Later, I would be so glad I’d committed that kiss to memory, so I could replay it over and over. Because while the kiss had begun tentatively, it quickly grew urgent and seeking. I held the plates to my chest with one hand and with the other I held his wrist, anchoring him to me simply so he wouldn’t stop.
Adam Oliver was kissing me. And it was everything I had never known to hope for. I tingled everywhere, like my skin was coming alive all on its own. His fingertips pressed gently against my scalp and sensation exploded there, blossoming out over my head and making me dizzy.
Almost as quickly as it’d begun, it’d ended. Adam pulled back and stared at me. The shock I felt seemed echoed in his eyes.
I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out. It was as if he’d robbed me of the words I wanted to say.
He pressed his forehead to mine and a shuddering breath from his lips washed over mine. “One more,” he whispered, surprising me, before he leaned back in and claimed my mouth again.
This time, the kiss was slower. Like he was seeking, like his mouth was getting to know mine. The first kiss had been a test but this was more than that—this was exploratory. I angled my head when his hand guided me to and the kiss deepened, his tongue brushing over mine in the lightest of touches. It was as if I could feel it all the way in my low belly, like he was stoking a fire that lay dormant for years. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, I had never been kissed like this—like I was something to be savored, something to enjoy.
And that train of thought led to another, unbidden one: if kissing was this incredible, what would the sex with him be like?
This time, I broke the kiss. I shouldn’t be thinking that. This wasn’t a real relationship. It was completely inappropriate. But the thought nudged me harder, especially when he searched my face, his hand holding the back of my head for several long moments. It was if speaking them in my subconscious had seared them there.
“I’m sorry,” he said, but he was still holding me.
“Liar,” I said, my voice sounding hoarse to my ears.
“Yeah.” A smile tipped the side of his mouth. “I’m not sorry.”
“Okay.” I swallowed. “Me neither.”
“Good.” He nodded once. He brushed hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “Because I want to do it again.”
I placed a hand on his chest and tapped a finger on the plates I held in my other hand. “We need to get these back. They’re going to think we got lost.”
He stared at me, unblinking. Warmth filled me from my belly outwards. “I’m not entirely sure we didn’t.” But he let go of me and I felt the cold from the wind sweep over me instantly. His body had shielded mine from the worst of it, and I felt a deep longing to have it again.
We stared at one another for a long moment before he reached a hand out to me, as if in a truce, and I took it.
When we rejoined the group, I could feel Navy’s scrutinizing gaze like a brand. Without a compact, I had no way of knowing if my lips betrayed what’d happened. But really, so what? We were bound to kiss at some point. No relationship—fake or real—could be believable without certain exchanges of physical affection.
But that wasn’t a kiss between two people trying to make their relationship look believable, because we’d done it out of the sight of everyone. That kiss hadn’t been a show, it’d been for us and only us. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
“I only managed to rescue three,” I said sheepishly, holding them up.
“Well, the birthday girl and I can share,” Mrs. C said with a smile for Casey. “And Navy and Keane can share, too.”
“I’ll share,” Adam said, bumping into my shoulder gently. “Unless you’re afraid of catching my cooties.”
I chewed on my lower lip and could only shake my head. I wished I had some witty retort, something I could shoot back at him playfully. But I had nothing.
“Are you guys dating or something?” Casey asked with a mouthful of cake.
“Yes,” Adam said before I could say anything. “And Hollis is going to start tutoring you this week. If Dad isn’t able to get home to make gymnastics happen for you, I will. As long as you get those grades up.”
Casey’s eyes lit up and with the frosting on her upper lip, she looked like a small child. My heart squeezed, realizing how much gymnastics meant to her. “We can start tutoring after school on Wednesday,” I told her. “If that works for you?”
Casey nodded happily. “Thanks, Hollis. Thanks, Adam.” She looked as if she’d already been given the whole world.
“Ready for presents?” Keane’s mom asked, handing a gift bag over before Casey could say no.
