by Amanda Heath
I kick something under the desk. I bend down to find a notebook hidden under the rolling desk. There are actually five down there. I pull one out and open it to the first page.
Reading it makes me so sick; I hunch over and throw up. Then I realize I’m crying because I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what it all means.
When Court and Channing run up the stairs I’m rocking in the corner, trying to block out the dark, vile thoughts of Donovan Pierce.
“What does it say?” Channing asks while Court reads over the page I was reading.
“I know Rachel will never willingly sleep with me. Maybe that’s what draws me to her. She’s so in love with Courtney, just like Annabella. Annabella only thought she loved me, but in reality she couldn’t face that Courtney was who she wanted. She only wanted to hurt and being with me hurt her. He was in reach but she couldn’t have him. I shouldn’t have ever touched that bitch.
Now though, I’ll get my revenge on both of them when I take what I want from Rachel. I guess I’m just drawn to those who want my brother.”
He stops reading because that’s all the proof any of us need. Things start crashing around me. Something picks me up and carries me away. I look up into smoky blue eyes and I cry harder. The tears leaking out of our eyes are for the days when things weren’t this fucked. I don’t know if Court will ever be the same again.
I know I never will be.
Four
Royal
I keep a close eye on my sister. It’s gotten to the point where I kind of stalk her, but only when no one else can stalk her. It’s not that she’s actually in any danger but I still have this horrible feeling in my gut. I’ve had it for a month, ever since I got back from my honeymoon with Wesley.
I don’t think Rach will hurt herself, that’s not what this is. She’s still not living with Pierce and she’s different now. Haunted you could say since I lack a better word. I can’t even begin to understand what she’s going through.
I wonder most days if maybe we should have let her think what she wanted, instead of proving the truth to her. Rachel isn’t the same girl anymore. She hasn’t been for months but after she told Pierce it seemed she’d gained some of herself back again. Now though, it’s like she’s walking through life without a path to follow. She barely smiles and when she does it’s only for Asher. She doesn’t have the same smart-ass mouth that I love so much. When before she was sassy and had attitude, now it’s like she’s a brick wall.
She’s my twin sister, a part of me in every way. She’s been by my side my entire life. This girl isn’t my sister and I feel like someone stole half my soul. I know that might sound crazy to you, but it’s how I feel. Yes, Wesley is the love of my life and my soul mate but I believe we have more than one soul mate. Those soul mates don’t have to be a lover they could be anybody. Channing being another one. I just feel it stronger towards Rachel and that’s because we came from the same person and you can’t just cut that connection. It’s lifelong and everlasting.
Channing shifts in the passenger seat of my car. I turn away from the place I was staring at. My honeymoon trip was three weeks long and I’ve been back for a week. Channing has changed a whole hell of a lot himself while I was gone. Except he went the opposite direction from Rachel. The light is back in his eyes and where he’d lost weight, he’s gained it back. He’s even built some of his muscles back up.
While he hasn’t said anything, I know he’s sexing someone up. And that someone is Paisley. I’d been around the two of them for five years; I know what it’s like when they are fucking. For example, Channing is shifting around because it hurts to press his fresh scratch marks against the seat. These scratches are probably bad enough to scar. Another example would be the way he’s super quiet. He’s been super quiet since I got back. This means he didn’t stay away from Paisley like I asked him to. He doesn’t know what to say to me about it because this is unknown territory. In his head he doesn’t know whether they are together or just fucking. If he’d open his mouth and talk to me, I’d tell him they are just fucking. How do I know this? Well, simply for the fact I haven’t seen Paisley once since I got back. If they were together Channing would have invited her around to hang out. Regardless of what the rest of us think.
“Back hurting you?” I ask, turning my head back to the building we’ve been watching.
Channing grunts and I just laugh and shake my head. Surly bastard.
“You can talk to me about it. I’m not going to rag you about it,” I state, hoping he’ll open up. I don’t want secrets between us. He’s always been honest with me and talked things out. So this silence is bugging the shit out of me. “I honestly don’t care if you’re fucking her.”
I look at him out of the corner of my eye and see him glare at me. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
I laugh and lean over to punch him in the arm. “It’s like high school, bro. Friends with benefits and all that shit. In fact, it’s probably what the Redhead deserves.”
I watch him roll his eyes before he frowns. “It feels right. Just using her like that. It also feels horrible. I don’t know what to do with her. I hate her and I love her.”
“How does she feel about all of it?” I pick up my oversized coffee and take a sip. Rach’s doctor’s appointment was way too early this morning.
He shifts around again and then takes the coffee out of my hands. I ignore that and turn back to watch the building. “She doesn’t say anything about it. She just opens the door when I knock at night. Then she watches me leave in the morning with this small smile on her face. It’s actually freaking me out. It’s like she knows something I don’t.”
I turn my head to look at him, slowly. “You spend every night at her house?”
Channing sighs and takes a huge gulp of my coffee. “Yes. I don’t even mean to. I go over there for sex, and when it’s time for me to leave I just can’t bring myself to. I just fall asleep next to her like this past year hasn’t happened.”
