The low blow wasn't completely fair, but I didn't ask for any of this. This…situation wasn't my doing. I could see the craziness of the whole thing, but I couldn't just walk away. Could I? Fact was, if I was being honest, I couldn't just walk away and it scared me.
* * * * *
Hearing her come out of the bathroom, I did the first thing I could think of. Closing my eyes, I pretended like I was sleeping. Childish? Yes, but still effective. When I heard her shut the door I sat up, running my hands threw my hair. Could I be anymore juvenile? I was usually gone by this time, but I hadn't woken up. I slept.
Actually, I slept in. I don't know how long I sat in her bed getting the nerve to walk out of the room.
What do I say? I should apologize for showing up at their door so late. That would be the right thing to do, right? Slowly, I threw my sweatshirt back on, slid on my shoes, and finally got the nerve to open the door.
"Well –" I had walked into the middle of a conversation. They all looked at me. I froze, my apology long forgotten. All eyes were on me, except Mia. She was sticking with our routine.
I wish the others would. It would make this much easier.
Another door opened and Kat walked out. She was still half-asleep. When she stopped and looked at me then turned to look at the girls on the couch.
"Um…good morning," Laney broke the silence and gave me a small wave with a smile. Serena looked at her like she was crazy. Kat continued her path toward the food.
"Help yourself." Laney extended her hand toward the breakfast cart.
I shook my head and practically ran for the door. I needed to get out.
Entering my room, Nicholas and Jackson sat in the living room drinking coffee. By the look on both of their faces, I'd interrupted another conversation this morning. A conversation I'm sure was also about me.
"Good morning Christopher." Nicholas spoke over his coffee cup.
I nodded and went to my room. Quiet footsteps followed behind me. I turned around.
"Son, Jackson was telling me about last night." He paused searching my face. "Do you want to talk? Is there something we can do to –?"
"I'm fine." I growled and turned back around to my bed.
"You call this fine?" I looked to see him pointing toward the bottle and pills scattered across the floor.
"It was a bad night and I tried those." I waved my hand toward the pills. "They didn't help, as usual I might add." Roughly, I sat down on the bed.
"You need to talk to someone Christopher. You need to tell them everything. You need to get help." Nicholas sat next to me. "You made this deal. In order to stay on the tour, remember?"
"I know, I know." I sighed heavily. "What do you have in mind?"
"I have a few grief and post traumatic counselors I think you should talk to. See if you are comfortable with them, then we'll go from there. Okay?" He placed a comforting pat on my back.
"Fine," I growled and went to shower.
Chapter Eleven
Barely surviving the questions following Christopher's departure, I finally got my reprieve when we left for the studio. Una scheduled a couple more hours for us and I couldn't wait. The day was warmer and sun filled. When were arrived to the studio, Al was seated at his mixing table.
"Good morning Ladies!"
"Good Morning," We responded in unison.
"You ready for us?" Sitting next to him, I bumped his shoulder with my own.
"Sure am. Get your pretty asses in there and let's make some beautiful music together," he smiled large.
Una arrived an hour after we'd started with Xander in toe. She was on her phone the moment she walked in until the moment we walked out of the booth.
Her eyes landed on us and she motioned for us to sit around her while she finished her call. We sat down and she hung up. Turning to us with excitement glinting in her eyes, she smiled wide.
"Okay, we'll be leaving Seattle in two days for Dallas. We rescheduled the Chicago concert for a later date, but it will be made up."
The excitement of getting back on tour was shortly lived when a thought occurred to me.
"Um, Una?"
"Yes?" She looked up from her blackberry.
"The song is finished, correct?"
She nodded.
"So I can go back on our bus right?"
She nodded again.
"Okay, thanks."
I'll admit it, I felt relieved, but if I were being truly honest about my feelings then I'd also have to admit to the disappointment. Xander, rushing us from the studio and to the car waiting to take us back to the hotel, interrupted myself admission. Once in our room, everyone showered and changed for dinner.
