One of Them (Vigil #2)

by Loudermilk, Arvin

  “To clear up any misconceptions, these are not cells, they’re treatment rooms. And there is no one in the additional locations. You are the only one here. The rest are for the future, or in case of emergency.”

  “I don’t believe a fucking word you say.” A water droplet careened down my forehead and drizzled down my brow. I wiped at it with my forearm.

  “I’ll admit,” he said to me. “I was not being truthful with you before. What I told you about Officer Chen has not happened, not yet. But it is on the drawing board if you do not begin to cooperate. My bosses believe you should be grateful for what we have done for you. But all you have given back is resistance and grief. This is why I stepped in and told you that lie. I do not want your name besmirched or your friend tried for a murder she did not commit. But you also have to give us something. We can’t trust you, Grace. No one can go into that room to even give you an examination. You will hurt them if they do, in what would amount to a meaningless attempt at escape. I am telling you right now that you do not need to escape. You are with friends, and we are here to help you get better, to cope with what you’ve become. This is why I’ve chosen to take the route of complete honesty here. Anything you want to know, ask me. I’m here to clear things up and to get your agreement to allow somebody in there to examine you. We are quite concerned about your continued survival. That is how dire the situation could become. You’re no longer a normal human being anymore. You are now something else. And as such, you need to be tended to differently. Our hope is that any treatment for you can be lavish and good-natured, but that is entirely up to you.” He patted his knee. “Now, what would you like to know? Ask me anything? Nothing is off limits.”

  “Go the fuck away.” My arms flexed. I wanted to kill him. I would’ve killed him.

  “I can’t go away. I’m here to answer your questions.”

  “I don’t have any questions. Why would I bother? You lie like you breathe. You cannot be trusted.”

  “Well then, how can I get you to trust me?”

  “There’s only one way. You need to let me out of here. You need to set me free. That’s the only way I’m going to allow your goons to examine me. By my choice—of my own free will.”

  He shook his head, hamming it up to externalize his regret. “Sorry, but I cannot release you. I can see the hatred in your eyes.” He went silent, and then said, “How about I tell you what happened on that fateful night instead? You deserve the truth about that. It was a complicated moment, and I can only imagine how curious you are.”

  He was right. I did want to know. It was what I had been waiting to know. But information wasn’t going to get me to trust him. Him letting me out wasn’t going to accomplish that either. But it would have made it easier for me to do what I really wanted to do.

  “Go ahead,” I said. “Dazzle me with your forked tongue.”

  He leaned forward and set his hands on his thighs. “It was all a big mix-up. This is what eats me up at night. It all could have been prevented. And as your current commanding officer, that makes it my fault.” His eyes closed and he shook his clasped hands. “Jessup was spotted elsewhere, that was the instigating incident in this mess. The TAC team was called over to the new site about ten miles away, leaving only the two officers behind that townhouse door you eventually knocked on. They had been told to stand down and to not open up under any circumstances. You and Beth were supposed to be called and told to hole up wherever you were until we had further direction to give you. Wires got crossed somehow and dispatch ordered you to the townhouse anyway. I heard nothing of this until later. We were all wrapped up in our search of the park that Jessup had been spotted in. We had a virtual army with us, with every intention to bring him down just like we were planning to do at the townhouses. I swear to you—none of us had any idea that Jessup wasn’t there and had been tracking you to the complex. We have been over and over that night in the time since, and we still have no idea how he could gotten from one place to another so quickly. We had a positive ID on him at the park—multiple eyewitnesses. The proof was indisputable. Jessup was there, and then he wasn’t. We initiated an intensive search of the surrounding area when we received the call about what had happened to you. Our officers in the townhouse had finally emerged and scared Jessup off you. He got away, but they were able to get to you. Poor Beth was already dead, but the helicopter we had on stand-by set down on the frontage road and we were able to get you back here within the hour. The doctors we had on call knew next to nothing about your condition, but the Feds flew in some experts of their own—serious experts. They were way more up to date on this malady than we were. I was taken aback by that. Our supposed benefactors had not been straight with us.” He motioned up at the ceiling. “And this building they set up for us. I wasn’t even aware of this part of the place existing. I am supposedly in charge and I didn’t know what had been built down here. I was so angry when I found out. I was angry that it had come to this and Beth was killed and someone like you with all the potential in the world has had your life taken away from you. It eats at me, Grace. This should not have happened. I apologize for letting it happen. It is all on me. I accept full responsibility.”

  I stood motionless, uncertain, considering the truth in what had just been said. “This is what bothers me,” I told him. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this in the beginning? If you wanted my cooperation, all the subterfuge kind of eliminated that. Now, I cannot believe a word that you say.”

  “Can you believe action reports? Can you believe videotape from the park, with clear images of us searching for Jessup?”

  “All of that can be altered or faked after the fact. It will not change my perception of the events. I was left alone. I was fucked with. I was broken to pieces, and I was turned into this.” My arms flared out and the orange covering swished and swayed.

  “We can help you with what that,” he said. “We can ease the transition. All the experts from DC say so.”

