“But I reminded her that every relationship is different. And that still applies to you. Your relationship with Joey is not like mine and Aidan’s or Lexi and Mike’s or Mandy and Xander’s. Mandy and Xander didn’t get engaged until they’d been together about six months. Did that make their love any less significant than mine? No, of course not. We all do what we need to do to to make our relationships work.”
“So you’re saying Joey not proposing doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, just that our relationship is moving at the speed it’s supposed to move?”
“Exactly,” Mandy jumped back in. “You and Joey didn’t know each other before you started sleeping together, just like me and Xander. Lexi and Mike and Claire and Aidan had relationships, in one form or another, long before they got together, or at least got serious. For us, it takes a little longer to get to know each other. Moving a relationship forward and getting to know a person all at the same time takes a little more time than just one or the other. Our relationships moving slowly is not saying there’s anything wrong with us, or the men we love.”
I was glad Mandy could ease Addi’s mind. I had no idea she’d been so concerned about her relationship. Again, I was a shitty best friend. One who had been so wrapped up in my own shit that I didn’t realize anything was off with my best friend.
“Thank you,” Addi said, squeezing Mandy’s hand. “I needed to hear that.” She visibly shook herself. “Okay, enough of this moody shit. Back to the question at hand. What’s your sex fantasy?”
I smiled as the conversation continued. I sat back and quietly wished I had something, anything, to add to the discussion. But as my throat closed up and the emotions that had been filling me for a week welled up inside, I knew I needed to remain quiet, for fear of spilling the secrets I didn’t want to share with my friends. The people closest to me, the women who’d been there for me through everything. Because I knew how they would feel if they heard the truth, and I couldn’t subject them to the same pain I’d felt for a week.
Six
“Hey, you’re new here, right?”
I was at the gym a few days later. I still hadn’t seen Brady again, at least not while I was awake. He was starring in my dreams every night, which was highly inconvenient since I didn’t want him. At least that’s what I told myself.
I looked up at the voice into the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was stunning. Exactly the guy you think of when you imagine a hot guy in a gym. His dark blonde hair was a bit long and the tips were damp with his sweat. He wore a sleeveless shirt which would have looked horrible anywhere else, but I loved how it showed off his thickly muscled arms.
Sweat soaked his shirt and it clung to him, outlining every last muscle over his chest and abs and I nearly drooled right there looking at him. I could see, from the quick glance I allowed myself, that he was hung like a horse. His thighs were big enough to press against the material of his basketball shorts and his calves were hard and tight.
I wanted to lick the sweat right off him. He looked almost as good as one of Charlie’s cupcakes, and that was almost impossible to beat. What I couldn’t figure out was why he was talking to me.
“Yeah, I’ve been here about a week.”
“It’s a good gym. Some friends and I work out here after work. You should join us.”
I flicked my gaze behind him to where his friends were working out. It was like an ad for Sports Illustrated. They were all sexy as hell and hotter than it. I knew I’d be tripping over my tongue if I stepped into a conversation with all of them. Just one of them was hard enough.
“I couldn’t keep up with you. I’m okay by myself.”
“Then maybe I could work out with you for a while.”
I blushed, I could feel it. He was cute and he was hitting on me. It was the kind of stuff that only happened in my dreams, usually the daytime ones, not the nighttime ones. The nighttime ones weren’t nearly this much fun, at least not until Brady showed up.
“Yeah, I guess that would be okay,” I mumbled, trying not to be embarrassed by how gorgeous he was. Other women in the area were watching us and I knew they were wondering why a hottie like him would give a fat girl like me the time of day. I wondered myself, but I pushed it from my mind and enjoyed his company.
“I’m Blaine by the way. You’re cute.”
Another blush crept over my cheeks. Holy shit, he really was flirting with me. And he said I’m cute. What was I supposed to say to that? Oh, right…
“I’m Sam. And you’re not so bad yourself.”
There, I flirted back. Phew.
He smiled so it must have been okay. God, he was gorgeous. I wanted to melt into a puddle at his feet, but I figured if he was forward enough to come over and flirt with me, especially with his friends right there, then I would flirt right back. It felt good to have a cute guy look at me like he was, especially after everything with Cade.
Blaine, though, he seemed different. He came over to me, he flirted with me, he gave me back just a little of the confidence Cade stole from me.
“Do you live in town?” Blaine asked, bringing me back to our workout. He picked up a free weight, one of the biggest ones on the rack, and curled it like it was nothing. Blaine looked down at his bicep then up at me, making sure my eyes followed his movements. He was… shit, he was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“Yeah, I have a photography studio not far from here and rent a house close by.”
“Your own place, huh? That’s convenient,” he drawled in a sexy, bedroom voice. My eyes snapped to his and I nearly fell over at the blatant desire in his. He wanted me. I couldn’t believe it. This sexy, stunning man wanted me. When he could get any woman he wanted.
“Maybe you could come over some time,” I said coyly. I was feeling bold. He brought it out in me. Any man who was so open with his attraction gave me the courage to be open right back. Even though I’d sworn off hot guys, he was too yummy to pass up. He was the first guy I’d taken a chance on flirting with since Cade, and sure it was like shooting for the stars, but you didn’t pass up an opportunity like him.