"I say that since this is the last night we can go out, without a concert the next day, we get our party on!" Laney gyrated her hips, and then giggled. Laughing, I shook my head.
"I second that motion." Kat entered the room in all her badass glory and mimicked Laney's gyration moves.
Serena smiled with a nod. I just shrugged. "Okay."
We left to meet Una downstairs. On our way down, we ran into Nicholas and The Forgotten in the lobby. My skin tingled with nervousness, the idea of going to dinner with them made my stomach flip.
"Good evening ladies."
We greeted Nicholas with smiles. As usual, Christopher was standing in the back of the group. No matter how strong the allure to look at him tugged at my eyes, I avoided looking at him.
Una arrived, looking casual gorgeous. "Are we ready to go?"
"You know what, Una?" Laney grabbed her by the arm.
"What Laney?" She answered with a nervous smile.
"I think you should come out with us tonight and unwind." Laney smiled brightly and batted her eyes at Una, who was already shaking her head. I ran up, grabbing her by the other arm.
"You know I think Lane is right." Tilting my head in her direction, I smiled.
"Sorry girls, but I need my sleep." Una continued shaking her head. "We have a lot to –"
"Well we may just have to kidnap you then." Kat interrupted.
Turning my head to Kat, she winked. Looking back to Una, I had to laugh at the scared look on her face.
The Forgotten did end up at dinner with us. I sat between Jackson and Una. Christopher seemed to sit as far from me as possible. His behavior was annoying me.
Spending most of dinner talking to Jackson, we learned we had a lot in common. Our music taste was similar, enjoyed many of the same movies, and he had a great sense of humor. During the conversation I, felt connected and bonded to Jackson, as if I'd known him for years. He felt like a long lost brother.
After dinner, Nicholas excused himself back to the hotel and Una tried to do the same. Laney and Kat got to her before she could slip away. Each of them grabbing an arm, they pulled her to the car.
"I am not going out." Una protested and tried to pull away.
I shoved her into the car and then climbed in behind her.
"It looks to me like you are," Serena laughed and climbed into the car behind me.
Turning back to the door, I watched Elliott climb inside the car. He pulled Serena onto his lap, much to her faked irritation. My laugh cut short when Jackson climbed in and pulled me up into his lap. Laney sat on Una's lap and wrapped an arm around her giggling. Jimmy leaned in the door.
"Kat?" His brow rose.
She lifted up and Jimmy slid under her. I was just about to comment on the filled car when Elliott yelled.
"Come on fucker get in!" My eyes snapped to the door, there was only one person left and he hesitated before leaning in.
"There is nowhere to sit, idiot. I'm just going to head back to the hotel." He stood back up.
"Christ, Christopher, just get in the fucking car, we'll make room." Jackson reached out and pulled his arm.
"Let go asshole." Christopher yelled back, yanking his arm away.
"Well come-the-fuck on then." Jackson shot back.
Christopher started to climb in with his trademark eye
roll. Before I looked to confirm, I could feel the weight of his eyes on me. Sure enough, there was the scowl of hatred across his face. I turned my eyes away and shifted in my seat, Jackson's lap.
"Jesus Mia, your ass is boney," he readjusted my sitting position. The car fell into laughter, except for Christopher.
Looking like a clown car when we pulled up to the club, one by one we climbed out. It was Kat and my turn to grab Una before she could run. Pulling her into the club, it was just like entering any other club. A ton of sweating bodies packed together and moving against each other. The music was loud, and lights flashed around the room.
Finally situated at a private table, we pulled Una out to the dance floor. Making sure to circle her, we kept her from making a break for the door. Eventually, she loosened up and started having fun. There were a lot of people and everyone was rubbing against someone.
Elliott and Jimmy appeared and started dancing with us. Elliott was all over Serena, Jimmy was on Kat, and I was goofing around with Laney and Una. Jackson appeared and started dancing with Una, which made her to blush. When Una excused herself to get a drink, Laney and I surrounded Jackson.
