At First Light

by Mari Madison

  “Oh, I see. I’m just your dirty little secret now,” she teased. Then she giggled. “Actually, that’s kind of hot, right?”

  “Get out!” I cried, laughing and shoving her to the door.

  She opened it and stood in the doorway, her eyebrows waggling. “Have fun!” she said. “Screw his brains out for me.”

  Before I could reply she danced down the hall, still cackling manically. I rolled my eyes, shutting the door behind her, then walked over to the mirror again, staring at my reflection. At my red lips. My dark-smudged eyes. My skimpy dress.

  What the hell was I doing? This was completely crazy! I started pulling the dress back over my head. I should change. Put my jeans back on. That ice cream stain wasn’t that noticeable, was it? Then I could wipe the makeup off and—

  There was a knock on the door. Nope. No time.

  “Um, I’ll be right there!” I cried, running to the bathroom to grab a towel and trying to smear the lipstick off my mouth. But it was no use. Stupid me had used a stain, not a gloss, and that shit wasn’t coming off for hours.

  “Sarah?” Troy’s voice came from the other side. “Is everything okay?”

  Everything was not okay. But I would have to make the best of it. I looked at myself in the mirror. “It’s fine,” I told myself. “He’s a guy. He probably won’t even notice you’re overdressed . . . underdressed. Whatever.” Sucking in a breath, I forced myself out of the bathroom and back to the front door.

  Troy was standing on the other side, still in the suit he had been wearing on TV. It was a little unnerving; he’d never worn suits during his overseas gig, but maybe that was due to the temperature or something. I had to admit, he cleaned up nice. The suit coat emphsasized his broad shoulders and the red tie brought out his eyes. But what I really noticed was the sexy stubble on his cheeks. He clearly hadn’t shaved since morning—or maybe the day before. And suddenly it was all I could do not to reach up and drag my fingers along his jawline.

  Which was exactly what I needed not to be doing in this dress.

  “Hey!” I said brightly. “You made it!”

  But he wasn’t looking at me. Well, not at my face anyway. Damn. He did notice the dress. Or more particularly my girls, unabashedly waving for attention from their poor hiding spots underneath the dress. At first I wondered if I should be offended that he was clearly sexualizing me, but then who could blame him when I’d basically put everything out for show?

  Besides, it wasn’t as if I had just been admiring his sparkling personality, either.

  Troy shook his head, as if he suddenly realized what he was doing. He cleared his throat. “Uh, you look . . . nice,” he stammered.

  “Oh, this old thing?” I waved a hand over the dress. “It’s just kind of comfortable.”

  He nodded stiffly, looking decidedly uncomfortable, but thankfully stepped into the room all the same. I’d done my best to clean it up, gotten rid of all the room service remnants from earlier, and had even attempted a rush job of making the bed. You know, the bed where nothing would be happening tonight.

  I wrung my hands together, not sure what to say. “Um, so the room service. They said they’re pretty backed up. Probably won’t be here for about an hour.”

  Troy nodded absently, crossing the room. He shrugged off his suit jacket and loosened his tie then pulled open the balcony door and stepped outside. I watched as he leaned against the railing and took a deep breath of salt air as he gazed out at the sea.

  I walked out to join him. “It’s a nice view, right?”

  He turned to me. “Yes.” He said after a pause. “It’s . . . beautiful.”

  His voice was husky. Low. And I suddenly got a distinct impression he wasn’t talking about the ocean. I drew in a shaky breath, electricity seeming to spark in the air around us. What was with this guy? It’d been five years. Why did just being around him make me want to melt into a puddle on the floor?

  Maybe Stephanie was right. Maybe I did need to just get Troy out of my system. Surely he couldn’t be as great as I had built up in my mind, right?

  I realized he was still staring at me. At my eyes this time, but so hard that it was kind of obvious he was purposely trying to avoid looking at my breasts.

  Because he wanted me. As much . . . if not more . . . than I wanted him.

