Confessions in the Dark

by Jeanette Grey

  Suddenly off balance, Serena blinked.

  Yeah, she did have a lot going on right now. Her schedule had been packed before Cole had come into her life, and everything was so new with him. She wanted to spend every waking moment with him.

  But not at Max’s expense. Her time with her nephew was the last thing in the world she would have wanted to give up.

  Only...her time was just one part of the equation. Between baseball and his social life and the growing mound of homework his teachers had started assigning, Max’s schedule was pretty packed, too. Penny deserved a place in it. She came back here with the intent of a fresh start, of being part of their family again.

  She was his mother. Of course Max should be spending time with her.

  Serena just hadn’t expected it to hurt so much to be pushed aside.

  Swallowing against the tightness in her throat, she waved it all off. “It’s fine.” She scrambled. “I guess I’ll see you for Sunday dinner, then.”

  “Yeah. Absolutely.” Penny grinned, maybe the first real honest-to-goodness grin Serena’d seen on her in years.

  Serena let out a wavering breath. “Okay. Have a good night, then. Bye, Max.”

  “Bye!” Max said distractedly, his tablet already in his hands.

  She wanted to scold him. He made himself queasy if he played too much in the car, but it was a short ride. Penny could handle it.

  She took another step back from the car, only to be honked at. She scurried out of the way, over to her side of the street, to let a truck go by. Rolling up her window, Penny gave her one last little wave.

  By the time Serena realized she hadn’t gotten her handshake or her hug, they were gone.

  The door slammed just a tad too hard.

  Cole glanced away from his mobile. He’d settled himself on Serena’s couch while she’d been downstairs seeing Max off, his bad leg resting on the ottoman. Maybe if he made himself comfortable enough, she wouldn’t feel like she had to invent some sort of excuse to kick him out.

  Not that she’d done that very often. But there’d been something distant to her just of late. She was all wrapped up in her sister’s recovery, of course, but frustration still gnawed at him. She was probably trying not to burden him with her problems, but it felt an awful lot like she was keeping him out of her life instead.

  She didn’t say anything. Didn’t so much as step away from the doorway. He glanced at her again, only to find her eyes unfocused, her face pale.

  Setting his phone aside, he sat up straighter. “Are you all right?”

  She blinked, gaze sweeping the room like she’d forgotten he was there. “Yeah. Fine.”

  Her tone was distracted, though, and he half expected her to deflect, to start talking about dinner or any of the hundred things she probably had to do tonight, when all he wanted was to hold her. Miracle of miracles, she blew out a breath instead, deflating before his eyes. Without another word, she trudged across the room to throw herself down on the couch beside him.

  Well. He could certainly work with that. Leaning back into the sofa, he draped his arm across her shoulders, pulling her in, and she went, resting her head against his chest. He twisted his neck to press a kiss to the part in her hair.

  “Did Max get off all right?”

  “Yeah. It was actually...it was Penny who picked him up.”

  “Oh.” That didn’t sound too terribly strange.

  “She’s really stepping up.”

  “That’s...good?” He couldn’t tell.

  “It’s great.”

  He held her tighter, waiting for more. When it didn’t seem to be on offer, he rubbed at her arm. “Then why do you sound like she killed your dog?”

  “Don’t have a dog.”

  Obviously.

  Before he could make another dry remark, she shrugged, slumping farther with the force of her exhalation. “She said she’s going to pick Max up the next few days after school.”

  “Okay...”

  “So.” Her voice stuttered. “So they don’t need me to.”

  Oh.

  A low red haze filled his vision, but he pushed it down. Didn’t they know?

  Loosening his grip, he shifted in his seat, turning them until he could look her in the eye. “You know she can never replace you, right?”

  Because that was the issue, he was sure. Serena’s kindness had its own sort of rhythm to it. He’d never seen her so upset as she had been when the twits at Upton had told her not to come by anymore. When they told her she couldn’t help.

  She needed to help. With her family and with him, it was the common thread. When someone told her that she couldn’t...

  It left her like this, limp and listless and sad in a way he didn’t know if he could fix.

  “It’s funny,” she said, looking down, “ever since she left, after Max was born, it’s the thing I always worried about, you know? That I would never be able to replace her. A kid needs his mom, and I was just...”

  She trailed off, but he wasn’t having that.

  He gave her shoulder a little shake. “Just his aunt who’s been there for him every second of every day while his mother was off God even knows where.”

  Serena went defensive immediately. “She had her reasons.” But her voice was tinged with doubt.

  “I’m sure she did. But she still wasn’t here. You were. He adores you, Serena. You have to know that.”

  “Sure.” She shook her head. “But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s here now.” Taking a deep breath, she grasped his hand in hers. “It’s okay. I’m glad they’re going to get to know each other. I know she’s just trying to help. Only...I just wish...”

  He bit his own tongue, forcing himself to give her the space to finish her thought.

  Her gaze darted up to meet his. “I wish she would have asked me. Before she and my mom decided to rearrange my schedule for me.”

  He squeezed her palm too tightly. “They don’t deserve you, love.”