  “Maybe, but help is the last thing on their minds. This is a laboratory, isn’t it? I am not stupid. I am going to be studied and then used in whatever manner the government chooses. If you really want to make things up to me, you will get me out of their clutches.”

  The mere suggestion of my release was making him wince. “Sorry, but that’s impossible. The system has taken hold. You understand how these things work.”

  I did. I grew up under the thumb of that machinery.

  “Look,” I said, “I get that you are not the one who’s really in charge here, and never have been. You are, however, a face I know and that makes you a presentable candidate to come out here and make me see the situation the way my jailers want me to. But it will not work. You’ve told me a credible story, but you have also told me many other stories. The truth has become all mixed up, and that means I can only trust myself.” I turned my back on him. “It’s time for you to go away and tell your overlords that this gambit has failed, too. What happened or didn’t happen doesn’t matter any longer. I am being kept in a cell and you will get no cooperation while my imprisonment is ongoing. So, just go ahead and pump in whatever lethal gas you have waiting and be done with it. I am no one’s prize—and I am no one’s slave. I want my freedom or I want death. Why don’t you tell your bosses that.”

  “There is no purpose in being extreme, Grace.”

  “Maybe not, but I’ll do what’s necessary if it comes to it.”

  I listened as Castellano stood and folded up his chair. “You will be brought dinner, human dinner, in about an hour. You need to eat that as well as the blood, at least every so often. Water will be supplied as well. Both will be delivered through the bars. Please stand back when the attendants pass items on to you. They’ve been ordered to shock you if you attempt to interfere.”

  “And the blood?” I asked, feeling the need for it again.

  “That will be delivered as you sleep.” He began to head out
. “For all involved, I hope that you change your mind about cooperating. I would hate to lose you for real this time.”

  Heartbreaker

  I could see his face through the bars. His eyes were teary.

  Recognizing that I’d awakened, he took a careful step backward, his dotted tie hanging loose around his neck and his shirt sleeves rolled high above his elbows. At first glance, he looked winsome and casual, the way he’d always looked, like it was all some carefully orchestrated seduction. The saddened expression he had put on for my benefit only added to his appeal. In truth, I was shocked he had the guts to come see me. He never seemed the type for confrontation, too tender around the edges. Mackenzie Douglass, the handsome detective who had pretended to be so enamored with me.

  “Good morning,” he said, dabbing at the wetness on his face. “I was told you’d be sleeping a while longer.”

  I sat up, freezing in mid-movement, realizing that I was wearing a plastic and orange muumuu dress. I was mad at myself at once. For some ridiculous reason I actually cared that this idiot would be seeing me when I was so out of sorts and degraded. I had no idea what my problem was. This man, this cretinous clotheshorse, had abandoned his post as violence was done to me—the very moment when he was supposed to be protecting me. He now stood whimpering outside my cell, betraying me again and again with every inactive breath that he took. Worrying about what a coward thought of me—I would not do it. I was going to make this prick pay like I was going to make all the rest of them pay. It would not be pretty.

  “What the hell do you want?” I said.

  “To see you. I just found out you were down here. I couldn’t believe it.”

  “Liar.”

  “I am not lying. They told us you and Beth had both died while we were searching for Jessup in the park. They had a funeral for you and everything. It was like six weeks ago. I met your Uncle Ray and your little brother Grant. The poor kid was devastated. He loves you a lot.”

  Six weeks. Six goddamned weeks. Had I been blacking out longer than I thought? Or had they been keeping me sedated? Or, had the transition into the new me actually taken that long to finalize?

  My nose made a wheezing noise as I spoke. “Do you expect me to believe I’ve been down here as long as you say I have and you had no idea about any of it?”

  “I didn’t.”

  The twit did look perplexed. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes had stopped tearing.

  “You have to believe me,” he said. “No one knew about this until Castellano told us yesterday. I nearly quit when I found out he’d been lying to me. Racine, too. All of us up in the bullpen are angry. We grieved for you, Grace. We blamed ourselves for what happened to you.”

  “And you should have.” My tone was acidic. “All that stuff still went down whether I’m alive or dead.”

  He nodded. “I am so, so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it. Beth did not deserve any of it.”

  “Why are you here?” I asked, climbing all the way off the bed and positioning myself in front of it. “If you’re looking for absolution, you’re not getting it. If you’re here on Castellano’s request, I will not do anything that he says. And just so we’re clear, I will kill any motherfucker who comes into this cell.”

  Mac breathed out. He was shaking. He was either scared of me, or he truly was hurting. Even after he’d regained his composure, his words came out murmured. “I’m only here to see how you’re doing. I had to see you for myself. I didn’t think it was possible when he said you were actually alive.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed there were now two buckets on the floor. One was yellow and filled with blood. The other was black and empty. I could not stop staring at the yellow one. The urge to stampede over there and gorge myself was almost crippling.

  “I can leave if you need me to,” he said.

  My gaze remained locked on the bucket. “Do you know what I am now?”

  His feet shuffled. “I know that Jessup turned you into what he is. That means you need blood to survive. Why don’t you go ahead and drink it. I would never judge you, you know.”

