Fat & Fine

by Mary E Thompson

  “You knew you were getting a dog tonight, didn’t you?” I asked, all the drama from earlier forgotten.

  He nodded. “I was hoping. I’ve always wanted a dog and have been looking for just the right one.”

  “And you found Lucky.”

  “Yep. He looks like a good dog.”

  “Why him?”

  Brady looked at me, his expression getting more and more intense with each passing second. He smiled just a bit and said, “I’m a fan of the underdog. He looked like a dog no one else would want, but he was easily the best fit for me. At least I think so.”

  I nodded. “Is that why you named him Lucky? Because he’s lucky you picked him?”

  Brady shrugged. “A little. I also think I’m lucky to have him.”

  “I’ve always been a dog person. Two of my best friends are cat people, but I’d rather have a dog than a cat any day.”

  “Do you have a dog? We should get them together.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t have one. I work too much for a dog. Maybe if I had a job I could come home more often I’d be okay, but I feel like I wouldn’t be good for a dog.”

  He looked at me closely. “I can’t imagine you not being good for anyone,” he said softly.

  I smiled shyly and thanked him.

  We ate our dinner in companionable silence, the sounds of Lucky’s excited eating making a soothing background noise for us. Once we finished dinner Brady opened the container housing chocolate chip cookies that looked homemade.

  “Did you bake these?” I asked, curious about a man who baked.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I don’t bake often but I have a weakness for chocolate chip cookies.”

  “Yeah, I can tell,” I said dryly. “You’re almost as fat as I am.”

  Brady’s eyes snapped to mine and I saw anger and disappointment. “You are not fat.”

  “I know what I am,” I argued. “It’s okay.”

  “Sam, you can’t talk about yourself that way.”

  “Are you sure you’re not blind? You’re dating the fattest woman at your gym and just adopted the ugliest dog in the shelter.”

  “If appearance is all that matters to you then maybe we shouldn’t do this. I thought there was more to you than that,” Brady said sounding disappointed.

  “You’re kidding, right? If I was all about appearance I certainly wouldn’t look the way I do. I’m just being honest.”

  “No, Sam, you’re being mean. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re overweight, as long as you’re a good person. But if you can go on and on about how ‘fat’ you are then I’m not sure I want to be around you. I’ve had too many women wanting to sleep with me thinking I’ll show them some secret method to getting thin. I thought we dealt with this already. Twice.”

  “You think I’m using you,” I mumbled, shocked and hurt. “I’ve never used anyone in my life. I make my own way and I do my own thing. If you think so little of me then I think you’re right. We shouldn’t do this.”

  I stood up and pulled out my phone. It hurt that he thought so little of me but it wasn’t worth it to try to change his mind. I scrolled quickly to Addi’s number, even though I knew she’d be with Joey, and touched her name.

  Voicemail.

  I kept walking, scrolling through my numbers hoping for someone to come get me from the park. Darkness was settling in quickly and I didn’t want to be out there alone. And there was no way in hell I would let Brady give me a ride home.

  “I’m sorry,” he said from right behind me. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “It’s fine,” I ground out, swiping the tears from the edges of my eyelashes. I wasn’t going to let him see how much it hurt me that he would think something so horrible of me.

  “We’ve both made assumptions about each other based on people from our past. People that deserve to be in our past. Sam, give me another chance, please,” Brady begged.

  “I don’t know how many chances we get before we implode. Every time we’re together we’re either kissing like horny teenagers or fighting. I’m just not sure I can take that kind of emotional upheaval.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry. I just hate that word. It pushes all the wrong buttons for me,” Brady admitted.

  “How? I know no one has ever been able to call you that. And it’s the truth about me. Sure I could say something else, but in the end it all means the same thing.”

  “Not to me, it doesn’t. You can use any word besides that, but I’d rather you didn’t insult yourself. You’re beautiful, Sam. You need to believe that.”

