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Becca inquires, coming in and drying her hair with a towel. “What’s wrong now?”

  I imagine my face is pinched. “Kent got arrested. Sophie, the good friend she is, informed me thus.”

  “Do I even want to know what for?”

  “No, but I can guarantee you I don’t have a job anymore.”

  “What did he do? Go there looking for you? He told me to get you away from him. What could he possibly want?”

  Can’t be me. I’m not different. “Who knows with him?” I want to know. I want to know everything Kent Nicholson has to say.

  Becca purses her lips. “What are we going to do? You need to talk to your boss.”

  “I’ll do it tomorrow.” I’d rather not face him after Kent. Embarrassment moves through me. I can picture him on one of his rampages, roughing everyone up to get to me. And for what? He doesn’t need me. He wants me. He’s a spoiled brat who wants something he can’t have. “Jackass,” I mutter. “We’ll figure it out. Maybe you can get your old job back?”

  “I’ll check.” She sits on the floor and grabs my purse, coming away with my hairbrush. “You look like shit.”

  “Thank you. That makes me feel so much better. What would I do without your kind words?”

  “You’re always such a smart ass.”

  My heart twinges. “You know what? I will go out. I’m going to get shitfaced and forget he ever existed.”

  Becca smiles at herself in my compact. “Not too shitfaced.”

  I am determined to forget Kent tonight. Tomorrow night is a different story. I’ll probably have to do it all over again. The idea exhausts me, but I don’t see another choice at this point. Is this what Kent did as he tried to forget Willow?

  Becca’s applying the final touches to her face when I close the door behind me, showered and damp. She’s stunning, with green rimming her eyes and bright red lips. She looks beautiful and dangerous.

  “Do my makeup too?” I ask, sitting down with my towel wrapped around me. She makes me beautiful and dangerous too. “Are you going home with anyone tonight?”

  She smirks. “I don’t know. We’ll see how the night goes.”

  “How do you give a man a piece of you knowing he doesn’t care about it?”

  “I’m not giving him anything. He’s giving a piece of him. It’s really not that serious. You’re not giving men anything unless you want to.”

  “It’s unsafe.” I gave so much to Kent when we had sex. I couldn’t imagine giving that to another man.

  “That’s why you always have condoms. Don’t fall for their shit.” She starts mimicking male voices. “It feels better without it. I’m too big. It’s not going to fit. I’ll pull out, I promise. Never fall for that last one. They never pull out.”

  I laugh at her. “How could you?”

  “Trust me, some women do. Did you and Kent use protection?”

  I look down at my hands. “Yes.”

  “Condoms?” she checks.

  “Yes.”

  “Every time?”

  “Mhm.”

  “Good. At least he had enough sense to do that. Now get dressed. You can’t even tell you’ve been crying for the last twenty four hours.”

  I stick my tongue out and pick through my clothes. My phone starts to ring on the bed. Becca looks at me and I look down. It rings again while I’m putting on a pair of shorts. I put on a cute white top and then rummage through my stuff for my pair of wedges. I comb my hair and tie in a ponytail. The entire time we ignore my ringing phone.

  “Leave it here,” Becca orders when I reach for it. “We’ll stick together tonight. You won’t even need it.”

  I peek at it. Ten missed calls. Ten new messages. I can’t see who they’re from on my way out but those ten missed calls haunt me. We meet Claire in the living room.

  “Taxi’s almost here,” she announces. “Let’s pregame. I don’t have money to waste on ten dollar shots.”

  I raise my eyebrows but take the proffered shot of tequila.

  “That’s why you get men to pay for it for you,” Becca points out. “I’m sure Max won’t mind.”

  “Max won’t mind what?” a deep male voice wonders.

  I turn around and spot a large muscled mass of a man. My jaw drops at his size. He’s huge. His buzz cut and kind brown eyes offset his strong jaw and handsome face. He smiles at my shock. He wraps Becca in a bear hug. She makes a strangled face and pats his back awkwardly. I’m probably next, so I shimmy around to the bottle and pour myself another shot. I don’t want a bear hug from a man right now.

  “Nothing,” Becca assures him. “Max, this is my sister Raina. Rain, this is Max. My ex-boss.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I mumble. I can see tattoos tracing his massive neck and words on his knuckles.

  He grins at me, a wide sweet smile. It confuses me. A man this large should probably be growling and snapping his teeth. Not smiling sweetly. “The Raina O’Connor. Your sister’s been talking about you since I met her. She’s a cutie,” he says, nodding at Becca, who agrees with a nod of her own. “You’d better watch her tonight. I hear that club’s for the tougher crowd.”

  “I’m tough,” I argue, indignant.

  “You’re cute. That’s what you are. The men there aren’t going to want a kiss on the cheek and chaste dance. Maybe you should stay home.” He reaches for Claire and plants a huge sweet kiss on her lips. “Are you going to miss me, babe?”

  She looks up at him, completely and utterly in love. “Like crazy, baby.”

  I look away and take another shot. Their love is torture.

