Scottish Widows

by Grae Cleugh

  ‘Turkey’ she says tae me. ‘Whit?’ I says. ‘Dae ye fancy gaun on holiday tae Turkey?’ ‘Turkey?’ I says, ‘I canny go tae Turkey. I don’t even know where it is.’ Neither I did. ‘I don’t even have a passport’ I says. Never needed wan. ‘We’ll get you wan’ she says. ‘It’s a lovely wee resort. Ye’ll like it’ she says. Some place called Altinkum. ‘Sounds like somebody needin tae go tae the toilet’ I says. It did sound nice when she described it, right enough. Like Saltcoats, but sunny. I wisnae sure, tae be honest. You hear some terrible stories aboot these places wi people gettin food poisonin or the dirty watter they huv an so on. Onyway, eventually Janice persuades me. I can certainly afford it. Money’s nae problem. An there’s nae pockets in shrouds, are there? The two boys wirnae comin, in any case. They’d both nearly finished at school an didnae want tae go on holiday wi their mum onymore, so they were stayin over with their Auntie Mary for a fortnight. She’s Jim’s brother Andy’s wife – a right pain in the arse she is but that’s another story. So it wis just tae be us girls, Janice an me.

  She teases me on the flight oot. Says I’ll maybe meet some nice big fat hairy block oot there. ‘I can get wan o them back hame’ I says. She’s just joshin. Course she might meet somebody. I’m expectin she will. She’s been oot there afore an I know the last time she went she had this fling wi some nice young bloke, Mehmet I think his name was. I’m no aifter any o that. ‘I’m here for the sun, sea an sand’ I tell her. ‘Sex I’ll leave tae you.’

  It’s very nice when we get there. A bit too hot for me, tae be honest, but I’d rather have that than it bloody pissin doon. It’s actually a lovely wee place. Spend a lot o time on the beach, so we dae. Markets are nice too. Course ye huv tae haggle, but that’s part o the fun. I’ve spent many a Sunday aifternoon doon the Barras, so I’m well ready for it. I gave thae Turks a lesson or two in the hagglin stakes, believe you me. Course there’s a lot o English aboot. Some, mainly the wans fae the north, are okay. But ye get thae eejits fae Essex. Ignorant buggers they are. Fat wi shaved heids an tattoos o the St. George’s flag on their chists – an that’s just the women. They mostly go tae the English places. There was wan restaurant, Ali Babas, serves fish ’n’ chips an lager. They aye went there. I says tae Janice, ‘I didnae come aw this way tae have fish ’n’ chips wi a crowd o folk fae Essex.’ Bugger that. So we go tae the Turkish places. Very nice they are too. Kebabs but proper wans. No that rubbish ye get here.

  Wan night we’re oot, I think it’s only the third night we’re there, an of course the inevitable happens. Janice cops off wi oor waiter. He’s been tryin it on aw night, an I’d huv tae say he’s a handsome lookin bugger.

  ‘Dae ye mind if I go clubbin wi Tarik?’ she says.

  ‘Aye, you go aff an enjoy yersel’ I says. Well, what am I gauny say, naw?

  She hooks up wi this Tarik pretty much every night aifter this. We huv dinner then she goes aff wi him. Then I see her in the mornin, if you know whit I mean. She pays for everythin fir him. It’s her money, right enough, an apparently this is the form oot here. He’s only aboot 27 or so an doesnae earn much waitin tables. Good luck tae her, I says. I’m fine. Got my Danielle Steels tae read. Go for a wee walk tae masel in the evenin air, which is lovely an warm. Wishin Jim was wi me o course. Aye, I dae think o him while I’m oot there. No sure he’d have liked Altinkum tae be honest, though – there’s no a bookies in sight.

