by Amanda Heath
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I was in too much shock to tell Paisley and Wesley not to get the guys involved. I just couldn’t open my mouth and tell them who the baby’s father was. I remember just sitting there freaking out in my head. I knew though, deep in my soul, that Court wouldn’t abandon me. I always thought he was an asshole but in reality, he has the best heart out of all of us. He’s also been through the most and had to live with a whole hell of a lot more sadness. Besides, he loved Annabella Gage, you’d have to have a seriously amazing heart to do that. I know I couldn’t overlook her faults.
I remember hearing his voice while I was in the bathroom at Paisley’s, crying because of the mess I’d gotten myself into. When Wesley told me it was him, my beating heart went into overdrive. I swear I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Then they made me go out there, in front of my brother, my then boyfriend Kellan, Channing and Court. I called him Pierce then, like everyone else. But ever since I fell in love with him, Court was the only thing that sounded right.
Paisley was getting ready to explain it in a speech none of us wanted to hear, so Wesley just blurted it out. I remember the sound of the glass dropping in the kitchen, where Court was standing. I knew he knew. I didn’t have to explain it to him. He could feel it like I could. Not that there was a chance Kellan was the father. We always used condoms and none of them ever broke.
Then I had to explain in front of everyone because Royal was about to beat the shit out of Kellan. Drama seems to follow me wherever I go. Royal still hit Court and spit in his face. He also gave him hell for a while. I didn’t really blame him; I mean he’s always been protective of me. Add in the fact the “enemy” knocked me up, it’s a wonder Court is even alive today.
This time around things should be way different. I can tell him without everyone looking at me. In private, there’s so much more you can say, you don’t have to hide behind walls when it’s just you and him. If anything is left between us, I know it’s his understanding of that. We don’t have to be other people when it’s us.
The phone rings twice before he answers. “What’s up, G? I have to run an errand, but after that you want to grab some lunch?”
It confuses me that he doesn’t seem mad about this whole situation anymore. He seems to be fine with it, at least when he talks to me. It’s kind of driving me crazy. “Umm maybe. I have to tell you something.”
“Look, I know in your crazy uncontrollable head you think you did something wrong, but you didn’t. I know you inside and out Rach. You’d never do that to me unless you were drugged. I don’t know why you can’t see that. You’re the smartest person I know.” I hear a door shut and his breathing pick up. I can only guess he’s jogging down the stairs at our house. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts and I’ll wait forever for you to figure it out, babe. Just know I’m never leaving you and you aren’t leaving me.”
I close my eyes to stop the tears building up in them. I don’t want them to fall because I’m tired of crying and I don’t want him to hear them. He wouldn’t understand. “I’m pregnant,” I whisper when he takes a breath between words.
I can feel him stop and I can hear that his breathing has. “Wh-what?”
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat, stronger now.
“How…are you sure?” I can imagine his eyebrows pinched together in disbelief. My poor Court.
I nod but then I remember he can’t see me. “Yes. I took three tests. They all came back positive. I’m further along now then when I found out about Asher. I haven’t been paying attention to my periods.”
There is silence and that’s when I start crying. I knew he wouldn’t be happy about it. I knew it wouldn’t solve all my problems, but I was hoping. I was hoping so hard that everything would turn out great.
“G, stop crying.”
“No. You aren’t happy about this. It’s not the answer to all my problems like I wanted it to be.” I cry hard while holding the phone to my ear. I know I’m probably crying over the whole thing and it’s probably going to electrocute me. I deserve it.
I hear him sigh; I hate it when he does that. “G, baby. I’m so fucking happy about this. You can’t even begin to understand. I just know you aren’t in the right place in your head and that makes everything harder on me. But if you weren’t difficult, you wouldn’t be you. And I love you and only you.”
“I don’t deserve you. I love you too.” And I do. If I had Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt standing next to Court, I’d pick him every time. No one else in this world can compare to him.
Ever.
