The Other Side of Tomorrow

by Micalea Smeltzer

  We walk along the beach, scouting for the best place. It’s busy, but not as crazy as it can be at times. We eventually find a spot and lay out our things. On my one side, Meredith stretches out on her stomach, flipping through a Cosmopolitan magazine. On the other, Harlow lies on her side, facing me but looking at her phone. I wiggle around and get comfortable, lying on my back with my book held above me.nbsp;

  I have a little trouble focusing on the book, and if I’m honest it’s because my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of Jasper. While I do want to learn to surf, I honestly just want to spend more time with him. With him I’m myself—a self I didn’t even know existed, but who has been there all along begging to break free.

  “Is that book not any good?” Harlow asks from beside me, her brow raised.

  I jolt and look over at her. “It’s not the book, it’s me,” I admit.nbsp;

  Meredith sits up, tilting her sunglasses down so we can see her eyes. “You’re thinking about lover boy, aren’t you?”

  “Don’t call him that,” I scoff.

  She gives me a patronizing look. “You might be blind to it, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you. nbsp;I don’t know what kind of freaky voodoo love spell you’ve put him under but it must be strong as hell.”

  “You know I haven’t put him under a love spell,” I grumble.

  She lifts a brow. “You barely know the guy and yet you both act like you’ve been in love for ages.”

  “We’re not in love,” I defend. “But …”

  “But what?” she prompts.

  “He’s different.”

  “Ugh.” She rolls onto her back and sits up. “How would you know? He’s the first guy you’ve ever taken interest in.”

  My cheeks heat at her condescending tone. Like somehow because I haven’t been around a few times I don’t know what I’m talking about.

  “That’s not fair and you know it,” I grit out through clenched teeth. “Besides, I’d hardly count you as qualified. Losing your virginity to our junior year fill-in math teacher doesn’t mean you know any more than me. In fact, I think it means less, because you’re always looking for love in the wrong places.”

  She breathes out heavily, her eyes brimming with hurt.nbsp;

  “Meredith,” I breathe out, instantly feeling bad for all the words that spilled out of my mouth. Words that have hurt and cut her deeper than any others, words that I cannot take back now that they’re out there. “I’m so sorry.”

  She stands. “I’m going to get ice cream.”

  Her hair swishes over her shoulders as she walks away from us.

  Harlow lets out a low whistle. “That was harsh.”

  “I know.” I frown, hurting as deeply as my friend. I can’t believe I said that to her. She’d gotten under my ski and the venom had come spewing out. Why is it that the ones we love the most are the ones we invariably hurt the most?nbsp;

  “She’ll get over it,” Harlow promises.

  “I know,” I say again.

  As best friends we fight, we make up, we move on. It’s what we do. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less when we’re on the outs.nbsp;

  “I’m going to go walk for a bit,” I tell Harlow, standing and brushing sand off my shorts. Even with a towel spread out, it still manages to get on my butt.

  “Okay,” she agrees, knowing I want to be alone.nbsp;

  I head toward the ocean and then walk along it, watching how my shoes get stuck in the wet sand. My long blonde hair swirls around my shoulders from the breeze. I bat it away like it’s a nuisance. My stomach feels like a heavy pit as I play over what I said to Meredith. I could smack myself in the head for my stupidity. Meredith might not readily air her insecurities, but as her best friend, I’ve taken notice. And when it comes to guys, she always picks the wrong, most unavailable guy, like she’s purposely looking for heartbreak. I know she sees what she does to herself, but she also seems helpless to stop it. I know I’m not in love with Jasper, not yet at least, but I wish Meredith could find someone she connects with like I do with him. I wish she’d realize that’s more special than someone showering you with gifts so they can get in your pants.

  But some things you just can’t tell a person and they have to eventually learn it for themselves.nbsp;

  I’ve been walking for at least ten minutes when a voice calls out to me.

  “Willa! Hey, Willa!” I look around wildly expecting to see Jasper and instead my eyes land on Spencer, waving as he jogs toward me.