  Did anyone? Could anyone?

  Laughing it off, she brought his hand to her mouth. “I don’t know about that.” Kissing his knuckles, she sighed. Then, tone lightening, she said, “Oh well. Look at the bright side.”

  “And what’s that?”

  She raised a brow, all casual flirtation. Letting go of his hand, she draped her arms over his shoulders, easing herself closer to put them nose to nose. “I’ll have a little bit more free time this week.”

  It didn’t take much for him to catch up with her. “Oh? And whatever will we do with that time?”

  “Whatever we want to.”

  With that, she leaned in. He met her in the middle, covering her mouth with his own. The kiss was as sweet as ever; he didn’t think her touch would ever stop being a revelation.

  But there was that same distance to it, too. That distraction.

  He brushed it off the best he could. But for all she said she’d do whatever she wanted to, he couldn’t quite forget that there was someplace else she’d rather be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  So, just you today, huh?” Cole’s physical therapist, Mike, scanned the waiting room.

  Scowling, Cole gripped the handles of the infernal warm-up bike and gritted his teeth. One more minute of the ten Mike had programmed in. He nodded. “Just me.”

  Serena had been disappointed about her sister eating into her time with Max last week, but it had turned out to be bloody convenient. Parent-teacher conference season had come upon her out of nowhere, and both today and tomorrow, she had meetings scheduled well into the evening. Penny had basically had to look after Max.

  And Cole had had to take a cab.

  He rolled his eyes at himself as he pedaled out the last few seconds. It hadn’t been that difficult. He probably should’ve done it weeks ago, only Serena had kept insisting, and he’d given up on trying to resist her. When she offered him something he wanted these days, he took it with both hands and held on.

  The final second ticked over, and
Cole slumped back against the seat.

  Mike slapped his shoulder. He scarcely recoiled at all.

  “See, that wasn’t that bad.”

  “No.” It was never that bad, but he hated it all the same. Before the injury, he’d been one of the masochists who ran outdoors even in the winter. He wanted to go places; he had no need for standing still.

  “All right. Well, let’s see if we can’t make that girlfriend of yours proud today.”

  Cole leveled him with a look, swinging his leg over the seat of the bike to dismount and reaching for his crutch.

  Except Mike grabbed it first and held it out of reach.

  “Excuse me,” Cole said.

  Mike gave him a smirking grin. “Let’s see how you do without it, yeah?”

  Cole leaned back like he’d been burned.

  Oblivious, Mike soldiered on. “You’ve been depending on it for too long. Go on. Take a couple of steps.”

  It was the most innocent of invitations, and it felt like a slap to the face. He hadn’t been depending on it. He’d needed the bloody thing. Even switching down to just the one a couple of weeks ago had left him sore and exhausted. To go without any kind of support now—he felt naked. Like he could totter off into a free fall at any moment, alone, unmoored.

  He shook his head. “I don’t think—”

  “Come on. At least give it a try. I’m right here.” When Cole hesitated, Mike heaved a sigh. “Seriously, I can’t believe you haven’t given them up already. The first time you came in here, you were champing at the bit to get done with them as fast as you could. Now suddenly you’re dragging your heels?”

  And he had, hadn’t he? He practically begged the orthopedic doctor for exercises, he’d been so eager to get better on his own. The crutches had been shackles, and they’d tied him to his apartment. He hadn’t been able to do anything or go anywhere, hadn’t been able to run or lift; he’d been stuck in his own damn head and those four square walls. He hadn’t been able to breathe.

  Until Serena.

  His heart stuttered hard inside his chest. Was that the answer, then? Was that the reason why he’d stopped pushing himself?

  He’d lost his independence that day on the train. He’d bent his will to getting it back, right up until the moment it had become a reason for Serena to take care of him.

  The back of his throat tore open.

  She needed so desperately for people to need her. The worst thing in the world to happen to her in all the time he’d known her had been being told she wasn’t needed or that she couldn’t help.

  What would happen when he didn’t need her help? He was still an emotional cripple—and he’d use all the ableist language he wanted to, thank you very much. But when he got his body back under control, when he could manage on his own...

  What on earth would she do with him then?

  “Cole? Hey. Buddy. It’s okay, if you’re really not ready. We can wait—it’s cool.”

  Cole’s gaze refocused. He found himself still sitting on the edge of the seat of the bike, the leather giving beneath the clench of his fist. A couple of feet in front of him, Mike stared at him with concern in his eyes, holding out his crutch.

  Cole shook his head. He waited until Mike backed off. And then, with his jaw clenched, leaning hard into the seat, he pushed himself to standing.

  Nothing happened. No fanfare and no cannons. He stood of his own power for the first time in months.

  “You’re doing great, man.” The voice came from terribly far away.

  Bracing himself, he took a step. His knee twinged, but it was a bare flicker. Nothing he couldn’t ignore—nothing he couldn’t have been ignoring for days or maybe weeks. The second step was just as easy, and his head spun, his ears rung.

  He could make it on his own, much the same as he had been for years and years.

