The Reluctant Cowgirl

by Christine Lynxwiler

  Crystal hit the brakes and came to a complete stop on the deserted gravel road. Her hands shook as she fumbled for the number to replay the message.

  As Mia’s voice came through the line again, Crystal stared down the dark road at the nearest guard light. Jeremy’s ranch. And, even though she’d have never admitted it to anyone, the place that she’d already started thinking of as her future home. But now...

  She’d gotten the part. A lead role. On Broadway. She tried saying it aloud. “I got a lead role on Broadway.” Her voice sounded scratchy, like she hadn’t used it in years. She eased off the brake and moved slowly down the road. She was afraid to even look at Jeremy’s house as she drove by. If she didn’t stop thinking about him, she’d throw caution to the wind and wake Mia up to refuse the offer.

  And who in her right mind would turn down a dream come true?

  ***

  The music woke her. Country music blaring in the distance. She opened her eyes and blinked at brightly colored Broadway posters on the wall. She smiled and gave a lazy stretch as she slowly came alive. Suddenly she sat straight up and stared at the clock. Eleven a.m.

  Last night came flooding back. The phone message from Mia. “Broadway, Cami,” Crystal whispered to the empty bed across from her.

  The house had been quiet and still when she’d gotten in. Kaleigh had been asleep in the sewing room, Chance in the boys’ room, Aaron and Bree already bunked at Elyse’s, and her parents in their own room. It hadn’t been that hard to climb into her old bed.

  Instead of dwelling on the past, she’d lain awake in her childhood room most of the night, thinking about what the future would hold. And, more importantly, what it wouldn’t. And now she’d overslept and was going to be late. No doubt her family had thought they were doing her a favor letting her sleep in, but she’d wanted to talk to Jeremy before the party started at noon.

  As she gathered her clothes from her overnight bag, the deep boom, boom, boom of a bass guitar vibrated her room. Someone, probably Luke or Chance, or both, had apparently found the huge outdoor speakers they’d used for parties in high school and set them up outside the barn.

  Even though it was almost noon now, she took extra care getting ready. Tina had always told her, “If you’re going to make a late entrance, you’d better look like someone worth waiting for.” Crystal was only interested in impressing one guest really. She was already thinking of ways that long-distance relationships could work.

  She settled on a turquoise top and a knee-length denim skirt with strappy sandals. She smiled at herself in the mirror. Together, she and Jeremy would figure this out. At the last second, she grabbed her hat and slammed it on her head. Who knew when she’d get a chance to play cowgirl again?

  ***

  Jeremy stood toward the back and looked up every time someone walked in the open barn doors.

  “Daddy! Look.” Beka came running across the barn holding her teacher’s hand. “It’s Miss Davis.”

  Miss Davis looked more than a little embarrassed, but she flashed Jeremy a sweet smile. “Hi. Fancy meetin’ you here.”

  He nodded. “How are you today?”

  “Fine. Daddy’s just getting ready to pull the ribs out of the smoker, and I came in to get a platter.” She held up a big plastic plate. “But Beka insisted I come see you.”

  Jeremy looked down at Beka and ruffled her hair. “Honey, Miss Davis probably didn’t want to be dragged across the room when she was busy.”

  The brunet giggled. “I didn’t mind. And you can call me Patti.”

  The polite smile froze on his lips as he looked past her. The girl he’d been waiting to see had just walked in the door, a vision in turquoise and denim. And cute as a button in that hat. One glimpse of her, and all of his concern about her not calling blew away like dandelion seeds.

  CHAPTER 30

  He wanted to run and sweep her up in his arms and swing her around. But he forced himself to keep his feet planted as he watched her eyes scan the room. Before her gaze landed on him, she saw her parents and ran to hug them. While they were hugging, he looked back at Beka’s teacher.

  “Well, um ... Patti, I’ve heard your dad’s barbecue is the best in the country. It sure was nice of him to do this.” He nodded toward her. “And it was nice of you to help him.”

  She reached out and playfully swatted his arm. “That’s sweet of you to say so.”

  He glanced to the side and saw Crystal staring at him from just a few yards away. Their eyes locked.

  Patti followed his gaze. “Is it okay if Beka goes with me to take this platter to Daddy?”

  Jeremy jerked his attention back to her. “Yes, sure, okay.”