  And in the end, what was really in our way? You know, besides a lifetime of regret and disappointment, that was. But, hey, I’d never let that stop me before. Why start now? I wanted him. He wanted me. We were both single. Hell, it wasn’t as if we’d even be adding a notch to our belts since we’d done this before.

  Sex with the ex. It was totally a thing, right? Totally a no-big-deal thing.

  “Sarah . . .” he started.

  But I didn’t let him finish. Instead, I took his face in my hands, allowing my fingers to greedily drag across that jawline I’d craved, which felt as good as I’d imagined. Then I pulled him to me and I kissed him. With everything that I had.

  And thank the stars above . . . Troy Young kissed me back.

  twenty-one

  TROY

  Let’s just get one thing straight. I really did mean this to be about chicken noodle soup. Or tomato soup. Whatever. A friendly gesture between two friends. I had no idea what I was walking into when I walked through her hotel room door. But once I saw her in that dress. Oh my God. I knew the night was going in a different direction. And suddenly I wasn’t hungry anymore. At least not for soup.

  You gotta understand. During all those months I’d spent in that dark hole, that hell on earth, never knowing if I was going to live or die, I’d lie there for endless hours, trying to block out the pain, trying to remember something sweet—like her lips moving over mine. The feel of her mouth against my skin.

  But let me tell you, those memories, those fantasies paled in comparison to the reality that was pressing hungrily against me now. Tasting like mints and sunshine and cinnamon and roses all wrapped into one. And suddenly I was a junkie, desperate for more. Nothing else mattered, at that moment, but her mouth against my mouth. My body against hers.

  I pushed her back into the hotel room, kicking the balcony door shut behind me. For what I planned to do to her now, I didn’t want an audience. Just her and me, against the wall, so I could better deepen my kiss. Better run my hands down her back, cupping that perfect ass of hers. She moaned against my mouth, the soft mewing sound making me instantly rock hard. I ground my knee between her legs and she jerked against me. Somehow my hands found the hem of her dress and I bunched it up around her waist, delighted when I reached underneath and found nothing but a very flimsy thong.

  I smiled against her mouth. “Since when do you wear thongs?”

  “I don’t know. Um, sometimes?”

  “Did you wear this one for me?”

  Her face turned bright red.

  I chuckled, feeling way too pleased for my own good as I dropped to my knees in front of her. Pushed the dress up again and buried my head between her thighs, pulling the thong aside with my teeth. She was clean-shaven under that thong, smooth as silk. Had she been like that back in the day? I couldn’t remember, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at this moment, in fact, save my desire to taste her down there, too. To see if she tasted as sweet as I remembered. My erection strained against my pants, but I ignored it as best I could. Right now all I wanted to do was make her feel as good as possible. There’d be time for me later.

  I heard her gasp as my mouth brushed against her, her hands reaching into my hair, digging into my scalp. I smiled, allowing my tongue to slip between her folds while I grabbed her bottom with both hands, drawing her closer to me. It didn’t take more than a moment before she shuddered against me, her whole body practically convulsing as she rocked against my mouth, riding the wave to shore.

  When I rose to my feet again, her face shone with sweat. Her mascara
had run, blackening her eyes, and her lipstick was smeared. She looked like a fallen angel and it sent another jolt straight to my groin. I needed to get her on the bed pronto.

  “This is probably a very bad idea,” she whispered, her voice husky and hoarse.

  “It probably is.”

  “Also . . .” Her face flushed. “Pretty cliché.”

  I gave her a solemn look. “Definitely cliché.”

  She looked at me. I raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked, reaching out and tracing her hipbone with my hand. She closed her eyes and sucked in a shivering breath. Then she opened them again, zeroing in on me.

  “Hell. No.”

  That was all I needed to hear. I scooped her up in my arms and tossed her down on the bed. Hell, no, indeed. That was good enough for me.

  twenty-two

  SARAH

  Okay, Sarah. This is it. You’ve gone there and now you’d better make good. You get a one-time pass. Use it for all its worth. Get him out of your system once and for all.