  “Judge me?” I lunged toward the bars, covering the distance in a single, sizable leap. “I am not responsible for any of this. It was done to me. The urges I cannot control. I hate what I’ve become. Do you think I actually want to drink that shit?”

  To his credit, Mac kept his cool. “I think that you need to drink it, therefore you should. There’s no reason to torture yourself on my account. I care about you. I’m concerned about you.”

  I saw an opening, a way to take advantage.

  “They have been so cruel, Mac.” My fingers clutched hold of the bars and I shook them, for effect. “Do you see a toilet anywhere? I don’t. Until yesterday when Castellano decided to tell me his version of the truth, I had been pissing and shitting all over the floor. I had nowhere else to go. I think they wanted to humiliate me—what other purpose would that have served? The other bucket over there must be my new toilet. Castellano said there was going to be an upgrade, even though I hadn’t earned it.”

  “That’s sickening,” he said, through gritted his teeth. “I’d been told you’d been treated well.”

  “They’re a bunch of lying fucks. They’ve been keeping me awake with lights and noise, too. It’s just a matter of time before they get out the rack and strap me down on that.” I lowered my voice, just enough so that any microphone would have trouble picking me up. Mac could understand me, though. If not, he could read my lips. “I need your help. I know what I am and I know that I’m dangerous, but that’s no excuse for detaining me. I’ve committed no crime. In fact, crimes have been committed against me. I’m a cop for goodness’ sake. I have pledged my life to protecting the public. There’s no way I’m going to go off now and start killing civilians. That’s not who I am. There are other ways to get blood. There has to be. Especially if there are more people out there like Jessup and me.”

  “There are more,” he said. “Loads and loads of them. I’ve seen and met plenty.”

  “And are they all wild and murderous?”

  “No.”

  “Are most of them?”

  “No. Only a few.”

  “Do you think I would be out of control? Do you think I am out of control?”

  His eyebrow twitched and I could see the sweat bleeding through his shirt. “It doesn’t matter what I think. I’m not in charge. If it were up to me, you would never have been put in this position in the first place. Held out like you were—a worm on a hook for a freaking lunatic. It was stupid, the whole thing. We could have caught Jessup without you, but the bosses insisted.”

  “Castellano insisted?”

  “Somebody insisted. I don’t know who. I was just told to follow you. Jessup wanted you because you were beautiful.” He paused, and then clarified. “Are beautiful.”

  I let go of the bars, but continued to speak low. “Who told you to abandon the townhouse complex that night?”

  “It was a dispatch call. I never asked who. Maybe I should have. I thought I could trust these people.”

  He was with me. It might have been an act, but I didn’t think so. I had to lay it on even thicker. If he could keep seeing me as a damsel in distress, I was sure I could get him to do all kinds of shit for me.

  “Can you come closer?” I asked him. “I promise I won’t try anything. I just need to touch someone to know that all of this is real.”

  He hesitated, for good reason. “I was ordered not to. I was instructed to keep away from the bars.”

  “I understand. I wouldn’t trust me either.”

  “That’s not it.” His arm jetted out at me. “I never said I didn’t trust you. But I also know you’d stop at nothing to get out of here. Allowing myself to be killed in the process would be kind of stupid, now wouldn’t it?”

  “This isn’t about escap
e, Mac. I’m asking you to show me that you care. I’ve thought a lot about what was going to happen between us once the Jessup thing was over. I understand nothing can happen now, but that impossibility does not erase my feelings. Seeing you has been a wake-up call, a reminder to what I’ve lost. I’m a monster now. I get that I’m a monster. But that doesn’t mean there’s still not something human inside of me. There is. I know that there is.” I bent over, pretending to crumple, hiding my head from him as best as I could. I held the position until I could sense his movement. Once I did, I untangled my face from my body and peered up. He was standing directly against the bars, sticking his arms through and reaching out at me.

  “I’m not afraid of you,” he said.

  You should be, I thought. But before I could do or say anything else, an alarm went off, shrill and piercing. Mac stepped away from the cell, and the siren cut to silence.

  “That was brave,” I said.

  “No, it was the least that I could do. You’re not a monster. You are too lovely to be a monster.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You put way too much emphasis on looks. I have a nice outside and a fairly bleak inside. That’s the way it was long before Jessup choked me to death with his blood.”

  Mac’s face drooped and he swallowed hard.

  “I’m so scared,” I said before he had a chance to respond. “And I don’t like being scared.”

  “Nothing is going to happen to you. I’ll be on this night and day. I’ll do whatever I can to get you out of here.”

  “I appreciate that. I do.”

  He grinned. But it wasn’t a happy grin. “Is there anything I can get for you? Anything. I will throw whatever hissy fit is necessary to make you even a little less scared.”

  I tugged at the orange covering draped over my body. “I could use some clothes. Some real clothes. And an actual toilet would be nice as well.”

  “You got it. I’m on the case.” He offered me a quick salute. “I will be back as soon as possible. Until then, keep your chin up. Know that the whole team is thinking of you. You are not alone anymore.”