The Not

by A. R. Braun

  “Yes, I’ll tell them to leave if they come by again. No, they’re in the foyer. Yes, still.” Then, in a hushed voice: “I thought they were strange too.”

  Don yanked Fay’s hand toward the door. “Let’s get out of here!”

  Fay stumbled after him before finally getting her footing as he burst out the door. “The hell’s your problem?”

  “Just get in the car!” Don unlocked it with shaking fingers and unlocked Fay’s door. He didn’t even open it for her. He jumped in, and she climbed inside, frowning at him. Don fired it up. He backed out with stealth.

  Fay’s eyes seemed to bore holes into his skull as she fastened her seatbelt. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

  Don tore into the street, speeding and not caring. “Pishuni was right! They’re hypocrites!”

  CHAPTER 18

  Don filled Fay in after she punched him on the arm and told him to slow down or she’d kick his ass. He wasn’t getting her killed, not on her watch.

  “The Not probably made you see that to scare you out of marrying me, ‘cause he knows it’ll work,” Fay said. “We’ll have to stay together if we’re hitched and have kids.”

  “Didn’t you hear the secretary?”

  “I don’t care. I don’t wanna wait a month anyway.” Fay frowned at him. “Rio Rancho’s a huge hole in the ground. You can’t keep praying to that thing.”

  Don stopped at a local Verizon and got himself a new phone. With all the red tape, he thought he’d never get out of there. Afterward, he braked at a stoplight, deciding not to race through the green light just before it turned red.

  He pulled out at the next green light. The scent of gas fumes wafted up to him. The engine roared, then the “check engine” light came on. Don decided to ignore it… for now. “You know, we could always elope to Vegas.”

  Fay shook her head and turned away from him. “Enough seriousness — I’m hungry.” She kicked her feet up onto the dash. “Get me brunch and then take me home, would you? You’ve gotta look for a new job.”

  Don glanced at her for a few seconds. “Have you tried the ostrich burger at Brave New Woof?”

  Fay perked up, sitting up straight and dropping her feet. “Is it good?”

  “Well, it’s a little slice of heaven.” Don grinned. “Brave New Woof it is.”

  An annoying group of teenage girls blocked the entrance. They walked slowly across the sidewalk, oblivious to the world as they concentrated on typing text messages on their phones.

  Don turned to Fay. “You’re not one of those, are you?”

  Fay furrowed her brow. “One of those what?”

  “The damn kids that da-da-da-da-da-da-da… du-uh! on their cell phone keyboards.”

  “I’m one of those women who wants to try an ostrich burger,” Fay answered. “Come on.” She got out and slammed the door.

  Chuckling, Don hopped out and shut his door. He noticed they’d added root beer-floats to the menu. Excellent! They went in and ordered combo meals. The half-naked girls crammed the counter, waiting for their food like cattle anticipating slop.

  Won’t be long before they’ll have to be on Jenny Craig to look like that; live it up while you can, kids.

  Don carried the tray over and set it on an empty table by the window.

  Fay sat, and only then did Don sit too. She drew from her Coke, then glared at him. “What the hell were you looking at?”

  Don unwrapped his burger. “Where?”

  Fay pointed behind her. “Up there!”

  “I was just thinkin those girls will have to diet to look like that when they get older.”

  “Well, stop thinkin.” Fay steepled her fingers. “Thank you, God, for this food. Bless it to our bodies. Amen.”

  Don smiled. “Short but sweet, I like that.”

  “Well, I’m not giving thanks to The Not.”

  They dove into their food. Don enjoyed the veal-like taste along with the Havarti and the spiced aioli. He got up and refilled her beverage, and as he bought another ice-cream soda, he though it interesting that this eatery had sea-salt packets. An attempt to be healthy or defeating the purpose? The latter, of course — or perhaps a little of both.

  Fay said, “That was delish. I’m stuffed.”

  Don looked her over as she dabbed her chin with a napkin. “So, now that you can think about something besides food, what are your thoughts on Vegas?”

  Fay’s lovely eyes moved upward, but her head remained down. “Vegas?”