She opened her gifts one by one: new earrings and hair accessories from Keane’s mom, the Target gift card from Navy, and a stack of her favorite book series in hardcover from Keane. When she opened the gift from Adam, she held up the remote with a look of confusion on her face.
“Gram and I got you a new tv for your room. It has all the bells and whistles, so you can watch your shows in your bedroom.”
Casey squealed and launched herself at Adam. When she pulled back, a wrinkle formed between her brows. “Is this because Gram is going to be in the living room from now on?”
Adam nodded once, and the light in his eyes darkened slightly. I had an overwhelming desire to be the one to put the light back into his eyes, but this wasn’t the place or time to talk to him about it.
“And this one is from…” Casey held up the last gift bag and I nodded.
“Yup. Hopefully you like it.”
She yanked the pink tissue paper out of the top and tossed it. Peering into the bag, she said, “What’s that?”
I almost answered before I realized it was a rhetorical question. She pulled out a card and fabric. As she unfolded it, I explained. “That’s a leotard. The lady at the gymnastics studio picked it out for you, and said if it’s not the right size we can exchange it. And the card is a gift card—enough for one of the balance beams they sell. I wasn’t sure what your favorite color was, but I thought you could at least practice until your lessons begin.” I was so unsure about the gift, if I was stepping on Adam’s toes, or if I was too presumptuous with it. But I barely made out Casey’s grin before she launched herself on me.
“This is perfect,” she said into my hair. My arms came around her and I squeezed her. She wasn’t related to me. She wasn’t mine in any way, but at that moment the warmth that filled my chest reminded me of what I felt for my own sisters. I ran a hand over her hair, feeling strangely connected to this girl, the sister of my fake boyfriend. I looked over her head at Adam’s face, and wished I could sort out the puzzle of feeling there. Everyone else was smiling, but his face held so many layers that I couldn’t discern a distinct, singular emotion.
After the punch was gone and the cake was reduced to crumbs, Casey left for the second part of her gift from Keane’s mom: pedicures. That left the four of us to pick up the mess, until Keane abruptly turned to Adam and said, “I’m going to take Navy home. I’ve got some errands to run.”
I didn’t know if Adam saw through it as clearly as I did, because I kept my eyes on the task at hand. But I could hear Adam arguing with Keane about me driving him home and whatever warm feelings I had been developing for Adam quickly turned cold once again. Hadn’t he said he wanted to kiss me again? Why was being alone with me suddenly so terrible?
I might’ve shoved the stack of dirty plates a little too forcefully into the trash. And I might’ve been a little aggressive when I smashed up the cake box so that it would fit, too. He was just so hot and cold, which meant I couldn’t get a handle on him. I wanted to, because he was such a loose wire that he made me feel out of control. And I was never not in control.
“Hollis.”
I turned around to his voice. “What?” I didn’t mean to snap, but I had. “What?” I asked again, softer this time.
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to spend time with you, when I
was talking to Keane?”
“Yeah?” I asked, averting my eyes as I stacked the plastic cups. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does.”
I shoved them into the trash and squirted hand sanitizer into my palms, attacking my fingers like I could see all the micrograms burrowing into my epidermis. “No,” I said, through gritted teeth. “It’s fine. I get it. Trust me.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” He placed a hand on mine, stalling me for a minute. “I wasn’t trying to get out spending time with you. I mean, we should spend time together. Your parents come this week, right?”
I nodded. “Thursday. For a visit. Which means we have to put on a performance long enough to last a dinner.” Ugh, even just saying that made me wince.
“Right, so it’s good we’re spending time together now. It makes sense.” I watched his throat move as he swallowed and the hand on mine turned so our fingers were linked. “But what doesn’t make sense is whatever it is that’s between us right now.”
I wanted to play dumb, to protect myself. But I knew exactly what he was saying. The kissing had meant something. I just didn’t know what that was, besides real attraction masked by the fake whatever-we-were. But I didn’t feel safe with him yet, to let him know that I was as affected as I was.
