Soulshine

by J W Rocque

  “I… We… Your father and I thought it odd that you looked like this at your high school graduation, but dismissed it as just being a temporaryyouthful appearance. But honey, you"re… you"re twenty-nine!”

  “What can I say? Isn"t there some disease that keeps you looking young?”

  “Yeah, but not quite like this. And I can assure you that you never had such a disease.”

  Michelle shrugged. “Well, I guess I"m one of the lucky ones.”

  “Lucky ones? Looking like you"re forty when you"re fifty- five… that’s lucky. Who wants to look like they"re thirteen when they"re twenty-nine?”

  “Maybe I"ll start looking older next year, Mom.” Michelle was never good at acting dumb. Her nervous smile always gave her away.

  “Where"s Evan?”

  “Oh, he"s in his room. Mom… thank you for coming. I„m not as scared as I was yesterday. I thought I was going to lose him. It was weird… the way his leg started turning to this… dust.” Michelle stopped herself before she went on saying things that she was not prepared to explain to her mother or anyone else. She did not yet know that the medical staff still had grave concerns about Evan"s health.

  “Michelle… why have the two of you stayed away from your family? I always liked Evan. What happened? And please tell me whyI’m looking my age and youare not? Something"s not right. I feel like I"m in the Twilight Zone.”

  “I don"t have any answers for you, Mom. Just hold me, please.”

  “Sure, darling. My God, I feel like I"m holding my thirteen-year-old girl again. Why are you still thirteen? Why were you still thirteen when you graduated, and why are you still thirteen now?”

  Michelle burst out, “I can"t tellyou, Mom! I mean… I don"t know, Mom.”

  Mary caught the slip of the tongue. “I was told by the nurse that only immediate family may see Evan. Does mother-inlaw count?”

  “Mom, we never officially married.”

  “Theydon"t need to know that! I"d like to see Evan.”

  “Maybe we can see if they will allow other visitors tomorrow, Mom. They"ve been doing a lot of tests on him the past couple of days.”

  August, 1953 The train ride was long and Edward Thomas spent the time intermittently sleeping and thinking. Upon arriving at Grand Central Station, he recalled the last time he had spent some considerable time in New York. He usually made it a point not to return to a former place of residence, but the city is huge and it had been a long time since he had last lived here. He never thought he would grow tired of traveling. He always enjoyed returning to the major cultural centers… Athens… Rome… Paris… London… New York. In between, he would find a charming hamlet to live in just to round out his worldly experience. After a number of years in the rural Midwest, it was time to recapture the essence of the big city once again.

  Ah, New York! How this old station has changed since I’ve last set foot in it. He saw a man, possibly in his mid-to-late thirties, passing by. “Excuse me, sir. Could you direct me to the theater district?”

  The man turned toward Edward. “Sir? Wow, people your agestill use the term „sir"?”

  Edward was taken aback. He had hoped that the gray he applied to his temples would help him look somewhat older. “Well, I was always taught to be polite. It"s better than „hey you", right?”

  “Quite. It"s just refreshing to hear someone in New York call me „sir". The name is Bryan… BryanMoore.”

  Edward hesitated, deciding to offer his hand while withholding his name. “Nice to meet you, Bryan.”

  Bryanshook Edward"s hand. “And you asked about the theater district. As a matter of fact, I"m living over that way at the moment. Are you looking to head anyplace in particular?”

  “Well, no, I just got into town and I have fond memories of the theater district. I used to live there and worked in one of the theaters.”

  “Really? I enjoy the theater myself. Which one did you work at?”

  Edward paused before answering. I wish I knew if that particular theater still exists. Better to sound unsure about the name. “Uh, what was it? It"s been so long. The… um… Palatial Playhouse?”

  “Hmm, I don"t think the name is still in use. It sounds familiar, though, like it existed some years ago. I recall reading up on the history of Manhattan"s repertories.” Bryan laughed. “There"s no way you could have worked there. It simply hasn"t existed for years.”

