Cross My Heart

by Phyllis Halldorson

  Elyse made circles with her finger on the arm of the chair. "Yes, I guess he does care for me in his own way. He asked if I'd be his friend."

  Paul ran his hand over his hair. "The man's an idiot," he snapped. "But why don't you give it a try? He's bound to come to his senses before long."

  Elyse shook her head sadly. "No, I'm not going to hang around hoping for something that will never happen. Liz is right, though. If we're going to be related it would be awkward if I constantly tried to avoid him."

  On Monday Paul and Liz spent the evening with Clint and reported back to Elyse that he was delighted about their marriage plans and had even cancelled another engagement so as to be free to go to Lake Tahoe with them on Saturday. Elyse was torn between her desire to see Clint and dread of the pain it would cause her.

  After school on Tuesday Liz and Elyse left Janey with her favorite baby-sitter and drove into Sacramento to shop for wedding clothes. Liz chose an oyster linen suit with a midcalf-length full skirt and a mauve silk blouse, while Elyse, after a diligent search, found a linen coat dress in a matching shade of mauve. It buttoned off center to the left with big black buttons and featured a gently flaring skirt and short sleeves.

  Afterward they met Paul for dinner at the Bull Market, an elegant restaurant in downtown Sacramento. As they lingered over dessert and coffee Paul made a suggestion. "Elyse, you've never seen my apartment." He looked at his watch. "It's early yet—only eight-thirty. Why don't we take a run over there? After all, it's where Liz and I will be living, at least for a while, and it's only a few blocks away."

  "That's a good idea," Liz exclaimed enthusiastically before Elyse could answer. "Besides, last time I was there I left the only bottle of my favorite perfume behind and I'd like to get it."

  Paul lived in one of the high-rise apartment buildings on Capitol Mall, with a view of the state capitol to the east and the Sacramento River to the west. They parked in the underground lot and took the elevator to the twelfth floor. Paul unlocked the door and stood aside to let Liz and Elyse enter.

  Walking into the small entryway, Elyse noticed there was a light on in the room beyond. She covered the few steps to the arched doorway and gasped.

  Coming toward her from across the luxurious living room was Clint!

  He was wearing a dark business suit, and he stopped directly in front of her. His gaze roamed slowly over her, then returned to her face. "Hello, sweetheart," he said softly.

  The floor seemed to rock under her feet, but she quickly regained her composure. "Clint," she said with only a hint of a quiver. "Paul and Liz didn't tell me you'd be here." She looked around, but the entryway was empty. "Where are they?"

  "They've left," he said, then hurried to add when he saw her dismay, "but you're not being held prisoner. I'll take you home anytime you want me to. I hope you'll stay and listen to what I have to say though."

  I'll kill that sneaky matchmaking sister of mine! Elyse thought as rage and humiliation warred for dominance. First she insists Clint and I go to Tahoe with them, and now she's lured us here to talk. How can Liz be so insensitive? He must be just as uncomfortable as I am.

  Elyse was determined to be friendly but distant—and to get out of there as quickly as possible.

  She stepped around him and walked over to the wall of windows. "So how are you, Clint? I understand you've been out of town." Good, her voice sounded firm and a little detached.

  "I've been thoroughly miserable," he said from directly behind her, "and tearing around all over the state, making speeches in favor of gun control, didn't help. I was too sick—"

  Startled, she turned and found herself standing chest to chest with him. "Oh, Clint, I didn't realize you'd been ill. Paul didn't tell me."

  Her tone was anything but cool and detached. Now that she thought about it, he did look pale and drawn, but she'd been too shocked at finding him here to notice.

  His arms went around her then and pulled her against him. Dimly she remembered she mustn't let him do that, but it felt so good that she couldn't resist. She buried her face in his shoulder and he rubbed his cheek in her hair. "Not in the physical sense," he said. "I was going to say I was sick with remorse. When you walked out of my house nine days ago you took all my hard won peace of mind and left only desolation and pain."