I reach over and slap him on the back of the head. “You’re an idiot.”
“I know. She’s a fucking addiction. She’s always been an addiction. It’s not healthy.” He smoothes a hand over his face. Then a surprised look comes over his face. I turn my head to look at what he sees when I see her. Her blonde hair shines in the sun like a beacon and I almost open my car door and get out. “That’s Wes right? I’m not seeing things right?”
“That is Wesley,” I mumble, watching as she enters the doctor’s office Rachel is currently in. The doctor she came to see this morning is the baby doctor. Or gynecologist for those of you who might think I’m an idiot. I just hate that word.
I don’t say anything to Channing as I get out of the car and rush into the building. This early in the morning it’s not very busy and the only person sitting in the waiting room is Wes. Her mouth pops open as I stalk towards her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asks, getting out of her seat and backing away from me.
“I think that’s a question I should be asking you. And since you’re being defensive about it, I doubt you’re here for a vagina check up.” I stand, staring down at her with my arms crossed over my chest.
She lets out a huge sigh and sinks down into the chair behind her. “I took a pregnancy test the other day. It was positive. I didn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up until I got the doctor to confirm it.” I sit down next to her, suddenly unable to stand on my feet. She reaches over and touches my hand. “You know how Dad is. He’d have me in his office checking me over. And that would just be fucking weird, so I asked Rach about her doctor and made an appointment. I was going to call you when I got out of here.” She leans over the seat and kisses my cheek. “They wouldn’t have done an ultrasound or anything today. I’d just pee in a cup and get my vag looked at. You wouldn’t have missed anything.”
I open my mouth to reply but I can’t seem to form any words. It’s like my brain has shut off and I can’t think of an
ything to say.
It doesn’t matter though because Rachel comes out a door to my left and stops dead when she sees us. She looked unbearably sad when she came out but she lights up when she sees my face. “Oh my god! You are pregnant!” Then she does a little dance.
Rachel rushes over and sits on my other side. She slaps my cheek bringing me out of my stupor. “No need to be all weird about it Royal. It’s just a baby; you’ve been around Asher. Only now you have to change the diaper instead of making Wes do it all.”
I ignore her and look at Wes. Her green eyes are bright and I know she’s on the verge of tears. I grab her face and smash my lips against hers. “I’m sorry, I got shell shocked for a second. I’m so fucking happy right now,” I say when I pull away from her lips.
“Wesley Sanders.” A woman in scrubs calls out from the door Rach exited from.
I go to stand up but Wes stops me. “I don’t need you for this, babe. Talk to Rach please. I figure that’s how you knew I was here.” Then she heads towards the nurse. She turns around before she goes through the door. She beams at me and blows me a kiss.
“See ya later, Duchess,” I whisper, so happy I might burst out of my skin. I mean I knew this was going to happen, since the two of us have been screwing like rabbits. I just thought it would take longer. Wes and I have been talking about having kids since I asked her to marry me three years ago. We just wanted to finish school and get settled into our jobs before we really started a family.
“Did you follow me?” Rachel asks. I blink a few times since I’ve been staring at the door for like five minutes. “That’s kind of weird, that you followed me.”
I turn to look at her and I smile softly. “When I see you being the woman I grew up with, until you become the sister I know again, I’m going to follow you.”
She makes a face at me and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m just sad, okay? I’ll get over it, especially when they find Donovan. Plus, I feel incredibly stupid that I let it happen in the first place.”
I stand up and turn towards her. Then I pull her out of her seat. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and smash her against me. “We are all sad. And I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t overly worried about you. Plus, you’re growing my new niece or nephew. So that just makes it worse.” I lean away a little bit and look down at her. “I love you, Rach. And you’re hurting so I’m hurting.”
“I love you too, you big oaf.” She raises her hand to wipe away a tear. “One day I won’t hurt. One day I’ll be fine and I hope the same is for Court.”
“He’s going to be fine as long as you are. I can’t imagine what he’s going through. His brother hurt you and he can’t do anything about it. And he couldn’t do anything about it when it happened. It hurt the place he holds the closest.” I help her wipe away some of the tears. “His family, and it’ll take awhile for everyone to be clear of it.”
“Make You Feel My Love” the Adele version plays from Rach’s phone and she backs away to answer. “Hey.”
I start to pace around the waiting room while she talks on the phone. I want to tell you I’m not nervous or scared to death but I am. I’m a big guy and Wes is a tiny thing. The first few times we had sex I was scared to death I was going to hurt her. But she’s tough and can take anything. She just had to show me that.
I’m just worried our kid is going to be too big for her and there will be complications. I probably wouldn’t have wanted kids if she hadn’t wanted it so bad. My first thought is to protect my wife, not hurt her. And now she has to grow a human being for nine months and then go through hours of labor and pain to give birth. This shit is going to give me acid reflux.
“Everything’s fine. It was just a check up, I told you that this morning.”
Now I have to worry about Wes and my sister. I wasn’t so worried last time Rach was pregnant, but then again I was a teenager and I had no idea about having a kid. Then I had to listen to Pierce talk about it. He told me the things that could go wrong and I seemed to focus on that instead of the happiness of it all.