He leaned in close and looked me up and down, a lion appraising his prey. I trembled under his look, feeling naked for him. My body clenched, my nipples standing on end and my panties dampening at the possessive look in his eyes. It felt like he was going to take me right there, and I was so turned on I almost thought I’d let him.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. See, I don’t fuck fat chicks. And I don’t like to see them in my gym bouncing their flabby asses all over the place. So why don’t you pack up your shit and find another place to hang out,” he snarled at me, a grin perfectly in place the whole time.
It took a few seconds for his words to sink in. When they did, tears rushed to my eyes and a lump filled my throat. I couldn’t breathe or move. His face, the one I thought was so beautiful seconds ago, was feral and dangerous. He was ten times worse than Cade because he never gave me a chance, just toyed with me so he could insult me.
I heard the laughter and turned to see his friends watching us. They all knew exactly what was going on, I knew they did. My tears started falling, and I forced my feet to move, needing to escape them.
I didn’t make it out of the weight room before arms closed around me, strong arms. I fought, thinking it was Blaine back for another round, until I heard the voice, angry and threatening. I’d never heard his voice like that, but I knew it was Brady. He tucked my head against his chest and held me tight, one hand stroking my back and the other holding my head to him, not letting me see Blaine and his friends.
“Get out. Now. All of you. I don’t want to see a single one of you back in my gym ever again. I’d tell you to apologize to her, but you don’t deserve the chance. You’re not people I want here.”
“You can’t kick us out,” one of them argued.
“Actually, I own this place, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Turn in your passes and get the hell out now. Or I can call the cops
and have you all escorted out. Your choice.”
I heard voices and a bunch of swearing but eventually they drifted away. I tried to pick my head up and push away from Brady, but he still held me tight. “Come with me,” he whispered in my ear. It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a command either. I knew if I shook my head he would let me go, but I didn’t want him to. Brady just kicked out paying customers who were helping his business. For me.
I nodded against his chest and he let go of me long enough to wrap an arm around my waist and guide me quickly from the weight room past the locker rooms and down the hallway into his office. He closed the door behind us but didn’t let me go. Instead he pulled me against him again, wrapping me into a hug.
I tried to break free, knowing the longer he held me the more likely it was that I would start to cry. Brady didn’t let go, he only held me tighter. He hand drifted up and down my back and he shushed me, like you would do for a baby.
My body reacted to his kindness and tears welled up again, falling freely down my cheeks and soaking through his shirt. I wrapped my arms around him and held on, clinging to him as if my life depended on it. At that moment I felt as though it did. He was the only thing holding me up, supporting my ample weight with ease as I let out all the anger and pain I’d been holding in for weeks.
I cried for the pain Cade caused me, for the jealousy I felt watching my best friends find love when all I found was assholes. I cried for being stupid enough to fall for someone like Blaine’s trick. I cried for the hole I felt inside me when I thought about my future and men.
I liked men, I always had. And men usually liked me, too. I’d had my fair share of boyfriends, and most of the relationships ended well, but recently it seemed they just ended like fireworks. All flash, a big boom, and then nothing.
Brady held me as I cried and when I finally started to feel my breathing return to normal I was afraid to face him. It was obvious he overheard what Blaine said, and the fact that he jumped in to defend me so quickly and so firmly meant the world to me, but I knew Brady wasn’t anything other than a conscientious business owner. Women like me were his bread and butter, fat girls who came back every year saying they were going to lose weight only to stop going but keep paying their membership fees because one day we’d get back into it.
Brady didn’t really care about me. I knew that.
I finally managed to push away from him only to have him clamp down on my arms. He ducked down to look me in the eyes and I tried to wipe my tears before he could see them. Yeah, I’d just snotted all over the front of his shirt, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to see me all blotchy and hideous.
“I’m sorry about those assholes. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m great.” I shrugged. I couldn’t tell him the truth. He didn’t really want to hear it. He was just being nice.
“You don’t seem fine, Sam. Those guys were jerks and not all men feel the same way they do. I want you here. I hope you’ll keep coming back.”
“It’s okay, Brady. You don’t have to be nice to me. I know I’m just another customer, one you’ll probably make a bunch of money off of if I actually keep coming here. But those guys are right, I’m just a fat chick and they don’t want to see me. They want to see the ones in the skimpy clothes that are perfect. The ones who don’t jiggle with every-“
“Stop!” he yelled. “Just stop, Sam. I’m not being nice to you because you’re a paying customer. I’m nice to you because I like you. Jesus, Sam, all I wanted to do when I heard those guys was beat the shit out of them. I hate that they made you feel anything less than beautiful.”
“I’m not beautiful, Brady. I know that, I’ve accepted it. I’ve been told enough lately that I’m horrible to look at and it’s sinking in-“
“No!” Brady yelled again. “God dammit it’s not true. When I look at you I see your curves, yes, but I love your curves. But there’s so much more to you than your looks. You have gorgeous eyes and a laugh that lights up the room. Those guys are stupid fucking assholes who’ve never bothered to know you. You’re amazing, Sam, and I want you to keep coming here because I like seeing you. I don’t want to miss out on a chance to share even a few minutes with you.”