  “Hey,” he says, falling into step beside me, not a bit out of breath.nbsp;

  “Hi,” I say, my voice rather glum.

  “Are you okay?” he inquires, picking up on my tone.

  “Fight with Meredith,” I supply with a shrug that says whatcha gonna do?

  “Ah, I see.” He nods, his shaggy hair blowing away from his forehead. “I was looking for Harlow,” he admits.nbsp;

  “She’s back that way.” I point behind us. “She’s got on a yellow shirt and by now she’s probably blasting K-pop. You can’t miss her.”

  He chuckles. “You guys will make up. You and Meredith.”

  “I know. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a colossal idiot for what I said.”

  “We’re all idiots now and then. It’s human nature.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” He grins boyishly and heads off in search of my sister.

  I suck in a lungful of air, thankful to be alone once more. I walk a little further and find a less busy part of the beach. Sitting down, I kick off my shoes and dig my bare feet into the sand, draping my arms over my knees. I watch the ocean, like I do often, and it fills me with calm. The ocean is one of the steadiest constants in my life. I can always count on it to be there when I need it.nbsp;

  The sun shines brightly, glimmering on the blue-gray water like a bunch of glitter. It isn’t long until I start to feel better—not perfect, but better.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and I’m not surprised to see it’s Jasper telling me he’s here. He tells me where he parked and I get up to meet him there so I can change into a wetsuit.nbsp;

  I hadn’t realized just how far I’d walked from the main crowd so it takes me a little while to get to where he’s parked. When I do, he’s already unloaded the surfboards and has them leaning against his Jeep. His wetsuit hangs on his hips, ready to be put on fully and zipped up.

  He smiles when he sees me but that smile quickly turns to a frown.

  “Are you okay? What happened?”

  I wave a dismissive hand. “Meredith and I got into a little fight. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Your face says different.”

  “You notice everything, don’t you?”

  He shrugs. “It’s hard not to when you wear your emotions openly on your face—that’s not a bad thing,” he adds when I pull a disgusted face. He leans against the Jeep and tilts his head. “What happened?”

  I sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it.”nbsp;

  “Okay,” he agrees, and straightens.

  My mouth parts in stunned silence. “That’s it? You’re not going to press me to talk about it?”

  “No.” He shakes his head. “Sometimes we all need time to process things through our own mind in our own way. If you want to talk about it with me, you will. And if you don’t that’s okay too.”

  I stare at him in wonder.nbsp;

  How on Earth did I get so lucky to have someone like this come into my life?

  My conscience then reminds me, you were very unlucky before it was time something good came along. You deserve to be happy even if you don’t feel like it.

  “Heath—my friend—already went to find her, I told him what she looks like, maybe he can cheer her up.” He shrugs and then holds up a wetsuit. “Ready to suit up?”nbsp;

  I nod and take it from him. I step out of my shorts and take off my tank, laying them on the seat of his Jeep for safekeeping. It’s a struggle to get into the wetsuit, but I manage with
Jasper’s help. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the way they literally suction to your skin.nbsp;

  “Ready?” he asks with a smile.

  “Ready,” I echo.nbsp;

  He carries both boards—Lord knows I’m too small to manage one—and I walk along beside him. I struggle to keep up with his long-legged strides.nbsp;

  When we near the water, he stops and finally gives me the board.

  “Remember what to do?”nbsp;

  “Yeah, I got this part down.” I laugh. “It’s catching and riding a wave that I’m not sure I’ll ever master.”

  He chuckles warmly. “You’ve only been out one time before today. Give yourself a break. I didn’t learn overnight, and neither will you. The best things take time and effort. If something is easy that feeling of being proud of your accomplishment doesn’t last nearly as long.”

  “That’s true,” I agree, because he’s right.

  We carry our boards out into the water and when it’s about waist deep on me I lay down my board and climb on top, paddling out.nbsp;

  Jasper goes over his same instructions and then we wait for a small wave to come around.nbsp;

  “I had fun last night,” I tell him as we bob in the water.

