Heartstrings: A Dirty Affliction Novel

by Regina Frame

  Her chest rose with each heavy breath she took, and she placed her tiny hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me away. Even though she was affected by me, she was still pissed about last night.

  When my eyes collided with hers, I saw it. The hurt, and maybe even a little disgust. She was disgusted by me? "What's wrong?" I asked, trying to catch my breath as I reached for her.

  "I am not one of your fucking groupies, Chance, and I refuse to be treated like one!" she snapped.

  "What are you talking about?"

  "You just treated me like a damn whore; one of your road pussies."

  "What?" I asked again, because I really didn’t have a fucking clue.

  Women confused the shit out of me. I guess that was why I'd never tied myself to one. There was no training manual. No relationships for dummies. I couldn’t buy a how to manual at the local book store. You just gotta wing it and hope you do it right, which at the moment, I obviously was not. I was failing miserably.

  "Do you honestly think so little of me?" There was anger in her eyes and hurt in her voice. She scrunched up her nose like she smelled shit. "You don't even know, do you?" Her voice was full of exasperation.

  I threw up my hands, jerked my head, but kept my mouth shut. That had to count for something, right? Wrong! She waited with bated breath, and when she realized I didn't have an answer to her question, she stomped off with a very animated sigh. Leaving me standing there, still without a fucking clue. I was shocked as hell, because that had never happened to Chance Roberts the rockstar. I really needed to find a damn handbook.

  ***

  Honor

  I finally had to walk away. I didn’t know if he honestly didn’t think what he did last night was wrong, or the fact that he treated me like a whore today. Maybe it was that he didn’t remember? He probably didn’t even have a clue that the way he treated Zee was shit. When he disappeared with some guy from the bar last night, he came back a totally different person.

  He was pounding back drinks, one after the other, and his pupils were freakin huge. He kept licking his lips, and it seemed as if he rarely blinked.

  I'd seen him smoke pot before, and I also knew that he took Xanax at times because I accidentally stumbled upon a baggie in his dresser drawer one day when I was putting away some of his laundry. The only reason that I knew they were Xanax was because my therapist prescribed them for me to help with panic attacks. Those mellowed you out; relaxed you. He was anything but mellow last night.

  I had never seen him behave that way, so I had decided it would be best if I switched to soda so that I could keep an eye on him, because, truthfully, his behavior was scaring me and no one else seemed to notice or care. It made me wonder if that type of thing happened in the celebrity circle.

  By the time we made it back to the hotel, he seemed better. He was back to the man who was rapidly stealing my heart. When he began kissing my neck, I was a goner. That little spot just behind my ear got me every time. He knew that, and used it to his advantage often.

  If there was one thing that Chance Roberts lacked, it was not stamina. After the fourth time, I had to refuse when he started sucking my nipples. Even though it felt good, the previous orgasms had drained me and I needed to recharge. I was exhausted.

  When he got out of bed to dispose of the last condom, I rolled over and went to sleep … or crashed was more like it. I woke up a few hours later and he wasn't in bed. The sheets were cool to the touch, so I doubted that he'd even come back to bed. I found him sitting on the sofa with his laptop propped on his legs, and his eyes were half closed. He was coming down from whatever he'd taken previously, and we had to be at a photo shoot in little over an hour. If I had to guess, I'd say he hadn't even slept.

  Our easy friendship had quickly morphed into a relationship over the last few months. The walls he had up had started to come down a little at a time, allowing me to see the real man behind the rockstar. That man is amazing. The man I saw last night was a wreck.

  ***

  Chance

  I knew it was coming, and I deserved every bit of the ass chewing Honor gave me. We had been invited to some fancy ass club in Vegas the night before our photo shoot. Actually, there were several bands that had arrived for the Stix and Strings calendar shoot, and the magazine had treated us to a night out. The moment I saw Teake and his guys, I knew things would probably go south in a hurry, because that was what happened whenever he was around.

  He offered me some Ecstacy, so I took it. Only, he conveniently failed to tell me that it was laced with pcp. It wasn't until the pill hit my tongue that he revealed that little tid bit. By then, it was too late. I felt as if I were floating outside my body. I could see their mouths moving, but I couldn't hear a word they were saying. I'll admit, I'd never had a high like that, and to be honest, I didn’t ever want to be that fucked up again.

  "Chance, I was so worried about you!" she cried from where she sat across from me on the coffee table, her big blue eyes full of concern.

  That was something that I wasn't used to. People concerned for me. The last person I remembered ever being concerned for me was Miss Jackie, and look what that got her. She lost her job because she cared for a kid that nobody wanted. Reaching for Honor’s hand, I pulled her onto my lap.

  "I know, and I'm sorry Sparkles," I said sincerely with my face buried in her hair.

  "Are you really, Chance, or are you just blowing smoke up my ass?" She pushed against my shoulder so that she could face me.

  "Trust me when I say, I've never done anything like that before." It was only a half lie. Which, from the look on her face, she was about to call me out on.

  "I'm not stupid, Chance. I've seen the baggie in your dresser drawer. I've seen the baggie you keep in your pocket, so don't give me that bullshit," she snapped. Gone was the concern, and in its place was anger. The spitfire of a woman could see straight through me.