  I shook my head and wondered what game he was playing. Cade was an asshole, but he never told me I was beautiful. He never made me feel the things Brady made me feel after just a few hours. He never gave me so much hope.

  “I’ve never been beautiful, Brady. I know that’s not me. I’m meant to be behind the camera, not in front of it, that’s why I’m a photographer and not a model.”

  “You should be. A model, I mean. Sam, you sell yourself short. And I’m sorry for what I said, but I’m right about this. I’m an asshole, but you’re beautiful. I should be begging at your feet for one chance. Instead I’m stupid enough that I’m begging for a third chance.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to insult yourself to make me feel better. It’s not working.”

  “It’s not for your benefit. I’m just telling the truth,” he mocked me.

  I laughed. Somehow he made me feel better. If his intense looks didn’t make me melt, his smile was disarming enough that I had no choice. He stepped closer, tentatively as though he didn’t know what I’d do. One hand brushed my cheek and my eyes slipped closed. He made me feel beautiful. Like I was someone who deserved to be with him. Even if it was temporary.

  Brady would never want to be with me forever, and when it ended I knew it would hurt worse than anything else ever had, but I wanted him for now. I would take whatever he wanted to give me. And when it was over I’d hold on to the memories of him like a lifeline to keep me from drowning.

  When his lips touched mine softly, I was lost. I couldn’t stop the moan that rose from my gut and slid past my lips. Brady kept one hand on my cheek and let the other roam my back, gently caressing my cotton covered skin. I wanted more, all of him if I could have him, but knew it wouldn’t ever happen.

  I’d never have all of Brady, even if he managed to possess all of me.

  Eleven

  Brady dropped me off after our date like a gentleman. I invited him in, but he declined because of Lucky. He told me he wanted to come in. For some reason I believed him.

  The next night was girls’ night. I was thrilled to feel like myself again, and even more excited that two new friends were joining us. I’d almost forgotten about inviting Riley and Carrie to join us until I pulled up in front of Bite Me!

  Addi was already inside, as usual, but strangely no one else was there yet. “Have you talked to your parents yet?” I asked as I took the seat next to her, bypassing the busy counter for a chance to talk to Addi alone.

  She nodded and grinned. “Yeah. They were thrilled. They want us to set a date, but we’re still thinking. We can’t do winter because of school and it being Joey’s busy time, but summer is hard for him too. We’re considering one of the fall breaks I get. Maybe October, or maybe Thanksgiving weekend. There’s just so much to figure out.”

  “About what?” Lexi asked as she took the seat on Addi’s other side. She winked at me then focused on Addi.

  Addi chewed her lip and glanced at me. I raised my eyebrows and she smiled. “Joey and I got engaged over the weekend. I was complaining to Sam about figuring out the wedding.”

  “Wait, what?” Lexi shouted. “Seriously? You’re supposed to be enjoying this part. Congratulations!”

  Addi beamed. “Thanks. There’s just so many people to talk to. I need to buy a book or something.”

  “Oh, perfect. I invited two new people to join us tonight. One of them runs that bookstore, READ. Do
you think everyone else will mind?”

  “Mind what?” Claire asked as she sat down.

  “I was just telling Addi and Lexi I invited two people tonight. Riley, who I met at READ, and Carrie, her friend, who works for one of my former clients. Riley was cool at the bookstore and Carrie was always friendly over the phone. Is it okay?”

  The others looked at each other and shrugged. “I don’t see why not,” Lexi said. “You guys welcomed Charlie and me into your group, why not two more.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t think there would be a problem, but until I heard it from them I was a little uneasy.

  “Oh, here they are now,” I said when Riley walked inside with another woman with brown hair and the prettiest eyes I’d ever seen. She was the kind of woman I always wanted to look at through a camera. Her eyes spoke her emotions. Not to mention she was beautiful. Even better, she was my size, but a bit shorter.

  Riley and Carrie approached our table with tentative smiles. “Hey guys. We’re glad you could make it. This is Addi, Claire, and Lexi. Charlie is behind the counter and Mandy is always late.”

