The Not

by A. R. Braun

  Rick added, “God’s the only chance you’ve got. Like I said, my life changed when I asked Jesus Christ into my heart. Thanks to your lack of faith, I no longer have the blessing of a band though.” He sighed and shook his head. “Thanks a lot.”

  “There’re plenty of musicians in Chicago,” Don answered.

  “But now I’ve gotta start all over again. Fay here, she needs to get rid of Pishuni, resist the man-hating lesbian desires and pray for a miracle that her mom and uncle stay alive, like I said, preferably in a church.”

  Fay said, “Maybe he’s right, hubby.”

  “Don’t you listen to that wannabe squaw! He’s lying — the Jesus freak — I’m the lord!”

  Fay ignored him again. The roof settled as Pishuni took off, the deity invisible to everyone but Fay, who couldn’t see him because of the car’s ceiling. It wasn’t like she was going to stretch to look out the window for a gander at that.

  Don gave the roof the evil eye. He turned to Rick. “I don’t know what good it’ll do, but it’s worth a try, I guess. We’ll find a church in Pueblo, maybe get a hotel room or two.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Rick agreed.

  “I like this kid,” Uncle Jim said.

  Fay craned her neck and looked at her uncle.

  “I do too,” Georgia agreed. “He’s got a good head on his shoulders.”

  Rick nodded to them. “Thank you, ma’am, sir.”

  “Could use a haircut though,” Georgia blurted.

  Rick smirked.

  “Pueblo it is,” Don agreed.

  “As soon as possible if you know what’s good for you,” Rick continued. “You need to armor up with God’s power.”

  They rode like cowboys and cowgirls into the sunset.

  Fay hoped a better life awaited them.

  CHAPTER 30

  Don pulled into Pueblo West, Colorado at 8:30 p.m., turning off Highway 50 after a sign announced the Econo Lodge. He’d checked the GPS on his iPhone and found the cheapest hotel. Econo Lodge Pueblo West had rooms for under $100 a night.

  But, first, they had another errand to run.

  Shivering, Don turned off the air, for the sun was almost down, and he checked the GPS again. A house of worship was on Fifteenth Street, a short distance away.

  Don turned to Fay and Rick. “We’re headed to the Center for Inner Peace Church on Fifteenth.”

  “That’ll work,” Rick answered.

  “Does the Econo Lodge have an indoor pool?” Uncle Jim asked.

  “Who cares,” Don replied. “We’ve got bigger problems right now.”

  “Actually,” Rick said, “an indoor pool is perfect. I’ll need to baptize you both.”

  “Why not do the baptisms in one of the hot tubs?”

  Rick looked at Don. “Disrespectful to God much? We’ll go with the pool.”

  “Who cares, huh?” Uncle Jim asked. “Ha-ha, smarty-pants.”

  “Will you let me concentrate on the road?” Don asked.

  “Hey, Don,” Rick said. “How much do you know about this ‘Pishuni’?”

  “Enough to know he’s not one to fuck with.”

  “Nice language.” Rick sighed. “I think he’s the devil or a demon, but better the devil you know, right? He might be an animal demon.” Rick whipped out his smartphone. “I’m gonna Google him.”

  “Don’t do that!” Don faced him for a few seconds. “He made a bird come out of my phone!”

  “God won’t let a basket-case thing like that happen to me,” Rick snorted.

  CR-ACK.

  “Oh my frickin’ googly God!” Rick became antsy, as if someone had poured Mexican jumping beans down his pants. He treated his phone like it was a hot potato.

  And for good reason. A scorpion was crawling out of his smartphone. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK went the claws. ITO-coated glass fell onto his lap.

  “Gahhhhhh!” Rick said. “Don, power down the window!”

  Don was already doing just that. “One step ahead of you.”

  Rick tossed the phone outside as if it had been the cock of the devil. His face had gone white. “Pishuni, the Lord rebuke you! Quit messing with my stuff in the name of the Lord!”

  Don blinked at him, in between watching the road. “Uh, bud? You’ve got a strand of gray hair behind your ear.”

  Bug-eyed, Rick turned toward him. “What?”

  Don kept his eyes on the road. “Like I said, not one to fu— mess with.”

  “That’s all right… I guess.” Rick was trembling so badly Don thought he’d have a seizure. The young man’s voice was also shaky.