Overall, it was a great night, which ended with everyone leaving around two in the morning for the hotel. Everyone was a little tipsy and Elliott decided to race Jackson. He had Serena riding piggyback on him and Jackson pulled me onto his. Elliott won and wasn't shy about rubbing it in. There were a couple of Rocky poses and Loser calls.
When the elevator doors slid open, we separated to our own rooms. My first stop was the shower, in desperate need to wash the sweat and the club's smell from my skin.
Walking back into my room, I heard a knock at my door. Already knowing who it was, I opened the door and hesitantly motioned him to enter. He walked over and sat on the bed before I climbed under my blanket and settled in.
All night he'd scowled at me and treated me as if I had the plague. Now he shows up and just expects me to be welcoming. Of course, what did I just do? I welcomed him in.
Guilt began to eat at my anger, but I mean it would be different if we were friends. You know if it was Laney or Kat I would never care, but quite honestly, we didn't get along, didn't speak, and we never acknowledge each other, yet he just expects me to let him climb in bed with me each night. I fell asleep wondering what he was going to do when we got back on tour.
There was nothing new about the following morning. Christopher was gone and I had my bed to myself. With one large exhale, I rolled out of bed.
We spent the early afternoon at the studio and the rest of the day getting ready to leave. Tomorrow we would fly to Dallas where the tour bus would be waiting after the concert. I wasn't looking forward to the flight, but getting back on stage was worth flying.
Landing in Dallas, we went straight to the hotel. Our arrival was expected and a crowd had formed out front. Once we made it by the reporters and fans, we got to our rooms. To keep the cameras and fans at arm's length, we planned to eat in the hotel restaurant.
When dinner was over, Laney, Kat, Xander, Serena and I congregated into the bar. We had a portion of the bar to ourselves and confiscated a pool table. The guys showed up after we'd been playing for a few hours. Everyone hung out drinking beers and playing pool.
I wasn't exactly an expert pool player and neither was Laney. Jackson showed Laney and me some pool tricks to improve our game. Elliott was sulking because Serena was ridiculously good and kicking his ass. Jimmy and Kat spent most of their time sitting at a table with Christopher, watching.
Slowly everyone drifted off for the night. Some people went alone, others went together. I ended up sitting at the bar discussing music and books with Jackson. It was one in the morning, when I went upstairs. Jackson walked with me.
We continued debating the best songs of all time on the elevator and the walk down the hallway to our rooms.
"How can you even validate I Want You to Want Me as a classic?" Jackson exacerbated at my admission.
"Oh my god, how can you not give credit to a song that could even get you laid if you sang it to a girl?" I giggled loudly.
"I'm hurt, Ryder, seriously hurt." He feigned insult and winked.
We arrived to my door first. Jackson and Christopher were sharing a room further down.
"Um…well, thanks for an enlightening night." He said and smiled. "But I still cannot support your music choice."
"Yeah you to," I poked him in the arm. It got a little uncomfortable for a second and I hoped he didn't think I wanted more than friendship.
"Well, good night." He finally said and he leaned over me.
I froze. How was I going to handle this? I was going to ruin a friendship that just started.
He hugged me. I relaxed and said a small goodbye before entering the room.
Entering the living room of the suite, Laney caught my attention. She was sitting on the couch watching TV.
"Hey you," I smiled.
She turned her head and immediately I saw something was wrong.
"What's wrong?" I sat down next to her.
"It's uh...nothing really." She shrugged lightly.
It was something. Laney didn't stammer unless it was something. I gave her a look letting her know I wasn't buying her lies.
"Okay…now don't get mad, okay?"
I nodded.
"Are you and Jackson, um…you know?" She looked up at me through her lashes and bit her bottom lip.
"What? No." I shook my head. "Laney, what would make you think that?"
She shrugged. "Well, you guys seem to have gotten close and I guess I didn't realize you were such good friends."