“Listen, I have some more good news.”
The one thing I’m worried about the most is Channing. This should have been him a year ago. Getting married and finding out he’s going to have a kid. I hope this doesn’t hit him too hard, especially with him fucking Paisley all the time. I don’t know whether to be mad at him for that or be a little happy. I know them though. They aren’t working it out like they should. They’re letting their bodies do the talking. But one day it’s all going to blow up in their faces.
“Wesley is here too. She just went in to have it confirmed. So yeah she’s most definitely pregnant too.”
I hope Pierce doesn’t hit me like I hit him. Though it would serve me right. At least I waited until we were married to knock up his cousin. I know he thinks of her as a sister and she feels the same. Now I feel bad for spitting in his face, but in my defense I was fucking pissed. Pissed at Rach for getting pregnant in the first place before she even graduated high school. Then I was pissed at her for sleeping around with Pierce while she had attachments to Kellan. Pierce isn’t the enemy anymore but he was at the time. Well, to me anyway. But he didn’t deserve what I did to him. What I said to him. I should probably apologize again.
“He’s pacing. Knowing him he’s worried about the baby being too big for Wesley, how Channing is going to handle us being preggers while he’s on the outs with Paisley, and he’s probably worried you’re going to hit him since he hit you when I got pregnant with Asher. Then again he’s the worrier out of all of us.”
I stop pacing and glare at her. Sometimes I swear she can read my mind. I remember when we were little we used to sit in front of each other and try to hear the other’s thoughts. We watched some dumb movie where some twins could communicate telepathically. We thought we could do it since we were twins ourselves. It’s amazing the things you come up with when you’re a child.
“He’s glaring at me now.” She covers up the phone and says to me, “Court isn’t going to hit you. He said you did it right and not to worry.”
I roll my eyes and finally sit down next to her. She gets off the phone with Pierce after a few more minutes. She grabs my hand and holds it in hers while we wait on Wes to get done. My heart beats erratically and I can’t seem to stop sweating. This might be way too much stress for me.
Another twenty minutes later Wes walks out of the door with a huge smile on her face. She’s holding a little picture in her hands and I swear I stop breathing. That has to be a picture of our baby. Oh my god we are going to have a baby.
Wes stops in front of me and turns the picture over. I have no idea what I’m looking at but Rach gasps and her grip tightens on my hand.
“The doctor said I’m nine weeks. I just thought I missed my period because of the stress of the wedding. I asked for an ultrasound since Dad will most likely give me one anyway.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “We’re having twins, Royal.”
That’s about the time I realize there are two little blobs in the picture. And then I fall out of the chair I’m sitting in.
And everything goes black.
***
Someone slapping my cheek wakes me up. I look up into smoky blue eyes and see a grinning Channing. “Twins huh? Sounds like you’ll be paying for your raising.”
I slap my hand out at him missing him by a mile. So I’m a little out of it, you would be too if you found out the baby you thought you were having turned into two babies. At one time.
Wesley kneels down next to me and runs her fingers through my hair. “I know it was a shock but I didn’t expect you to faint.”
“Well I was thinking about the fact we’ll have two babies instead of one. That doesn’t sound like much fun.” I sit up and pull Wes into my lap. “Though I’m seriously happy about it too. Being a twin myself, I know it’s pretty fucking epic.”
“I love you.” She laughs as she leans in to kiss me. “And hopefully they’re boys. I don’t think you co
uld handle two girls. That might be too much excitement.”
“One boy, one girl. That way I have another guy to protect the girl. And I’ll have someone else to look after you, Duchess.” I kiss her, making sure my tongue goes into her mouth. Her hands go back into my hair. I know it’s a little much since we’re in a doctor’s office but hey, I just found out I’m going to be a father. I’m allowed to celebrate with my wife a little. “I love you too, girl,” I whisper when we break apart.
She climbs off of me and heads over to the reception desk. I assume she has to make another appointment or pay. Who knows? When Grayson finds out, he’s probably going to take over, like he did with Rach’s pregnancy. I’m surprised she didn’t go to him this time.
“Why didn’t you go to Grayson this time?” I ask Rachel as I climb to my own feet.
“Because he’s out of town this month. I wanted to make sure I keep up with my appointments.” She goes over to her seat and picks up her purse. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that, considering he’s your father-in-law.”
“I did know. I just thought you had one doctor and that was all.”
She huffs and starts striding for the front door. “You’re supposed to yeah, but I’m under more stress this time and I wanted to make sure everything was all right. And I wasn’t going to Dad. It was bad enough the last time and him having to deliver Asher like no one else was good enough.”
“Dad is going to look after both of us. He’ll insist since I’m having twins. God forbid another doctor who is an actual gynecologist looks after his daughter. Or his niece-in-law.” Wes states with her face a little green.
“You okay, Duchess?” I ask, crossing over to her.
“I think I might be sick.” Then she heads over to a potted plant and up chucks into the thing. Luckily it’s fake or it probably would have died. I hold her hair back until she’s done. A nurse comes out with a glass of water. They take the fake plant away and I find it kind of funny.