“No Rachel, I don’t deserve you.” I hear him open his car door and then his voice gets muffled but I can still hear what he’s saying. “Rach just found out she’s pregnant. I need to head over there instead of going to Van’s.”
There’s another voice but I can’t tell who it is. Most likely it’s Channing, since those two are usually thick as thieves. Most days I can’t pull them apart. I love it though; brothers should always be a huge part of your life. Well, any sibling really, since I only have a brother, it’s the first thing I thought of.
“G, Channing and I are coming over. Don’t tell your parents yet; I want to be there. In fact, I’m gonna call Ma and get her over there too.” He laughs but I assume it’s at something Channing said. Court has such a great laugh. “I love you, G. This is a good thing. I’ll see you in a bit.”
I find myself smiling but I’m not sure why. “Okay. See you soon. Oh and I love you too.”
Ten minutes after our call I descend downstairs to find Lily sitting in the living room with Mom and Dad. Dad used to work all the time but in the past five years he’s slowed down. He won’t talk about it but I think he’s got arthritis in his hands. I see him massaging them and he has some serious painkillers in his medicine cabinet.
Lily stands up when I enter the room and crosses over to me. “Congratulations! I’m so excited!” Then she hugs me tight with one hand on my flat belly.
When she pulls away I look at her confused. “How did you know?”
She rolls her eyes and leads me over to the couch to sit next to Mom. “The last time Courtney called me to come over here, nine months later we had Asher. I’m not an idiot.”
Then my little boy comes running out of the kitchen with a huge glass of milk. “Asher Pierce! Stop running in the house and with a drink!” I stand up and grab him around the waist before he smacks right into the table.
“Sorry Mommy, I just got so excited!” Then he does a little dance. I’m guessing he learned that one from Wesley. The poor boy has no rhythm. “I’m gonna be a big brother!”
I chuckle at him and smooth a hand over his head. “Yeah you are. Let’s hope it’s a girl this time.” Then I wink at him.
He scrunches up his nose at me. “No, I want a brother. That way we can sneak around behind your back like Dad and Uncle Channing. And we can be the best of friends like them too!”
“What do you mean they sneak around behind my back?” I raise both my eyebrows at him and his cheeks turn red.
“Oops. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Don’t tell Dad, okay? I don’t want him to be mad at me.” Then he gives me the puppy dog eyes he thinks work so well. “They only sneak beer when I’m supposed to be asleep and you aren’t home. They don’t give me any no matter how much I ask.”
I choke back a laugh. “Well next time, you tell them I’m going to spank them and send them to time out. You should be asleep when they are drinking. It sets a bad example.”
“No it doesn’t. Dad told me if I touch a beer before I’m twenty-one he’ll lock me in my room until I’m fifty. I’ll only get to eat bologna sandwiches and drink water. That’s a long time Mommy and I don’t like bologna sandwiches.” He grins at me and sets his glass down on the table. “He also told me I wasn’t aloud to touch a girl until I’m thirty-five unless I want to sit down and tell her parents we’re physically active. He told Uncle Channing h
e had to tell your parents about me and it was the scariest thing ever. But I don’t know what physically active means.” His eyes squint at me and he taps his finger on his chin. “Is that what happens when you close the door to your room and you make all those ‘oohhhh’ and ‘ahhhh’ noises?”
My parents, plus Lily, burst out laughing. Leave it to my parents to think this is funny. “I think Daddy is going to be in a lot of trouble when he gets here.” I pull him into my lap and stick my nose in his hair. “I love you so much little man.”
“I love you too Mommy. To the sun and back!” When the front door opens he scrambles down off my lap and races out of the room. We can hear his excited chatter in the hallway and all I can do is roll my eyes.
Channing, Court and Asher come into the room. I give a tentative smile to Court while Asher runs back over to the table. “I guess everyone knows, since Asher does,” Channing says, taking a seat next to Lily. She pulls him into a side hug and ruffs up his hair.
