He smiled. “That’s a great goal. You’re a beautiful woman but being healthy is always a good thing to work toward. Having a healthy diet is the first part of that, but we don’t offer nutrition coaching. You should pick up some books to get a feel for a healthy lifestyle that you can enjoy. I like anything that doesn’t restrict what you eat, but encourages you to eat more healthy foods.”
“I actually picked up a few books over the weekend. That’s what I went for too. I need to be able to eat cupcakes once in a while.”
“I totally understand,” Greg laughed, patting his perfectly flat stomach. “So, first, we like to make exercise fun. If you don’t enjoy it, you won’t stick with it. What do you like to do?”
I cocked an eyebrow at him and said, “Sit on my ass and eat ice cream? But that’s sort of what got me into this mess.”
Greg laughed like I’d intended for him to. “Yeah, I get that. Is there any exercise that you do enjoy?”
I was pretty sure sex wasn’t what he wanted to hear but that was the only exercise I’d ever enjoyed.
“I used to like swimming,” I said, knowing I needed to come up with something.
Greg nodded. “Well, we don’t have a pool, but tell me what you liked about swimming.”
I shrugged and tried to think back to when I would swim a lot. “It was fun, relaxing. I didn’t feel like I was doing exercise. I could go at my own pace without feeling out of breath. I don’t know. It was just… like play instead of work.”
Greg smiled and said, “That’s what we want you to feel like here. Okay, so if you want to lose weight you’ll need to do some cardio. Along with that I’d recommend some lifting. I know a lot of women don’t like lifting but you can do it so you’re toned instead of overly muscular. Why don’t we go through the cardio room then we’ll come back in here and I can show you a routine that will be good for you?”
I nodded and followed Greg from the weight room to the cardio room. Only a few people were there so Greg could walk me through all the machines and help me understand the benefits of each. We agreed a rotating routine would be for the best so my muscles didn’t get used to the same machine and slow their progress. He also suggested it would keep me from getting bored and starting to view it as work.
Greg led me back to the weight room. He walked straight to the corner where the machines started and had me sit down. “All the machines have instructions on the wall. Since most of your cardio will be working your legs fairly well, I’d recommend most of your weights be with your arms. This group of machines uses the different muscles in your arms. Once we get your weight down a little then we can talk about adding in some ab exercises, too.”
I sat back and let Greg direct and help me. I could feel my long dormant muscles aching with the new strain, but it felt strangely good. So good I didn’t notice Brady approaching until he was right in front of us.
“Greg, the client in the corner looks like she could use some help. How about I take over here for you?”
Greg glanced at me then nodded at Brady. “Uh, yeah, sure. It was nice meeting you Sam.”
“You too. Thanks for your help Greg.”
He walked away with a smirk on his face that I couldn’t interpret.
“What can I help you with?” Brady asked me.
I shook my head. “Oh, I think I’m good. Greg showed me some good stuff.”
Brady’s jaw clenched and I caught a hint of his fresh scent. My eyes drifted closed and a flash of Brady’s arms around me made me gasp. When I opened my eyes he was watching me in that careful, intense way of his.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” I breathed, immediately embarrassed by the breathy, needy sound of my voice. “I mean, yes. I’m fine.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing. Well, there must be something I can help you with. Did he help you work out a plan?”
“Yes, we did that first.”
“What is his plan?”
I narrowed my eyes at him as I stood up. He was close, too close, but he didn’t back up as I stood. Our bodies were barely separated, and I could feel the heat radiating off him. Heat I wanted to burrow into and find comfort in.
But no, I couldn’t do that. Brady was exactly the sort of guy I’d been telling myself I had to avoid. The kind of guy who made me forget everything except him. A guy who was so gorgeous that I couldn’t look past his hotness to see the man underneath. And underneath this guy, with his intense stares and his strong and silent vibes, was sure to be more trouble than I’d ever known before.