  A thousand thoughts whirled through my brain as Troy laid me down on the bed. But they all fled pretty quickly once he settled above me, straddling my thighs, while unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall from his broad shoulders, revealing his smooth, muscled chest. The same chest I’d ogled while he was asleep, now granting me an all-access pass to not only look, but to feel. I reached up, dragging my palms down it now, rejoicing in the soft skin inlaid over hard steel.

  God, he was beautiful. Even with the ugly scar running down the side of his arm. He was somehow still perfection. I felt a spike of adrenaline shoot through me as my eyes roved his body, unapologetically taking him in. My hands stopped at his hips, anchoring him on top of me. As if I were somehow afraid he would just up and disappear if I were to suddenly let go. Something flickered in his jaw and it caused me to smile. I reached up, running my hand along that jawline, loving the feeling of rough stubble scraping against sensitive skin. He leaned into my hand, until his mouth found my fingers. He took one into his mouth and sucked on it, sending shivers all the way to my toes.

  He might not have been mine. But he was here. He wanted this, too. And that was good enough for now.

  Feeling brave, I reached down with my other hand, tracing the trail of dark hair down past the waistband of his pants, until I was cupping his obvious erection. He gave a small groan, his whole body tightening in response, his teeth biting down on my finger. I smiled lazily, liking the cause and effect, and continued caressing him. Finding the zipper and slowly releasing him into my hand.

  God, he was magnificent. I had had no idea when we were first together—I was so innocent, I didn’t know good from bad. Large from small. But he was perfect. I reached out, wrapping one hand around him, the other hooking at his waist and pulling him toward me.

  At first he came willingly. Then he paused. His face flushed.

  “Wait,” he said. “I don’t have . . .”

  “Oh. Right.” I smiled and held out a hand. “Hang on.”

  Rolling off the bed, I reached underneath to the bag Stephanie had left behind. Surely with all the toys she had packed she would have also included some protection as well. The girl was crazy, but also very into being safe. Sure enough, I found a stupidly large bag of condoms and grabbed one before returning to Troy, who had shucked off his pants and boxers while waiting. The relief on his face as his eyes fell on the shiny little package almost made me laugh. He grabbed it from me, tore the wrapper with his teeth and slid it on.

  And then, suddenly, there was nothing in our way.

  Our mouths came together first, our tongues tangling in a wild, familiar dance. My hands wrapped around his lower back as he propped me up against the pillows. Reaching down, he took his length in his hand, guiding it to my core. At this point, I was soaking wet and so damn ready. For a moment, he hovered at the entrance, then he plunged inside of me and I got this crazy weird sensation of finally being home.

  “Sarah,” he murmured. “Oh, Sarah.”

  For a moment neither of us moved. We just lay there absorbing the long-lost feeling of coming together—of two becoming one. It was like a spell had been cast over the both of us and all we needed in the world—at that second—was that feeling of being together. It was almost too much. And I almost told him to stop as the tears began to prick at my eyes. This was supposed to just be about sex, after all. A one-time thing to get him out of my system for good.

  So how come it was feeling like so much more?

  “Sarah,” he said again. And this time it almost sounded like a prayer.

  “Fuck me,” I commanded. Trying desperately to regain control. To lose the unbearable sweetness and find the fire instead. “As if I’m a stranger.”

  For a moment he looked at me with uncertainty. Then something feral flashed in his eyes. He rose above me, pulling himself slowly out, then thrust down on me again. Piercing me to the core.

  His hand found my breast, roughly squeezing the nipple until it almost hurt. His mouth bit at my jaw, my neck. I arched my back, wrapping my legs around him and locking my ankles at his lower back. He groaned and thrust deeper and harder, as if he was chasing something or maybe running away. As the sensations washed over me like a tidal wave, I dug my nails into his back. My teeth into his shoulder.

  “You like that?” he growled in a rough voice, nipping at my ear.