  “We’re eloping, remember?” He chuckled. “Stay with me here.”

  “Oh.” Fay pulled her trendy cell phone out of her purse and slid open the keyboard.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m gonna da-da-da-da-da-da-da… du-uh! send you a message.” She banged it out.

  Don’s cell phone beeped and he retrieved it. He smiled as he read:

  WHAT R WE WAITIN 4?

  LET’S GO 4 IT, STUD.

  ***

  “You really want to elope now?” Don asked as he drove Fay home.

  “Let’s wait till the weekend. You need to find a job.” She turned to him. “How much money do you have left?”

  “About two thousand dollars.”

  Fay nodded and looked straight ahead. “Drop me off and go find a job, then we’ll make a weekend of it. You’ve gotta get rid of Pishuni as soon as possible though.”

  Don glanced at her. She’d pulled down the vanity mirror and was checking her makeup and applying blush.

  “Wouldn’t it be weird if we decided the greater good was more important than our relationship, and we let The Not break us up?” Don asked.

  “It’d be weird for you,” Fay answered. “I’d find somebody else.”

  “Very funny.”

  Fay applied some lipstick. “I told you, I don’t think he can. If I turn against you now, I’ll know it’s him doing it to me. The marriage is just insurance.” She finished with the lipstick and put her compact away. “Oh! Stop at the store. I need to get a home pregnancy test.”

  “Good idea.” Don pulled into CVS Pharmacy.

  They went in and got the test, and then Don drove her home. As he pulled into the driveway, Fay gave him the lipstick-laden kiss he craved. He wanted it on his lips so he’d have to wipe it off, so sexy.

  “Gonna go to Intel here in Albuquerque?” Fay asked.

  “I don’t think there is one. Since they hired me in Rio Rancho, any computer store will do.”

  The sun hid behind the clouds. Fay opened her car door, and the flaming orb came out as if to welcome her home. “Stay out for a while, okay? I’m gonna sunbathe in the backyard, and I like my privacy when I do that. Tanning salons cause melanoma. I saw it on the news. Drive around and get to know Albuquerque a bit.”

  Don nodded. “Sounds like a plan. See you at five.”

  “Lunch is at four-thirty.” Fay stood outside the door, ready to shut it. She shook her head. “Before five, can you believe it? Old people.” The sun forged a light-golden cast around the edges of her hair and her body, making a goddess out of her. “Good luck.”

  “Bye, sweetheart.”

  Fay shut the door and strutted up to the house. He looked behind him and pulled out.

  ***

  Don got his windows fixed at a mechanic’s shop, then landed a job at a computer store easily — perhaps too easily, since he was overqualified. He drove around looking at the sights, but it wasn’t the same without Fay to point them out to. It was four-fifteen, and he headed home, just wanting food and an after-dinner cigarette, plus some sugar. He went inside, for the door was unlocked as if they were waiting for him. Don announced he’d been by Computerama and had indeed been hired.

  Fay added that, unfortunately, she wasn’t pregnant. This declaration had the opposite effect on Jim and Georgia though.

  The fried chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy were delectable, the pink champagne Don brought home to celebrate the panacea. Georgia served pumpkin pie with ice cream. He was in
heaven.

  As Jim and Georgia did the dishes, Don and Fay smoked on the porch, then went inside and watched sitcoms, trying to take their minds off the recent events. The ten p.m. news said that ISIS denied the Rio Rancho bombing, but President Obama didn’t buy it. A bit of embarrassment followed as he admitted he’d been wrong about having ISIS under control. Then, eager to send out a massive deployment of armed forces and air strikes to the Middle East, the president gave the go-ahead.

  Finally, the household retired at eleven p.m. after Don insisted he get to bed because he had to work in the morning. Jim and Georgia shuffled off to their rooms, and Fay kneeled before Don as he lay underneath the quilt on the couch.

  Fay kissed him. “I love you, my rutabaga.”

  “Love you too, cuddly bear.”

  “Uh! You’re supposed to call me a fruit or a vegetable like I did you!”

  Don chuckled. “All right. Come, kumquat.”