  "I'll admit that I've done drugs. It kind of goes with the whole rockstar image, babe, but last night was the first time in a long time that I've taken anything." The lies tasted bitter on my tongue, but they continued to spew with ease. "It's not like I'm addicted or some shit. I can stop anytime I want."

  "Chance," she looked up at me with tear filled eyes, "I can't be with someone who does drugs." Her voice cracked and her body trembled as the first tear rolled down her cheek. I didn't deserve this woman. She was way too good for someone like me, but it was at that very moment that I realized that I was falling for her. I had to do this for her, for us.

  With my forehead resting against hers and looking into her teary blue eyes, I said, "I'll stop for you. I promise, no more drugs."

  I just hoped that I could live up to that promise.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Honor

  It had been two weeks, and, so far, Chance had lived up to his promise. After that night a couple of weeks ago, he led me into his bedroom, pulled the baggie of pills from his dresser drawer, and flushed them down the toilet. He told me that, for once, he had someone in his life that made him want to do better. Be a better person, and while he didn't tell me that he loved me, the look was there in his eyes and his actions, but, most of all, I felt it deep in my heart.

  We fell back into our routine of watching movies until the early morning hours, and then falling asleep wrapped up in each other. Right now, things were perfect.

  ***

  The limo rolled to a stop at the venue in Dallas. There were long lines of fans wrapped around the building, waiting to get inside. My heart hammered in my chest with excitement at the thought of playing for such a large crowd, but at the same time, I was nervous as hell that I was going to screw up and make an ass out of myself in front of thousands of people.

  The door to the limo opened and we all climbed out. Cameras flashed and girls screamed. Some even held signs professing their love for us. There were even a few girls who had styled their hair like mine. Blonde with pink tips. It was crazy as hell.

  Security
surrounded us and pushed us through the private entrance and away from the groping fans. Chance's tattooed fingers laced with mine, sending familiar tingles up my own tattooed arm. We followed security through the equipment area where roadies rushed about, getting things ready for the show. There was all kinds of equipment and chords to avoid. Finally, we stopped at the end of a long hallway in front of a door with our band’s name on it.

  "This is it, guys. Make yourselves at home. We'll be right outside the door if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask," one of the guys in a tee shirt with the word security stretched across his broad chest said, before closing the door and shutting us inside.

  I wiped my sweaty palms down the front of my ripped up jeans as my nerves started to get the best of me.

  "You alright there, Sparkles?" Chance asked as he wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me in for a kiss.

  "Yeah. I just don't want to screw things up." I half laughed, half choked. "Playing at The Playboy Manor was nothing like this. There are thousands of people here, Chance. What if I make a fool out of myself?" My nerves were definitely sounding in my voice.

  "Oh, babe." He leaned in and kissed me. "Take a deep breath. You're going to be great."

  "How do you know?" It came out a little harsher than I meant for it to.

  "Wait until you get on stage. That'll make it better. The nerves will vanish and will be replaced with the rush of excitement and energy of the crowd. There's no other feeling like it. It never gets old," he promised.

  "I'm gonna hold you to that."

  "Mmmm." A deep groan rumbled in his chest. "I like that idea. I'd be more than happy to hold it against you right now. I'm pretty sure there's a bathroom around here somewhere," he teased, and I couldn't help but laugh, but then he rubbed his growing dick against me to get his point across. I loved that he was back to his jovial ways, because it put my nerves at ease and it was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place.

  "Want something to drink?" he asked me, hooking his thumb toward a long table against the far wall.

  "I could really use a water," I admitted.

  We walked across the room to the table where I grabbed a bottle of water and took in the massive spread of candy, gumballs, chips, and assorted alcoholic beverages. If it weren't for the booze, I'd think it was set up for a child's birthday party. There were even large gift baskets, each one containing designer shades, shirts, CDs, and other expensive items.

  Chance explained that they submitted a request list to the venue with things they each liked, right down to the kind of toilet paper that was supplied. He told me that they were also showered with expensive items by popular brands in hopes they'd be caught on camera wearing it. I guess I could understand that. What fan wouldn't want the brand of shades or shoes their favorite rocker wore? I guess you could say it was a win-win situation.

  Chance grabbed a handful of Skittles and popped them into his mouth with a wicked grin.

  No wonder some big stars are spoiled brats. They want for nothing!

  I tilted the bottle of water to my lips and scanned the room. Jinx was talking with some guy wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard, and Levi was talking with someone on his cell.

  The door to the dressing room opened and someone yelled, "Honor Collins." A short round guy walked toward me, carrying a large vase full of red roses. I hated roses.

  "I'm Honor Collins." I signed my name on his electronic keypad and took the vase of flowers. "Thanks," I muttered, and wondered who in the hell would be sending me flowers.

  It couldn't be Harmony, or, at least, she wouldn't send me roses. She knew how I felt about them. They reminded me of my parents’ funeral. It seemed to be the flower of choice that everyone sent along with their condolences. That was why I hated them so much. They reminded me of death.

