by Nancy Adams
“Sarah, please,” Libby said, “I really need your help. I can’t leave the team without a coach.”
“But I know nothing about soccer. Like literally nothing. I don’t even work out. How can I teach kids anything when I’m the opposite of athletic?”
“I have faith in you.”
“Libby, you know I would love to help you out, but I think I’m severely underqualified. I’ve never told you no before, but I’m completely sure I would make everyone on the team miserable. The only soccer term I know is goal.”
Libby sat down heavily on a lounge chair that I had added as an extra addition to the poolside decor. Her expression looked dejected, and I instantly felt terrible. Within seconds of her sitting down, I said, “I’ll do it.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” she said, gathering me up in a hug.
“And you’ll have help, I forgot to mention that,” Libby assured me, once she let me go. “You remember Jay, right?”
I froze. “Yes, what about him?”
“He’s going to help you. That way the team will have a coach and an assistant coach, just like before.”
“Um…can’t someone else do it? I mean besides Jay? Or I can handle it on my own,” I said nervously.
“You just said that you couldn’t handle it. And now you can handle it on your own? Which one is it?” Libby looked at me curiously. “And Jay’s a nice guy. Don’t tell me you’re still angry because of the dog incident. Wasn’t that just a misunderstanding?”
“Yes. I mean no. No, I’m not still angry. Just Jay and I had a…ummm…a moment.”
“What? What type of moment? I can’t believe you’ve been keeping juicy details of your personal life from me. And I thought you were my best friend,” she said.
I ignored the pouting. “My mom called me.”
“Oh, good. I’m glad you guys talked. How’s she doing?” Libby said, her voice growing serious. Her expression mirrored my own. All hints of teasing and light banter were gone. My mom was always a sore subject. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time Libby had seen her when she wasn’t drunk.
“I guess she’s fine,” I said with a shrug, “but Dad contacted her…wants to see her, and of course she’s all excited again.”
“Why does she keep letting him hurt her like this?” Libby shook her head as if she couldn’t even fathom my mom’s logic. I shrugged. Neither could I.
“I’ve been asking myself that same question for years.”
“She deserves so much better.”
“Yeah, I’ve been telling her that for years too.” I sighed. “It’s like she thinks that one day he’ll change. I wish she would move on and stop letting him hurt her, but she’s almost in her late fifties and this craziness has been going on for like what? Decades?”
I sat down next to Libby and she put her arm around my shoulder. “I just don’t know what to do, Libby. She’s my mom and I love her, but it hurts so much to see her throw her life away every time he shows up.” I looked down at my hands and folded them.
“He got remarried, you know?”
“What?!” Libby said angrily. “I didn’t even know they were divorced!”
“Neither did I. I found out just recently. I was feeling sentimental, decided to google him. He’s remarried. Happily if you consider the Facebook pictures,” I added nastily.
“Does your mom know?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. But who knows?”
“Are you going to mention it to her?”
“Nope. God no. I’m scared that if she doesn’t know, finding out will just send her on another bender. She’s been sober three years now. I can’t jeopardize that by telling her.”
“Does he have, ummm…other kids?”
I shook my head again. “Not that I know of, but who knows? He left one wife and found another. Maybe he started another family too. It’s not too far-fetched, given the type of person he is.”
“I just can’t get over it. Maybe that’s why he only sticks around for brief moments at a time. He’s probably cheating on his new wife with your mom.”
“The idea of that makes me sick to my stomach. But he’s not exactly husband of the year, so it’s definitely a possibility.”
Libby was silent and then said cautiously, “I know you’re scared of her relapsing, but I think you should tell her what you found out. Maybe that’ll make a difference. Maybe she’ll wake up and see that he really is no good.”
I wanted to believe Libby was right, but part of me hadn’t mentioned it to my mom because part of me felt she already knew and would rather have part of Dad than none of him at all.
“Have you spoken to him recently?”
“No. I refuse to. I haven’t spoken to him since senior year.”
“It’s been that long?”
“I didn’t have much to say. Remember how instead of going on the senior field trip, I stayed home?”
“Oh yeah! You did! I forgot about that.”
“That was the first time Mom checked into rehab.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry Sarah. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Didn’t you say she was sick or something when I asked you why you couldn’t go? You should have told me. I would have understood.”
“I was too embarrassed. Upset. And I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me”
“But we were best friends—”
“It didn’t matter. I have some pride too, Libby.”
She didn’t say another word, so we both just sat there in silence, lost in our own thoughts.
Finally, she said, “I’m sorry. Want to talk about something else?”
I nodded, scared that I was going to cry again. I was sick of crying and I already had a reputation with my friends for crying all the time.
“Soooo…back to you and Jay.”
“There’s no me and Jay.”
“You seemed to be pretty set on hating him.”
“I don’t hate him!”
“He really is a nice guy. Sorry I was so cranky the other night at the engagement party.”