  She raised her head and looked at him, her face mirroring her surprise. "I find that hard to believe," she said.

  He lowered his head and kissed the tip of her nose, sending pinpricks down her spine. "Why? Don't you know how much I've come to depend on your warmth? The sweetness of your smile? The tenderness of your touch?"

  His arms tightened to draw her even closer. "No," he said sadly, "of course you don't. I never bothered to tell you, did I? I wouldn't even admit it to myself."

  "I was so sure I'd never love again, so anxious not to. I'd had about all the punishment I could take in the name of love. I was too smart ever to let myself be that vulnerable a second time."

  He nuzzled the side of her throat. "I was so busy protecting myself from love that I didn't even notice when quietly and without fanfare, you stole my patched-up heart."

  Elyse melted against him, but her mind screamed at her to wait, to find out what he was talking about before she surrendered to her rampant desire to believe everything he said without question.

  Just what did he want of her? If he still yearned for Dinah, then why did he miss Elyse when she refused to continue their relationship? Was she just a warm body to him, or did he really care for her?

  It took all her willpower, but she pushed him away and stepped back. "I don't understand, Clint. If you wanted to talk to me, why didn't you come to see me, or call and ask me to meet you somewhere? Why this elaborate deception to get me here?"

  Clint sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I was terrified you'd refuse to see or listen to me. That's why I enlisted Paul and Liz's help in arranging a meeting with you. I was desperate."

  She couldn't misunderstand the earnest plea in his words. Her gaze searched his worried face. "I thought we'd said everything there was to say on Sunday."

  He shook his head. "We didn't even touch on the subject of you and me on Sunday," he said. "Elyse, you're one of the most empathetic women I've ever known. You must have understood how difficult it was for me to dredge up all those painful memories. It took me a long time to put them behind me and get on with my life, and bringing them up and examining them again was a harrowing experience. It left me literally wiped out."

  Her heart constricted as she remembered how totally spent he'd looked after telling her the story of his love for Dinah Jefferson. Elyse felt she'd already caused him so much anguish. She didn't want to torture him any further, but there didn't seem to be any way to avoid it.

  "Of course I understood, Clint. That's why I left. I'd already put you through enough. I wasn't going to make you admit you're still in love with Dinah."

  He took her arm, and together they walked to the sofa and sat down before he spoke again. "But that's what we have to talk about," he said gently, "and we would have done it sooner if I hadn't had to go out of town on that speaking tour. I didn't call because this is something that has to be done in person. Also I needed time to get my thoughts in order."

  "And now you have?" she asked, and wished for the thousandth time she'd never broached the subject of Dinah Jefferson in the first place.

  "Yes," he said soberly. "And I discovered it wasn't the memory of Dinah that was tormenting me. It was the fact that I'd lost you."

  Elyse jerked her head back to look at him. "Me?"

  Placing one finger under her chin, he closed her still open mouth. "Yes, you. Why did you think I asked you to marry me?"

  "Because you felt guilty about making love with me," she answered honestly.

  He closed his eyes for a moment. "I did feel a little guilty because I hadn't been able to wait until I got my feelings sorted out before I took you to bed, but it had nothing to do with Dinah. At least, not
with any nonsense about being disloyal to her, or hoping she'd come back. My concern was that I might not be able to love again, at least not in the way you deserve to be loved."

  Elyse held her breath as she waited for him to continue.

  "I discovered during this past week that my fears were unfounded. What I feel for you has got to be love—it's too strong not to be. I'm happy when you're happy, and miserable when you're upset. I worry about you when you're away from me, and I feel whole only when you're with me. I admire your fine mind and your artistic talent, and such a small everyday thing as the touch of your hand in mine brightens my life. I experience an ecstasy beyond words when we make love, and all of those feelings together add up to love, my darling. They make a strong sure bond for building a marriage."

  He put his arms around her then and lifted her face so she looked directly at him. "Say you'll marry me, Elyse. I want you, I need you, I love you. I want to be Janey's father, I'd like to adopt her, and I promise to love her as my own."

