Ferocious

by Paula Stokes

  “So. I was wondering,” Jesse says. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  I giggle. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that now.”

  “Is that a yes?” He grins.

  “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

  Jesse kisses my forehead and then my eyelids and then both of my cheeks. I bury my face in his chest, embarrassed but happy. I don’t want this moment to ever end.

  “Saranghae,” he says, which is “I love you” in Korean. He slightly mangles the reul sound, a mix of r and l that foreign speakers struggle with.

  “I lo—”

  He reaches out and presses his index finger to my lips. “Shh. Don’t say anything.”

  I furrow my brow. “But why not?”

  “Because when you eventually say it back, I don’t want to have to wonder if you just said it to be nice.”

  I feign indignation. “When is the last time I did something just to be nice?”

  “Good point.” He laughs. “Still. I can wait.”

  I slide one hand inside the collar of his coat, my fingertips resting on his chest, the rapid beat of his heart evident through the thick fabric of his hoodie. “You’re my family,” I say. “I didn’t realize it until you got shot, but I think that you’ve been part of my family for a while.”

  “See? Now that means even more to me.”

  “Good.” I smile. “I like that you learned to say ‘I love you’ in Korean.”

  He reaches down and tilts my chin so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “How bad did I mess it up? Did I accidentally tell you I wanted to kill your pet monkey or something?”

  I shake my head. “You did just fine.” I lift a hand to my cheek. My skin is blazing. “And your kisses warmed my entire face.”

  Jesse grins. “Good. After we make it through tomorrow, that’s going to become a regular thing.”

  I blush at the thought, but a shadow falls over everything at the mention of tomorrow. “Tonight is only about tonight, remember?” I murmur. I turn back toward the view of the city, but it’s too late—the spell is broken. Jesse and I might as well be caught in a snow globe. Tonight is just a single perfect moment trapped in glass.

  Tomorrow our protective bubble will be shattered.

  CHAPTER 40

  The next morning I crawl reluctantly out from between Jesse’s arms when my phone alarm goes off. We spent the better part of two hours kissing after we got home last night, and I wish I could stay locked in his warm embrace all day.

  But I can’t. Today is the day to do what we came here for. Or should I say the night? My fingers are trembling as I dress for work. The fabric of my skirt swishes gently against my legs as I slip into the bathroom and start applying my makeup.

  My phone vibrates, making a sharp rattling noise as it collides with something else in my purse. Back in the room, Jesse shifts in his sleep but doesn’t wake. I peer at the screen.

  Baz: Are you sure you want to go today?

  Me: No, but if I don’t go, it might arouse suspicion.

  Baz: Only if someone knows who you actually are.

  Me: Or suspects who I am. Besides, what if I don’t go and something changes?

  Baz: What if you do go, and something changes, but you don’t know about it?

  Me: Then we’re not any worse off than we currently are. If I show up as usual, at least they won’t suspect anything special is going to happen tonight.

  Baz: True. You’re a brave girl.

  It’s exactly the kind of thing I would want to hear from him. Again, I wonder if he’s been playing me from the moment Jesse and I arrived in Seoul.

  Me: It’s easy to be brave when you’re as messed up as I am. It’s not like there’s a lot to lose.

  My eyes flick to Jesse again. Only that’s not exactly true anymore, if it ever was.

  Baz doesn’t respond, so I return to applying my makeup. I slip my headset on and then secure the dark wig on top of it. I arrange my bangs across my forehead. “Last day,” I tell myself.

  My phone vibrates again.

  Baz: I’m in the hallway.

  I had almost forgotten his hotel was right next door. I slip into my coat and shoes and then open the door. Sebastian is standing there holding two disposable paper cups from a local coffee chain. Wisps of steam rise toward the textured ceiling.

  “Thanks,” I say, as he holds a cup in my direction. I take it and do my best to close the door to the room softly, but it still makes a clunking sound when it latches.