  She and Beka left hand in hand, and he turned back to where Crystal was walking toward him. Way too slowly to suit him.

  He held out his arms and she walked into his hug. He breathed in her vanilla scent. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too,” she murmured.

  He released her but held on to her hand.

  “So how did your trip go?”

  She leaned against him. “Fine. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

  He felt a twinge of uneasiness in his gut, but he pushed it aside. She was home now and by his side. Whatever the future held, they’d deal with it together.

  ***

  Crystal smiled and laughed and played the part. She and Jeremy flitted from table to table, greeting guests. She hugged Aaron and Bree, and Kaleigh and Chance, and never let her smile falter.

  Not even when Luke said, “How’d the audition go, kid?”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t fall on my face.”

  She felt Jeremy watching her so she smiled wider. She’d come down to the barn prepared to tell him the news first thing then try to convince him that they could work things out. That he could come to New York once a month and when she could get away, she’d fly home. But then she’d seen him and Beka with Patti Davis, and just like that, she knew. What she had to offer wasn’t enough. He and Beka had been through so much turmoil with Lindsey, both before and after the kidnapping. It was time for them to be settled. And weekend trips to New York didn’t figure into that picture. She remembered how Amanda had forced a smile when she had to leave Beka with Jeremy that day. Sometimes love demanded a sacrifice.

  Finally, Jeremy tugged on her hand. “Let’s go for a walk,” he whispered, his breath on her ear, making her shiver.

  She nodded, but her legs trembled as she walked.

  Outside, they headed toward the river without speaking. Finally he stopped and pulled her against him. Her hat fell off, but she didn’t move to pick it up. Instead, she savored her moment in the shelter of his arms. If only this moment would never end.

  “You got the part, didn’t you?” His voice was husky.

  She nodded, her face still buried in his chest.

  He gently held her away from him and looked at her face. “Congratulations. I’m very proud of you.”

  She could tell he meant it. “Thank you.”

  “So you’re going to accept the offer?”

  “I can’t imagine turning it down.”

  He let go of her and nodded, but not before she saw the pain in his eyes. “I can understand that. It’s a big honor.” What he didn’t say was so loud, she could barely hear what he did say.

  Now was the time she’d planned to pitch the idea of a long distance relationship, but she couldn’t do it. He deserved more. Much more. “It really is. But I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.” He picked her hat up and handed it to her. “I wish you could see how much you’ve changed since you’ve come home.”

  She frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

  He motioned toward the river in the distance. “The girl I found crying by the river that day was beautiful. In a porcelain doll way.”

  “And that’s bad?”

  He smiled and looked upward as if poking fun at himself, then looked back at her. “You seemed so fragile. Like
one touch would break you.”

  “And now I’m different?”

  “You’re even more beautiful. But you look alive. And strong. You laugh more.” He reached out and pushed her hair from her face. “Your skin has a glow to it that definitely wasn’t there before.”

  She blushed.

  His smile was bittersweet. “I don’t want to see you go back to how you were.”

  She remembered how unhappy she’d been by the time she actually left New York. And she had to admit, only a small part of that had to do with Brad’s betrayal. But this was a chance at Broadway. How long had she worked for that? “I’ll try my best not to change. But I have to take the part. I’m sorry.”

  He nodded. “You have to listen to your heart, Crys.”

  She stared at him, trying to find a reply. Finally she sighed. “Well, I probably should go pack. I need to fly back tonight. Rehearsals start Monday.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll be back out to the party in a little while.” Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she turned away.

  He touched her shoulder.

  She spun back around.

  He scooped her into his arms and hugged her tight.

  Her heart was beating so loudly in her ears that she couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard him whisper, “I love you,” against the top of her head. He let go of her and touched her face, his eyes tender. “Take care.” He dropped his hand and walked quickly away.

  She stared at his back. How long would it be before he moved on? Pain shot through her. Would she know? Or would she just come home some Christmas to find he was married?

  Tears streamed down her cheeks. She stood and watched him until he made it all the way to the barn.

  But he never looked back.

  ***

  “Thanks.” Jeremy forced a smile as Patti set a plate of ribs and a glass of iced tea in front of him. She’d seen him when he came back to the barn and had stayed by his side ever since, content not to talk. He didn’t know whether she’d guessed what had happened or if his face just looked as gray as he felt inside. But he was glad for the buffer she provided. Crystal’s family and his own parents had sent him a few inquisitive looks, but no one had approached him.