  They Eskimo kissed and giggled like a couple of high-school kids.

  Fay climbed onto the couch with him, then whispered in his ear. “You’ve gotta keep trying to get me preggers. Sneak into my room in a half hour.”

  Don smiled. “Really?”

  Fay nodded. “And be quiet about it.”

  With that she got up and shook her sweet ass down the hallway.

  Black crows flew in and landed on the arms and the back of the couch. Don whimpered when he looked downward, for scorpions covered the carpeting. The black screen rippled, and then Pishuni’s huge beak forced its way out of the TV. Eyes morphed into vision above the television. Wings stretched out of the walls to his left and to his right and held him in place.

  Pishuni’s beak stuck into Don’s stomach, drawing a little blood. The deity pinned him with murderous flaming eyes as his voice assaulted Don’s eardrums. “I’ve had enough of your crap, paleface. Take Fay and go back to Illinois. Give me Albuquerque now, or I’ll find another to worship me.”

  A panic attack threatened, but there was no way in hell Don was going to be a party to a whole city’s devastation again. “N-no.”

  Pishuni pushed harder with his beak. Blood trickled down Don’s crotch, staining his underwear, the sheets and the quilted comforter.

  “I said give it me!”

  Don shook his head and let the tears come. “I can’t.”

  Pishuni withdrew the wings, then slapped him with one of them. Don shot through the air and bashed into the wall next to the kitchen. Hot throbbing pain racked his right side, his skull and his hand. He groaned and held his head. He’d landed hard on the fingers of his right hand, and he moved them to make sure none were broken. They weren’t, thank goodness.

  Pishuni got in his face. “Medamn you, you ungrateful fool! I gave you everything!” The deity sighed green mist that tasted like puke into his face, making Don gag. “I’m going to give you one more chance. If by this time tomorrow night you don’t give me Albuquerque, I’ll find another paleface to work through. Think it over, weak stick. And remember this: if I find another and he agrees to worship me, you’d better not get in his way.”

  Don put his face in his hands and wept. “No! You can’t make me!”

  “You’d be surprised what I can do. Same bat time, same bat channel tomorrow, you weepy little girl.”

  Don peeked through his fingers after hearing footfalls in the hallway. Fay, Jim and Georgia rushed into the room, their eyes goggling. As Don dropped his hands and looked his new family over, he noticed Pishuni had disappeared.

  Jim said, “Good God, you left a trail of blood on the wall! What happened?”

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Don answered.

  “All you all right?” Georgia asked.

  Fay ran to him and bent down, hugging her man. “Oh my God, baby.” She was weeping. “What did that monster do?”

  Don wiped his eyes and gazed into hers. “Let’s just say he wasn’t feeling affectionate.” He sighed. “We need to go to Vegas right now.” He drew a few deep breaths. “And we need to bring your mom and your uncle Jim.”

  CHAPTER 19

  Fay helped Don to his feet. Georgia ran into the kitchen and came back with an ice-pack, then hurried toward the bathroom and returned with some Band-Aids, Mercurochrome and a wet washcloth. Don gladly let her work on him.

  “I appreciate it.” Don put his palm on his forehead. “Whoa, I’m feeling dizzy.”

  Jim put an arm around him. “Let’s get you over to the couch.”

  “Good idea.”

  Georgia handed him a glass of water and a bottle of extra-strength pain relievers, as if she had telepathy, or was that female intuition? “Take these.”

  Don shook four tablets out. He gulped the pills and washed them down with water, draining the glass and handing it back to Georgia. “Thanks.”

  “Welcome.” Georgia walked back to the kitchen and to the bathroom, and then came back into the room. She bore worried eyes.

  Don looked at Fay. “Get dressed, honey.”

  “Why?” Fay asked.

  “Just do it.” Don motioned toward her with his hand.

  Fay furrowed her brow, then turned and walked to her room.

  Don put his clothes on, and he looked up at Jim, who’d taken a couple steps closer to Don.

  “I want an explanation,” Jim said. “Who the hell burst in here and roughed you up?”

  “That’s what I’m about to tell you. You might want to sit down.”