  One night Janice says tae me, ‘It’s Tarik’s night aff the night. Would ye mind if me an him went oot for dinner, just the two o us?’ ‘Nae bother’ I says. ‘You go ahead.’ Again, whit can ye say? They’re gauny go tae oor usual restaurant, no the place she met Tarik, somewhere else. I decide tae try a different restaurant that night. Go by masel. I get there an this lovely young waiter sits me doon. Kemal’s his name. Nice lad. He’s layin on the patter pretty thick all evenin. We’re havin a laugh, that’s aw. Then, as I’m payin the bill – big tip – he says tae me, ‘I finish work now. I take you for drink.’ He canny be a day over 22. I says tae him, ‘Son, I’m very flattered, but I’ve got lipsticks that are older than you.’ No sure he got that. ‘I’m a bit old for you’, I says. ‘You not old’, he says, ‘You beautiful.’ Well, naebdy’s said that tae me in a long time. Canny even remember when Jim last said it tae me – he was mair the strong, silent type. Accent on the silent. At first, I’m no gauny bother, then I think, I’m on bloody holiday. What harm can wan drink dae, for Christ sake? Janice’s buggered aff an left me, onyway. So aye, ‘Okay’ I say tae him, ‘Aye, I’ll come fir a drink. Just wan, though.’

  We go tae this wee place he knows. No too crowded. I pay of course. I don’t mind. We sit wirselves ootside an have a few drinks. There’s nothin in it. We’re just chattin, laughin. He’s flirtin away furiously. I’m tellin him no tae be so bloody daft. We’re havin a nice time. I’m just finishin my third Martini Rosso an lemonade when I check my watch. ‘Oh here Kemal’ I says, ‘It’s late. I better be gaun.’ Though what I’m rushin back fir, I don’t know. It’s no as ifJanice is gauny be there. ‘I come back to hotel with you?’ he says tae me. He’s no backward at comin forward, I’ll give him that. ‘Oh no’, I says, ‘Look, we’ve had a lovely night, let’s just leave it at that.’ He looks right sad. As soon as I say it, I realise I’m disappointed masel. Then fae naewhere, ‘Maybe we can meet up again tomorrow night?’ I says. Get me. Bold as brass or whit? At this, his face brightens up. ‘Good. I see you tomorrow’, he says. I’ll tell you somethin.

  I sleep wi a bloody big smile on my face that night. I dae. First time in a long time. Course that could just be the Martini Rosso. But I don’t think so.

  I tell Janice nothin. Then again, whit’s tae tell? She doesnae ask whit I’m daein, onyway. Too loved up wi this Tarik character.

  ‘Do ye mind me seein so much o him, mum?’ she says wan night.

  ‘Not at all’ I says.

  ‘Whit’ll you do wi yersel the night?’ she says.

  ‘Oh, don’t worry aboot me. I’ll find somethin tae keep masel occupied’ I says.

  I most certainly dae. Kemal an me go oot fir dinner every night. Different places. He knows all the guid restaurants. An I can afford it. Even the guid places don’t cost much oot there. He’s too skinny, onyway. Barely a pick on him. Needs feedin up. Aifterwards we usually go fir a walk on the beach. Lovely it is. Hand in hand by the moonlight. One evenin, I finally relent an we go back tae my room. He’s still livin wi his mum, so that’s a no-go in any case. It’s lovely. The love-making. He’s lovely. Very romantic. A lot of kissin. Cuddlin. Wi Jim, it was aye wham, bam an thank you mam. Couple o minutes at best. Jim’s idea o foreplay was havin a pie an a pint before he went tae the Rangers match. Wi Kemal it’s different. He takes his time. Course, he doesnae need any blue pills either. He can go all night. Surprisin’ly, so can I.

  One mornin over breakfast – Tarik was there, he’d started appearin at breakfast noo – Janice says tae me, ‘You look tired, mum.’

  ‘Dae I?’ I says, ‘Aye, didnae really sleep last night.’

  ‘Aye, neither did I’, she says, gigglin, grabbin Tarik’s airm, ‘If ye know whit I mean.’

  I smile an laugh along wi them. ‘Oh aye’, I says, ‘I know whit ye mean.’ I never let on, though. My business. Havin said that, despite my best efforts, I knew it was probably bound tae come oot in the end. My, how it did.

