Everything In Its Time

by Dee Davis

  Rubbing a hand along his bearded jaw, he leaned wearily back in the chair, his eyes never leaving her face. Silently he kept his vigil, watching over her as she slept.

  *****

  Jeff stood in the doorway, watching as Ailis spooned broth into Katherine's open mouth. She ate like an obedient child, but her eyes remained blank and glassy. Only when the dreams came did they lose their vacant stare, and then only to be replaced by mindless terror.

  "She seems a bit better today. Stronger. I think the broth is doing her a world of good," Ailis said, smiling timidly at Jeff. Her own bruises were just beginning to fade.

  Jeff wondered briefly what terrors she had endured at her brother's hand, but knew better than to ask. "She does seem stronger." He moved into the room and sat opposite Ailis on the side of Katherine's bed.

  "I brushed her hair. She seemed to like that. It is so beautiful." Ailis set the bowl of broth beside the bed and pushed a strand of her own hair behind an ear.

  "What are you going to do? Have you decided?" Jeff watched as she thought about it, chewing on her upper lip.

  "When Katherine is better I'll return to Tùr nan Clach. Alasdair..." She paused as though considering her next words, then took a deep breath and continued. "Alasdair and my father both abused our holding and its people. I think I would like to try and set their ill deeds to right."

  "Sounds like a difficult task—"

  "—for a woman?" Ailis interrupted, smiling slightly. The small change lit up her elfin face.

  "No—at least, not just for a woman. Undoing Alasdair's wrongs would be a hard task for anyone." His gaze fixed on Katherine.

  Ailis reached across to touch his hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to remind you of my brother and what he did. It was thoughtless of me."

  He gave her hand a pat. "It's all right. I think it's brave of you to try to take it all on by yourself. Is there no one to help you? Ranald perhaps?" He had seen the two of them together and knew there was something between them.

  She colored becomingly and looked down, intent suddenly on studying her hand. "No, I think this is something I need to do on my own. For a lot of reasons." She smiled at him again, this time more fully exposing a small dimple in her cheek. "I'll just go now and give you some time with your sister."

  Jeff turned his attention back to Katherine as Ailis left the room. She lay back against her pillows, eyes open, seeing nothing.

  "Kitty, can you hear me?" Jeff waited patiently, watching for some response, any response. Katherine continued to stare off absently into space. He reached for her hand and drew it into the warmth of his own.

  "Damn it, Kitty, I know you're in there somewhere. I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I'm here and I'm not giving up on you. Remember when we were little, after Mom and Dad died? It was always the two of us against the world. Kitty and Jeff. Well, it still is. All you have to do is let me know you're there. Let me help. Please."

  He reached out to brush her hair away from her face, "I know what happened was awful, and I know you don't want to face it. But I can help, I know I can. You just have to find your way out of wherever it is you are. Kitty, I miss you so much, please come back to me, to all of us."

  He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "You were right about Elaine. I do have feelings—very strong feelings—for her. I was just afraid to admit I had them, even to myself. I think we started something, though, right before I came here. So you have to get well, so that I can go home to her and finish what we started. Then you can dance at our wedding."

  Saying that, he drew a rapid breath, realizing what it was he could do to help her. He bent and kissed her forehead and with a last glance went to find Iain.

  *****

  "No." Iain glared at his wife's brother over his worktable. "I'll no' even consider it. Katherine is my wife and she belongs here with me."

  Jeff leaned across the table, his body braced on his hands. "You have to at least consider it. She's not getting better, Iain." He pushed back and crossed his arms over his chest, watching as Iain used both hands to push his hair out of his face. There were dark circles under his eyes and his grief-ravished face was cloaked in the dark stubble of his half-grown beard.

  "The fever is gone," Iain said stubbornly. "And the dreams dinna seem to come as often."

  "True, but she never speaks and barely responds to outside stimuli. Hell, Iain, she's almost catatonic."

  "Speak words I can understand." Iain slammed his hand on the table, obviously frustrated at more than Jeff's use of twentieth-century verbiage.

  Jeff sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "We've been over this before. Katherine seems to have withdrawn into a world of her own. It's not unheard of for a person to react like that when something unspeakably horrible happens to her."

  "You're saying she's mad."

  "No, I'm saying she has found a safe place, away from all that has happened to her."

  "Away from me." Iain sat heavily on a chair, grief radiating from his face.

  "From me, too. Listen, Iain, she's been through a lot. We know she almost fell from the battlements and we are pretty certain she must have witnessed Sorcha's death. Add to that whatever Alasdair did to her ..." Jeff let his words trail off, leaving the rest unsaid.

  "We dinna know that he violated her." The tiny muscle in Iain's cheek was working overtime, and he clenched and unclenched the fist resting on the arm of the chair.

  "No, we don't. But we sure as hell know he did something. You just have to watch her in the middle of one of her nightmares to know that. Iain, she needs help."

  "Do you think I dinna know that, man? I'm trying to do all that I can. I dinna sleep. I barely eat. I hardly ever leave her side."

  "Iain, I am not questioning your dedication to my sister. I know that you love her. But it isn't enough. She needs professional help. And the only way she can get that is in my time. You've got to let her go."