  Tears shimmered in Elyse's eyes, and she trembled with the overpowering emotions of love, joy and exuberance that racked her slender body. It would be all right; everything would work out. Clint loved her, and oh, God, how she loved him.

  She put her arms around his neck and kissed the pulse beating below his jaw. "Of course I'll marry you." Her voice quavered. "I can't even imagine a life without you."

  She turned her head and their lips met. It was a cautious kiss, hungry but restrained as they each fought for self-control. Clint's hand roamed over her almost roughly, as if the need to touch every part of her was more than he could resist.

  Elyse put her arms under his suit jacket and pulled his shirt out of his trousers so she could caress his bare back, and he shivered as her fingers kneaded his flexing muscles. One of his hands cupped her breast while the other dropped to her thigh and worked its way under her skirt. Throbbing with need, Elyse dipped her fingers below the waistband of his trousers.

  Clint tensed and clutched at her bare thigh. "Have mercy, love," he groaned. "Don't keep me waiting any longer."

  "Who's resisting?" she murmured, squirming impatiently. "Does this apartment have a bedroom?"

  His mouth turned up at the corners in a small grin. "Does it matter?"

  She nibbled at his bottom lip. "Not at all. I'll make love with you anyplace."

  His arms tightened spasmodically. "Keep talking like that and we'll wind up right here on the floor." He released her, then stood and took her hand to lead her down the hall to a bedroom.

  He flicked a wall switch, and a brass lamp on a cherrywood table beside a matching bed provided soft illumination for the blue-and-white room. Clint removed his jacket and tossed it onto a chair, then turned back to Elyse. "Now let's get you out of those clothes," he said, and reached for her zipper.

  He undressed her quickly, but when she reached for his shirt buttons he caught her hand and moved it to his lips, instead. "You'd better let me do that myself," he said, and kissed her palm. "I'd never survive those seductive little fingers touching and stroking and probing me into insanity."

  He stripped his clothes off while she turned back the covers, and they tumbled into bed together. Rolling over so that his body partially covered her, Clint lowered his mouth to hers. Elyse wrapped her arms around his neck and parted her lips to his seeking tongue.

  "Oh, how I've missed you," he murmured as his hand caressed her firm round breast. "You've built a fire in me that can't be quenched."

  "I try," she whispered as she ran her fingernails across his shoulders. She shuddered as his hand slid down to her stomach while his mouth moved to tease her breast.

  Slowly she played her fingertips down his spine until they settled in the hollow at the base. His breathing was raspy. "If you try any harder I'm going to be incinerated," Clint warned as her palms rubbed his firm hard buttocks.

  He shifted downward and laid his cheek against her abdomen. Elyse felt a rush of liquid warmth deep inside her and clutched at his hair as he planted moist kisses around her navel, then veered lower.

  "Clint, no," she moaned, wriggling with a combination of intense pleasure and apprehension. "I've never—"

  He raised up, repositioning his face to the soft space between her breasts. "It's all right, love," he reassured her. "I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

  She kissed the top of his head. "It's just that I…I've never…never…"

  "I'm glad," he said softly. "When you're ready I want to be the first and only."

  His fingers stroked the soft curly hair that protected her most intimate recesses. She gasped and arched against his hand as she clutched his shoulders. "Clint!" she cried, and dug her heels into the back of his thighs as his fingers probed deeper. "Please. Now!"

  With a tortured growl of surrender he moved over her and plunged swiftly into her moist heat, locking her in a fierce embrace that made them truly a part of each other as together they touched the stars.

  Chapter Nine

  Clint and Elyse were jubilant as they drove to Placerville early that morning. When they told Liz of their marriage plans, she hugged them both and steadfastly refused to apologize for her part in the deception that had brought them together the night before. "Why don't we make it a double wedding at Tahoe next weekend?" she asked.