  The next evenin Kemal an me have a bit of a night o it. In more ways than wan. I even push the boat oot an huv a few whiskies an lemonade. We go back tae mine an we’re at it till 5 in the mornin. Quite a night. Thought tae masel at the time, I’m gauny be walkin funny the morn an nae mistake. An so I wis. Onyway, we sleep in. Shattered I was. If pleasantly so. Next thing I remember is bein woken up wi Janice screamin. What had happened wis I’d missed breakfast an she’d come tae my room an started knockin. I never heard a thing. Oot for the count. Kemal gets up tae answer the door, nothin on o course. Now he’s, how can I put this, well he doesnae have much tae apologise fir
in the man department. Doon there I mean. Janice o course sees the naked Kemal an starts screamin the place doon. Aw her commotion finally wakes me up.

  ‘Whit are you dain tae my mum!?’ she’s screamin. ‘Mum, mum, let’s get oot o’ here! I’m callin the police!’ an she starts fumblin fir her mobile phone.

  ‘For Christ sake Janice, will you calm doon?’ I says tae her.

  ‘Are you awright, mum? Are you okay?’ she keeps sayin.

  ‘I’d be fine if you stopped bloody screamin’ I says.

  ‘I see you’ve met Kemal’ I says tae her.

  ‘You know him?’ she says.

  ‘Kemal,’ I says, ‘this is Janice, my daughter. Sorry, she’s no always like this. Janice, meet Kemal.’

  She’s lookin at me. She’s lookin at him. She’s lookin at me again. Canny quite believe it.

  ‘That’s right’ I says. ‘Oh I know him awright.’

  The penny finally drops.

  ‘I don’t know what tae say’, she says, lookin at me in sheer bloody amazement.

  ‘Whit?’ I says.

  ‘I canny bloody believe this’ she says.

  ‘Believe it’ I says.

  ‘It’s disgustin. You’re disgustin’ she says tae me.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’ I says.

  ‘At your age’ she says.

  ‘Whit’s age got tae dae wi it?’ I says.

  ‘He could be your grandson’ she says.

  ‘Well he’s no’ I says. ‘That I can vouch fir. If he wis, then I think we really would be in trouble. And onyway’ I says, ‘whit dae ye think you’ve been up tae the whole o this last week?’

  ‘That’s different’ she says.

  ‘Yer right’ I says, ‘It is different. An I’ll tell ye why. You’re just huvin a holiday bloody fling. I on the other hand care aboot Kemal.’ I hudnae really thought aboot this before I said it, but there it wis. Spontaneous bloody Annie here. At this point, Kemal, who’s been in silent shock at the sight o two Glesga women gettin verbally stuck intae each other, turns tae me an says, ‘I care you too, Betty.’

  This is clearly too much for Janice who then storms oot, shoutin ‘I’ll see you aifter.’ ‘So ye bloody will!’ I shouts aifter her. Who’s she tae be givin me lectures? Kemal says tae me, ‘I hope I no get you in to trouble.’ ‘Don’t you worry, sweetheart’ I says, ‘It’s fine.’ ‘I want keep seeing you’ he says. ‘So ye will’ I says, ‘Now put yer knickers on an let’s go get wir breakfast.’

  I catch up wi madam later.

  ‘Have you calmed doon yet?’ I says tae her.

  ‘Whit did ye expect?’ she says, ‘I thought ye were bein raped or somethin.’

  ‘Well, I wisnae, as I think you could see’ I says.

  ‘Who is he?’ she says.

  ‘He’s a waiter in wan o the restaurants by the beach’ I says. ‘Whit’s the problem?’ I says tae her.

  ‘He’s just a wee boy’ she says.

  ‘Many things perhaps, but certainly no wee.’ I says. ‘I think ye’ve seen that fir yersel.’ Thought that might get a laugh but nothin doin.

  ‘Oh cheer up for Christ sake’ I says, ‘You were the wan aye sayin I needed tae meet a new man. Well, I’ve met wan.’

  ‘He’s no exactly whit I had in mind’ she says.

  ‘Well, me neither’ I says. ‘It just happened.’

  ‘Well onyway’ she says, ‘Once we’re back hame, I’d appreciate it if ye didnae mention this again. We’ll just keep it oor wee secret.’

  ‘Bugger that’ I says, ‘I’m invitin him o’er fir a visit.’

  ‘Yer whit?’ she says.