  “Look. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Oh?” I arch an eyebrow. It’s about time.

  “I found your brother.” Baz holds out his phone. The picture Yoo Mi showed me is on the screen. “He’s fine. He’s living with your aunt.”

  “I know.” I sip the beverage hesitantly. It’s green tea, with a hint of honey. Just how I like it.

  Baz looks surprised. “You know? And you didn’t yell at me for keeping it a secret?”

  “I was trying to figure out if I could trust you.”

  “And?”

  “I’m still deciding.” I’m also waiting for him to tell me he’s been in contact with Kyung, or to admit that he’s been using an alias here.

  Baz leans back against the patterned wallpaper. “Look, my word might not mean much to you, but my word meant something to Gideon, and I swore to him I would look out for you. And I was afraid if you knew about Jun, it might distract you and you could end up getting hurt. I was going to tell you about him and your aunt as soon as we did what we came to do. But I want you to realize what you have to lose. We don’t have to do this tonight, Winter. We could pay someone to deal with Kyung. If he dies, chances are the tech—”

  “‘Chances are’ isn’t good enough for me, Baz.” My voice cracks as my eyes are drawn back to the picture of Jun. “And I think I need to be realistic when it comes to my family. I just don’t want them to get hurt—that’s all. It’s not like we can have a real relationship if they’re here in Seoul and I go back to the US.”

  “Right. If only we had some sort of electronic communication system where people in different places could meaningfully interact.”

  I frown. “The Internet is not the same.”

  “No. But it’s a start,” Baz says. “You can always come back here after things have settled down, right? The important thing is that we keep Jun and your aunt safe. One of my people will be watching them all day. If something goes wrong, I’ll call him and give him directions to a safe house. He can watch out for your family as long as necessary.”

  “Promise me you’ll protect them no matter what. Even if it means not protecting me.”

  Baz grimaces. “Gideon would not—”

  “I don’t care,” I say. “Gideon does not make decisions for me anymore.”

  “Fine. I promise.”

  I want so badly to believe him. I don’t think I can go through with the rest of the plan if I don’t trust him. “Who is Erich Cross?” I blurt out. “Who are all three of those names that we found in Kyung’s suit pocket? I’m sure you had your friends at some shadowy agency do a thorough background check.” Last chance, I think. Last chance to tell me the truth.

  Baz sighs. “Like I said, the first guy is a rebel commander in Myanmar, the second one is a South American military leader, and Erich Cross is … me. An alias I used to use.”

  I exhale with relief. “Why was your alias in Kyung’s pocket?”

  “I don’t know. I flew in under that name. Maybe he found some link between Gideon and me. Or perhaps he thought I might try to steal the technology. I’ve … engaged in corporate theft in the past.”

  “Is that how you met Gideon?”

  Baz shakes his head. “I wish.”

  “Tell me,” I say. “Tell me the story.”

  Baz’s grip tightens around his coffee cup. “We don’t have time for this right now, Winter.”

  “I need you to tell me,” I say firmly.

  He exhales. “F
ine. We met here. Gideon was eighteen. I was twenty-three, officially an air force NCO but already starting to take off-the-book assignments for various government task forces. I used his mom for an op, got her killed. That was back when I still felt guilty about things. I tried everything to make it up to him, but he didn’t want money or guns or drugs or girls, and that was all I had to offer. He just wanted to know how—why—she had died. I told him, even though it violated my security clearance and half a dozen confidentiality agreements.”

  Baz’s voice gets flatter and more emotionless as this story progresses. I feel like maybe he’s one of those people who has become so skilled at hiding his emotions that the more he’s hurting, the less he shows it.

  “Sebastian.” I reach out for him, but he steps back.