“It’s just kissing,” I said, as a compromise to myself. “It’s not a big deal.”
In his eyes I witnessed a whirlwind of emotion, but again—nothing specific I could pin down. “Right,” he said after a moment. “It’s just kissing. At least we’re good at it, right?”
I swallowed, wanting to go back to that pocket of time we’d had together out of everyone’s view, under the warm sun, when he’d wanted another kiss, and I had stopped him.
Oh, how I wished I hadn’t stopped it.
But instead, I nodded. “Yep. At least we’re good at it.”
19
Adam
Casey and I walked into the hospital Monday morning, arms laden with cake and balloons and roses and Gram’s favorite throw blanket. I felt bad for not visiting as often as I’d have liked, especially considering everything that had happened. But then again, knowing Gram would be home after the following weekend, it seemed only a matter of time until things were somewhat back to normal.
When we entered her room, her face was pink, flushed. She looked…vibrant, and healthy.
Casey ran to her bed, balloons streaming behind her, and launched herself at Gram. “Oh, I missed you, sweet girl,” Gram said. Even her voice sounded strong. Maybe this week in the hospital was doing her some good.
“Hey, Gram.” I set the cake on the small table in her room and set the vase beside it.
Gram gave a happy little sigh. “Daisies last time and now, roses. You know my favorites.”
I moved the table so the vase got a little bit of sunlight. “I know. And these ones I didn’t steal from your yard.”
Gram laughed, surely remembering all the times she’d hollered at me for swiping roses off of her beloved bushes. “I tell you,” she began, “I wouldn’t have minded if you had. I miss home.” Her smile turned wistful and once again, I felt like shit for not being here more often, for longer.
She reached a pale hand toward me and I took it, rubbing her cold, papery skin until it warmed. “What kinds of shenanigans have you two been up to while I’ve been here?”
“Adam has a girlfriend,” Casey said and grinned like she’d just told Gram a secret. It wasn’t a secret, but I didn’t really want to explain Hollis to Gram. Not when it was confusing for me. “Her name’s Hollis and she’s really pretty, Gram.”
“Oh?” Gram lifted one of her eyebrows and her lips puckered. Her eyes were pale blue, icy blue, and they saw right through me. “Is that why you haven’t been around to visit?”
“No…” I began. I looked around the hospital room, its antiseptic smell burning right through my nostrils. I took the blanket we’d brought and laid it over her legs. “I’m sorry, Gram.” It was a pathetic response, but it was all I had to offer. Visions of my mom in this same hospital, and the reminder that she hadn’t come home, made being here difficult. But Gram looked good. Her pale skin had pink color in the cheeks, in her chest. She looked better than she had in a while.
“Adam had to get a new job,” Casey volunteered again.
Gram was used to Casey steering the conversation, so she gave her a small smile before looking at me, again raising her eyebrow.
“Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck, giving her a sheepish smile. So much had happened since I had last visited, and Gram was getting the abridged version of it all. “I’m working with Keane now.”
“Who’s helping with Casey?” she asked me. She knew Keane and his work schedule, so she knew what those kinds of hours meant.
“Keane’s mom. Casey can walk to their house after school. It’ll be a little bit of an adjustment in the beginning, but we’ll get it figured out.”
“You know, I have all that savings from your grandfather.”
I knew what she was talking about. After her husband had died ten years prior, his life insurance had paid off her house and she’d invested the rest with her late husband’s financial advisor handling it all. Gram received a small pension from her job as a teacher—just enough to pay her monthly expenses.
“Can I use your bathroom, Gram?” Casey asked, her fingers covered in frosting after she’d served up three slices on paper plates.
“Of course, darling,” she said, motioning to the door on the opposite side of the room.
“I don’t need your money.” Since Casey was currently out of hearing, I said, “Dad promised Casey gymnastics lessons if she got her grades up. But he hasn’t called her. Her birthday is this week. We celebrated it yesterday, but still.”