  He didn’t want to. But he could.

  “Remember that you can check his assignments online anytime. I’ll let you know if he starts getting behind, but it’s up to him to stay on top of things.”

  “Thank you so much, Ms. Hartmann.”

  Serena held out her hand to shake. “Don’t you worry. We’ll get him through.”

  After a couple more pleasantries, she got yet another concerned parent out the door. She glanced at the clock, then let her shoulders slump. Parent-teacher conference season was great for a whole host of reasons, but it left her wiped, and she still had a few hours left to go.

  Well, at least that last meeting had been an easy one. With a solid ten minutes until her next appointment, she headed back to her desk and collapsed into her chair. She twirled back and forth in it a handful of times, then dug into her pocket for her phone. Jeez, when was the last time she’d had a chance to check it?

  The whole screen was blinking with alerts. Her pulse immediately ratcheted up a notch, only kicking higher when she saw she’d missed a call from Penny about an hour ago. There was a text from her, too, but all it said was to call her back. Her stomach did a somersault as she hit the button to dial.

  Penny answered the instant it started to ring, her voice filled with relief. “Oh, thank God.”

  “What?” Serena’s heart beat straight through its cage. “What’s going on? Penny, are you okay—”

  If she wasn’t, what was Serena going to do? She was stuck here all afternoon. Maybe they could call their mother, or if she really had to she might be able to reschedule—

  “Serena. Rena! I’m fine. I swear. Calm down.”

  A few of Cole’s more colorful phrases came to mind, but she bit them back as she slumped in her chair. “Don’t scare me like that.”

  Penny sighed, and Serena immediately felt guilty. She and her mother had both been using that phrase a lot of late. If they didn’t want to chase Penny away again, they could probably stand to lay it on a little less thick.

  “Sorry,” Penny said, “but listen. I need a favor.”

  “Anything.”

  “Can you please, please, please watch Max today after all?”

  Serena groaned. Crap. Anything but that. “You know I would.” She’d always take Max if she could. “But I can’t today. I told you, I have conferences.”

  “Shit.” There was the vague sound of impact like her sister hitting something. “Fuck. I forgot.” She drew in a deep breath. “Okay.”

  “Why? What’s going on?”

  “I just ran into Becca. You remember Becca?”

  “Vaguely.” One of Penny’s friends from back in high school maybe? Serena scrunched her face up.

  “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Just, she works at this place downtown, and they’re hiring a new admin, and it might be an in for me, but they have to make their decision by tomorrow. She said she can sneak me in between a couple of other interviews, but it has to be today—”

  “Okay, okay, slow down.” Serena almost didn’t want to slow her down at all. This was the most animated she’d heard her sister in years.

  Penny sucked in a long, deep breath. “I just...I think it could be really good.”

  The problem was, Serena did, too. Penny needed things to keep her occupied, and apparently losing her last job in New York had been a big factor in things spiraling even further out of her control. Getting back to work again would probably make her feel a lot better about herself.

  A tiny niggle of doubt hummed at the back of her mind. If she could keep the job, it would make her feel a lot better about herself. Her illness was unpredictable, and while she was doing so much better than she had been a couple of weeks ago, she was still fragile.

  And if Serena brought that up to her now, it really, really wasn’t going to help.

  “Okay,” she scrambled. She really couldn’t sneak out of these conferences for anything less than an absolute emergency, but there had to be something she could do. Someone she could turn to...

  It came to her in a flash.

  She had someone in her corner. Someone who’d been trying over and over to prove that h
e was here for her for anything. This was asking a lot, but...

  She combed a hand through her hair and tugged. “I may have an idea. Give me three minutes.”

  The hope in Penny’s voice echoed out across the line. “Okay. Thank you.”

  Hanging up, Serena clasped her phone against her chest, squeezing her eyes shut tight. This was probably a terrible idea, but for Penny she’d try anything.

  Cole picked up on the second ring. “Serena?”

  “I have a huge favor to ask.”

  “Okaaay...?”

  There was something off about his voice. It made her pause for half a second, but she shrugged it off, rising and starting to pace. “Penny’s got a job interview, and I’m still stuck in conferences for another couple of hours. You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, but...”

  She trailed off, because it was obvious what she needed, right?

  Dead silence rang across the line. A pit of dread opened up in her gut, and she gripped her phone so hard she feared she’d crack the screen.

  Crap. This really had been a terrible idea. From day one, when she’d basically conned him into offering to tutor Max, he’d been hesitant. He might have warmed to the kid in the time since, but he’d never lost that deer-in-headlights look around him.

  And why would he? The man blamed himself and his unreadiness for children for his wife going off the road that night. The pain in his voice came back to her, a shallow knife slicing cleanly across her ribs.

  Still, she had to ask. “Please. I know it’s a lot, but I don’t know who else to call.”

  “I don’t...Serena...” Desperation leaked into his voice.

  “Just pretend I’m there. Take him to my apartment and get set up at the table the same way you always do. There are cookies and milk in the fridge. Just...do some math stuff with him. The same as always.”