  “Gideon appreciated my honesty and we became friends,” Baz continues. “We kept in touch after I left. When he established himself in Los Angeles, he told me I should move there, that he could get me a job that wouldn’t keep me up at night. I declined. I was sort of in the thick of things at that point, stationed in Kabul, running ops that wiped bad men off the face of the planet.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Gideon reached out about his plan to escape with you and your sister, and by that point I realized that bad men were everywhere. They weren’t just in the desert teaching kids to be terrorists. They were in boardrooms teaching executives to cheat, in classrooms teaching students to hate. They were everywhere, and somehow I had become one of them. Gideon was one of the most honest and righteous men I’ve ever known. Even though I thought he was crazy, I wanted to help him.” Baz pauses. “Maybe I thought some of that goodness would rub off on me.” He flicks his eyes toward the ground and then back up at me. “Maybe it has.”

  I see the sun rising through a window at the end of the hallway. “It’s a new day,” I say, sipping my tea.

  “Yeah. Maybe it is.”

  There’s a rustling sound behind me. “What’s going on?” Jesse asks.

  I turn at the sound of his voice, take in his broad silhouette in the doorway to the hotel room, the tufts of hair sticking straight up on the top of his head.

  “Just talking,” I say.

  “You’ve both got the contingency plan memorized?” Baz says. “Just in case?”

  “Next stop, Jeju Island,” I say.

  “Sunrise Hotel.” Jesse swallows back a yawn. “But hopefully we won’t get separated.”

  I look back and forth between the two of them. “I’ll see you guys tonight.” I touch Baz lightly on the arm. “I’m sorry I doubted you.” I stretch up on my toes to give Jesse a kiss on the cheek.

  “I’ll walk you to the elevator,” Jesse says.

  “I’ll wait here so I can go over a couple things with you,” Baz tells Jesse.

  Jesse follows me down the hallway and stands next to me while I wait for the elevator. “You know, I had this amazing dream last night,” he says.

  My face flushes. “Me too. Only I think mine might have been real.”

  Jesse grins. “Thank you for an incredible date. Last night was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

  The elevator chimes to signal its arrival; I gesture at Jesse’s pajamas and socks. “Coming with me to the subway like that?”

  He shakes his head. His hazel eyes glimmer with mischief.

  “Then what are you doing?” I ask.

  The silver doors open with a soft whooshing sound and Jesse sweeps me inside. I feel the usual prickle of dread as the doors close behind us.

  And then he kisses me. Soft. Sweet. His lips just barely brushing against mine. He cradles my chin in his hands. Something about the gesture reminds me of Gideon. Something about the gesture reminds me of how it feels to be loved. Jesse kisses his way down my cheekbones and the angles of my jaw. By the time the doors open again, my knees are weak. I stumble out into the lobby.

  I look back at him. “What was that for?”

  “I read something about phobias the other day, how sometimes it helps to replace a traumatic memory with a new one. Just doing my part.” Jesse winks as he presses the DOOR CLOSED button.

  The elevator swallows him up before I can even respond.

  * * *

  Jesse’s kisses stay with me for most of the subway ride. I’m lucky enough to get a seat, so I close my eyes, lean back against the wall, and imagine Jesse kissing me like that over and over. It occurs to me that I could actually have that life, if I want it. Jesse and I could go home and be together.

  But first we have to survive tonight.

  As I get off the train and start toward the UsuMed building, my stomach fills with dread. Maybe Baz was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have come today.

  When I arrive on the fourteenth floor, Mrs. Kim takes me and the other girls down to the twelfth floor, where she says we’ll be spending the day sitting in cubicles, listening in on customer service calls completed by other UsuMed staff members.

  When Yoo Mi taps me on the shoulder around ten a.m., I am more than ready to go outside for our not-quite-smoking break. I’ve gotten into the habit of going out with her these past few days just so I can stretch my legs and breathe some real air while she chats with some of the UsuMed boys. To say I’m not used to the office environment is an understatement.

  “You seem anxious,” she says, as we stroll toward the elevators. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.” I shift my weight from one foot to the other. “I’m just thinking about many things right now.”