  He grins over at me. “Good.”

  “It was … different for me, but I’m glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. You make me brave even when I’m not.”

  His turquoise-colored eyes darken like storm clouds are covering them and I can’t help but shiver.nbsp;

  “You make me brave too, you know,” he confesses as people around us holler. Somehow, even with all the chaos, it feels like only the two of us exist right here in this moment. “You make me realize it’s okay to hurt, but I don’t have to hurt all the time. It’s okay to miss my brother, and while he’s gone in the physical sense, he’s not gone. He’ll always be with me.” He touches a hand to his heart. “I know it’ll probably be a long time before I’m my normal self all the time, but here, with you, I feel like me and that means more than you can ever know. I don’t know what it is about you that’s so right for me, but you are, right for me, that is. I know it’s crazy, we don’t know each other that well yet, but we will. I know it.”

  “I get what you mean,” I whisper, feeling choked up because he’s expressed everything I feel and now I don’t feel so crazy.

  This isn’t a case of love at first sight.

  It’s more than that.

  Deeper.

  It doesn’t mean we’re crazy, or that this is that dreaded insta-love I hate reading about, it just means we have a connection that transcends the rational. When you think about it and pay attention, there’s nothing much that’s rational about anything in this world. We just delude ourselves into believing it is.

  “I think this is your wave,” Jasper says, his words breaking into my thoughts.

  I watch the small swell about to form and start paddling.

  Jasper yells out directions to me and I only half listen. I let my body guide me. I know what to do even if I haven’t accomplished it yet.

  You can do this, Willa. You can and when you do it’ll feel amazing.

  I take a slow breath and let it out, turning the board and feeling the ocean swell behind me. I slowly come to stand on the board, my arms held out at my sides for balance. My legs are wobbly, and it’s definitely not graceful, but I somehow manage to remain upright on the wave for ten seconds before I lose my balance and plunge into the chilly water.

  I surface, pushing my wet hair from my eyes.

  “Did you see that?” I scream at Jasper, the biggest smile ever on my face.nbsp;

  He dives off his board, swimming toward me. It bobs behind him, connected to his ankle.

  He pops up right in front of me, smiling as big as I am.nbsp;

  “You’re amazing.”

  I startle when he grabs my face and kisses me.

  He pulls back, still smiling. “I’m so proud of you. Now it’s time to prep you for a bigger wave.”

  My smile falls. “A bigger wave?” I mumble hesitantly. “I was only on this baby wave for a few seconds.”

  “A few seconds is more than enough to change everything.”

  My heart catches at his words.

  “What do you mean?”

  He shrugs, and I notice the way the water clings to his long lashes. “You can learn a lot in a few seconds. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but you can. Your body learns.”

  “All right.” I nod, grabbing my board and resting my arms on it. “Let’s get back to it, Sensei.”

  Hours later we emerge from the water, tired, but unable to stop smiling. I walk with Jasper back to his Jeep so I can change from the wetsuit back into my clothes.

  His friend waits near the Jeep texting on his phone. His sandy blond hair is on the longer side, hanging past his ears, and a couple days’ worth of scruff covers his cheeks. He seems like the kind of guy Meredith would be all over so I hope he was able to find her and when I get back to where we laid out our towels maybe she’ll feel like talking. I hate knowing she’s mad at me. nbsp;

  Jasper loads the surfboards onto the Jeep and I watch—you know, in case he needs help, it’s not like I’m staring at his biceps or anything.

  When he finishes loading them I decide to broach something. “How are you doing? With … everything.”

  His smile disappears and his eyes grow sad. “It still sucks. Every time I think about him my chest gets tight and I can’t breathe.” He grabs at his chest to demonstrate. “Some days, I wake up and for a split second I forget he’s dead, but then it all comes rushing back and it hurts like hell. I’ve accepted that I’m not going to get over his death easily, if ever, but I am learning that I can have moments where everything is okay and I’m happy and I can have moments where I’m sad and angry too.”