My heart would be his and crushed before I ever knew what happened.
“Do you not trust your employees?” I asked.
The muscles in his jaw worked overtime as he ground his teeth together. “Of course I trust them,” he growled. “I just thought maybe I could help you out. I do own the place. I hired Greg and taught him everything he knows.”
“And it seems like you did a good job. He was very helpful. I’m not sure what else you could help me with.”
“Humor me,” he requested, ironically without any humor in his voice.
I rolled my eyes and huffed at him. “Fine. I want to lose weight so Greg recommended a variety of cardio, like changing what I do every day so I don’t get bored and my muscles don’t get used to it. Then he said to lift with my arms since the cardio will strengthen my legs more than my arms. He was showing me how to use these machines when you interrupted us.”
“Why would you want to lose weight?” he asked as though it wasn’t obvious.
I cocked an eyebrow at him and turned away. Flattery was always the first step. They butter you up with sweet words so you don’t even look for the flaws underneath. But I was onto his game. I didn’t even bother with an answer.
“Is there something else you think I should know? Since you clearly don’t trust Greg, you must have another opinion.”
Brady shook his head and growled. “I trust him. It’s fine. Enjoy your workout.”
He stalked away without looking back. Instead of feeling relieved, I was a little hurt. I had no reason to be, but he made me feel like I was doing something wrong by talking to his trainer. Like I’d crossed a line I didn’t even know existed.
Maybe this wasn’t the right gym for me. At least not if Brady was going to pop up every time I was trying to mind my own business. I’d been there twice and he’d barged in on both of his employees that were helping me. Maybe Jennie lied about how great it was to work for him just to make sure I joined.
Aw, hell, I didn’t know. None of it made sense. At the end it didn’t matter though. Brady was not, and never would be, a part of my life.
Five
I went back to the gym the next day and managed not to see Brady at all. I tried to convince myself I was okay with that. He would break my heart if I let him in and I knew it, but he was nice to look at. He’d certainly fueled enough fantasies since I’d met him.
Tuesday evening I was feeling slighted by Brady after two ambushes then nothing. I pushed him out of my head and tried to look forward to girls’ night, even though I hadn’t made it back to READ to invite Riley.
My mom called while I was getting ready to go. “Hi, Mom,” I said into the phone without much enthusiasm.
“Samantha, I’m so glad I caught you before you went off to your little gathering.”
My mom made everything I did sound unimportant and ridiculous.
“What’s going on?”
“Brian and Heather are coming over Saturday for lunch and we want you to join us.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed out a sigh. She never paid attention to me. “Mom, I’m working Saturday. This is my busiest season and I have a wedding.”
“Samantha Jane Reed. You do not speak to me that way.”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, sounding but not really feeling it. “I hope you have a good lunch, but unfortunately I have to work.”
“Samantha, when
are you going to get a real job? No one should have to work weekends. Plus, this silly hobby of yours isn’t worth it.”
It was the same argument all the time. My job was stupid. I needed to get a real one. I was wasting my talents. Blah, blah, blah.
“You are too smart to be standing behind a camera and working for peanuts. You should be out there doing more with yourself.”
“Mom, I like my job. I’m not getting another one.”
She huffed out a breath of indignation. “I don’t know where we went wrong with you.”
There it was. The self-pity that was supposed to evoke feelings of guilt. Of course they hadn’t gone wrong, but my mother believed that if she acted like I was making her feel bad then it would make me feel bad and I’d do what she said.
It hadn’t happened yet.
“Well, if you can’t get out of your little wedding, then maybe we should have lunch without you.”
God, please, yes! I would never be happier at a wedding in June than when it prevented me from an afternoon of guilt trips led by my mother.
“I’m sorry, Mom. Maybe you should,” I said sadly, hoping she would think I was upset to miss the lunch.
“Or we could try to move it to Sunday. Brian and Heather are so busy though.”