  “So yay on hanging out with me tonight?” Max reaches over and taps my shoulder with his meaty hand. Beside him Becca and Claire are trying not to laugh. “I’m going to go get a new tattoo. You want to come? My treat.”

  I gulp. “A tattoo?”

  “Yeah. Let’s toughen you up.” He grabs my hand. “Come on, sweetheart. We’re going to go get a tattoo.”

  “Becca,” I whine.

  “I love you, baby. We’ll be home later tonight. Be safe and have fun,” Max calls over his shoulder.

  Becca and Claire are too busy laughing at me to be much help. Max scoops me up and suddenly I’m in his arms. I fell weightless in his grip. He opens the door with one hand and marches me over to a large black 4X4. The entire time he’s grinning down at me. I am so confused I can’t think straight.

  “Put me down,” I order sternly. He sets me down immediately. “Did the girls put you up to this?”

  “They think you need something to take your mind off of whatever’s got you all whacked. Rebecca trusts me, so who better to take you to get your first tattoo?”

  “I don’t want a tattoo.” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the friendly giant. “I want to get drunk.”

  “Becca’s like my sister. So you’re like my sister. I know you don’t hav
e a dad, or brothers, or any men in your life to take care of you so I’m going to do that. You’re not going to that club to get drunk and put yourself at risk. You’re too sweet. Becca and Claire can handle it. We both know you can’t.”

  Who does this man think he is? “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Please come with me? It’ll be fun. Bec’s worried about you. I care about her. I don’t want her to be worried.”

  For some reason he makes me cry. Maybe because I think he does care for Becca and I don’t know a single man that cares for me.

  “Don’t cry,” he begs. “I can’t stand it when girls cry.”

  “How about this? We wait for them to leave and then I go back inside and cry all night. Trust me. I’m going to do it anyway. You may as well let me do it in peace.”

  “Or I can give you something to cry about,” he says playfully.

  “Like a tattoo?”

  “Think of it as a freeing experience. You can get anything you want on your body forever. When’s the last time you made a commitment like that?”

  I like the way he describes it. I try not to smile, because I don’t want him to think I’m down for this, but I can’t help it. He sounds so excited for me. “Anything I want anywhere I want it?”

  “Anything and anywhere,” he promises, bouncing with excitement. “Let’s live a little.” He holds out his hand to me.

  I stare at his large thick fingers. Really, they’re a baseball mitt. Finally, I place my hand in his and he leads me around to his passenger side. Once he’s in the driver’s seat and pulling out he looks at me.

  “The girls only told me you were bummed about something. What are you so upset about?”

  I look out the window. “Kent Nicholson.”

  “Oh, a boy. Do you love him?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “Love isn’t unsure. You either love someone or you don’t. Hurry, quick. If you could never see him again how would that make you feel?”

  I picture it. No more Kent. I grip my chest and glare at Max. “Why would you do that to me?”

  “Does that answer your question?” He sounds so sure of himself. “Does he love you too?”

  “I don’t know anything,” I admit. “We never got that far.”

  “Is he abusive?”

  “No!”

  He peeks at me. “You sure? You can tell me. I promise.”

  “No. He’d never hurt me.” Not physically.

  “Then why is Becca so against him?”

  “Because he’s not a prince. That’s why.”

  “I like to think I’m Claire’s prince. I didn’t start out that way. Her family couldn’t stand me. They disowned her when she chose me. It was me and her against the world. I tried to get her to stay with her family, thinking I wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t be the man she deserved.” He shakes his head at himself. “But she risked everything she knew for me. Sometimes you have to risk everything now to get everything you want later on in life. Claire took a chance on me and I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving she made the right choice. Imagine if she listened to me. If she let my fears win I’d be in jail, or with someone I didn’t love, or doped up. I don’t know, but it wouldn’t be where I am now. You know what I’ve learned?”

  “What?” I ask, my breath nearly gone.

  “Love is worth it. It’s worth the pain, the sadness, and the uncertainty. It’s worth all of that. Because I get to wake up next to the person I want to be with forever every morning. When things get tough I look at Claire and know as long as I have that woman, I have everything. Do you think Kent wants that from you?’

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’ll, answer me this. Do you want that from him?”

  “Yes. I want that. But he’s so untrustworthy.”

  “Have you given him a shot to be trustworthy? Sometimes all men need is a shot. We’re not all low-down dirty bastards, you know?” He smiles hugely at me. “We’re not psychic either. We don’t know what you’re thinking. All we know is what you tell us. Does he know you love him? Come on. It’s not that hard to admit. You either love him or you don’t.”

  “I love him. There, are you happy? I am in love with Kent Nicholson. But I can’t trust him and he’s in love with his ex.”

  “Is he? What happened? Tell me everything.”

  I sit in the front seat of Max’s truck and spill my guts. It isn’t something I’ve ever done, trusting a man with my secrets, but as I tell Max everything that happened between Kent and me, I feel a tiny sense of relief I’m no longer the only person who knows the truth. “That’s it. Now Becca and I are living with you and I’m going to go get a tattoo.” I roll my eyes at myself.