  Wance mair, my mooth wis aff before my brain had engaged. But wance mair, I meant it. Though I hudnae asked him yet.

  ‘Aye’ I says. ‘He’s comin o’er so ye better get used tae the idea. An ye better be nice tae him fae now on, madam, or there’ll be bloody hell tae pay. Wi that in mind’ I says, ‘we’ll be seein you an Tarik fir a drink the night. An opportunity for you tae apologise tae Kemal. An tae get tae know him. Eleven o’clock. Bar Arabica. The four o us. Be there.’ Wi that, I took my leave o her.

  The rest o the holiday there was a kinda uneasy truce. The four o us went oot a few times. Kemal an Tarik got on like a hoose on fire. Jabberin away in Turkish tae each other. God knows whit they wir sayin. Probably comparin notes.

  I did see Tarik lookin at me a few times, eyes agog, at somethin Kemal had just told him. Aye, I think I compared rather favourably to my darlin daughter. Experience always tells in the end.

  On wir last day, Kemal sees me oot tae the airport. He was awfy sad. I say to him I’ll invite him o’er but I don’t think he believes me. ‘Once you go home, you forget me’ he says. ‘No’ I says, ‘I will not forget you. An do you know why, Kemal?’ I says, ‘Ye’ve brought me back tae life.’ Which was the truth. I’d been in a kinda livin death since Jim died. Zombiefied. This was the first time I’d really felt anythin again. An I wisnae gauny just let it go. An I bloody well huvnae.

  He’s been oot tae see me a few times. This is his third trip, in fact. He’s stayin six months the noo. Which is the limit yer allowed fir wan visit. I pay fir his flights. Well, if I didnae, he couldnae come. You’d dae the same. Tae his credit, though, he is makin some spendin money for himsel while he’s here. Workin part-time in some wee Turkish place in toon. It’s a café/restaurant type thing. He’s waitin tables. Cash in hand. Good for him, I say. Tae be honest wi ye, I didnae think he’d like it here. Ye know, the weather an so on. Loves it. ‘Turkey too hot for me’ he says. ‘Well, ye’ve come tae the right place’ I says. He even likes the food. Which again wis a worry. Canny get enough o my mince ’n’ potatoes. Who knew? Course the gossips huv been oot in force. I see them in the post office an whit-not, whisperin away. ‘That’s her wi that Arab boy’ I overheard wan o them sayin wan day. Racist auld witch. I know her. Lives doon the street there. ‘That’s right’ I says tae her, ‘I’m gaun oot wi my very own Omar Sharif. Who’ve you got?’ ‘My husband’, she says. ‘I’ve seen him’ I says. ‘Looks like Jocky Wilson. Nae bloody competition.’ Jealousy, that’s aw it is. This is whit they don’t like, ye see. Once yer man dies, yer supposed tae just dry up an die yersel. Well, no thanks. I’ve tried it. No fir me. No thank you very much. There’s plenty o life in this auld dug yet.

  Janice continues tae be appalled. But quietly. My grandsons on the other hand get on wi Kemal pell mell. They’re great thegither. Go tae the fitba. Intae toon. They’ve gone tae the match wi him the day. They love him.

  The question noo of course is, dae I? He wants tae get married. Kemal. That’s his latest thing. ‘I love you, Betty. I want marry and come live with you’ he says. I telt him I’d think aboot it. I’m nae fool. He doesnae, I’m sure, love me entirely fir my youth an beauty. I don’t know. It’s no the same as it was wi Jim. How can it be? But it is somethin. It is livin.

  Onyway, I better be gettin the dinner on. Boys are nearly due back. Soon as I finish this fag. Beef stew wi carrot an onion the night. Got a lovely bit of stewin steak fae the butcher’s. Splashed oot a bit. Well, it is the weekend. Kemal loves my beef stew. Janice is comin tae. I’m slowly tryin tae wear her doon. I think she’ll come aroon tae likin Kemal. Eventually. She might just huv tae.

  Fade to black as she finishes her cigarette.

  End.

  WWW.OBERONBOOKS.COM

  Follow us on www.twitter.com/@oberonbooks

  & www.facebook.com/OberonBooksLondon