My head was spinning. It was only a few minutes after I’d fallen for another guy flirting with me only to tell me he was disgusted by me. Could I believe anything Brady was saying?
“Please, Sam, believe me. I know it’s hard to trust someone, especially right now after what those assholes said to you, but it’s the truth. Jesus, I need to… fuck, I can’t stop.”
Before I could ask him what he was talking about his lips were on mine. He pressed me against his closed door and pinned me in with both hands on either side of my head. He leaned into me, his firm body pressing against my soft one. I felt his desire for me in his kiss, on his lips, in the pressure of his tongue against my lips, silently seeking passage into my mouth.
My lips fell apart, letting him in. His tongue dove into my mouth as though he was afraid I’d close it again. He tasted like sweat and heat and something fresh. It was something I knew I’d never forget, a taste that would be with me forever, long after Brady decided I was just another fat girl when he needed a skinny one.
Our tongues played together, learning each other’s mouths, where the other reacted, how the other felt. I wanted to kiss him forever, feel his body against mine forever.
My hands drifted up his shirt, over his muscles. I felt the skin twitch beneath the thin cotton. I loved feeling a man come undone, losing control of his muscles and his grip on himself. Brady trembled against me, leaning his hips against me and letting me feel how much he wanted me. I moaned at the feeling of him, as though I didn’t believe he could want me until I felt the proof of it against my stomach.
Brady broke our kiss and drug his lips down my sweaty neck. “Jesus, Sam, you taste amazing,” Brady whispered against my skin. “I can’t get enough of you, baby.”
“Are you for real? Because I’ve had about enough of hot guys toying with me.”
Brady jumped back from me as though I’d burned him. His rich hazel eyes bore into mine, and he almost looked angry. “I would never treat a woman that way, Sam. Especially you. I care about you. And I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the first time I saw you. Please don’t lump me in with those fuckers just because I have a cock because I promise you that’s the only similarity between us.”
I looked at him for a silent beat before I burst out laughing. I couldn’t explain why if I tried, but all of a sudden the situation was insanely hilarious to me. I laughed harder, clutching my side and doubling over. Tears ran down my cheeks and I fell to the floor. I clamped my legs shut so I didn’t accidentally pee on the floor and finally braved a look up at Brady.
He was standing above me, hands on his hips. I could tell he was trying to look mad, or at least confused, but the corners of his lips kept pulling up into a smile. “You know you want to laugh. Go ahead, let it out,” I told him.
Brady stared at me, fighting even harder not to laugh. I saw the moment he gave up and started laughing. He shook his head and collapsed to the floor with me, pulling me to him as we both laughed.
“You know what’s so bad about this? I don’t even know why we’re laughing.”
I laughed harder at his confession. I really thought I was going to pee my pants, but I managed to hold it together. “I’m laughing because you said cock. I’m pretty sure it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. A big, sexy guy like you talking about another man’s cock. I just couldn’t stop laughing.”
Another bubble of laughter rose up before I could squash it and we started laughing all over again. Brady finally pulled me onto his lap and shut me up with a quick kiss. “So, you think I’m sexy?” he smirked.
I rolled my eyes. “Fishing for compliments, big guy?”
“I think I need to fish with you. You don’t give ‘em out too easy.”
“Yeah, well, back at ya.”
/> “Hey, I told you how beautiful you are. But if you want to hear it again, I’ll tell you as many times as you want how fine you are.”
“Fine? Really? Is this the 90’s?”
“Oh, just shut up and kiss me, gorgeous.”
“Now that just might work.”
It totally did.
Seven
I let Brady kiss me, enjoying the feel of his hard body against mine, the hard ridge of his erection pressing into my hip. For a few minutes I fooled myself into thinking it was all okay. That there wasn’t any reason I shouldn’t be kissing him.
Then reality sunk in.
The hands that were wrapped around his neck slid to his shoulders, and I pushed him back gently. His mouth hung open for a second before he figured out that I wasn’t there anymore. He looked down at me, his eyes hazy with desire. I wanted it to be easy. To just believe his words and everything would be fine, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I trusted too quickly with Cade, and again with Blaine, and it wasn’t going to happen with Brady.
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” I told him, crawling off his lap carefully. I had no idea how he would react and if he was going to get violent I needed to be as far away from him as possible.
Brady hung his head and leaned his back against the door, blocking me in. I glanced quickly around his office for another way out. There was a door behind his desk that could have led to anything from a closet to the outside. If he flipped out it was my only chance though.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have kissed you. You’re right to be afraid of me.”
I laughed gently, hoping I wouldn’t scare him, and wondering why he thought I should be scared.
“It’s okay. I just got carried away.”
“No, Sam, you did nothing wrong. I’m the meathead who dragged you in here like a caveman then attacked you like I had a right to you. I hope you’ll still join the gym, but I promise not to bother you again. Those guys will never come back here, but you won’t have to worry about me either.”
Fat & Fine Page 5