“You don’t have to explain. I get it now. You were worried about Ash.”
“Yeah, and there’s something else.”
She looked down uncertainly at her feet. I narrowed my eyes. What was the sudden shyness about? Libby was outspoken, always sure of herself.
“Well, Marie’s condition got me to thinking…”
“Marie’s condition?” My eyes widened. “Oh my God! You’re pregnant too!” I jumped up and hugged her tightly, saying “Oh my God! Oh my God!” over and over again.
Finally, Libby pried me off of her and said, “Wow, way to jump to conclusions Sarah, but no. So not pregnant.”
“Oh,” I said, letting her go and looking at her questioningly. “Then what’s up?”
“Well, Marie was going on and on about her pregnancy and all the tests they run. And it got me thinking about something Ash mentioned earlier on. He mentioned that he was scared that his condition could be passed down to his children.”
“Oh, that’s right, it’s hereditary. But rare, right?”
“Exactly, but I read there are tests they can perform to see the likelihood of that happening. I figured since we were going to see a specialist anyway that we should get testing done as well.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I just don’t want to completely rule out having children because of Ash’s condition. That’s why I was in such a foul mood that night. Ash and I had been arguing over whether or not we would consider having children. It came up during our premarital counseling session.”
She paused and then continued, “I don’t want us to assume that this disease will be passed on when it might not. Ash still has some reservations about having children, but he agreed to see a specialist to figure out what the chances are. And from there, we’ll discuss it.”
I immediately thought of Jay’s daughter, Ash’s vibrant niece. “Kitty doesn’t have it, right?”
“Oh. I didn’t know that, but that would explain the different last names.”
“They grew up together, though. Jay was five when his mother met Ash’s father and they got married like a year later. And Ash was born right before Jay’s six birthday.”
“That’s a big age difference. They’re so close, and Jay looks so young. I would never expect there was a six-year difference between them.”
Libby nodded. “Ash thinks the world of Jay. He was the quintessential big brother. Except instead of getting Ash in trouble, he made sure Ash stayed out of trouble.”
“So he’s always been super responsible? He’s accustomed to taking care of others?”
“Yeah, and apparently he’s good at it, but he works a lot. Ash said Jay’s been involved with their dad’s corporation since he was sixteen, hanging out in the mailroom and personally working low-paying jobs at his father’s businesses to understand them better.”
“Do you know what happened to Jay’s biological father?”
“No clue. Ash never mentioned him.”
“Hmm. Maybe that’s why he was so understanding the other day.”
“You saw Jay recently?”
“Yeah…” And then I reluctantly added, “We sort of went on a double date.”
“You went on a date! And you’re just telling me now!” Libby’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, with Hugo and Eleanor.”
“Wow, it was like a party and I was the only one not invited.”
I laughed. “No. Jay and Kitty came over to see Henrik, their dog—well, our dog—and Hugo showed up to see Eleanor, so we all went to lunch together.”
“Ohh…that sounds friendly enough.” Libby narrowed her eyes at me. “So then why do you look so guilty?”
I considered not telling her and then forced myself to. “Well, I kind of made out with him after lunch.”
“What?! Tell me everything! And this whole time I thought you guys were virtually strangers! And you’re practically lovers!”
I laughed, hard. I couldn’t help myself—leave it to Libby to say something completely off the wall.
“Hardly, Libby. It was just a kiss really. I was feeling vulnerable and he was a great listener. And it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I’m sure it won’t happen again.” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to appear as if it didn’t matter to me. But it did. I had let Jay in. More than being embarrassed about the kiss, I had revealed things to him that few people knew about me.
“So, are you guys going to start dating now? I mean, what’s really going on?”
“Nothing’s going on. And no. It was just a kiss. And to be honest, it embarrassed me.”
Libby raised an eyebrow. “Are you kidding me? You were embarrassed by a kiss?”
“Well no, I was just embarrassed that I shared so much with him about my parents. It’s like I unloaded all my baggage on a stranger, except he’s not really a stranger. He’s an acquaintance—of sort. I just feel—”
“Vulnerable.”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you tell him about your parents?”
“My mom called while we were having lunch and I got upset. Jay showed up when I got off the phone with her. I was a mess. He literally let me cry on his shoulder—“
“Oh my God, this is so romantic and I don’t even find it sappy at all—”
I ignored her statement and continued, “He’s very thoughtful and considerate. And it was nice to have someone to listen to me…” My voice trailed off. “It was nice to have someone else there. It made me feel less alone.”
Libby reached out and squeezed my hand. “You’re not alone, Sarah. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
I squeezed her hand and said, “I know. You and Marie are always there for me, but both of you have your own share of problems and I hate to add my own—”
“Whatever! That’s what friends are for. You have a problem, you pile it all on them and then walk away lighter and carefree. That’s what I’ve been doing to you guys for years.”