  "I canna. Surely with time she'll recover. She knows that I love her. Sometimes she responds to my voice." Iain spoke with desperation.

  "Iain, she simply needs more than either of us can give her."

  "What about the babe?"

  "We've been over that too. We don't even know that there is a baby.

  "But Katherine's letter ..."

  "Doesn't exist anymore. We changed everything, remember?"

  "How can I no'. In changing things, we seem to have made everything worse. At least before, Katherine lived."

  "Yes, but you died and she spent her life with Alasdair. Is that truly what you want for her?"

  "No, but I dinna want her to be... What was your word?" He paused, searching for the right syllables. "Catatonic, either. At least before, she was well and was able to bear our daughter."

  "Well, if Anna does exist, the best thing for her is a good medical environment, and that still means letting me take Kitty home."

  Iain buried his face in his hands, muffling his words, but Jeff understood them.

  "Take her then."

  *****

  Katherine tried to see through the blinding fog. It surrounded her, blanketing both sound and sight. She tried to remember how she had come to be here. But her memory, like her world, seemed to be shrouded with the mist. She walked aimlessly, trying to find some way to escape the grayness, but there seemed to be no doors or windows in her fog-filled world. She knew there were boundaries, though. Great gaping precipices waiting to swallow her if she took a wrong step and fell. The mere thought was enough to send her heart racing, and she drew deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Inexplicably tired, she sank to the ground and let the cool grayness swirl around her. She dozed, feeling the nothingness seep into her very being.

  Suddenly she awakened, her heart pounding. Something was out there. Something terrifying. She tried to peer into the swirling clouds, but could see nothing. She knew he was out there, waiting for her. Confused, she tried to remember who he was. But her mind remained closed, a blank. She ran blindly into the
mist. Cold blue eyes, imagined or real, seemed to leer at her out of the fog. She screamed, trying to find a way out, a way to escape the eyes.

  Somewhere in the distance, she could see white shining against all the gray like a beacon. She ran toward it, feeling hot breath on her back. As she drew closer, the white began to take on shape. It was a door, a great shining door. With a sob of relief, she threw herself at it, feeling it give against the weight of her body. A garden ... it was a garden. The white door extended into walls, encircling her, keeping him out and keeping her safe. After all the gray, the bright colors of the garden almost hurt her eyes. She drank deeply from a little pond, feeling her pulse returning to normal.

  She sat on a bench in the center of the garden and relaxed for the first time since finding herself in the mist. She felt the heat of the sun, although she could not see it. The sky, if it was indeed sky, was white like the wall and the door. In fact, the garden was like a painting she'd once seen somewhere, bright colors surrounded by the white of the canvas it was painted on.

  At least she was safe here. He couldn't reach her here. Somehow, she was sure of it. And there were no ledges, no sudden drops waiting to swallow her. Yes, she was safe here.

  Then she heard a voice. She cocked her head, listening. It was calling something. Katherine, it said. Katherine. With sudden surety, she knew that her name was Katherine. Someone was calling her. She walked through the flowers to the white door.

  The voice seemed closer now. A deep voice. Even as her head struggled to put a name and a face to it, her soul responded to it with a familiar joyous longing. She fought the urge to fling wide the door and run to the voice. Her fear of him was too great. She knew she mustn't leave her sanctuary. Not even for the voice.

  She heard it again and felt it wrap around her, soft and velvety, full of love. Her longing became almost physical, but it still wasn't strong enough to conquer her fear of him. With sad resolve, she returned to the bench, forcing her mind to shut out the precious voice. She closed her eyes, letting her mind drift, knowing that as long as she stayed here, within the white walls, she was safe.

  One last time, she let the voice echo through her head, its timbre engraving itself on her heart. She felt moisture and, in confusion, touched the single drop of water on her cheek. Puzzled, she touched it with her tongue. Salty. Losing interest, she turned her attention to the beautiful garden. Her sanctuary, her home.

  *****

  Iain sat in the big bed, holding Katherine's fragile form close against his body. She neither responded nor struggled. He buried his face in her hair, trying desperately to memorize the feel of it. He had spent most of the day holding her, watching her, willing her to open her eyes and smile at him. But there was nothing, no change at all.

  He tried to tell himself that they had been lucky to have had any time at all. But somehow the words rang hollow. Lucky how? If Katherine had never come, she would still be whole. And yet, had she not come, he would have remained forever empty, never having been touched by her gentle spirit and sweet enthusiasm for life. He closed his eyes, picturing her laughing up at him, flushed from their lovemaking. And in that moment, he knew he would never be the same again, that she had touched some part of him so deep and true that even now she had left a part of herself to live on here in this time with him. No matter the pain, it had been well worth it.

  He sat holding her until the last rays of sunlight faded from the bedchamber. Katherine slept, her face relaxed, safe for the moment from the dreams that tormented her. He watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath. Life. Katherine still had life. And if there was a way, in her time, for her to recover from all that had happened here, then he knew he must let her go. It was the only way.