“While their news is exciting, we have to wait nine months. You on the other hand have a lovely hickey on the side of your neck.” She squints her eyes at him and I realize that’s where Asher got it from. Plus, he looks just like her when he does it. “You want to tell me where you got that from?”
“He got physically active with Aunt Paisley last night,” Asher states calm as day from his side of the table.
Six heads turn his way. “And how did you know that?” I cough out, staring at him wide eyed.
He takes a big gulp of his milk and looks at me. “I saw them kissing in the hallway. Aunt Paisley had her legs around Uncle Channing and they were bumping into the wall.”
I have to cover my mouth because it would be totally wrong to laugh right now. I look at Channing to see his cheeks are bright red. Lily smacks him on the back of the head while staring wide eyed at Asher.
Court can’t hold his laughter in anymore and it bursts out past his lips making me go into hysterics. “I don’t see what’s so funny. I don’t think Asher is old enough to be seeing that kind of thing,” my mom says, glaring at me.
I calm myself down. “Well there isn’t anything we can do about it now. He has seen what he’s seen. And it’s not like Court and I are quiet about it.” I look at Channing and grin. “At least we do it behind locked doors.”
Court walks over and slaps Channing on the back. “And when it’s time for the birds and the bees talk, Channing gets to tell Asher. Seems fair.”
“Yeah, I have no idea what to say right now.” Channing looks down at the table and shakes his head.
Then my dad chuckles and ruffles Asher’s hair. “I think it’s going to be fine. Asher was born into a family who gossips far too much and we all live on top of each other. It was bound to happen. Between Rachel, Channing and Royal, it’s a wonder Michele and I haven’t walked in on them before. And I think Channing was probably too focused to think about locking a door.”
“Or going into a room and locking the door. Really, doing it in a hallway?” Court smirks at Channing, who turns even redder.
I glare at Channing and cross my arms over my chest. “Wait until I tell Royal. I remember him telling you to stay away from her. And at his own wedding too.”
Channing sighs and looks up at the ceiling. He’s probably praying for a new family. I don’t blame him, we are all quite weird.
Everything calms down a bit as we eat breakfast. When we’re all done, I clear the dishes away and Court follows me into the kitchen. When I stack the plates in the sink he wraps his arms around my stomach and starts kissing my neck. “You look so fucking beautiful today.” His hands start going north and I purse my lips. “Let’s go upstairs.”
I push his hands back down. “No. I’m not ready for that right now. Hell, it’s only been three days since I told you. And while me being pregnant is happy news, I don’t want to rush anything.”
Court growls but I ignore it. I’ve gotten used to the growls by now and they haven’t ever scared me. He’s a teddy bear and teddy bears don’t bite. “I can see where you think that.” He backs away from me and I turn around. “Channing and I are going over to Van’s. But I’ll be back later. I’ve decided if you’re going to live here, I’m going to live here. There’s no need for us not to be together.”
It’s my turn to growl at him. “Just shut up about it! I did something horrible and it makes me sick to my stomach that you can’t see that. I know you aren’t stupid. I don’t know how you can even look at me.”
He brings his hands up to cup my cheeks. I want to close my eyes but I don’t. There’s nothing more peaceful than the green that shines out of his eyes. “I know you too, Rach. I’m telling you, everyone is telling you, that he drugged you. You have to wake up and see we don’t blame you. Hell, everyone should blame me. I’m the reason he did it in the first place.”
“How can you think that?” I ask, wrapping my hands around his wrists. My eyes are glued to his and I swear I’ll never look away. “What happened between you and Annabella was over five years ago. Why would he wait until now to get back at you? You’ve changed, Court, you are a better man than you were then. You made me a better person and we made that little boy in there. We made the baby inside of me. How could you blame yourself?”
A tear snakes out of his eye and I want to chase it with my hand but I don’t. I stay connected to him like this. “Because it’s true, Rach. You believe in me, the same way I believe in you. That’s the problem. We have undying faith in the other. It’s clouding your judgment while I know what I’m talking about.”