  Fay rubbed his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “The same thing happened to Moses’ hair, right?” It was like Rick hadn’t heard her. “When he came down from the mountain?”

  “I, um, guess so,” Don answered.

  “I’m all right. I’m okay.” Yet Rick looked pale and sick.

  Don tried not to think about what had just happened. If it could happen to Rick, it could happen to him. In fact, he was surprised it already hadn’t. Don had been through ten times more. He wondered how sexy Fay would find him if he went prematurely gray.

  Don kept going south, turned left, turned left again, then headed right onto Fifteenth Street. A landmark stood out in the form of a church building. He pulled into the parking lot and shivered as he stepped out into the chilly night.

  “Can’t believe we’re almost in Denver,” Don said, in a hurry to change the subject.

  Fay followed him out. She took his hand as she stretched her legs. “I’ve got major rubber butt and leg cramps.” Apparently, she had the same idea.

  Rick climbed out. “Let’s all just forget about — ”

  “Again,” Don said, “way ahead of you.”

  Uncle Jim rolled his window down. “Should we wait for you?”

  Don said, “You can come in if you want.”

  Georgia put a hand on Uncle Jim’s arm. “Let’s just wait here.”

  Fay said, “Get out, you two. I need to pray for a miracle over you.”

  Uncle Jim and Georgia also stretched their legs. The red sky reflected the sun’s dying rays before the star hid under the horizon.

  Rick said, “Never been to Colorado before.”

  “Let’s go,” Don said. “They may not be open for much longer.” He took the crook of Fay’s arm and walked to the church with Uncle Jim and Georgia in tow, the ugly ducklings lagging behind. Rick kept a brisk pace with the couple. Don was getting aggravated by the chill. The weather sure changed quickly in October: warm days, icy nights.

  A middle-aged man waddled out, adjusted his glasses and rolled the collar of his polo shirt up, obviously to ward off the cool night air. His salt-and-pepper hair blew around his bald crown. He was locking the door. Darkness loomed over the building with a tan exterior that looked more like a business or a gymnasium than a church. He glanced at them as they stepped toward him. “Can I help you?”

  “Actually, you can be a big help,” Rick answered.

  “The service ended a half hour ago. We stayed late to pray against the terrorist bombings of Al Qaida. Terrible thing, what happened to Rio Rancho, Albuquerque and Santa Fe.” His voice was high-pitched and a bit weak, probably from the years creeping up on him.

  “Sir, this married couple is in the grip of the devil or a demon, along with her mother and uncle. This destructive spirit is trying to threaten their marriage. If we could just come in and pray for a short time.”

  “And your name?” The man frowned.

  “Rick Castanet, sir.” He stuck his hand out for a shake.

  The man took it and smiled. “I’m Jerry, the pastor.”

  “The aforementioned couple are Don and Fay, and next to him, Georgia and Jim, Fay’s mother and uncle.”

  The pastor shook everyone’s hand. “Look, it’s been a long night. You could come back tomorrow. The church office is on the other side of the building.”

  Don hoped Rick had the discretion to hide th
e information about how Pishuni had destroyed those cities.

  Rick let go of his hand. “With all due respect, Pastor Jerry, this is a very destructive demon that’s on them, and they need to pray now.” He touched his own chest near his heart. “You see, I’m a Christian too. It’s important to have compassion for the lost, don’t you think? I’m sure you understand that better than anybody.”

  Pastor Jerry seemed to consider this. “We usually do an interview with the victims before performing an exorcism. How do I know they’re possessed? They could be mentally ill.”

  “Sir, I’m not asking for a full-blown exorcism, just a prayer. It’s more of a power the spirit has over them than possession. I haven’t heard the demon speak through them or anything. Please, it’s urgent. I’ve seen how insidious this spirit can be, and they may be dead tomorrow. I beg you. It’s on my heart to help them.”

  The pastor’s stern face softened, and one corner of his mouth turned up as if he was touched. “All right, but can you make it quick? My wife will skin me alive if I’m out too late. She left early to pick up our daughter from dance class.”

  “Can do. Thank you.”

  Pastor Jerry clucked and unlocked the doors. He stepped through the threshold. The pastor gestured inward. “Come in.”