  Edward feigned to search his mind for the correct name. “You know… it may be that I recall the history of the company being publicized to the point where it became known as the Palatial Playhouse in my mind.” Edward paused. “You say that the name is no longer in use. Do you happen to know the current name?”

  Bryanthought for a moment. “I want to say „The Regal Repertory". I"m almost certain. After all, the two names virtually mean the same thing.”

  “Regal Repertory. You know… I believe that"s it!”

  “It can"t be thatlong since you"ve been away. Pardon me, but you don"t look very old. How long have you been away from the city?”

  “Thanks for the compliment, but I"m a bit older than I look. But I have been told that, if it weren"t for the graying temples, I could pass for… twenty-one? I… um… worked at the Regal while in college, but I"ve been away for… oh… ten years or so.”

  “Wow, you don"t look thirty, and you have to be at least that.”

  “Uh… wow… great guess. I just turned thirty. I guess a full head of mostlydark brown hair can fool anyone.”

  “Well, you are welcome to hop on the subway with me. I get off at the stop right in the middle of the theater district. I can point you in the right direction from there… that is… if the Regal is your destination.”

  “I guess my first destination should be a newsstand where I can pick up a paper and look for an apartment to rent.”

  “It just so happens that I"m looking for someone to help share the cost of my apartment. My previous roommate moved out last month and paying a New York rent is not easy for one person.”

  “That may work out… that is… depending on the nature of your roommatearrangement.”

  “No worries. I have a few girl friends that stop by from time to time. No serious relationship though. I"ve been married once and that was a disaster. I"m in no hurry to commit, if you know what I mean.”

  “Sounds like it could work. I"ll let you know after seeing the place and, of course, the amount of rent I would need to contribute.”

  “It"s best to show you the apartment before discussing rent. It"s plenty big enough for two residents and lots of visitors. You may want something smaller for yourself at the same price you would be paying for half of mine. Uh… I don"t believe I caught your name.”

  Edward fumbled for his reply. “Oh, gee, that"s probably because I neglected to tell you. Sorry about that. The name… is… Eric… Eric Townsend.”

  April, 1972 Evan whistled a happy tune as he walked around the corner onto Grove Street with his gift for Michelle under his arm. He considered her birthday to fall at an appropriate time of year… late April, the middle of spring. To Evan, Michelle was a breath of spring air, and like spring she gave him a new outlook on life when she came into his life six years ago. In less than two months she would be graduating high school and he wanted to give her something special.

  Evan made his way to the Flemings" front walk and rang the door bell. He expected Michelle to answer the door, but instead it was Mary. “Hi, Mrs. Fleming. Is Michelle here?”

  “Yes, Evan. Come on in. Michelle is just having a tough day.”

  Evan spotted John sitting in his chair reading the newspaper and gave him a polite greeting. Despite years of a wonderful relationship between Evan and Michelle, John had never been completely at ease with it. Evan had hoped that Mr. Fleming would dispel his concerns once Michelle turned eighteen, but he also knew that Mr. Fleming, as well as Mrs. Fleming, would sadly never be… could not be… permanent fixtures in their lives. He heard Michelle sobbing. “Mrs. Fleming,
is everything all right?”

  “I"m hoping you can cheer her up, Evan. Michelle is just the victim of some relentless teasing by her classmates.”

  “Teasing?”

  “Yeah, it"s cruel really. Even high school kids can be cruel when they should be more mature. With graduation approaching, I guess they feel that they need to get in as much cruel taunting as they can before they enter the world of responsibility.”

  “What are they saying to her?”

  “Oh, they"re calling her „baby sister" because they think she looks like a middleschooler. I can"t say I disagree with them, but I do disagree with the way they carry on about it, especially when they see that it bothers her so. We have no idea why Michelle seemed to stop growing years ago, but we"re sure it"s just for a time. Sometimes kids experience growth spurts and sometimes kids experience periods where they don"t grow much at all. I tried telling her that she is perfectly normal and her grades prove that she is indeed growing up to be a smart woman. She just doesn"t feel like a woman right now. That"s where I hope that you come in on your white horse and change her mood. You made her feel like a little woman when she really was our little girl.”