  An hour later, Crystal walked back in. She had changed from the skirt into jeans and apparently retired the hat. She was still beautiful, but her smile was gone. She glanced toward him and Patti.

  He quickly averted his gaze toward his plate. When he looked up, she was talking to her family. He stood. “I need to go.”

  Patti stood, too. “Okay. Do you want me to bring Beka home later?” She nodded to where his parents were surrounded by friends. Beka was playing dolls on the table beside them with another little girl her age.

  If he tried to take her now, his parents would want to know why. And he didn’t want or need a scene. He nodded. “Or just ask Mom and Dad to bring her home.”

  She smiled at him, sympathy shining in her eyes. “I’ll handle it.”

  “Thanks. Just make sure she doesn’t get out of your sight.”

  “I’m a teacher,” she gently reminded him. She touched his shoulder. “I’ll take good care of her.”

  “I know you will.” He forced his lips to tilt up. He glanced across the room and saw Crystal staring at them.

  And for the second time in two hours, he turned and walked away from the woman he loved.

  ***

  “Knock-knock.”

  Crystal glanced up from where she was zipping the last suitcase. “Hey. Come in.”

  Her mama walked in and looked around the room. “Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?”

  The tears that Crystal had been keeping at bay for the last couple of hours crept toward the surface, but she blinked them back. “Not lately.”

  “Well, I’m very proud of you.”

  Crystal snorted. “I don’t know why.”

  Her mama motioned around the room. “For facing your ghosts, for one thing. And wow, how many mothers can say their daughter won a lead role on Broadway?”

  “I hope that’s a rhetorical question.” Crystal flashed her a smile.

  “It is.”

  “So you’re okay with my going back to New York?”

  Her mother sat on Cami’s bed and stared at Crystal as if weighing her answer. “I’m okay with your being happy. And like I said, I’m really proud of you. This role is something you’ve worked hard for and you deserve it.”

  “But?”

  Her mama chuckled. “But, I hate to lose you again.”

  Crystal sat beside her without waiting for an invitation. “You’re not going to lose me again, Mama. I’ll be back more often.” She nodded toward her overnight bag. “And you’ll be glad to know I’ve been reading the Bible some every day.”

  Her mother smiled. “I am glad about that.” She reached over and patted Crystal’s knee. “I’m kind of impatient. I’m ready for you to realize how much God loves you.”

  Crystal made a grimace. She knew God loved her. Or at least that He had. But she also knew how she’d turned away from Him. “Mama, here’s how I look at it. I’m going to keep reading my Bible and try to live right from now on. And in the end, maybe God will feel sorry for me and let me slip into Heaven with the rest of y’all. I figure that’s the most I can hope for.” That was an oversimplification, but it was pretty close to how she felt.

  Her mama hit the bed with her hand. “That’s where you’re wrong, Crystal Marie. And until you get that through your thick head...” She stopped and sighed. “I promised myself I was going to let you and Him work this out on your own. And I am.” She pushed to her feet. “I love you, sweetie.” She started toward the door then turned back to face Crystal. “Do you know that?”

  “Yes. I love you, too, Mama.”

  “Well, then...” She rolled her eyes. “Never mind. I’ll send your daddy and your brothers up to carry your luggage down.”

  Crystal sighed. It was time to go. So why didn’t she feel ready?

  ***

  As they walked out of rehearsals, Crystal listened with one ear to Melissa’s nonstop chatter. A member of the ensemble and also Crystal’s understudy, Melissa had latched onto her during the first rehearsal. Now after five days of working together twelve hours a day, Crystal considered her a friend. With her enthusiasm and starry-eyed excitement about Broadway, she reminded Crystal of Cami. Which actually helped Crystal to stay focused on why she was here. It had been a long week.

  Outside the theater, Melissa nudged her. “Do you know that guy? He’s smiling at you.”

  Crystal followed Melissa’s gaze to the man leaning against the building next to them and bit back a gasp. “Brad.” No doubt Mia had told him where he could find her.

  Brad pushed off the wall and sauntered toward her. “Hi, honey.”

  Melissa giggled. “I’d better go.”