"Lane, it's not like that. We're just friends." I wrapped her in a hug. "Okay?"
She nodded and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"What?" I questioned. "Don't you believe me?"
"Oh no, I believe you, but I think he has a thing you." She looked really torn up.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't think he did, but I couldn't speak for him either. Reassuring her became difficult.
"I highly doubt that. Trust me." I hugged her again. "Come on let's get some sleep." She nodded before heading to her room, but her smile still wasn't genuine.
Feeling like shit, I climbed into my bed. My conversation with Laney was still plaguing my conscience. I buried my head in my pillows just as he knocked at the door. I got up from my bed to answer the door.
When I opened, the door there was something off, something wrong. Christopher's face looked irritated, maybe even pissed off. I motioned him in and he hesitated like he was going to say something, but instead he stalked into my bedroom.
He was just sitting at the foot of the bed when I entered. His shoes and zip up hoodie were still on. Walking by him the sound of his voice made me jump.
"Where were you at?"
"What?" I completely turned myself to look at him.
"You heard me," he shrugged.
"Where was I?" I didn't know what the hell to say to him. I was still feeling crappy because of how Laney felt and now he was asking me about something that really wasn't any of his business to begin with. Anger rose from within me.
"Never mind," he spit. "Clearly you're going to avoid the question, just like everything else."
The anger rolled through my body as soon as he finished speaking.
"Excuse me?" My hands went to my hips. "Are you seriously going to question me where I was, like I have to answer to you? And then you have the nerve to talk about me avoiding things? Oh. My. God. What about you?" Throwing my hands in the air, I stormed into the bathroom.
"Well then just answer me." He growled, following me.
I stomped back toward him stopping about three feet in front of him. His eyes were piercing mine and the urge to hit someone had never been so strong before. My hands balled into fists at my sides. He invoked such anger and I hated him for affecting me so much.
"You know where I was." I shouted. "I was downstairs with everyone else, hypocrit
e!"
"I'm a hypocrite?" he yelled back.
"Oh, indeed you are!" I spat and shoved his chest.
"Fuck you," he shouted.
"No, Christopher, Fuck you!" I marched to my bedroom door and swung it open. "Get out!"
"What?" He choked on his words. His anger morphed into anxiety, but he'd pushed me to the point where I no longer cared.
"You heard me, get the fuck out! I'm so tired of this bullshit!" I took a deep breath and continued. "You treat me like shit from the moment you meet me, for the past couple of months you are the biggest asshole on the earth, and then I end up being used like a security blanket for your issues!"
Anger hardened his face. His piercing blue eyes darkened and narrowed in on me. There was a twinge of fear swallowed by my anger.
"You avoid me like the plague unless you want to criticize or be a jerk, but you expect my door and my bed to be open to you. Well guess what, Christopher, this sick arrangement is over! Get. Out."
"Fine," he ground out through his clenched teeth.
"Fine!" My words met his back as he stormed out.
When the room door shut, I collapsed to my knees and buried my head in my hands. The hot angry tears dampened my skin. Pulling my palms from my face, I used the back of my hand to wipe off my face.
"Mia," I looked up to see Laney. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, Lane," I croaked out. "It's fine. I've just…I've had enough." Defeat and exhaustion were prevalent in my voice.
She nodded and wrapped me in a hug. Burying my face in her shoulder, I released one last frustrated sob.
"Falling stars aren't always meant to be caught you know?"
Sniffing, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, and looked up from her shoulder.
"What are you talking about?"
She shrugged and tilted her head a little.
"You know falling stars?"
"I know what a falling star is, yes. But I don't understand why you are talking about them." She had completely confused me now. Had she lost her mind since I spoke to her?
"Well, a falling star can also be called a shooting star. Regardless, I've always thought they were beautiful to watch at night and maybe one day I would catch one." She smiled at me with a gleam in her eye.
Falling Stars Page 13