  “Oh, yeah,” I managed to eke out. “Harder.”

  He was happy to oblige. His thrusts becoming so intense, so hard and fierce they almost hurt, but at the same time felt ridiculously good. My skin was slick with sweat. My heart beating a thousand beats a minute. For a moment I was pretty sure I saw actual stars. And then I was falling over the cliff. The orgasm tearing through me like a tornado, completely without remorse. Without apology.

  A moment later he found his own release. Shuddering against me, a guttural groan escaping his lips before he collapsed on top of me, completely spent.

  We lay like that for a moment. Then he rolled over, staring up at the ceiling. I felt a weird emptiness wash over me as I lost the connection between us. I scolded myself for feeling it. This was just supposed to be sex, I reminded myself. Just good sex. Nothing more.

  A heaviness seemed to settle on my chest and I scowled, trying to will it away. Do not go all girly girl on me now, Sarah. You’ve hooked up with plenty of people in the past and it meant nothing at all—this is exactly the same thing. It’s not good or bad or anything. It just is what it has to be. The last thing you need is to fall for Troy again.

  “You okay?” Troy asked, rolling over to face me. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me with concern in his deep blue eyes. Anger rose inside of me. Completely unjustified stupid anger.

  “I’m fine,” I said. But when he reached out to touch me, I leapt out of the bed before he was able to make contact, not able to bear the idea of cuddling after what had just taken place. “Just, uh, gotta go shower. I’ll see you in a minute.”

  I practically ran to the bathroom, a cowardly retreat. I could feel his eyes on me, questioning, but I shut the door on them and locked it. Then I walked over to the shower and turned it on. Made it really hot and steamy before stepping inside. Letting the water wash over me, almost burning me with its heat. Scrubbing every inch of my body, every inch of my skin.

  But try as I might, I couldn’t wash away the memory of what I’d just done. Had I just made a horrible, horrible mistake? By trying to get this whole thing over with, had I only succeeded in starting it up—all over again?

  twenty-three

  TROY

  I knew girls liked to take their time in the shower. But Sarah was taking so long I started to worry something was wrong. The room service had arrived since she’d been in there and it was starting to get cold. I was also getting famished and wondered if it would be rude to start eating without her.
>
  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she emerged from the bathroom, clad in a hotel bathrobe, her skin rosy-red and her cheeks flushed. Her wet blond hair dripped onto her shoulders and droplets settled in the valley between her breasts. Suddenly I was hungry for something else entirely, even though I knew I should have already had my fill.

  God that had been amazing. Exactly what I needed. And something I thought, while trapped in that hole, that I’d never experience again. Especially not with Sarah of all people. I still could barely believe she’d been willing to go through with it.

  Though now, judging from the way her eyes were darting around the room, looking at everything except me, I began to worry that she was already regretting the decision.

  I drew in a breath, trying to look casual. “Hey!” I said brightly. “The food’s here.”

  She glanced at the trays. At first I thought she was going to say something. But then she forced a smile to her face. “Great! I’m starving.”

  I dropped my shoulders in relief. Okay. Back to safe territory. We could both act like cowards and pretend nothing had happened. Fine by me.

  We dug into our food. I was ravenous from our romp in the sack, never mind the full day of work I’d just put in. My stamina had unfortunately shrunk big-time since I was back, and I was still having a hard time making it through an entire day. But God bless my little vegetarian ex-girlfriend—she had ordered me a burger. A big, huge, juicy steak burger with extra bacon and cheese—just the way I liked it. I wolfed it down, trying and failing to be mannerly about it. Thankfully, Sarah didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy chowing down on her own vegetable panini and french fries.

  “So,” I said, after swallowing a bite of food. “You never did tell me why you decided to play hooky. Clearly you don’t seem on your death bed.”

  She gave a small snort, then nodded slowly. I waited for her to reply, but at first she said nothing. I was almost convinced she wasn’t going to speak at all when at last she opened her mouth.