  Common sense? You there?

  “That’s some heavy stuff. Sounds to me like Kent is trying to do the right thing.”

  “No. I’m like everyone else to him.”

  “You ever think you want to be, so you can be right? You’ve been living like this for so long and then Kent comes along and all of a sudden everything you thought you knew is wrong. You might be wrong and it’s driving you crazy. Life isn’t what you envisioned, but something else. I’d be pissed too, Raina. I wouldn’t let that ruin something this perfect for me, though.”

  I wipe my eyes. “We’re terrible for each other.”

  “Not every relationship is perfect and easy. Sometimes it’s hard. You both have terrible trust issues. I can imagine how scary that might be. Wouldn’t it be scarier to be without him forever because you’re too afraid to be wrong? What if he’s your Claire?”

  I don’t answer and take a deep, unsteady, painful, torturous breath.

  “Poor thing. You’re so afraid.”

  I pull down the visor and start fixing Becca’s makeup job. Thankfully my tears ran down the side of my face. “No, Max. I’m terrified.”

  When we arrive at the tattoo shop I follow Max hesitantly. For such a big man he’s quite sweet and intuitive. No wonder Becca likes him. He’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before in a man. He’s the protective brother we never had. The tattoo shop embraces Max with open arms. He’s charismatic and confident. I watch a few girls swoon over him, but they keep their distance and I think I know why. Becca doesn’t pick, as she would put it, pansy-ass friends. Claire must’ve pressed her hand.

  “Who’s this?” someone demands. His black hair is shaved on one side and he’s covered in colorful tattoos, staring at me from the register. “She’s a little homegrown to be in here, ain’t she?”

  I step closer to Max and glare at him. Max slings his brawny arm over my shoulder. “This is Raina. She’s my friend. We treat my friends with the utmost respect, don’t we, Break?” For the first time Max isn’t smiling.

  Break nods unwillingly. “I want to tat her if she’s down.” He winks as his eyes slide over me. “Cute and sweet. I’d love to cover that body in my ink.”

  Max reaches over and smacks Break in the back of his head. “You can tat her if you show her some respect.”

  “Damn, Max. Ouch.” He rubs his head angrily, but he’s not dumb enough to cross a man as big as Max.

  Max raises his eyebrow at him threateningly.

  “I’m sorry, Raina. I respect you.”

  I hug Max’s arm. “How respectful of you, Break. Maybe if you keep it up I’ll let you give me a tattoo. It’s the only way you’ll ever touch my body.”

  Max and a few others guffaw at my comment. Break grins at me. “Not as homegrown as I thought. I like her. Come to the back. You have your ID on you?”

  “Go on. Break won’t bite,” Max assures me, nudging me toward him.

  “Yes…”

  “Let me have it and I’ll get you your paperwork.”

  I extract my ID from my wallet and hand it to him. He leads me into a small room with a tattoo table and a large glass-framed wall with pictures of past tattoos. They’re extremely well-done. I stare in awe until Break returns.

  “Is this your work?”
/>   “It is. You like it?” He smiles hopefully as his eyes slide over my body a second time. “You sure you don’t want more than my ink?”

  He reeks of bad boy and sex. His gorgeous face and tattoos cement his persona. His eyes promise me naughty heartache. He’s not like Kent. Kent warned me. This guy doesn’t even have the decency to stop at my chest. “I’m sure.”

  It only seems to spur him on. He tilts his head to the side. “How sure are you? Because I could fall for that sweetness.”

  I’m falling for you, Rain. I take a deep breath and force a smile. “Pretty sure, because I already fell for a bad boy and he didn’t catch me.”

  “Who says I’m bad?” He smiles cockily at me. “I could be not good.”

  “Just do my tattoo.”

  He surrenders, but not before checking out my legs once more. “Fill this out real quick. Here’s your ID.” He hands me a form and my ID. “So what do you want to get?”

  I bite my lip as I fill out the liability form and shove my ID back in my wallet. “I don’t know…”

  “You don’t know?” He frowns. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “Max sprung this on me.”

  He rubs his chin. “Well, what do you want? If you could have anything on your body for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

  Kent. And in that moment I know exactly what I want. “Falling.”

  “Falling?”

  “Yeah. I want falling on my body for the rest of my life so I can remember I fell once and to never do it again.”

  He nods slowly. “I can see it on you. Feminine script with a bit of a shadowed backdrop. Maybe on your right shoulder blade? How does that sound?”

  “Cool.”

  “Let me sketch it real quick and I’ll show it to you. What colors do you want?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Pink for the script and black shadows around the edges, kind of like it’s dragging you down. How does that sound?”

  “Like you’re describing my life, Break.”

  He nods with a smile. “That’s tattoos. Telling a story only you know. They get a bad rep, but they’re really one of the most expressive forms of art there is. It’s a commitment to your emotions. That’s why you have to make sure you want it before you get it. You sure you’re not done falling yet?”