My brother and sister were the perfect children. Brian the doctor and Heather the lawyer were both married with kids. You’d think it’d be enough for my mother so she would leave me alone, but no, it just served to remind her that she had one child she couldn’t fix. One who was so beyond help that I needed her guidance.
I was screwed.
“Brian and Heather probably rearranged a lot to make lunch Saturday. I’ll be working some on Sunday anyway so I wouldn’t be able to make it then either. Just have lunch and you can tell me all about it afterward. Tell them I said hello and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.”
My mom blathered on a few more minutes about what my nieces and nephew were up to then graciously let me hang up the phone. I shook my head to clear the clutter she created and went to Bite Me!
Addi was already there when I arrived, as usual. Claire and Lexi were talking to Charlie at the counter so I sat down with Addi, figuring I’d get my cupcakes in a few minutes.
“No Joey tonight?” I asked when I sat down.
Addi shook her head. “No, he said he felt weird coming. Plus he’s got something to do, meeting a friend or something. I just wish everyone liked him better.”
My heart sunk. It was all my fault. Everyone picked up on my reservations about Joey and was treating him like an outsider. He was a part of our group whether I liked it or not and if I wanted Addi to stay then I needed Joey to like me.
“I think we all just need to get to know him better. He’s sort of quiet and we’re pretty loud. He gets lost in the shuffle. Maybe the three of us can get together this weekend. The more I get to know him the more I can drag him into our conversations.”
“Really? Are you sure?” Addi sounded surprised and excited. I was a shitty friend. She’d been dating him for months and I didn’t know the guy well. That right there said I wasn’t putting Addi first. She was the one who mattered. I needed to change that.
“Yeah, of course. I’ve got a wedding Saturday, but how about late Sunday? Dinner?”
“That would be great, Sam. Thanks. I think you’ll really like Joey once you get to know him.”
I nodded, still trying to accept that someone else came first in my best friend’s life. It was a strange feeling, knowing the person I’d counted on for years was no longer really there. Sure, I knew I could call Addi if I needed anything, but she would forever have to check with Joey. Well, maybe not forever, but for now at least. If they got married it would be forever.
“How’s work going?” Addi asked, making me even sadder. She rarely asked about my job when we were living together. Granted I always told her anyway, but the fact that she had to ask, and had nothing else to talk to me about, indicated just how distant we’d gotten from each other.
“Work’s fine. I had this great family last week. Two little boys with super sweet parents.”
“You love working with families.”
I nodded. “Yep. It reminded me of why I do this.”
“Another shitty bride?” Addi asked, tilting her head to the side waiting for my explanation.
I shook my head but Mandy joined us before I could say anything. “You’re not talking about me, are you?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because you said something about a shitty bride. I’m hoping that wasn’t a dig toward me.”
I laughed and Addi looked back and forth between us. Claire, Lexi, and Charlie joined us while I was laughing. “What’s so funny?” Claire asked.
“Addi asked if I was dealing with a shitty bride and Mandy thought we were talking about her.”
They all exchanged glances. “Were you?” Lexi asked.
I smirked and shook my head. “No. Mandy’s a dream bride, just like you were Lex.”
“So what were you talking about?”
I shook my head. “My mom’s driving me nuts. She thinks I should get a ‘real job’ and give up my little hobby taking pictures.”
Mandy scoffed, Claire rolled her eyes, Addi shook her head, Charlie tightened her grip on the chair in front of her, and Lexi said, “Does she have any idea how good you are? You took the best wedding pictures I’ve ever seen. The way you’re able to capture every little thing going on is amazing to me. You saw things at our wedding I never would have noticed.”
I shrugged. “That’s my job.”
“Yeah, but not everyone can do it as well as you do,” Mandy argued. “You’re insanely talented Sam. I know you hate shooting weddings, but I’m really glad you’re doing mine.”
“If it weren’t for the income I’d give up the weddings altogether. I was thinking about it, but with the added rent I just can’t make it work right now.”