  Evan smiled. He wondered when this subject would fully surface. He wondered how he would prepare to handle it. Mary"s justification and self-assurance helped. At least he would not need to convince her mother. John was more or less numb to what was going on. He could not explain it, so he chose not to discuss it. As long as he was not asking questions, there was no reason for Evan to feel obligated to address the situation. But Evan"s heart went out to Michelle. He hated to hear or see her crying. He had always soothed her tears before. Would his words have the same effect this time?

  III

  December 13, 1983

  “You bastard!” Evan wanted to sink through the hospital bed and descend under the floor. “And hello to you, Mary… er… Mrs. Fleming.” He had always addressed her as „Mrs. Fleming", but it had been eleven years since he last saw her. „Mary" seemed like the most appropriate thing to call her now that he and Michelle were thirtysix and twenty-nine, at least according to what Mary believed them to be. „Mom" was another option but, judging by Mary"s greeting of contempt, Evan surmised that she would not appreciate such a term of endearment, especially since he and Michelle never married.

  “You"re a freak!”

  “Yes… yes. I guess you could say that. Here I sit in this bed… my right leg gone and the rest of me in serious doubt for survival. Rather freakish, I"d agree.”

  “Freakish bastard! And somehow you made a freak out of my little girl! So that"s why you never called… never told us where you were… never wanted to see us. Look at you! You"re just like her. Or rather she"s just like you! You don"t look a day older than when I first laid eyes on you. And Michelle hasn"t aged a day since… since… who knows when? Since shewas twelve?”

  “Thirteen.” Evan tried to sound contrite but knew it was futile to appease Mary.

  “Thirteen? Like you know the exacttime of her disease… which you obviously have something to do with! You"re a devil… a demon!”

  “I liked „freak" much better.” The attempt at humor rang hollow in Mary"s ears. “Mary… I think I can explain.”

  “You think?”

  “Okay, I know. If it makes you feel any better, Michelle knows what happened too.”

  “No, that does not make me feel better. The only thing I care about is getting my little girl back to normal. Listen to what I"m saying. I"m calling her my little girl. She"s twenty-nine, for crying out loud! She"s supposed to be my adult daughter!”

  “She is, Mrs. Fleming. She is a beautiful adult daughter. And I love her just as she is… always have.”

  Mary was ready to explode at Evan"s glibness when Nurse Croshere entered the room. “What"s all the commotion about?” asked the nurse. “This patient is not up to confrontational visitors, and only immediate family is allowed.”

  “It"s all right,” said Evan. “This… is my mother-inlaw… Mrs. Fleming.”

  Mary wanted to yell at the top of her lungs „I am not his mother-in-law. He nevermarried my daughter." But she did not want to leave until she said her piece to Evan and got some explanations.

  “Please, nurse,” said Evan. “Give us time alone, would you? She is understandably upset because we have not talked in many years. This is a… good thing. I promise that there will be no more outbursts… right… Mom?”

  Now Mary wanted to take a swing at him. “Yes… I"m sorry if I created a disturbance, nurse.”

  “Alright, Mrs. Fleming,” said Nurse Croshere. “But if you raise your voice again, I will have to ask you to leave.”

  “No worries,” replied Mary as she gave a stern look toward Evan.

  September, 1970 It was getting increasingly tougher for Evan to keep his promise to himself. No sexual relations with Michelle until (a) she is eighteen, and (b) both he and Michelle are aware of the possibilities of what could happen if they produce an offspring unlike themselves. Sweet sixteen was such a fitting phrase for someone as adorable as Michelle Fleming. Her trusting green eyes… her tiny freckles of innocence sprinkled on her cheeks… her girlish smile… everything added up to perfection as far as Evan was concerned. As he held her in his arms, he wanted so much to touch her all over her body. She was perfect for him, and he for her. And Michelle had to now be well acquainted with boygirl relationships just from associating with other high school girls who were dating. On one hand, there was great risk in making any move. On the other hand, he did not want Michelle to ever feel not special. She deserved the best in a relationship.