  The old man sat in his easy chair. Georgia frowned, but took a load off on an ottoman. Dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, Fay took the seat next to Don on the couch; she held his injured hand and rubbed his arm. The weak amber light from one lamp kept the darkness at bay.

  “I don’t have a lot of time to explain, so please put aside your reservations.” Don heaved a trembling sigh. “When I moved to Rio Rancho from Chicago, things went right for me for the first time in my life. I did better at my job than ever before, and I met this wonderful young lady here. Come to find out, a Native American deity is helping me. And now I have to worship him to keep from losing Fay.

  “He’s… oh God, I’m so sorry, but he didn’t tell me he was going to do this: he’s the one that destroyed Rio Rancho. And so I quit praying to him. That’s why Fay got angry at me that one morning. I had to go back to the god so I wouldn’t lose her, but Fay and I are scheming on how to get rid of him. We’re going to Vegas to elope, and we need you two to come along. It was him — Pishuni is his name — that attacked me just now. Because I won’t invoke him over Albuquerque, he says he’s going to find another servant. That is, if I don’t cave in twenty-four hours. What that means is this: what happened to Rio Rancho is going to happen to Albuquerque. That’s why we need to bring you along, so you don’t die.” Don rose. “Well, come on.”

  Jim and Georgia looked at Don as if he’d just crawled out of his grave. Georgia’s eyes widened as she gaped. Her face had gone white. Jim frowned, shaking his head.

  “Let’s go,” Don reiterated as he stood. “We need to get you out of here.”

  Fay rose with her man. “He’s right. I’ve seen this god’s power.”

  Georgia uttered a heinous laugh and slapped her knees. She leaned back and cackled.

  “Mom, it’s not funny!” Fay said. “This is serious. Do you wanna die?”

  Georgia shook her head and kept laughing.

  Jim sighed as he stared at Don. “Son, I think you’ve been working too hard. Have you thought about seeing someone?”

  “That’s what I told him,” Fay answered. “But it’s true. When he quit worshiping Pishuni, I hated him. Remember that morning I copped an attitude?”

  “Who do you think just fucked me up?” Don asked. “Pardon my French.”

  “You must have had an accident,” Jim said.

  “Sir, we don’t have time to debate this. We need you to come with us right now.”

  Jim regarded him intently. “Now, Don, you’ve got to admit, this sounds pretty far-fetched.
You’re not doing drugs, are you?”

  Don wiped his face gravely. “I know how this sounds, but I’m not crazy and I’m not doing drugs. It’s true.”

  Georgia glowered at Fay. “I’m not going to be a party to you getting married to a man you hardly know. I wouldn’t even give you my blessing, and now you think I’m going to Sin City with you?”

  “We don’t have time to argue about it!” Don said. “You need to get in the car!”

  Jim leaned forward. “Well, you obviously believe this nonsense and will no matter what we say. That’s your American right.”

  “ISIS destroyed Rio Rancho, the president said,” Georgia added.

  Jim nodded as he turned to Georgia. “But they don’t believe that, Ma, and we can’t make ‘em.” He turned back to Don. “If this is true, that you and Fay won’t be together unless this… imaginary friend ‘helps’ you, then your love isn’t real. And if it’s true that this so-called god destroyed Rio Rancho — I don’t think it is; this is just hypothetical, you understand — then you definitely don’t want to have anything to do with him again. You and Fay should break up and give the world the right to live.”

  Fay knelt before her mother, grabbing her legs. “Please, Mom? I don’t want to lose you. You and Uncle Jim are the only family I’ve got.”

  Georgia harrumphed and turned her head away.

  Fay actually crawled on all fours and begged Jim in the same manner.

  Jim took her hands. “No, sweetie, I won’t encourage your delusions. I agree with your mother. You’ve only known this man about a week, and you’re not ready. You’re too young to get married anyway, even if he was the right guy. It’ll just end up in divorce because you’ll run around on him.”

  Fay pushed herself up. “I will not!” She shook her head. “This is just great. No support from my own family.”

  Frowning, Don held his hand out to her. “Come on, babe. They’re not going to listen.”