  “Not always,” Mandy said as she took a seat next to Claire. “Who’s this?”

  “Guys, this is Riley and Carrie. I invited them to join us tonight.”

  “Awesome. Nice to meet you. Are you going to get cupcakes? Charlie makes the best in town.”

  “Oh, yeah, we’re going. Sam, no cupcakes?” Riley asked. “You’re going to be able to rub your skinny ass in your loser ex’s face in no time.”

  All eyes swung to me with questioning looks. “What ex? Did you and Cade break up?” Claire asked.

  “Why does it matter if you have a skinny ass?” Mandy demanded.

  “Is he why you joined the gym? What did he say?” Addi asked.

  Riley’s face paled and she looked like she was going to run. “Sam, I’m so sorry. I just assumed.”

  I shook my head. “It’s fine, Riley. They were going to find out soon enough. Yes, Cade and I broke up. He said, among other things, that I was too fat for him.”

  “Son of a bitch,” Lexi muttered while the others just gaped at me.

  “It’s fine. He’s gone and I’m better off without him.”

  “Why the gym, Sam? Because of him?” Addi asked.

  I couldn’t lie to my best friend, but I didn’t want to tell her the truth. Admitting that I was that pathetic, to still care what he thought, only made me worse, not better. Of course the gym was because of Cade, but that was my business.

  “What other things?” Carrie asked, jumping right into the conversation.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, buying time and hopefully getting out of the whole conversation.

  “You said ‘among other things’ that you were too fat. What other things did he say?”

  I shook my head and fought the tears that welled up in my eyes. My tears weren’t for him. I was over him. Cade didn’t matter anymore. But no one would believe me if I said that. Not unless I told them all of it. And I didn’t think I was ready to confess those words.

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s gone. Cade’s out of my life. I had a date last night. I’m doing all this for me.”

  I shared a look with Riley and knew she understood not to say anything more. She didn’t tell them to be mean, she just didn’t know better. I wasn’t mad at her, but I didn’t want her arguing with me.

  The others didn’t look like they believed me, but they accepted it and changed the subject. I stood up and walked to the counter with Carrie and Riley.

  “I am so sorry, Sam. I had no idea your friends didn’t know,” Riley apologized.

  I waved her off. “It’s not your fault. I should have told them when it happened, but I was embarrassed.”

  “That jackass is the one who should be embarrassed. You’re gorgeous. He’s the blind one,” Carrie added.

  I smiled at her. “Thanks. It’s nice to meet you in person, by the way. I don’t know if Riley told you, but I’m Samantha Reed, or Sam.”

  “Oh, damn, you are. I don’t usually let the lines of work and home blur.”

  I laughed. “Neither do I. Since we didn’t actually work together it’s okay, right?”

  I felt like I was begging for her to be my friend. Carrie seemed like someone I could get along with. I could see why she and Riley were close. Similar outbursts of anger on my behalf and swearing that made me feel less like a trucker and more like I wasn’t alone. I could use friends like them.

  “Oh, yeah, it’s fine. Beth the Bitch would have a shit-fit, but she’s not ever going to be invited somewhere I am, so we should be cool.”

  “I don’t know how you work with her every day. She was a challenge and I only had to do it for a couple of hours.”

  Carrie let out a vicious laugh that I knew meant she felt the same way. “She’s a challenge,” was all she said though.

  At the counter I introduced Carrie and Riley to Charlie, and we all ordered cupcakes. Back at the table everyone had mercifully moved on to another topic.

  Sort of.

  “I just don’t see the point in going to the gym. You get all sweaty and gross and it doesn’t ever do anything. I’d rather get sweaty in the bedroom,” Mandy boasted.

  Everyone laughed.

  “Well, I would too, but I still enjoy the gym. I’ve even got Joey going with me now. He was like you, besides how much he does for his job, but he decided to come with me a few times and he’s liking it. He says it’ll make snowboarding easier to focus on some of those muscles,” Addi argued.