  Thank goodness for Rick’s power of persuasion. Don let Uncle Jim and Georgia follow Rick in. Don stepped inside with Fay. The air was cool in the sanctuary also. Don put his index finger under his nose to stifle a sneeze.

  Pastor Jerry led them to the altar. “What can I pray with you about?”

  Rick pointed at Don’s wife. “Fay needs to renounce a demon disguised as ‘Pishuni’ that her husband just got free of. Then you can pray with her to be able to resist the perverted desires the spirit claims he’ll plague her with when she refuses him. The demon also claims he’ll kill Georgia and Jim.”

  “All right.” Pastor Jerry took a deep breath. “Fay, do you renounce the devil and his demons — ”

  “Pishuni,” she corrected.

  “Rick said it was a demon disguised as ‘Pishuni.’ ”

  Fay looked at him.

  Pastor Jerry sighed. “Anyway, whoever it is, do you renounce the evil spirit who calls himself ‘Pishuni’ and all of his works?”

  “I do.”

  For some reason, Fay jumped, though Don hadn’t heard a loud noise.

  ***

  “You INSOLENT FAILURE. That’s it, you’re a man-hating lesbo. Kiss your family goodbye.”

  Pishuni’s harsh words had made Fay jump. She turned to the pastor. “Pray over me now. He’s trying to cast his spell on me.”

  Pastor Jerry raised his eyebrows; he put his hand on Fay’s head. “Georgia and Jim, if you’ll stand by Fay.” They did, and he put his other hand on Georgia’s head.

  Rick placed his hand on Uncle Jim’s shoulder, praying in whispers.

  Pastor Jerry said, “Father God, protect Fay from the wicked, carnal desires of the enemy, and preserve the love she has for her husband, as well as the lives of her mother and her uncle Jim. Give her peace and assure her of the free gift of salvation that none can take away from her. Amen.”

  “Amen,” Rick echoed.

  “Amen,” Don parroted.

  Fay hoped like hell it would work. It better, for her and her family’s sake.

  ***

  Don’s heartbeat sped up, crashing against his ribcage. Tiny beads of sweat dotted his brow. He wiped them off with his handkerchief. This was the moment of truth: either Fay would continue to love him, or she’d turn away, ruining his happiness. He waited with baited breath for her to reveal the answer, but she seemed deep in thought, and he wondered if that was a bad sign. Suddenly, he couldn’t take the suspense anymore.

  He gingerly took his wife’s arms. “So? Are you still… well, you know.”

  Fay looked over at Georgia and Uncle Jim. She squealed and jumped up and down. “Mom, Uncle, you’re still here!” She hugged them. Fay turned to Don and raised her brows. “And you’re still the love of my life!” She embraced Don so tightly he thought his ribs would crack. “I love you so much. You’re brave to be the first to reject Pishuni.”

  Don’s heart melted. He heaved a hearty sigh of relief.

  “Hallelujah,” Rick said.

  At that moment, Don knew what people who said they were high on life felt like. Elated, he couldn’t believe his dream had come true, and no thanks to Pishuni. He gave his wife a long kiss, church or no church. Pastor Jerry didn’t seem to mind.

  Outside, a scream of eons stabbed the quiet, rending it through. The voice rumbled from the tip of Don’s head to the bottom of his feet. He trembled.

  Pastor Jerry’s face went pale. “Judas Priest! What in the name of God was that?”

  “That was the demon, pastor,” Don answered as Fay broke the embrace.

  An earthquake shook the sanctuary. Everyone tottered this way and that, almost falling over, except for Rick, who planted his feet in a karate stance.

  “You don’t have earthquakes in Colorado, do you, pastor?” Don asked.

  Walleyed, Pastor Jerry shook his head.

  Rick balled his hands into fists and shook them. “Pishuni, you have been cast out in the name of Jesus Christ! Trouble this couple no more, for it is the real God who forces you, the one who’ll make you bow!”

  Mercifully, the earthquake abated.

  Don breathed another hearty sigh of relief and patted Rick on the back. “You’re a godsend, kid. I never thought I’d say this, but it looks like you were right about the Lord.”

  Yet Rick turned to Pastor Jerry, abdicating the honor. “We can’t thank you enough.” He shook the pastor’s hand vigorously.

  “Yes, thank you so much.” Don also shook with the pastor.