“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” I said with a laugh. She flicked her tongue at me.
“So have you been avoiding Jay?”
“Not really. It’s not like we see each other often, but when they come to visit Henrik, I do make myself scarce.”
Libby was quiet for a long moment and then said, “Jay’s a great guy, Sarah. You could do a LOT worse. Think of some of the guys I dated in the past.”
I had to laugh at Libby’s statement. She did have a tendency to attract questionable characters when she did date, which hadn’t been that often when she was trying to build her business. She had met Ash while coaching soccer.
“I feel stupid saying this, but I don’t even know if he wants to pursue anything with me or if he was just being nice and I misread the situation and—”
“Jumped his bones?”
“I didn’t jump his bones. I just kissed him. Jeez, Libby.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”
“I know, and I forgive you for being you.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
We both sat in silence for a little bit. And then I said, “What should I do?”
“Well first, you should stop hiding from him.”
“That’s a great idea. Wonder why I never thought of that.”
“Sarcasm. How cute. Anyway, you won’t be able to avoid him now anyway, because you guys will be spending the next two weekends together whether you like it or not. And every practice.”
“Practice too?
“Yep, you have two this week, plus a game this weekend. And you better win both games, or I’ll have to probably fire you as my friend.”
“I might break from the pressure. I have to spend time with Jay and keep up your winning streak.”
Libby tossed an arm around my shoulder and said, “I think you’ll be okay. I have faith in you.”
I shook my head and mumbled, “At least one of us does.”
Chapter Seven
I pulled up to the park and checked my face in the mirror. I had decided to wear makeup and had spent what felt like most of my morning attempting to figure out how to apply it and also look natural. Eventually I’d given up, scrubbed most of the makeup off, and headed to my car.
I felt I was at a disadvantage since I had spent my formative years rescuing animals instead of learning how to appeal to the opposite sex. I felt silly knowing that it wasn’t as if Jay hadn’t ever seen me without makeup before. And I knew it probably would have been weird if I showed up to a kid’s soccer practice looking as if I were Miss America.
I gave myself a quick pep talk and got out the car. I was wearing an old high school gym t-shirt and a pair of shorts I found in the back of my closet that I hadn’t worn since I attempted Pilates about five years ago. I looked down at myself and briefly wondered what the heck I had been thinking. It was as if I found the worst t-shirt and shorts ensemble possible and decided to wear it today.
“It’s just soccer practice. It’s not a beauty competition. Stop doubting yourself,” I said to myself as I walked over to where the kids were practicing.
I looked around, waiting for someone to say something to me. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to clap my hands and hope for everyone to gather around? The kids seemed to be fine talking among themselves, and the parents were otherwise occupied as well. I looked around nervously for Jay and didn’t see him. The kids looked so little, I thought to myself. Was it some sort of all-ages soccer team? That didn’t make sense to me, but I knew nothing about kids’ sports. I stood around awkwardly and then, taking a deep breath, I forced myself to walk over to the group of parents that I had spotted earlier.
I smiled brightly as I approached them and stuck out my hand, introducing myself. “Hi, I’m the replacement coach while Ash and Libby are away. I’m Sarah.” I shook all the
ir hands and they looked at me in confusion. “So, when should we start practice?” I said, hoping I didn’t sound completely clueless.
They looked at one another and one of them spoke up and said, “We just finished practice. And who’s Ash and Libby?”
It was then that I felt a hand tugging at my own. I look down to find Kitty there.
“Hi Sarah, we’re over there,” she said pointing across the street to the other soccer field. Jay waved at me, a huge smile on his face that I could clearly see from where I stood. I felt my cheeks turning bright red as I turned away from the now-amused parents without another word.
“Well that was embarrassing,” I mumbled under my breath as I followed Kitty across the street.
Jay was still smiling as I approached, and I wished at that moment I could just walk back to my car and drive away.
“Making small talk, I see.”
I groaned inwardly. “I get confused easily.”
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
I held back a laugh, even though his joke was at my expense.
“So are you ready to do this whole coaching thing?”
“I think so. But even if I weren’t, it’s not like I have another choice.”
“I don’t know, Sarah. If I had to make a choice between spending my Wednesday afternoon in the company of a bunch of screaming, bossy, grade schoolers and a very lovely woman, I think I would choose you all without a doubt.”
“You’re just saying that because we’re in hearing distance.”
He shrugged. “Yep. You’re right.”
Kitty laughed at her father’s words. “Dad you’re totally going to love this. I mean, you won’t be as good at this as Uncle Ash, but…”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kitty.”
“No problem.” She skipped away, sending us a grin.
“I think Libby’s rubbing off on her.”
“Nope. She’s always been a handful—Libby just made her worse.”
We quickly got the kids together and I spent most of practice asking Kitty what to do next. She was team captain and a great helper. She was an impressive young woman. She truly was.