  They were alone behind the Shore Dinner Hall at Crescent Park that abutted the inlet of Narragansett Bay. It was long after the neighborhood amusement park, their favorite haunt, had closed. The sun was going down on a lovely late summer evening. As their lips locked, Evan effortlessly unbuttoned Michelle"s pink blouse and felt her breasts for the first time. They were the same size they were three years earlier on their first official date. Evan could not understand how any man could obsess over physical features. It was superficial to him. Evan loved Michelle just as she was three years earlier. She was perfect in his eyes and needn"t have to change. The celebration of the person"s soul came firstto him… the body was secondary. He loved Michelle long before he loved her body, and that was not only of the utmost importanceto him… it was the way he believed it should be. He proceeded to delicately caress and kiss her all over her upper body.

  To Evan"s relief, Michelle welcomed the added attention. She could not believe how Evan knew the right time for everything, almost forgetting that it was her kindness of giving him a timely birthday card that started the whole courtship. After a period of gentle caressing, they awkwardly talked about sexual expectations, and they both were of the same mind. When the time is right, it will happen. Michelle thought about being behind other girls her age regarding her physical development, but each time she did have those thoughts, the thought of Evan"s undying love made it seem insignificant.

  August, 1953 “You sold me. I have enough cash on hand to start paying my share of the rent while I look for ajob,” said Eric Townsend as he checked out Bryan Moore"s apartment.

  “Great,” said Bryan. “If you"re around later tonight, you can meet some of my friends. One nice aspect of living in the big city is that you can be unattached and still not feel alone. There are plenty of people around to make lots of friends.”

  “Sounds good, Bryan. I think I need to be around a lot of people. I was just in the Midwest for quite a few years. It was nice, but I ended up spending all my leisure time with a girl. She was rather young. Nice kid and everything, but she just wasn"t my type. She liked to jump around from one guy to the next, usually someone older who only wanted her for thesex. I didn"t quite fit that mold.”

  “You meet that type here, but they are generally older… at least our age. But you also find a lot of cultured ladies who you can have decent conversation with. So
what took you out to the Midwest?”

  “Oh… uh… change of scenery. I have the tendency to get restless and crave change.”

  “So that would explain why you moved from the city to the rural area and then back to the city again. When you say Midwest, I assume you aren"t talking about a big city like Chicago?”

  “No, I was in Indiana. I worked on a farm, in fact.”

  “From the theaterto the farm?”

  “Like I said, I tend to keep moving. But I am getting the itch for the theateragain.”

  “Is there anything you don’t do?”

  “Sure. I avoid real dangerous occupations and hobbies. It… keeps me looking young, eh? Seriously, I always loved the theater best, I think. I worked for a Shakespearean company in London, too.”

  “You sure have done a lot in your short life. I thought I"ve been around, but you have not only been around, you"re quite diversified.”

  It’s best if I don’t tell him I’ve had a few tours of duty in merry old England, thought Eric. And he would never believe I also did some time in the Greek theater as well.

  “So did you want to go to the theater district here in New York to look for work then?” asked Bryan. “I thought you wanted to catch a play when you asked me for directions.”

  “Yeah. I figure I may as well do some work I am accustomed to doing.”

  “So… are you a stagehand? Do you do any acting?”

  “I"ve done some of everything. Generally, I offer my services as a stagehand, sooner or later do some understudying, and then one night I end up filling in for someone who calls in sick. Sometimes I catch a big break.”

  “That"s odd. I would think that once you get acting experience, you can easily use that experience on your resume to get in the door as an actor elsewhere.”

  “Well… first of all, I"m just content to be in the atmosphere of the theater. Secondly, I prefer to be paid under the table. There aren"t many men knocking on doors looking to be farm workers or stagehands these days. So typically I can work out a deal that helps both sides. The employer pays out less, I make out more, and the government needn"t know a thing.”