  “Ooh,” Yoo Mi says. The elevator doors open and we both step into the car with a few men in suits who are probably headed to the same place we are. She leans in close to me and hisses, “Is one of them a boy?”

  No one turns to look at us even though I’m pretty sure everyone in the elevator heard her. “Yes,” I admit, as we hit the lobby and turn toward the revolving doors. “I went on a date with a guy that I like very much.”

  We step out into the cold and head for the smoking area. Yoo Mi’s eyes are bright with curiosity. “Did you kiss?” she asks.

  “Maybe,” I say coyly.

  She giggles. “I want to hear all about it. How old is he? What does he look like? More importantly, what does he kiss like?”

  “I, uh—” Luckily I am saved from her barrage of questions as a guy from the sales department asks her for a light. She lights up his cigarette and the two of them start chatting. I step away to give them some privacy.

  I pull my phone out and send Jesse a text.

  Me: Hi.

  Jesse: I was just thinking about you. There’s this girl outside the Usu building who looks like you.

  Me: In the smoking area? That’s me! Where are you? What are you doing here?

  Jesse: I’m in the Hyundai coffee shop. Baz told me to stick close to the building today, just in case you need anything. Wait. You’re smoking?

  Me: I’m not smoking. I just came out with a friend. I was telling her a little bit about our date. I think I just wanted to see your words.

  Jesse: Is it safe to call you? I’ve heard they sound even better than they look.

  Me: I should probably get back inside. But this helped. Thanks.

  Jesse: Actually, I’m glad you texted. Something happened. Baz told me not to tell you, that it would only make you worry, but given your suspicions about him, I didn’t want to hide it from you.

  That figures. Less than four hours after apologizing for keeping secrets from me, Sebastian is at it again.

  Me: Hide what?

  Jesse: Kyung got a phone call this morning. The caller didn’t identify himself, but apparently Kyung is having a meeting with someone at 1:15 for a demonstration of the technology. Kyung said all of the laboratory staff would be at lunch from 1:00 to 2:00, so there’d be plenty of time for a demo.

  Me: How do you know what he said? Did Baz translate?

  Jesse: They were speaking English. The guy sounded British.

  Alec Kwon, perhaps.

 
; Me: You think Kyung already has a buyer? Even though it isn’t fixed yet?

  Jesse: I don’t know. I’m going to move to the coffee shop in the UsuMed building around one to see if I can see anyone arriving, maybe get some pictures. I know we’re not supposed to be seen together, but I figured you could keep an eye out too.

  I reply and tell Jesse that I will, but I have a better idea. A dangerous idea, but one that might finally answer the question of why Kyung wants the ViSE technology so badly. I reach into my purse and curl my fingers around the laminated ID badge that Baz made for me. Time to see if it really works.

  CHAPTER 41

  Yoo Mi’s new friend heads back to work. She returns to my side, her cheeks flushed with joy. “Now about this guy…” she starts.

  “Hmm?” I ask. I’m working out the details in my mind. If the entire lab goes to lunch at 1:00 and the meeting is at 1:15, that gives me fifteen minutes to find Lab 6 and a place to hide where I can eavesdrop on the meeting.

  “Your date,” Yoo Mi reminds me. She gestures at my phone, which is still clutched in my bare hand. “Do you have a picture? I know you were texting him.”

  “I was, but no. No picture.”

  “I don’t know if I believe you.” She grabs for my phone as we hit the steps leading up to the front of the building.

  I jerk my arm out of her reach and bump into a man just heading out to smoke. Not any man. Alec Kwon. Which means Kyung is probably nearby. The phone slips out of my fingers and falls to the ground. I reach for it, but Alec is too quick.

  He scoops it off the pavement and presses it into my right hand, his eyes lingering on my palm for a second. “Here you are, then,” he says in British-accented English.

  “Thank you.” I force a smile at him.

  “Have we met before?” It’s an innocent question, but there’s something teasing about the way he delivers it, like he already knows the answer. He peers down at my ID badge.