  Jinx let out a long whistle as he stepped up beside me to look at the huge display. It had to be at least two dozen or more. There were so many it was downright embarrassing.

  "Who are those from?" Levi stepped up and snatched the card before I could beat him to it. "Trevor?" he snickered. "Who the hell is Trevor?"

  I snatched the card out of his hand and flipped it over so that I could read it. I miss you baby.

  "He's my ex."

  Levi clucked his tongue and shook his head in disbelief, while Chance stared at the obscene bouquet I held in my hands.

  "I don't think he got the memo, Honor," Levi joked, but I didn't see anything funny about it.

  After the shit Trevor pulled at the label, he should have been steering clear, but I'd always known that something was off with him, and he proved that when he embezzled money from my company. On the other hand, there was a warrant out for him, so if he should show up there, the cops could take him in.

  "Has he contacted you, Honor?" Chance asked, and I shook my head. I didn't want to think about Trevor.

  "Just, drop it guys. I don't want him to ruin this night."

  My face was hot. I was pretty sure it was red as a beet. Chance already knew the background about Trevor, but the guys didn't need to know. I preferred to keep my dirty laundry to myself. I walked over to the trash can and tossed the flowers in, and then tore the card into a million pieces and tossed it, too. When I turned back around, I was met with the stares of three suspicious rockers, but before anyone was able to ask again, the guy with the headset stuck his head back in the room.

  "Twenty minutes!" he announced.

  Chance grabbed a bottle of liquor off the table and walked to the center of the room where Jinx and Levi were now standing. I drank the last of my water and tossed my empty bottle into the nearest trash can and joined the guys. Chance took a healthy swig of the dark liquid, and then passed the bottle to Levi and he did the same. That was obviously some pre-concert ritual, and I wasn't about to jinx it by refusing so I took a healthy swallow and coughed as the liquor burned my throat. I never had been one for whiskey. I'd take a fruity drink or a beer any day over that foul taste. Chance reached over and patted my back with amusement in his eyes.

  "I'm good," I coughed out.

  "You sure about that?" He chuckled, and I flipped him off.

  He removed his hand from my back. I immediately missed the warmth. When the same guy with the headset came back in and announced that it was time, we made our way to the backstage area. The cover band, Static, was finishing their closing song.

  Jinx and Levi disappeared at some point, and that left Chance and me waiting for our cue to take the stage. Chance draped one inked arm over my shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze. Tingles ran from the top of my head all the way to my toes.

  We watched as the roadies scrambled onstage to remove their equipment and prepare the stage for Dirty Affliction. It was amazing how fast those guys moved. The stage lights went out, and Chance and I walked across the stage and took our places. I slid my guitar strap over my head and hugged my pearl white bass close to my body.

  Levi was standing front and center at the microphone, and Chance was on the opposite side of the stage with his guitar draped over his muscled up body. Strobe lights began and illuminated the stage as Jinx counted out the beat with the sound of his sticks tapping against each other. His drum kit arose from beneath the stage as we struck the first chords of our opening song.

  The crowd roared with excitement. The sound was almost deafening when Levi shouted, "Hello, Dallas! Do you guys like to party?" The fans screamed while stomping the floor in the arena, making it sound like thunder. Levi cupped his ear and said, "You're gonna have to do better than that! If you like to party, give me a fuck yeah!" A chorus of fuck yeah broke out around us as Levi swung the microphone stand in the air.

  Blood whooshed through my ears and a rush of adrenaline took me over. Levi's smooth voice filled the air as he belted out the lyrics to ‘Gasping for Air’. It was such a rush to see the faces in the crowd singing the lyrics back to us.

  Chance was right. My nerves faded, and were replaced by the be
st fucking feeling in the world! That was what I'd been waiting for. It was my dream. My world. That was what I was meant for, and I knew that my parents would be so proud! By the time we finished, we were all dripping with sweat. I was thankful for the bottled water that had been replenished for us beside the stage. I could only imagine how dehydrated we'd be without it.

  ***

  Chance

  "We've been invited to the opening of The Vault tonight. It's some upscale club that was featured in Nightlife Magazine last month as the new place to be," Jinx reported. "It'll be good publicity for the club to have us show up, and, of course, it'll work in our favor, too." He paused long enough to chug a bottle cold water. "The limo will pick us up in a few hours at the hotel. I figured that would give us enough time for the meet and greet, and to grab a quick shower before we head out."

  I could feel Honor's eyes on me, and I didn't even have to look at her to know what she was thinking. She was wondering if I could handle going out without doing the drugs. Ever since the Ecstasy incident, we'd avoided the club setting. We'd had our beer or her occasional fruity foo foo shit that she liked, so alcohol was not the problem. It was all the other mood enhancer shit that had me by the balls.

  My eyes slid over to her. Her blonde hair hung around her face, damp with sweat, and she had flushed cheeks. That made her even more stunning to me. I gave her a reassuring nod and watched as some of the tension left her shoulders and worry faded from her expression when she smiled at me. I knew she believed in me. I just hoped that I could believe in myself.

  "We're cutting it off after an hour and heading to the hotel," Jinx informed us before crossing the room to talk to a member of security.