  He bent and kissed her still lips, remembering other times when those lips had parted in eager anticipation of a taste of him. He pulled away. The memories would have to last his lifetime. He knew, now, why a part of his father had died with his mother. Just as he carried a part of Katherine, so, too, would she take a part of him with her when she left. She might never remember him, but he would be with her nevertheless. Always.

  He swung her into his arms one last time, then carried her over the threshold into the chamber where it had all begun. Jeff was already there waiting for him. Carefully, he laid Katherine on the bed and covered her gently with a blanket. Caressing her face with a loving hand, he leaned down for a last kiss.

  "I'll love you forever. Never doubt that. And know that if I canna be with you in life, I will find a way to be with you in your dreams."

  Without looking at Jeff, he straightened, walked through the door, and closed it softly behind him. Only then did he allow his emotions to take control. Helpless now before the agonizing waves of grief that engulfed him, he sank to the floor, his great body shaking with the force of his pain.

  *****

  Jeff lay on the bed, pulling his sister's limp body into his arms. He held her close, and he closed his eyes tightly, turning his thoughts to Elaine and twentieth-century Duncreag. He thought of modern medicine, of hospitals and psychiatrists, of all the things they could do to help Katherine. He concentrated until his head ached. Nothing happened.

  Darkness invaded completely as the moon set, leaving only faint starlight to illuminate the room. He thought of hamburgers and Disney World, of Gram's house in Connecticut and baseball games. He thought of Katherine, happy and whole. And still nothing happened.

  The room grew cold, the embers of the fire long dead. Katherine moaned and shivered. He wrapped her more tightly in his arms, gritting his teeth in his determination to return to his own time. And still the room mocked him with its sameness.

  He shifted, trying to keep Katherine warm, and in doing so felt the cold smoothness of her earrings against his skin. The cairngorms. She was still wearing the cairngorms. Suddenly, he was sure that if he removed this last link to Iain, she would at last be free and he would be able to get them home. Carefully, he removed the small earrings and laid them on the table by the bed. Then once more wrapping his arms around his sister, he concentrated on going home.

  *****

  The first pale streaks of dawn sent small fingers of pink light in through the chamber window. The light danced along the stone floor, bending to flit across the table. Its pink glow reflected in the smooth darkness of the two small stones lying discarded on the table. It moved on then to dance across the wide expanse of the empty bed. Morning, arriving in all its splendor.

  Chapter 26

  KATHERINE WALKED ALONG East 86th Street, inhaling the crisp fall air. The weather was still warm, but early in the morning there was a subtle difference to the air, a hint of the winter ahead. Sounds of the city stirring filled the street. Katherine passed a shopkeeper sweeping the sidewalk in front of a fashionable boutique. Farther along, a man in front of a small grocery hosed down the area by his door. This was Katherine's favorite time of day. She stopped at a bakery and bought a cup of coffee and a bagel still warm from the oven. Eating and sipping, she continued to walk along, enjoying the vibrancy of the city.

  She marveled at the fact that it had only been a little over two months since she had been released from the hospital. Even her doctor had been surprised at her rapid recovery. She had been in a near-catatonic when she’d first been brought in, caused by the trauma of a kidnapping. Kidnapping. Katherine still had trouble believing something so life-changing had happened to her without her having even the slightest memory of it.

  She slowed down to admire the fresh flowers at a sidewalk stand, their colors riotous against the pristine white of the cart. Something familiar tugged at her memory and then slipped away. Katherine sighed and walked on. It was always like that—a little hint of a lost memory and then nothing. Dr. Saunders had patiently explained more than once that her memory of the kidnapping might never come back, that the mind had a way of shutting out things simply too painful to handle. Still, Katherine couldn't shake the idea that there was something else, something go
od, that she was shutting out with the bad.

  She walked on, stopping when she reached a small bookshop. Twisting her wrist to look at her watch, she noted that she'd arrived early. The shop wasn't due to open for a couple more hours, but she was meeting Mrs. Pettigrew, the owner, at eight. She sat on the step in the doorway to wait, finishing the last of her bagel and watching the people passing by. A large man in a dark business suit stopped to ask her the time. He pushed back his dark hair, revealing startling green eyes. She watched as he left, feeling unsettled. Again, there was the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something important.

  All she knew about the kidnapping, and the events immediately preceding it, came from Jeff. She'd gone to Scotland on vacation. That in and of itself was not like her at all, but evidently, she'd been there before. Just after college, according her brother. She remembered college and graduate school, but the trip in between was just one big blank, exactly just like her most recent journey.

  Methodically, her mind flipped through the facts. She'd gone on vacation, only to be kidnapped by some deranged madman. She'd been held hostage in some old castle for several days before being rescued by her brother and the Scottish equivalent of the FBI. Her captor had been killed. She'd withdrawn into some sort of autistic-like state, only to awake weeks later with no memory of any of it. Katherine sighed, thinking, not for the first time, that her story sounded too crazy to be true.

  She spotted Mrs. Pettigrew winding her way among the growing throng of morning commuters and swallowed the last of her coffee, grateful for the reprieve from her thoughts.

  "Katherine, how lovely to see you." The woman gave Katherine a quick hug, then pulled back to look her over carefully. "I heard about your ghastly experience. You're fine now?"