“He has all week,” she reminded me softly. “But I understand.” She did. Gram had exhausted herself apologizing for her son. I imagined most parents wanted to be proud of their children, but hers had only succeeded in burdening her with children of his own. “But I do have savings. I know you spoke with Doctor Hathaway. She’s a good doctor.” She squeezed my hand. “She’s honest. Do you understand?” She waited until our eyes locked. “I’m not going to get better, my boy.” She squeezed again, and this time I felt the tremble in her hand. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing her, not right now, not in this hospital.
“But you look great, Gram.” Arguing with her was futile, but I didn’t know what else to say. Besides, “I can’t do this without you.”
Her bottom lip shook and she gave me a watery smile. “Hopefully you have a while yet. You are a good man. I’m so proud of the person you’ve become.” She squeezed my hand more urgently this time. “I’m so sorry for the responsibility you have to take on. But I know you can do it. You already are.”
I felt the back of my eyes sting, but blinked it away. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just be there for her. Like you already are. You left a good life in Colorado for your sister—for me.” She reached a hand for my face, and it was then that I saw her weakness as the arm fell onto the bed before she lifted it again, determination glittering in her eyes. “I have a will, you know. You don’t get to this age with an ailing heart without one.” She patted my cheek, drawing me closer to her. “I’m leaving you in charge.”
A million protests formed on my lips but she shook her head. “Your dad obviously cannot be trusted, and I love Caleb but his head is in his studies. Always have been. So, you’re in charge.”
It was an enormous responsibility and when I tried to tell her all of the reasons I couldn’t do it, she shook her head again.
“Stop being so stubborn. Caleb already knows. He agrees. The only one who won’t agree is your father, and that’s to be expected. But don’t worry, my lawyer is well aware of his criminal record and will do what needs to be done, if it needs to be done.”
My stomach twisted. Gram loved her son, of course she did, so
the decision she must’ve made to make about his competency in managing her estate couldn’t have been an easy one.
“You will do the right thing, my boy,” she said as I heard the bathroom door open from behind me. “You always have.”
“Who’s ready for cake?” Casey asked. “This isn’t the birthday cake we had at my party, but it’s better because it’s your favorite!” She produced a piece of German chocolate cake and handed it to Gram. “I wanted ice cream, but Adam thought it’d melt in the car.”
“Oh, that’s all right.” Gram’s eyes were shining as she looked at Casey, her only granddaughter and, for the last half-dozen years, her full-time partner in crime. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Casey hopped up on the side of the bed with her own slice. “Me too, Gram.” She took a bite of cake and grinned at me, completely oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place. A heaviness settled over my heart, of what the future would be giving all three of us. “Hollis is tutoring me, on Wednesday,” Casey said, reminding me of that fact.
“Oh? She’s a tutor?”
“That’s how she makes money. Cool job, right? She doesn’t have to flip burgers or wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to deliver newspapers.”
“That is a cool job. So, Adam’s hooked himself a smarty pants girlfriend then?”
Casey nodded, her hair swinging all over her shoulders. “She’s super smart. Like, Caleb smart. And she’s really pretty. Prettier than Caleb.” Casey laughed at her own joke. “Right, Adam?”
Did we have to talk about Hollis right then? I was feeling hollowed out, my mind spinning with everything Gram had said, which had forced a reality I didn’t want into my subconscious. “Sure.”
“Well, which part?” Gram asked. “Is she Caleb smart?” Gram looked at Casey. “Growing up, Adam was so mad at Caleb for, in his words, ‘being the smart one.’”
“Yeah,” I said, “because he’s so focused on himself that he doesn’t think about anyone else.” Was that why I resented Hollis sometimes? Because she was so much like Caleb, so laser-focused that she seemed selfish to everyone else? But the more I got to know her, the less selfish she seemed. She was more than met the eye, more than her reputation of being her dad’s little princess painted her to be.
One Little Lie: a hate to love rom-com Page 18