  My body feels heavy with the burden of the truth I’ve yet to tell. A truth that feels impossible to let slip the more time passes.nbsp;

  “I wish I’d known him better,” I whisper.nbsp;

  Although, if I had known T.J. better that would make this all the more difficult.

  He nods. “I wish you had too. You should come over one day—I can show you our old family albums and tell you about him. Only … only if you want,” he stutters.

  “I’d like that.”

  As much as it’ll feel like torture, I can tell Jasper needs this, and I think I do too.

  “Good.” He smiles, but it’s not carefree and happy like it was moments before when we were walking up to the Jeep. I felt like I had to bring T.J. up. Since yesterday and today we had so much fun I didn’t want him to forget that I’m here for him to talk to if he needs to.

  I change into my clothes and place my wetsuit with his in the back seat.

  “I better get going,” he says.nbsp;

  “Yeah, I better find Harlow … and Meredith.”

  “I’ll see you.” Before I can blink he bends and kisses me.nbsp;

  I can’t get over how simple and easy it is kissing him. I always thought it must be weird in a new relationship, not knowing when or if you should kiss the other person, but with him, it’s always right.

  Heath laughs. “Gonna kiss your girl but not introduce me? Shame on you, Werth.”

  Jasper punches him in the shoulder. “Shut up,” he growls. “This is Willa.”

  “Nice to meet you, Willa.” Heath holds out a hand and I shake it. He smiles, his teeth bright, white, and even.

  “Nice to meet you,” I echo, blushing. I’d completely forgotten he was there.

  “Don’t let him rattle you,” Jasper tells me. “He likes to embarrass people.”

  “Mhmm,” I hum. “Well, I better go.”

  I walk away, waving over my shoulder, and head to where I left Harlow much earlier, hoping my embarrassment stays behind.nbsp;

  Our towels are still here, but nobody else is. I look around and spot Harlow running away from Spencer, her laughter echoing around her like music.

&
nbsp; He catches up to her and loops one arm around her torso, picking her up. She kicks her legs wildly, both of them laughing, and they fall into the sand, her on top of him.

  I can’t help but smile. They’re cute together.

  My jaw drops when Spencer tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and then leans up, kissing her.

  I think I just saw my little sister get her first kiss.

  I can’t help feeling a little giddy.

  Quickly, before they can spot me, I plop on my towel and grab my book.

  Pretending to read I finally put it down when their shadows approach.

  “You’re back,” Harlow says, slightly out of breath.

  I close my book and look up. “I’m back.”

  Spencer smiles sheepishly and I swear his cheeks are flushed—probably figuring I caught them.

  “Where’s Meredith?” I ask.

  Harlow’s face falls. “She called her mom to pick her up so she went home.”

  “Oh.” My body is suddenly seized by a piercing pain. “She was upset, wasn’t she?” I mumble.

  “Yeah,” Harlow admits with a sad look.

  I exhale a sigh. “I hate it when we fuck up.”

  “We all do it now and then,” Spencer says. “We’re only human.”

  “We better head home,” I tell Harlow.

  She glances at Spencer, her cheeks tinged pink, and then she looks back at me. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s getting late. I’ll … uh … see you later.”nbsp;

  He chuckles and bends, kissing her cheek. “Later.” He winks at her and walks away.

  I look up at Harlow and see she’s watching him go.

  “Spill,” I tell her.

  She plops down beside me, unable to get rid of her smile. “I don’t know what it is about him, but we … click.”

  “I get that, believe me.”

  “Did you … uh … see what happened?” she hedges.

  “Yes,” I draw out, urging her to tell me more.

  She lets out a dreamy sigh. “I didn’t expect him to kiss me, but oh, my God, Willa, it was everything I could’ve ever hoped for in a first kiss. It … it scares me, you know. I’m only going to be a junior in high school and he’s going off to college. Where can this go?”