  “It’s harder for women to lose weight than men,” Claire pouted. “Aidan can eat anything he wants and never gain an ounce. If I even look at a piece of cake I’m up a pound. I never weigh myself after a night here.”

  “Yeah, it’s our biology,” Lexi agreed. “It’s another one of those things that’s just not fair. Men get all the easy stuff in life… no periods, no panty hose, no boobs, well some of them have that one.”

  We all cackled in agreement. Men with boobs was a definite no-no. I tried not to be shallow and judge men on their looks, but sometimes it was hard. Sort of like Brady and Greg at the gym. Both of them were attractive, but there was something about Brady that I couldn’t get out of my head, even though Greg was probably the smarter choice since he wasn’t full of pent up aggression.

  “Some men have nice boobs. Firm and sexy, that just make you want to run your tongue all over them,” Mandy said with a moan.

  I snorted in laughter. Mandy was too much sometimes. She’d certainly gotten a dirtier mind since she and Xander got together. Once upon a time Mandy was almost chaste. Xander turned her into a sailor on leave.

  “Those aren’t boobs, Mand, those are pecs. And yeah, I’ll agree with the licking part,” Claire remarked. “There’ve got to be some hot guys at your gym, Sam. Have you met anyone yet?”

  Sometimes it seemed my friends thought I was a slut. I dated a lot, yes, but I wasn’t sleeping with everyone I’d ever dated. A fact I’d told them over and over again. Still, comments like that made me think they didn’t believe I could ever get hurt, or get serious. Like I would jump from one guy to the next constantly.

  “There are definitely some cute ones there,” Addi chimed in before I could answer. “The trainers are all hot and so are a lot of the guys who work out there.”

  “Aren’t you engaged?” I teased. “You shouldn’t be looking at other men with Joey around.”

  Addi waved her hand. “Joey is oblivious. Besides I can look as long as I don’t touch.”

  I rolled my eyes at her, but Claire hadn’t forgotten her question. “Have you met them, Sam?”

  Knowing I couldn’t avoid her I admitted, “I’ve met one of the trainers, Greg. He was really nice. A few of the members are hot. And the owner is cute.”

  Addi narrowed her eyes at me. “The owner? Brady?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  Addi tilted her head to the side and thought carefully before she sai
d anything. The longer it took the more anxious I got. Both for more information about Brady and because I hoped for something that would help me stop thinking about him.

  “I was there almost a year before I met Brady. I’m just surprised is all. Did someone point him out to you.”

  I shook my head, worried about where the conversation was going. “He gave me a tour and then helped me when I was with the trainer because Greg had to help someone else.”

  I purposely left out that Brady practically shoved Greg out of the way, then rescued me from Blaine and the other assholes he was with. Addi didn’t need to know those things.

  “Really? That’s strange. Brady doesn’t seem to socialize with anyone.”

  I shrugged, playing it off as no big deal even though my heart was pounding. I really needed to get my attraction to him under control. Just hearing his name had me tingling between my legs. Then again, if real life Brady was anything like fantasy Brady I’d have more than a tingle between my legs. And if his kisses on our first date were any indication, I was pretty sure real life Brady was even better than the fantasy version.

  “It wasn’t really socializing. He just offered to help his employees when they were busy. I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal.”

  Even though I knew it was. Greg didn’t come back to help me after Brady left, but I caught him smirking at me. Brady admitted he’d wanted me the first time he saw me, but they didn’t all need to know what was going on with us. Not yet.

  “Maybe,” Addi said thoughtfully. “It just seems strange to me. What did you think of him?”

  “He’s fucking gorgeous,” I said without thinking.

  Addi laughed. “Yeah, he is. He’s definitely one of those guys with the sexy pecs that Mandy’s talking about.”

  “Maybe I should join the gym,” Mandy said thoughtfully.

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Where is this place?” Carrie teased.