“No it’s clouding your judgment.” I’m getting mad now. I don’t know why. I should be happy he thinks the best of me, but it’s wrong. I’m a horrible person.
“Just shut up about it Rach. I’m going over to Van’s and I’m going to find proof that he did this to you. He’ll get what’s coming to him, babe. I swear that to you and our entire family. No one makes you feel this way about yourself. No one gets to hurt you like that and get away with it.” He wipes his thumb across my face, back and forth. “You are the light that holds me together, Rachel. He broke you down and made you doubt yourself. That hurts so much, makes me incredibly angry. I have to prove it to you. It’ll make you stop this nonsense and make me feel a tiny bit better.”
“I want to come,” I whisper.
“Why?”
“Because you seem so sure. Maybe I’m wrong.” I don’t think I am, but I still want to look. I still want to be there when Court figures out I did this. I made this happen and it’s really going to rip us apart.
Court sighs and lets his hands drop. “G, everyone knows it. If you could just look around you, see the things we see. You wouldn’t ever do this to me, not ever. And I wouldn’t do it to you. Believe in that, Rach. Our entire family wants Van’s blood. Even Annabella knows it’s true. Why can’t you?”
I stare at the wall behind his shoulders and I feel a tear fall. “Because that means it’s worse then it is right now. It means he tried to rape me.” I feel my lips tremble. “If Channing hadn’t showed up, it would have happened. I don’t want to believe Donovan had that in him. He’s been around my child and he’s out there right now. Around other women, he could hurt them, if it’s true.”
“Rachel, it is true. I can’t even begin to understand what that means to you. But I want justice and revenge. It’s like he wants to die. Messing with you means certain death. Just be glad we told Ash to keep it from Damien. We’d have a motorcycle club after his ass and Royal and I wouldn’t get to deliver any blows.” He wraps his arms around me and puts his nose in my hair. “Faith is the best medicine in the world Rachel. At first I know I wasn’t on the boat I am now, but it didn’t take me but five seconds after you left to figure it out. But I felt like I got knifed in the chest, I didn’t understand it. But I also knew, deep inside, that you wouldn’t ever do that to me.”
I’m sobbing now. I block out the images in my head but I can’t do it any longer. He’s in there. Touchin
g me when I don’t want him too. Getting mad because I didn’t like it. The angry way he took my pants off.
I hate him.
Channing comes into the kitchen a while later and we head over to Donovan’s. He lives in a single story about three blocks from our house. It’s nice and looks like every other house on the block. Court finds the key to the door and we enter.
It looks like a man lives here and only a man. There are brown couches with beer cans on the coffee table. Flies circle us as we walk around. He hasn’t been in here in weeks.
“What are we looking for?” I ask, trying to figure out in my head what could prove this. It’s not like he would leave drugs lying around. He knows Court would figure it out, even if I didn’t. And believe me, I’m still not one hundred percent sure it’s not all in their heads.
“Anything. A journal, little plastic baggies, things that scream ‘I hate Pierce and I want him to die’. You know things like that,” Channing tells me as he knocks books off a shelf.
“And you need to destroy the place to do this?” I put my hands on my hips and sneer at him.
“Yup. Having to pick up a destroyed house is the least of his worries, believe me.” Then he pulls the TV off the wall stand and throws it on the floor, cracking the screen.
I roll my eyes at him and move through the house. Court is in the kitchen making a lot of noise, so he must be doing the same thing Channing is. I climb the stairs slowly. He doesn’t have any family pictures anywhere. The pictures I see are all of his friends from college, I presume anyway. I don’t know any of them.
He doesn’t even have any of Asher. I furrow my brows once I enter his bedroom. This is where I find the pictures of his family. Only it’s worse than that, as in he has a dartboard where Court’s face is. Then I find one that makes me fucking sick. It’s me with my pants off. It has to be the night I don’t want to think about. I was wearing that red shirt and black panties. This one is taped to the wall over his computer desk. I open some drawers in the desk and find even more. I can only imagine what he planned to do with them.