  Pastor Jerry’s cheeks became rosy again. “No trouble at all, but like I said, I’d better get home to the boss.”

  At this, the group chuckled.

  Pastor Jerry nodded toward the sanctuary doors. “Is it… safe to go out there?”

  Rick was grinning ear-to-ear and pointing at Fay. “That demon has no power over her anymore… or the rest of us, for that matter.”

  “Good. I’ll walk you out.”

  They followed the pastor, who stopped at the glass double doors, waiting for them to pass through.

  “I hope you’ll visit us on Sunday,” Pastor Jerry said.

  It was full dark outside, except for the faint yellow glow of the sodium-arc streetlights.

  Don surveyed the parking lot and didn’t see Pishuni anywhere. “Actually, I don’t think we’ll be in town long enough. We’re headed to Denver, then going all the way to my hometown of Chicago.”

  The pastor locked the doors. “Oh. Road trip, eh?”

  Don nodded.

  Rick patted the pastor’s back. The former faced the rest of the group. “Let the man go home to his wife before she files for divorce.”

  The pastor chuckled. “Oh, mercy me.”

  What a corny thing to say. I’m going to try real hard not to hiss here. Then Don thought better of his train of thought. Don’t be an asshole — he just helped God set Fay free. “Thanks again,” he told the pastor. He put his hand on Fay’s back and gazed at the rest of his small group. “Let’s go, gang.” He moved her toward the car.

  When they climbed in, shouts of victory ranged through the vehicle.

  But Don suddenly had a knot of dread in his stomach and a tightness in his shoulders.

  ***

  Pulling into the parking lot of the Econo Lodge Pueblo West, Don slowed down, then parked. He killed the engine. “That was great and all, but I’m afraid it’s not that easy. Though I hate to be the doomsayer, Pishuni will choose another vessel to invoke him so he can destroy Pueblo, or whatever city we go to.”

  “One worry at a time,” Rick answered. “Let’s get in there and get you baptized. That way, if what you’re saying is true, all of us will go to heaven if ‘Pishuni’ kills us.” He’d bended two fingers
of each hand in the air. “Right now, I’d just be glad Fay and her family are free of him.”

  Don smiled. “I guess you’re right. Let’s go.”

  They stepped into the chilly night again. The sight of the nondescript hotel was a joke compared to the Old Santa Fe Inn’s Native-American exterior and interior. One could see the inside of the Econo Lodge through the glass doors.

  As if a mind reader, Fay said, “Pretty lame compared to Santa Fe.” She wiped a couple of tears from her eyes.

  It really is true what they say about two becoming one.

  “God rest their souls,” Rick added.

  Now that they’d had a victory, Don changed his mind and decided not to let them become Debbie Downers. Why should they live in fear? “The rooms here have hot tubs.”

  “Awesome,” Rick answered. “You know, I think a Jacuzzi is the only thing as good as sex. After I lost my ex-wife, the soothing jets were the only thing that could comfort me.”

  “I have an ex-wife too.”

  “Sorry to hear that.”

  “Right back atcha.”

  They made their way through the glass doors. Don frowned as a middle-aged man with glasses looked up from a newspaper. Don purchased a room for he and Fay, paid for a room for Rick after he mentioned he had only twenty bucks on him and Uncle Jim sprang for a room for him and Georgia. Don made the mistake of blabbing about how he and his wife had traveled here from Rio Rancho to the clerk, who’d engaged him in small talk. Don could’ve kicked himself. The posse headed toward the indoor pool, where, mercifully, no one lurked.

  Fay hit her forehead with her palm. “Duh! We don’t have bathing suits!”

  “You can leave your clothes on,” Rick answered. “I’ve never seen anyone baptized in swimwear.” He got into the pool.

  “The hotel clerk will pitch a fit,” Fay said.

  Winking, Rick smiled a crafty grin. “Then let’s hurry up before he finds out.”

  Everyone chuckled at that quip, Don thankful for the release of the nervous tension. “Why do we need to do this again?” he asked.

  Rick seemed deep in thought for a few seconds. “It’s symbolic more than anything, but it’ll show Pishuni you’re committed to the real God, and more important, it’ll show God you’re committed. That way, He’ll be more likely to go to bat for you next time Pishuni attacks.”