“Oh, Sam, I’m so sorry. I knew it was going to be hard, but I had no idea I was making you give up your dream.”
I focused on my best friend. Her brown eyes were sad and kind. She felt so guilty, and I hated it for her. “Ads, it’s okay. How could I hold you back from moving in with Joey? That wouldn’t be fair to you. I’m thinking about getting a new place, but I haven’t had a chance to look anywhere yet. I could do with a studio apartment or something like that. I don’t really need much. We don’t have a garage, I mean, I don’t have a garage so it’s not like I have to rent a house. Going to an apartment might not be that bad.”
My friends looked at me. With the exception of Charlie, they all lived in their own homes. Mandy moved in with Xander when they were dating, but she’d added her own touches to make it just as much hers as it was his. Claire and Aidan bought a house together just after they got married. Lexi and Mike did the same. With Addi in Joey’s house, they were all settled. Charlie lived upstairs from Bite Me!, but it was a studio apartment just like I was thinking of getting.
It was the rest of them who thought I was crazy.
“I can’t imagine going back to an apartment now. Brownie loves having a backyard,” Claire said, mentioning her dog.
“Well, Zada is happy inside our house, but I love having the space that we have. I’d struggle with an apartment too,” Mandy agreed, subtly arguing that cats were better than dogs. It was an ongoing discussion we had.
“I think you’re both nuts,” Lexi chimed in. “I just like having more places to have sex.”
Everyone laughed and agreed. None of them knew Cade and I had broken up, or that I’d given up men, so they chatted away, oblivious to my silence. Usually I was happy to join in the conversation, adding my own experience to the mix, but when my latest sexual experience was with a man who was repulsed by me, I wasn’t excited about talking about sex.
“What’s one fantasy you haven’t had yet?” Claire asked. “One thing you want to do, but haven’t yet?”
Smirks slid over faces across
the table. I saw them all, lost in their imaginations. Me, though, I just wanted to have a man look at me and not see horror in his face. A man who wanted me for all of my body, and my mind.
“I can’t wait to have married sex,” Mandy said. “Xander and I haven’t held back on a whole lot of variety, but everyone keeps talking about how different married sex is. I’m excited for that.”
“Married sex is different,” Lexi chimed in. “Mike and I had lots of sex before we got married, especially when we were just friends with benefits, but as our relationship changed so did the sex.”
“Aidan and I didn’t have a whole lot of sex before we were married, but yeah, I think it changed for us too.”
I knew I had nothing to add to that conversation. Fantasies, yes, I had those, but married sex? I was pretty sure I’d never know what that felt like.
“Sex in a bed is a totally different experience for Joey and I,” Addi said, blushing. “After we got past our casual sex phase-“
“And your insistence that you needed to be like your crazy sister,” Claire interrupted.
“Yes, that, too,” Addi agreed. “Sex changed for us though, once we had a commitment. Even moving in together things changed between us. It’s been more tender, more passionate, more… amazing. I can’t imagine going back to something else, not that there was a whole lot of anything else before Joey. Hopefully I won’t have to find out if this is a once in a lifetime chance or if I might find it again. I don’t want to look.”
“Are you having trouble with Joey?” I asked, immediately concerned. I thought everything was going well with Addi and Joey, but if it was, why was she worried things might fall apart?”
“Everything’s fine,” Addi said quickly. “I just wonder if he’s ever going to propose. I moved in with him, and it’s only been a little while, but with everyone else racing down the aisle it makes me wonder.”
“I know exactly how you feel,” Mandy said, her soft red hair falling over her shoulders and her green eyes brightening with sympathy. “When Claire and Aidan got married I felt the exact same way. Xander and I were talking about moving in together, but we weren’t technically living together yet. Claire and Aidan had just started dating and immediately got married. All of a sudden I started looking at my relationship in comparison to theirs. It made me nuts.”
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