  Elyse looked at Clint, expecting him to agree, and was surprised to see him hesitate. "I don't think that's a good idea, Liz," he said slowly. "With the election coming up early next month I have a schedule that hardly leaves me time to breathe. I have appointments that start at six in the morning and go on into the night."

  He put his arm around Elyse and hugged her to his side. "When I marry your beautiful little sister I want to take her away someplace where we can have at least a month of uninterrupted honeymoon."

  He leaned down and kissed Elyse on the nose, then winked at Liz. "If I knew she was home waiting for me now, I'd lose the election for sure. It's difficult to run for office from the bedroom."

  Elyse laughed and punched him and vowed not to let him see her disappointment. She was being silly. After all, what difference did a few weeks make?

  It was late in the afternoon on Wednesday before she saw him again. He picked her up to take her to his house for dinner, where he introduced her to Alice and Grover Irwin, who served him as housekeeper and handyman. But when he made the introductions, he didn't mention that he and Elyse were engaged. She liked the elderly couple, who treated Clint more as a son than an employer, and she wondered why he hadn't told them he was going to be married.

  "We're having a visitor after dinner," Clint told her as they sipped sherry while waiting for the meal to be served.

  Elyse felt a stab of dismay. She'd assumed they'd be spending the evening alone, preferably in bed, but she flashed a determined smile. "Oh, how nice," she said brightly.

  "Like hell it is," Clint muttered, "but it'll be up to you how long he stays."

  "Me?"

  He grinned. "Yeah, so rush it a little, will you? We have better things to do than visit."

  Just then Alice announced that dinner was ready, and Clint teasingly refused to discuss the subject further.

  They were finishing coffee and cherry pie in the great room, when the doorbell rang and Alice escorted a well-dressed middle-aged man in to join them. Clint rose and extended his hand. "Harold—good to see you. I really appreciate your coming here like this."

  Harold shifted the leather briefcase he carried and shook hands with Clint. "Happy to do it, Senator," he said with a smile.

  Clint introduced Harold to Elyse, then said, "Harold owns Gaylord's Jewelry Store in Sacramento, and I've asked him to bring a selection of rings for you to look at."

  Elyse stared as the jeweler set his case on the coffee table and opened it. Everyone was familiar with Gay-lord's but few could afford to shop there. She watched as he uncovered a velvet tray of diamond rings. They were gorgeous, and although there were no price tags in evidence, she knew the rin
gs must be monstrously expensive.

  "I… I don't know what to say." She moved closer to Clint, and he took her hand.

  "Don't say anything." There was a note of humor in his tone. "Just look them over and see if there's one you like."

  "I like them all!"

  "Ah, now there's a lady after my own heart," Harold said with a chuckle.

  Clint laughed. "I'm afraid my checking account isn't quite that healthy."

  "Oh, I didn't mean—"

  He squeezed her hand. "I know you didn't, love. I only wish I could shower you with jewels, but at the current market price we'll have to work up to that a few at a time."

  Clint picked up a ring with an oval-shaped diamond that was almost obscenely large and had several rows of smaller diamonds around it. "How about this one?"

  She shook her head, refusing even to consider it. "If I wore that one I wouldn't be able to raise my hand," she teased.

  Elyse had never yearned for jewels. On her list of priorities they were near the bottom. She hadn't had a ring when she was engaged to Jerry; they couldn't afford it. They'd chosen a plain gold band to be married with, and had the wedding taken place, she would have cherished it as much as if it had been encrusted with diamonds.

  Clint could afford the engagement gift, but it wasn't the size of the jewel that would make it precious to her; it was what it symbolized: the promise of love and commitment.

  As she fingered the beautiful jewelry she remembered Clint had mentioned a diamond ring that Dinah had returned to him. She wondered what it looked like. She didn't want to inadvertently pick a similar one. Maybe she could…

  She addressed her question to the jeweler. "Do engagement rings always have to be diamonds?"

  "Not at all," he said, "although the diamond is traditional. Would you prefer to see some other gem-stones?"

  She looked questioningly at Clint. "Would you mind?"